Why are guys so afraid of marriage?

[Jayrock24w]

See my boyfriend n i had this plan at the beginning to wait until marriage but later on he got anxious and didn't want to wait but i still did. We got in a big fight and now he said he never wants to get married because apparently the divorce rate has gotten increased over the last year n since his parents got a bad divorce he doesn't want to go through that. He told me he want to be with me and not single and also wants kids. Yes i do love him but i wanted to save until marriage, for him to be my future husband and me to be his future wife, build a house and have three kids after. I don't want to breakup with him so how do i reason with him instead 😢?

Updates

+1 y

So what do u think i should do, breakup with him and stand my grounds or give in because i love him?

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well first you have to understand where he is coming from. 70% of all divorces are filed by women, the most sited reason being no fault. 60% of all male initiated divorces (so about 18% over all) are filed because of their wife cheated. That means that 88% of divorces are either filed by or caused by women. 80% of all alimony and child support however is paid by men, men only get equal custody 35% of the time and better then equal custody 9% of the time vs. women's 61%, as a result male suicide rates double after divorce (and men are already four times more likely to kill themselves then women).

Through all of this no matter how good of a person he was, no matter how awful a person the woman was, he will be viewed as the monster, he will have his life destroyed and their is NOTHING he can do about it as all the laws are entirely in her favor and their are man advocacy groups out their for women that will help her get what she wants, but their are none for men. The family courts will not side with him and the lawyers encourage the woman to make false claims about him (almost all claims of "marital rape" occur in divorce courts (but were never listed as a reason for the divorce), because it makes the courts sympathetic to her and hate him and thus allows her to extort more money from him and get custody of the kids.

You have to understand that this is what your asking of him, your asking him to put his head on the chopping block, to essentially let you put a loaded gun in his mouth and telling him he has to simply trust your not going to pull the trigger even if your in a bad mood or what have you. This is what your asking of him and your response is to try and figure out how to force him to do what you want, thats not a good sign.

I mean I get it, your a woman, you don't have to suffer the consequences if the marriage fails, but he does no matter what caused it (a millionaire had his wife cheat on him. So she divorced HIM, took half of HIS money, took their kid from him and the judge threw out the prenup because she said he promised to get rid of it once they had a kid (a verbal claim, nothing written but it was enough to throw out the prenup). He did nothing wrong and had is life destroyed because she decided it.).

So understand that this is what he has to deal with, this is his burden and you will never ever have to experience it, only he will have to if you make that decision (and even if you don't think you will now, that doesn't mean you won't later if your angry enough or if your pressured enough (as many of these groups and the lawyers will do (because they make a lot of money off it). That doesn't mean you can't get married but if your not willing to see what he is going through that is a huge problem because that tells him your not taking his concerns seriously and this is a serious concern (divorce had reached as high as 50% and again, almost all of the divorces were because of the woman (because she suffers no consequences from divorcing her husband but he suffers all of the consequences).

So think about this, think about what he is afraid of, consider what can you do to alleviate these concerns , to show that you not only have no intention of ever leaving him but also that you understand his fear.

[hellionthesagereborn]

The divorce rates for those who waited until marriage to have sex is 1%, the more partners you have the more that percentage increases. So if your waiting, this shows him your serious about him, that you are loyal to him and only him. So you can mention this, tell him you see what is happening and its awful and terrible and you understand why he is afraid. But also tell him that you are loyal to him and only him, that you will sign a prenuptial aggreement, that you will sign what ever paper he wants because that is how loyal YOU are, that you know you will never divorce him, you will never take his life from him and so you are more then happy to sign any paper or any document he wants because you know it will never come to that.

However don't pressure him, give him time to process this, show him your loyalty, show him that you love him, show him your not going to leave him just because he doesn't want to do what you want him to do (imagine if this was reversed, imagine him saying that you have to have sex with him or he will leave you. Wouldn't that bother you, wouldn't that tell you that he doesn't really care about you? This is no different for him. Pressuring him says to him that you only want the wedding, that you don't really care about his concerns. This is the last thing you want him to think so you have to be understanding and give him time).

[Reaperbot666]

• reasons why many guys avoid the topic of marriage in western culture.
• because modern marriage is no longer a guarantee. that either person will remain loyal and committed to their partner. over half of first time marriages fail within 5-10 years of the couple saying "I do's" and roughly 70% of the time it is the woman that files for divorces. because many people rush into marriage now without getting to really know their partners true self.
• recent studies show that typically. the woman is the one to get bored of her partner sexually first. even more so if she has been with many partners over the years. because she'll tend to compare all her former partners to her current one as time goes on.
• http://pauldavidphd.com/wp-content/uploads/Pair-Bonding.pdf
• https://www.medinstitute.org/articles/pair-bonding-and-the-brain/
• https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20131125/how-the-love-hormone-works-its-magic#2
• https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/a-48-hour-sexual-afterglow-helps-to-bond-partners-over-time.html
• https://www.thetrumpet.com/7750-the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex
• plus over time both sides start to slowly become less likely to engage in sexual interaction with each other. if their sex life becomes boring or mundane to where it is just the same thing each time. part of why people need to spice things up once in a while. but also keep an open mind to ideals their partner brings up.
• so once the man stops being able to get any from his partner. he starts to think about out sourcing for his needs. also likely she will start out sourcing for her needs over time. as she becomes board with their sex life.
• if you get divorced the guy is likely to lose roughly half or more. of his money and resources to her in court and legal fees. more if they end up having children together. because 75% or more of the time. the woman gets full custody with child support or 50/50 custody with child support.
• only ways a guy can get more then 50% custody. is if he can claims she is an unfit parent. while having the proof to back up his claims in court. or she passes away for whatever reason.
• so until the legal system is removed from all forms of relationships. I don't see any of this getting better for either side.
• exactly why western culture needs to remove the legal system. from all types of relationships married or otherwise. with how the current world works both males and females. have their own right to earn their own wealth and recourses. without needing to be given part of their partners due to a bad breakup. from the legal system stepping in and forcing them to divide up their wealth and resources.
• some places have common law marriage where if you live together for X amount of time. the local and state government consider you married. which if you have a bad breakup their is a form of divorce. with which you can try to claim wealth and resources for time spend together. so that is why they need to remove legal system from all types of relationships.

[Reaperbot666]

also
globalnews.ca/.../
www.youtube.com/watch

[Mollynotgemma]

Because of women!! We put so much pressure in them! Poor bastards! They dint know what do do! What they think is right is wrong and what they don’t do is deemed right but essentially wrong!
They can’t propose the right way... as we have an idea of perfection in our heads!
Poor bastards! Who the fuck would want to be a man!
Fuck feminism! Men have it so much harder! Let them have their jobs and be able to succeed amongst their colleagues... because we all know when they walk in that front door they are ‘wrong’...
Such a shame a woman berates their man and doesn’t see how talented and capable they are in their career!
Many women when asked what does your husband do for work... starts with... ‘oh goodness, he does something with computers’! Totally dismissed!
How dare you! And you expect recognition for cooking lasagnes for 12 and freezing them... he’s had to stand in front if colleagues and show his worth! Otherwise you are not having mice in never weeks lasagne!

[btbc92]

Yes being selfish. Of he wants to be with you what does other people's divorce rates or his parents have anything to do with the both of You? You deserve to be married if that's what you want. If he doesn't want to be married. Then you are better off finding somebody else. Yes the divorce rate is high. But only he can ensure that he is not going to get a divorce. The same way you can only ensure that you won't divorce him. If he knew he did not want to get married, he should have said something sooner.

Since you both are now no longer compatible, you are free to be with someone else. Don't argue or try to change his mind. Just respect his choices and he has to respect yours. It's sad.

[Bananaman177]

Men have been telling you the answer to this question every way they know how and you women just collectively stuff your fingers in your ears and scream, "La la la!" as loud as you can so you don't have to acknowledge our true thoughts and opinions.

So basically, you know, fuck you. Like, no offense, but fuck you, at this point.

You want my advice? Serious advice? Make a pair of wedding bands out of gold-colored yarn. Invite both your families to a big party with a giant wedding cake and you can wear a wedding dress and get him to wear a rented tux, hire a photographer, say some wedding vows, have a screaming, raging meltdown at the poor girl you hired to arrange the flowers, go ahead and have the whole wedding experience, and then just skip the legal contract bit. And see if that isn't good enough to placate your silly little girl wedding fantasies.

Or you could just grow the fuck up, you know, whichever's cheaper.

[Jayrock24w]

U see im not really into the big wedding stuff and proposal, honestly i would rather the court house, but the one thing that really scares me is having sex and end up pregnant as a teenager with no support from him because he'll walk away, and no support from my parent cuz they'll kick me out the house. Thats what im scared of, thats why i want to wait until marriage to be prepared physically/mentally/and financially.

[Bananaman177]

So instead, in order to assuage your fears, you want him to be scared that you're going to get bored of him, talk to a divorce lawyer, start building a case against him to make him seem abusive when he's not, divorce him, force him to pay for both his lawyer AND yours, take half of his assets (at least) and have liens put on his future income, threaten him with prison time that could very easily turn into a life sentence if he can't keep making exorbitant payments for any reason, Not to mention you're going to destroy his ability to ever find a job because you'll smear his name in a court record that's publicly accessible and you can accuse him of abuse, sexual assault, child endangerment, and any other heinous crime you can think of, in a court system that will always value your accusations over his evidence, and value your whims over his rights. . .

And the reason you think that's right, and good, and proper is because that way you won't have to raise a kid on your own, when you have the right to CHOOSE whether to abort the kid, he has no right to choose to terminate his parental obligations but you can straight-up slaughter the kid and that's fine, and then if you decide to keep the child and raise it, every single charity and government program in the world is there to help you with buying clothes, groceries, paying rent, utilities, etc.

Here's a thought: if you don't KNOW this motherfucker and you can't trust him, then why in the FUCK do you think you need to be married to him? If you don't trust him 110%, then you have no BUSINESS wanting to marry him, or get pregnant by him either because you shouldn't be FUCKING a guy you don't know and trust beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Kid, you have no business marrying him or anyone else for quite a few more years. That's my brotherly advice to you. Buy a vibrator and forget about getting pregnant OR getting married.

[Juxtapose]

Dude, you crucified her lol. 10/10

[Barbaric]

Because the divorce courts are biased against men. If a man marries the wrong woman he's completely screwed. The way you get a man to marry you is by gaining his trust.

The trouble is that most women have no idea how to do that. You only know how to make demands, give ultimatums, and play mind games. Ignore him, with-hold sex, act cold, attempt to shame him into compliance etc. Which does nothing but push him further away and prevent him from trusting you.

It makes him trust you less because the kinds of women who divorce men out of nowhere and take them to the cleaners for no reason (as in the guy isn't a cheat, an abuser etc. generally treats her well) are selfish women. And being unable to understand the guy's side is selfish. Downplaying his fears because you don't care is a big red flag.

From looking at your other comments, as other guys have said you're one of those women who, when men tell you straight, sticks her fingers in her ears and sings "lalala". You don't get it. Therefore I'd say yeah, break up.

[Lliam]

It's a huge commitment. There are legal and financial issues at stake. Plus, you are making a solid vow on your word of honor. You only have one shot at marrying the right person (unless you are okay with the idea of serial marriage). There is no room for error. You have to be 100% right.

I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend. I had several more in my life. The last thing I wanted was to be tied down with a family. It wasn't until I was in my mid 30s that I started thinking it might be time to settle down. Yes, I started thinking about finding a life partner. Long story short, I met a particular woman when I was 39. We got married two years later and have been happily married now for over 24 years. As it turned out, I did, indeed, pick the right woman.

In your case, if you both want to have kids together, you need to get married. Period.
And the thing about marriage it, you have to work at it. For example, with my agreement, my wife has signed us up at various times over the years for couple's counseling. It's not because our relationship was on the rocks. She just wanted to keep it healthy and strong. We learned about ourselves and each other from those sessions. We also learned how to communicate better. It was a smart thing to do.

[Searlas]

You are still very young to understand, that is what most of us thought when we were at your age. At 18, you can't claim you understand what is expected in a marriage institution. You have a long way to go, you should be focusing on building your career right now, with time as you grow older, you will understand there will be changes even in the way you think or reason.

Back to your question, unless a marriage is culturally or religiously backed which has a higher chance of survival, it's not guaranteed that you or your boyfriend will still want to be together after 10 or 20 years. Marriage isn't a walk in the park, many factors come into play when a couple gets married, two people living together everyday, it gets challenging, the career, the children, the finances, the outsiders etc. Unless they are two people who are truly in love and alike which is rare. Love is always one sided (one being in love, while the other only loving).

Now, is he still a virgin? If he is, he might let it go for while, and let assured he will still come back later, because humans are that curious to do such. If he's not, it will be hard to wait. It's a wrong idea to use sex as a tool to control a man, (it's true that women has used it to get money etc, but when it comes to relationships or marriages its a wrong idea). There is a man who can fake it for years, and once he gets what he wants, it's done. At this age, you should focus on your career, understand men more, have fun. It's not guaranteed that if you let him, he will stay or you if break up with him, the next man will wait till marriage. So, don't hurt yourself trying to be too tight on that pn$$y, successful living revolves around much more.

[jgokgotit]

Only you can decide what is right for you. I understand where he is coming from. Men get screwed in marriage (and especially the divorce) and gain nothing from it. On top of that, many women are notoriously fickle and change their minds for the slightest of reasons or at the first inconvenience that comes their way. The overall morals of Millenials and Gen Z (you if your profile age is correct) are much loser and lower than that of previous generations. Then there is the feminism disease going around like a new plague and men having to deal with women's bullshit in the workplace. Slowly the world is turning against men and men are having to take greater actions to protect themselves. While you may not be like what I described in this post, your boyfriend has no guarantee that you won't change 10 years from now and take hum for everything he has. He has to think about the absolute worst case scenario (which should be considered in ALL major decisions) and how to protect himself from it and possibly losing access to his children in the future. Put yourself in those shoes and you see why he does not desire marriage. Marriage is a man basically trusting a woman to do the right thing and not screw him over in a society where family judges overwhelmingly side with women (with or without evidence). The risk to women in divorce is much lower.

[ttnnkkrr]

first of all. marriage is a peice of paper. nothing more. nothing less.

marriages fail for many reasons but the main reasons can be summed up with the following.

won't do the work:

• marriage is fucking hard. it takes work from each person and requires constant re negotiation of terms and compromise.
• you are taught its binary but for most its just not really true. many marriages fail because one or both cannot cope with or communicate that needs change and in fact dont usually require loose emotional bonds. i know many swingers that have been together decades as happy as ever but more solidly commited than ever. some have permenant bonds with others and live together while many have casual playtime that isn't emotional connected. it works only because all persons involved are honest with themselves n partners and they have let go of rigidly indoctrinated ideas and instead made choices that feel right for them.

aren't honest with ourselves about what we want:

• kids
• house
• family
• carreers
• money

won't be honest with your partner:
just like above

communication is key. monogamy works for some not for others. parental roles are not gender based let the idea go and decide together

[UncleJessieRabbit]

The chances of divorce are a liability and on top of everything else, if you are religious and your family or you disagree with no sex before marriage, than that places a huge unnecessary burden on young men. I used to be a faithful Christian but I am no longer that because I have woken to the reality of the world and how much of a burden it has become to be Christian and have to have all these responsibilities, because of the reality of the social environment.

[ttnnkkrr]

lol cool

[t-8900]

Infidelity, Alimony, and Custody battles are not in the favor or men. Because of this I would never, ever settle down with a woman today. Ain't no way in hell a wise man would do that. The whole thing is rigged against us. Marriage is a dead institution. It's a rotting corpse that some flies still pick at but the meat is all gone and most of the maggots have gown up and left. The meat was the good aspects of marriage, the maggots were the kids that grew up in a broken home from divorce, and the flies that left are their adult selves who said (forget the meat I'll just be content with the fallen fruit instead). The Fallen fruit are the easy pickings with no commitment. Easy to digest them and move on! All sweetness, no bitterness!

[hornyafbi69]

God damnit I almost wanted to spam like cause one like isn't even for the facts you just dropped

[t-8900]

@hornyafbi69 lol thank you.

[hornyafbi69]

No worries I give due respect to undisputable facts like that when I can, sadly it's becoming a rarity

[t-8900]

@hornyafbi69 I'll die spitting truth with my dignity and honor intact.

[hornyafbi69]

Little more faith in humanity now at least my friends and I aren't the only ones still awake

[t-8900]

@hornyafbi69 go to youtube and head over to Better Bachelor and Terrence Popp. Subscribe to both and, you're welcome!

*edit oh and James Von Maxwell and Tom Leykis too. Leykis has become an unhinged lefty loonie but his old content on these issues was solid.

[hornyafbi69]

I'll definitely check them out, if you don't know about them but I'm guessing you might The conservative twins were the opposite started as crazy lefties then grew up and they are hilarious

[t-8900]

@hornyafbi69 yeah they were the Hodgetwins back in the day lol.

[hornyafbi69]

Yeah that would be them do they still have that channel or their workout one

[t-8900]

@hornyafbi69 I don't know i dont keep up with them. They do a lot of public appearances nowadays

[hornyafbi69]

Can't blame them pretty sure their not monetised gotta get that cheddar some how

[hornyafbi69]

Not sure on that spelling

[MCheetah]

Is there literally ANY good thing men get out of marriage? (Kids don't count; you don't need to be married to have those.) Like, seriously? I mean, besides tax benefits, maybe? Why the hell would any guy get married besides society telling him he has to? Even the wedding is all for the woman. And after the wedding, the woman gets to sit back and not work at all, if she chooses to. Even in Current Year, what woman would accept being the breadwinner while her man sat at home all day?

There's NO reason for any man to ever get married, outside of the societal delusion telling him he HAS to and that "marriage is what true love is."

[KrakenAttackin]

Marriage is a death trap to men. The moment a man says "I do" his odds of committing suicide more than triple.

Gynocentric "family" courts, YOLO girls, and feminist, have made marriage much to dangerous for any reasonable man.

A wife can have her husband arrested for rape at any time, have him arrested for domestic violence for just arguing with her, she can steal his children, steal his wealth, have him kicked out of the home, and destroy his life... all with a phone call. Think this is extreme? Women do it every day across America to the point where it is accepted practice.

Feminist wanted to destroy the nuclear family and institution of marriage? Congratulations, you won.

[Jack9949]

Just don’t involve yourself with the wrong women 👻

[KrakenAttackin]

@Jack9949 No one deliberately marries the "wrong" woman. Women are masters at disguise until they are married.

[Jack9949]

Like there’s no way to properly gauge a woman’s truest intentions?

[Jack9949]

I’ll be honest, I’ve never dated

[mattmanyah2]

Marriage benefits women more than men and I think you are wise to hold out until marriage... Divorce hurts men more than it hurts women especially after watching a divorce it is hard for a guy to hop into that idea... I think if you want to continue with this guy you have to talk about divorce, it sounds like he's scared of it. (Rightfully so it's terrifying) you need to see if y'all are still on the same track if he's wanting the perks of marriage without the commitment you might have to bail... You won't know until you talk about divorce though.

[Nawlins34]

You should breakup with him. He's confused and doesn't know what he wants.

More importantly, your words will not soothe or change how he feels. There is no reasoning with him without compromising what you want. And there's no guarantee he'll stay long-term.

Married couples get divorced because they "compromised" and selected the wrong person AND because they proved, they couldn't solve problems as a team.

This is exactly what you two are doing now. He's saying he doesn't like divorces, but break-ups are the equivalent and he's quiet on that front.

Date a guy who is enthusiastic about the same principles that you upload, okay?

Let this one go, heal and try again. Be safe.

[Anonymous]

[In_Trance]

Hardcore marriage supporters can't even deny this

[Opinion Owner]

@In_Trance its true a lot of thd time. This exact thing happened to my brother

[Grond21]

I don't think you should give in. Compromising on your morals will make you only feel resentment for him later. And that will really be toxic for your marriage.

I think what you should do is sit down with him and really ask him why he feels the way he does. Don't interrupt him and don't criticize. Just let him get everything out, until he feels completely heard. Until you can say back to him his position and he can agree completely.

Only once that's done, should you see if there's a way you can compromise without breaking your standards and without ignoring his fears

[Browneye57]

This level of confusion is astounding.
If you're waiting for sex after marriage for religious reasons, the choose someone like-minded and plan it together.
For everybody else, I wouldn't commit to ANYBODY if the sexual compatibility thing was down solid. Otherwise you sign yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and aggravation.

You're just not really ready for any of this. You're not even ready for dating yet. You have a lot of growing up to do. And the 'l love him' shtick is ridiculous - you just make shit up in your head.

[DWornock]

Of course you are in favor since you get all benefits and none of the risks. When they get married, all women say they don't want to break up. However, "according to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women." Family courts are extremely biased in favor of women.

Furthermore, if there are children, they belong to the state and the wife. The husband is only a wallet and has no rights to his children. The rights belong to the wife. The husband has privaliges to his children only if granted by the wife. In case of a divorce, the husband loses his children and get none of the benefits of raising them but still must pay the wife who has total control over how the money is spent even if she spends it on herself and very little on her children. In the USA, marriage is a master/slave relationship; the wife being the master.

[Liam_Hayden]

Marriage under current law in the United states and in many nations is betting half of everything you have and earn, and a portion of your earnings after a divorce, on the hope that she won't eventually change her mind.

In fact in some places even dating is dangerous. In Canada a man has to pay $6million Canadian over 10 years in "spousal support" to an ex-GF with whom he has no children and with whom he never shared a residence. This helps explain why so many men are becoming "slam and jam" types.

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/no-home-or-kids-together-but-couple-still-spouses-appeal-court-rules

[worldscolide]

Marriage is good but divorce in almost ALL circumstances is bad for men. Look up the statistics sometime.. the divorce rate is close to 50%, With 90% of all divorces being initiated by women. Of those situations the man 80% of the time ends up having to pay child support, alimony/spousal support, some times permanently.. Plus family courts are pushing something called the silver bullet defense, where the woman is encouraged to make false claims of abuse, and rape against the ex.. And yes it does happen, my brother committed suicide because of it..

I cannot blame him.. Here is the thing though. I personally am married to someone. I know she won't do those things to me, because i trust her.. I wonder if something happened to cause him to lose trust in you..

[RingOfFire]

Marriage is a better investment for women than men. Women are the primary caregivers for children and need the help of a man to provide for them and their children. So the need a stable commitment that holds the family together. Most men love their children, but don't have the same kind of need or feeling about commitment as women do. They are equipped to be more independent. 99% of the time it is the mother who is left with the main responsibility of taking care of the children if the father leaves. So they want commitment.

It's not surprising that you don't know this because your generation has been brainwashed to believe that men and women play the same role in family life. It's false.

[The6ix]

i'm not afraid of marriage, its not all guys, girls are afraid of marriage as well because some girls want to remain in that party style and with her friends drinking every wk n shit. Some people dont care about having kids and settling down. I may act like a kid with my goofy jokes or wearing star war or spiderman t's but i know when its time to get serious. Whether it was for school, or work, paying my bills and etc. I'm not going to be Mr. Serious 24/7, but I also want to be the cool dad my kids can look up to.

[someginger]

Bc have you seen how divorce effects most men? Most of the time the man will lose most of there stuff, there house and most of the time there kids.

I think the real question is why should we get married? So i have a little piece of paper saying the women at anytime can leave take my kids, my house and most of my stuff?

[Jayrock24w]

Tru but what about child support isn't that worse

[someginger]

Yeah there's alsp child support and in same places there is alimony. So in some cases the women wants a divorce then the man has to pay child support, alimony and the house that they can no longer live in but still have to pay.

So if i ever get married i want a pre nup