Why are men afraid of marriage?

Question

PatKirby · Accepted Answer

Common reasons include:

Men lose respect. In the past men were not considered adults until they was married with kids. Today, fathers are ridiculed and portrayed as buffoons in the news media, sitcoms and commercials.
Men lose friends. After marriage, men’s ties with his male friends fades.
Men lose space. Men lose their spaces in the rest of the house resulting in elimination of male spaces altogether and are exiled to attics, garages, basements or “man caves” – the least desirable part of the home.
Men could lose their children in a “frivorce.” Women file for divorce the majority of the time and can, for any reason or no reason, No Fault Divorce you frivolously for being unhappy or just bored. Prenuptial agreement? They’re being thrown out of courts at the judge's discretion anyway now. Prenups do not protect men anymore. She will take the kids and use them against you.
Men lose in a divorce while women gain cash and prizes. The Divorce and Family courts incentivize women to divorce men by heavily favoring women who are awarded his home, car, half the his assets including: future earnings, future savings, current investments, half his 401K, future retirement funds, and including the kids - leaving him to pay child support and alimony, and become a wage slave to her. All while she has regular sex with her new boyfriend in the home that used to be his while he lives in a shack.
Men can lose their freedom. If men are charged with child support that they can’t pay, they can be put in jail and if they can’t afford a lawyer, men don’t have the right to appoint one because, according to the Supreme Court, it’s technically a civil matter, never mind the jail time.
Men won’t be able to be manipulated by wives who withhold sex. Enough said.
Men won’t be humiliated in public by a wife they loved and trusted. When withholding sex fails, or maybe she just goes nuts one day, many women cannot resist the urge to humiliate their husbands in public, rat on their sex lives, etc. This behavior is a deep betrayal of trust.
Single life is better than ever for men. Dating is easy, especially when dating foreign women who 1) are incredibly feminine and don’t act masculine, 2) take care of themselves (not fat), 3) not demanding or entitled, 4) friendly, 5) have intelligent conversation, 6) are exotic, and 7) know how to treat a man and are just plain fun to be around! Besides, many employers prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. Plus, there are beautiful and affordable escorts, awesome video games, streaming/cable TV, and the Internet that provide entertainment that didn’t used to be available.
If you offer men a shit sandwich, don’t be surprised when he goes somewhere else to eat.

So, if you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition to men, otherwise…

Marriages are slow-motion funerals for the souls of men.

thearchjoker · Accepted Answer

Its a cost benefit analysis. over 70% of women to initiate the divorce and in may situations it seems to come out of nowhere. I've met many man who had their wives go crazy one day and not only started a divorce out of nowhere but started using all kinds of degusting moves to try and gain complete custody of the children from day one. From trying to provoke their husbands to hit them and calling police to their home at the middle of their night, as well as editing voice messaged to make their former husbands say things they never actually said.

Now imagine your a man. Marriage is supposed to ne "Til death do us part" yet you know that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce. This is already high risk and that's before you think about what you could lose. You could lose 50% of what you own as well as years of your life. You not only could but in nearly all cases lose your children as courts are one snidely in support of the mother when it comes to kids. if he's lucky he could get only the weekends with his kids and if not they could be taken out of his life completely. The divorce will require costly lawyers and will take hours out of your work week causing mental exhaustion and a further loss of money.

If all that is not good enough with all that having a 50% chance of happening some day down the line there's also what happens right after the marriage. The expectations of a married couple are different that whats expected of a boyfriend & girlfriend. Not just to one another but also people around them. And many men don't want that.

Plus there's cheating another risk which may happen even if still married. The heartbreak of discovering the person you married is cheating on you the biggest breach of trust and loyalty possible is heartbreaking.

There are many other reasons but these are some of the big ones and also one of the reason so many men refuse to marry these days. Its not worth the risk when you have a one in two chance of screwing over your life for it.

Breanna_nonbinary · Accepted Answer

For the same reason women are afraid of marriage. There is no one reason why PEOPLE are afraid to make a commitment. But my guess is that they are afraid of making a commitment. I think that another major reason people are afraid of marriage is because they have been lied to about how relationships work all their life. Parents feed them this crap about meeting someone and it being “happily ever after”. Relationships take work. They need love and nurturing. People think that the person they find will fulfill all their needs.
It’s the doubt they have in what reality is and what they’ve been lead to believe.

desidoll · Accepted Answer

This is how I see it after witnessing failed/successful marriages around me. As a married person myself, you either get with the right or wrong person. There is nothing in between. I completely understand why some people avoid or see it as a deal breaker. People have their own way to protect their mental health.

Summeroflove · Answer

Marriage is and should be a scary thing not only for men but also for women, with that being said men aren’t in some sort of hive mind neither are women all men don’t think the same.

When it comes to marrying someone it’s one of the absolute most important decisions you’ll make in your life is who you plan to spend the rest of your life with as well as start a family. Some people may just never find that person and/or not be interested in marriage which is fine.

The last thing someone wants to do is spend years, decades, or even the rest of their life with someone who makes them absolutely miserable, isn’t a good parent to the kids, cheats, and the whole list goes on.

There are the extremes of people that you should watch out for on one extreme is future fakers on the other extreme it’s someone trying to rush too fast into marriage.

There are men (and women) who future fake. Making future plans they have no intentions on keeping it can be for many reasons. It can be stringing someone along until they can find better, it can be to use them for something be it sex money anything really. But those are bad people.

Getting married shouldn’t be a manic decision. When tying the knot this must be something that has been talked about extensively before agreeing to marry, during the time leading up to the marriage, and a lot of work and communication afterwards.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because females’ can be selfish people , and break his heart if she decides she no longer wants to be married or she decides she wants someone else etc.. and he gets pretty much shit on in divorce court. The courts usually favor women . Most divorces are initiated by women over men. Most women say they want love and commitment but when push comes to shove , they change their minds by thinking grass is greener on the other side

AviatorTom · Answer

Who says men are afraid of marriage? That's an extremely generic statement. that doesn't apply to all men, possibly not even the majority of men. What would you say if asked "Why are women afraid of marriage?"

HawkPerception · Answer

Some men are. And rightfully so as a man tends to lose much more when there's divorce. But there are many men that look forward to the thought of marriage.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Not me! I got married on April 27 this year.

ohsheeT · Answer

. Commitment  Failure  No discipline  . don't know how to love  . No Responsibility... No confidence.

D_D_D · Answer

@melanie31 cuz from what I heard 2 outta 3 couples get divorced and the guys usually are the ones who get fucked for it for the rest of their lives cuz the court will usually rule in favor of the woman and the guy gets everything stripped away from him even when it's not necessary, so it's kinda life long risk deal with crappy statistic stakes that people are not eagred to jump into right away, especially if they got plans for their future. And I'm NOT saying it's like that in all cases but probably in most. Meaning no offense to any woman who actually deserves to win in court cuz I know this case personally and I am aware that there are shitty guys out there who deserve to be stripped away of their properties in favor of the woman cuz some guys don't give what they should in the first place and sadly I know this case first hand, and I was speaking in general so.. please take what I said with a grain of salt. I hope you won't have to face these shitty situations and find your perfect partner on the first wedding try Lol^_- On a more serious note.. gotta say, that pic is hilarious 😂

Lliam · Answer

I was because I didn't want to make a mistake.

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16, but wasn't interested in the responsibility of children and had no intention of getting tied down with marriage at a young age.

It wasn't until my early 30s that a started thinking of finding a life partner and settling down.
By then, I had a good career and assets. I had experienced a lot of life and was ready to begin a new chapter.

I got into a couple more long-term relationships but, as it turned out, those women would not have made stable life partners, even though I loved one of them with all my heart.

I met my future wife when I was 40. After being in an exclusive relationship for a year, I felt very secure with her. I thought I could trust her to stick with me through thick and thin for the rest of our lives.

When I asked her to marry me, I was terrified. We spent another year together before we got married.

We got to know each other very well during those two years. At her behest, I even agreed to attend couples counseling to see if we were truly suited and ready for marriage. During those sessions, we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. I realized that she was committed to a life-long partnership, just as was I.

The thing is, I considered marriage to be a lifetime commitment. I didn't want to make a mistake. So I wanted to be very careful in choosing the right partner. I wanted both of us to be happy and fully committed to each other for the rest of out lives. Once married, there was no turning back.

We have been happily married now for almost 28 years. We have had our ups and down and she has proven her 100% loyalty and commitment.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

Absolutely. Family Court was worse than being in the infantry in Iraq. In fact I wish I could relive my time in Iraq because I relive those moments in court when I lost my 2 and 4 year old every single day. I never did get with a fertile woman again, that was my early 20s. I look good and I had money (now its all bills lol unless I sold my property), but nowadays even though the average attractive young woman w/o kids you have 6,000 guys hitting on you a year irl or social media. That scares the hell out of guys.

The competition or perceived competition is overwhelming, now before you say, he’s a pussy tons of guys I know and even fought before are scared to hell of women and literally NOTHING ELSE.

He also doesn’t what false allegations of domestic abuse

He doesn’t want to lose his kids in family court (we all know its misandrist these days, you cannot seriously argue against it).

He doesn’t want yo lose half his business he either worked for or received from his father and father before him and was taught growing up how to run and preserve it as an ongoing tradition.

Some of my points might be oddly specific, but generally these are all common themes as to why men avoid marriage today.

Angelo75 · Answer

Cuz once we get into it, the community doesn't really pressure the woman to keep working to provide. Some do... some don't.
So no matter what, we end up having to provide. This is fine and we like it... IF she's being a good wife. (in all senses of the word)
But many times she stops being a good wife. It can be lies, it can be cheating, it can be that she does nothing at home anymore, it can be that she WANTS kids but only to focus 100% of her attention on the kids and ignore the man/father... the list is pretty long.

Here comes the headache.
IF the man stays and try to still make the marriage work, it's not only HIM that will have to change, but also the wife. And if she doesn't wanna change, its not gonna be a happy marriage. But he's still doing his part of the deal in working and providing.
IF the man behaves selfishly and leaves, he's gonna be paying alimony/child-support for pretty long.
IF the man behaves selfishly and cowardly and cheat, he's gonna be paying alimony/child-support for pretty long but ALSO will have a big sticker on his back saying "Selfish-Asshole".

So as you can see there is a big risk coming with the marriage, and somehow over the decades things got to a point that once a man gets into a marriage, he has to pray that the woman is not ing to be having double agenda or some kinda mental disorder that will put him cornered.

Disclaimer:
After all that I've written above, I'm not pointing faults to either the men or women.
I'm just stating the facts of things I've observed over decades.
Ofcourse there are good women out there just like there are good men, which get married and live pretty long marriages and dies married.
It's just that the chance of hitting the jackpot and get a good marriage is pretty low nowadays with the selfish way that people behave and think.

dragoblack · Answer

Because it doesn't mean what it used to mean. It used to just be a romantic ceremony, that didn't need to cost a lot, but turned into this overly expensive commercialized even that costs as much as a house, and costs even more on divorce, which can screw the guy back to starting life at square 1 like he just graduated high school. It's a massive financial pit for flaunting cash, with no financial return.
When it comes to actual cerimony without the commercialized bullshite: it's registeringing the marriage at the local court house, reserve a nice place that isn't going to financially gouge you (normally a church or a nice park with a scenic view), a simple gold band (it doesn't even have to be a ring. It's a promise item), and "your Sunday best" aka your nicest outfit, with the spiritual/religious ceremony (depending on the type you do), you say your vows, you kiss, go move into a place together, and live life.
Nowadays people see how much you spend as the equivalent of how much you love them... which is toxic as fuck.

Serkee · Answer

No fault divorce has ruined the entire point of marriage. Now men have nothing to gain, and everything to lose. Most marriages nowadays don't last, and divorce ruins men's lives. And with the vast majority of divorce being initiated by women, marriage just isn't safe for men. More often than not, it ends in disaster for us. With all that being said, I'm not against marriage. I think it's great when it works, and in the past it worked far, far better. Now men have to be very, very careful who we marry, or we'll end up marrying a woman who gets bored after a couple years and leaves the moment another guy catches her interest.

MrNameless · Answer

A lot of men do want to get married.. Marriage is a big commitment and the thought of it scares people. The wedding can be expensive, and you're marrying into their family. Before they do, they want to make sure everything is lined up first, especially financially.

For the men that don't want to get married (ever). They fall into at least two camps

-They don't believe in it and that you can be happy and with someone for life without being "married."

-They see that divorce rates, and they hear the bad stories from friends, family, and the Internet.. They think it's a sham, and there is some truth to it. It's risky for men, especially if they earn more. They get half of their money and property taken away for. them, and also kids. Im western countries like u. s., the system is very bias against men.

imtiaz45 · Answer

Men may fear marriage for several reasons, often tied to societal expectations and personal experiences. Common concerns include losing personal freedom, financial responsibilities, and the pressure to be a perfect partner. Some men fear the potential for relationship failure, leading to divorce or emotional pain. Others may worry about the shift in identity that marriage can bring, or the long-term commitment and the responsibilities it entails. Additionally, societal portrayals of marriage can sometimes emphasize the challenges over the rewards, making some men apprehensive about taking the plunge. These fears vary widely based on individual perspectives and experiences.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I'm not.
I'm also not dumb enough to marry a woman who doesn't love me.
And I say this knowing it will likely be misintepreted.

So what I mean is actual love, not that shallow bullshit that most younger couples today have where they treat eachother like tools. The kind of love where you would do anything you can for that person's happiness, where you are happy to care for them when they are sick, where you melt eachother's stress away by just being together and can't imagine life without them and relate to them about everything.

People today want real love, but they are too chicken shit to give it and too lazy to find it.

Dargil · Answer

Avoid it? The expectation of betrayal. 80% of divorces are filed by women. Yes I know there are whatabouts. But there are too many cold hearted gold bricks looking for a free meal and then your financial portfolio. That's where the hookup vulture emerged out if in response. Women are simply to risky nowadays. It is probably because they have abandoned religion. Back in the day, women were the anchor of Christianity. Now they are "liberated". What to do? Recruit from the Orient and Catholic countries.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's mostly an issue because a lot of men simply aren't mature enough these days. How can someone commit to a relationship over the longer term if they don't have any real income prospects? How could someone feel comfortable starting a family if they don't know and understand their own beliefs? How could someone get married if they don't know how to cook for themselves, or keep a clean house, or simply keep their bills paid on time?

I know that if I were a woman, I wouldn't want to marry a man who I didn't think had a real sense of vision or a plan. Not necessarily that a man has to lead the household, or that "what the man says has to go" or anything. Just that I wouldn't want to take the risk of entering a marriage with someone unless I could sense proactive movement.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I'm not. I date to marry as a Catholic. I want a family and to raise them in a one income house and a stay at home/homeschool mom.

I will have a prenup though, that's not negotiable and it will be done to protect both of us.

Men generally do take a financial risk in marriage but they never recognize the professional risk of being a wife and mother if it doesn't work out. If the man works and controls all the money, a very real power imbalance can form.

I hope with a well done prenup we can still have a more traditional marriage without some of the pitfalls.

sawno · Answer

Marriage is broken, there is no fault divorce where the guy can still get screwed so there is absolutely nothing in it for him to marry. Meanwhile she has a massive incentive to get married since its one sided security, hence she can effectively blackmail the guy in the relationship.

Lynx122 · Answer

Cause it can destroy a mans life if it goes wrong. Also I think today a lot of people take longer to mature because there's less pressure from outside to progress in life. So less people have the mindset of being ready to start a family. And those people are on the internet the most. Dads who have to pick up their kids they don't have time to comment online.

Nik1hil · Answer

No honey, Men are afraid of DIVORCE.

I mean, if you told a man he can get MARRIED 10 times, get 10 Wives at the same time. But he does not have to worry about DIVORCE.

He is going to be Very excited.

BetaBucks · Answer

Mostly because of the laws. Even as they've been changed to use egalitarian language, the outcomes are still not egalitarian. Some of that is systemic and some of it is cultural. But the end result is men have more to lose than gain, in the current world. "Trad cucks" like me, and gold digger women, keep marriage alive though.

DermalPunch · Answer

Men could just feed and clothes women and they would just put up and out and shut up.

Since women can feed and clothes themselves, they want vulnerability and genuine interest from men. Not glorified objectification and men just don't want to do that.

Most men don't have any genuine interest in women beyond how they make them feel and look and what they can do for them.

However, when we aren't full centered in them and basically little puppets we are all kinds of four letter words.

Women want emotional investment since they don't need to depend on men for financial investment as much and a lot of. men are to insecure and emoti9nally stunted for that.

Women aren't trying to be a mom they can screw anymore so, their having adult tantrums about it.

RavVid · Answer

Because the majority of marriages last 8 years when the 1.8 children enter elementary school. There is another blip of wives unilaterally initiating no fault divorce divorce at 20 years upon the empty nest.

It has become quite impossible to pretend if you do a good job that she won't divorce you. Instead we start asking what makes us think our experience will be different to all the other guys.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

What do we stand to gain, and what do we stand to lose?  If you can answer that honestly... then I don't need to say anything more.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are not "afraid of marriage". All they have done is applied a risk/benefit analysis to the current institution of "Marriage" and decided that marriage/family life is not for them as they see no benefit in it for them, as it anything it would put everything they worked long and hard to build in jeopardy, and everything around it Socially and Legally are  COMPLETELY  biased in favour of women, the biggest indicators of that is those States where  Fathers  are stuck with  Child Support  even when they have  DNA evidence  that proves they are  not  the  Biological  father of the child, and where women receive lifelong Alimony, even if they remarry,

Anonymous · Answer

Because divorce is part of the reality of marriage, so you can't consider one without the other. That would be like going into a stock purchase decision looking only at the potential appreciation in value without considering potential losses if the market takes a downturn.

A healthy marriage benefits women, men, children and society. But divorce benefits women at the expense of all other stakeholders. And sadly, many women are taking full advantage of the female-biased legal system for their own selfish gain at the expense of everyone else involved.

molonski2 · Answer

EVERYBODY , should be utterly sht scared of marriage , if they control even a partial brain , the actual failure rates are well beyond that reported , running at around 85 % , and you are somehow going to be different? If all are not absolutely panicking , they should be , this is NOT something to just cruise on into..

Its going to be certain failure , thats a fact and reality.

Miristheiss · Answer

It isn't permanent. Women can fall out of love, say they are unhappy, bored and walk away any time.

Family courts favor women. They can get alimony, always get the house and kids and child support.

No fault divorce. A woman can cheat and courts do not care. She still gets alimony.

Unless you are religious it is idiotic to sign this contract.

SarahP080106 · Answer

Men aren't afraid of marriage. They are afraid that after they marry us, we will completely change the behaviors and personality traits that made them fall in love with us.

Then they worry that we will devote our energy and efforts into changing them and trying to make them into someone they aren't.

Ultimately the problem isn't men being afraid of marriage but women trying to trap men into marriage by putting on a show/act before marriage.

msc545 · Answer

In the US, marraige is social and financial suicide for men, based on laws and courts heavily biased against men and overly favorable toward women.

Only foolish or naive men get married, and they very often (70%) much of the time regret it.

Curmudgeon · Answer

Because the costs and hazards and risks have risen sharply, and the benefits and rewards and returns have fallen off sharply, relative to previous years and generations. When something rewards less and pays off less, you get less of it.

Anonymous · Answer

The story is that they are not.
They are distinctly unhappy about an unequal divorce system and a generation of women that can and do weaponise it for any reason that they choose.
And that's if they can find a woman that they would consider marrying in the first instance.

Anonymous · Answer

Afraid of you having the abusive power of the modern institution without any benefit.

Your basically asking him to sign half of everything he owns and a partial slavery contract over without any offsetting benefit of security.

That is no different than taking a bank lone to which we may or may not get any of the money we will nonetheless be liable for.

Likes2drive · Answer

Because they have a risk of losing everything if it goes bad and women seem to gain afterwards and women are usually the ones who file for divorce so it’s not a good risk. Would you jump out of a plane if the chances of it not opening were 7 out of 10 chance of failure? That’s how many marriages fail

kellytheman · Answer

Some men are afraid of committing to one person for rest of there life especially in there 20s but as we get older we might get ready to settle down. Also there that possibility of getting divorced and usually the guy losses half his stuff and house. He also might have to pay alimony and child support even if he doesn’t have visitation rights.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

I think it's more repulsion than actual fear.
For them, it's like there are 2 doors, and one leads to hard work and some happiness, and the other leads to betrayal, ruin and destitution.

And there's no way to know which door to open.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

We’re not afraid of marriage, we are afraid to lose all our shit in the divorce.

Bricealan · Answer

I suppose because marriages so many times end in divorce and agony as it did for me. The divorce was only second to the death of my mother in grief.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Think of signing ANY contract that guarantees the other party is financially rewarded for breaking it. Would you sign an apartment lease if you knew the landlord could kick you out at anytime and the courts would force you to keep paying rent for the next 10 years?

mstbooblover · Answer

Actually I'm not sure mentally mature men to be afraid of marriage. It's still a not to underestimate responsibility, and some hesitations seem justified to me. There are also a lot of legal engagements to be considered.

Anonymous · Answer

We're not afraid of marriage; we're afraid of divorce. We know going into marriage there is a 50/50 chance it won't last long. And if it ends, there's an 80% chance our wife will be the one filing for divorce, and the legal system will aid and abet her in destroying our lives and taking our assets and children from us.

Anonymous · Answer

Considering the divorce rate is nearly 50%, and women initiate between 80 and 90% of divorcees. We have learned that if there is a 50% chance of her leaving in the first 10 years, there is no value in marriage. Especially since women refuse to do the things that wives are supposed to do...

MyBrainsInsaneReign · Answer

Men aren't necessarily afraid of marriage, but a lot of men don't want to get married.

Like I would never willingly eat a baloney-and-sauerkraut sandwich, but that doesn't mean I'm AFRAID of baloney-and-sauerkraut sandwiches.

A lot of men have decided that getting married wouldn't make their lives better, or would make their lives worse, so they avoid it for that reason.

Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you're afraid of it.

Kelley1 · Answer

I don't believe men are afraid of marriage. However, it may be men are afraid of how the government and family courts inject themselves into marriage.

ManInChains · Answer

Because of they get divorced he loses everything and she gains everything. A better question would be why wouldn’t a man be afraid of marriage?

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

lots of reasons!

JonCobretti · Answer

If the woman is not 100% trust worthy, the marriage can ruin our lives  She can file a divorce and she'll still get child support, alimony and custody of kids

Empery · Answer

I know someone who married based on lust, he took a loan of 37,000 for the wedding and dress. Legal marriage is expensive and so is divorce

Berethor · Answer

Because it's too many money to risk for a ho, I am not afraid to marry a virgin by the way.

Rangers · Answer

Cause around 70% of divorces are initiated by the woman, and they get significantly more than the man gets

9in_Serpent · Answer

Its a Trap!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Marriage under current laws is essentially a bet that the other person will not eventually have a change of mind and take half of everything, plus be entitled to lifetime alimony.

Anonymous · Answer

I think men are more afraid of divorce than of marriage. It's hard to blame them when you consider how many marriages don't last and the fact that women file the vast majority of divorces.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

If you were a man, wouldn't you be marriage-shy given the divorce rate and men having to fork over half their assets to their ex-wife?

bowenw · Answer

I am not. I suppose some are as they want to be sure they have found their soulmate or want to stay single and just have fun.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Nothing really in it for men. Think about it, the type of men that women want to marry are typically HV men that can attract other women so there's no value in them settling for one woman.

Sharkstealth · Answer

I dont know a single personal friend or family member other than my parents and grand parents that are still together. Some as many as 4 marriages.

Jackblue · Answer

Disproportionately (not always by any means), men want maximum autonomy doing what we want in our free time without ceremony or permission, women want companionship.

jshm2 · Answer

We aren't.  We just don't like ulterior motives to be the reason for marriage.

Why are men afraid of marriage?

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