Youve basically told him unintentionally you're keeping your options open and that he's not all that. Not a lot you can do if you dont want to get married yet, I mean you can say we're too young for it, but it's still a rejection no matter what reason you give. You could say when you do want to get married tho, couples stay engaged for a long time.
But he wants sex, and kids which tbh im hella not ready for, i dont wanna be that teenage pregnant girl, i dont, and condoms dont always work and pills i dont take, so tell what to do?
explain all the things you're saying here, why you think you're not ready for kids and marriage. It's not exactly unreasonable, your goals at this moment seem to be different. Yes i think at this moment it's best to give it a rest to save lots of arguments. Just say to him when you'll be ready for these things but also be clear you really do like him and it's a shame you're not on the same page yet.
My goal is to be ready to have kids, be ready with a mental/physical/emotional/and financial state. When i have a kid a want to have a house and a stable job with a good support system cuz I don't know if he is just saying this "i want kids" and when it does happen he just walks away and abundant us like my father did to me and my mom
the issue here is that planning for kids is usually helped by state benefits and so it's a life choice. Planning for them is seen as an excuse for not having them yet. Anyone can raise a child if they set their heart to it. The way you would have to negotiate is, i want to do these things first and have a stable job/career beforehand so it isn't difficult to raise a child. That you want to be able to choose when you want them. I know women who had kids for all the wrong reasons, denial of promotion so just got pregnant and went on a path of multiple maternity holidays lol. That workplace turned toxic. Other woman just wait til the guy says he wants kids, others are accidents.
Because marriage has quite literally throughout history just been an economic contract between two people where they agree to share their things with each other when all other societal baggage attached to it is removed. If I want to be together with someone, love them and have kids with them (that last one is unlikely), I don't feel like I'd necessarily need a third party to validate our relationship.
As for what you should do, if he isn't interested in marriage and you feel like its a prerequisite, then at least in my opinion it doesn't seem like you two have a future unless either one of you gives in. Breakup seems like the most likely outcome at this point.
Maybe because: 1- Depending on the country, the laws f marriage can be sexist towards men, really sexist. 2- Marriage requires a huge financial commitment, which is a tough call. 3- Emotional reasons. (ya know) 4- Depends on region, but the pressure to have children escalates. 5- People are not the same when something gets written on the stone rather than sand, and relationships in such cases may backfire.
Either you want a traditional marriage in which case there’s zero reason to delay getting married or you want some non traditional marriage where your education matters... in which case there’s lots of reasons a smart guy won’t marry you. All of the benefits of marriage go to the woman. Outside of a traditional setup there’s zero point.
Dont give in you will regret it I did the same was gonna wait till marriage till my partner did not want to wait so I gave in and puff 3 half years later they just ghosted dont give in if he does not want marriage you might want to move on if that scares him that's his problem he should not let statistics and other people's experiences put him off doing something at all
As for me I wouldn’t say guys are afraid of marriage but I would say we’re getting smarter about marriage & after all we wouldn’t want to marry a gold digger or a couch potato. You see when it comes to marriage you have three rings. An engagement ring, a wedding ring & most of all suffering. On the other hand marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing at first & when it’s all said & done your house is gone! I love my independence & wouldn’t want to come home to a warden.
Because per evolutionary biology, we are not supposed to "settle down." Males are supposed to walk the open road and fuck as many attractive females as possible. We (humans) like to think that we're evolved and different from other animals, but we really aren't.
pair bonding is real and there is a phase that relationships go through and last. Most marriages last about 8 years. I would say it's likely human males stayed with the woman long enough to make sure their offspring got around alright and moved on. That or it's just natural for men to have multiple sex partners living under his roof. Men aren't mentally damaged by a high body count but women seem to be. My guess is polygamy is what we evolved from. The strong men fought for a half dozen females or so and he would most likely have killed the loser to ensure the place of his seed.
It depends from person to person some are afraid of commitment, some divorce expenses, some a broken heart or a bad experience. Your boyfriend seems to have a bad experience this is a major trauma because of his parents he may or may not be able to come back easily. He will probably breakup i suppose
You do you but I couldn’t wait for marriage to fuck. Plus men stand to lose the most after marriage just take two seconds to think about it, peoples’ feeling change over time first they are all rainbows and unicorns talking about forever then down the line they are cold as ice and not answering your calls while the state revokes your license for not paying up.
Calmly communicate to him and be stern on no marriage no sex or no sex untill you become 25 years old by this you both can wait test waters together by living in without sex so you will know if he really means what he says or just bluffing to only enjoy the perks but not responsibility
Tell him that you are ok only if there is no sex and by that time you both will know what you want will it workout or not or just need to move on also you will be mature enough to make that decision
You're 18, its way too early to already bond with someone. Stop with that "I want to wait till marriage" thats just immature and outdated. The devil isn't gonna feast on you if you do it before. If you want to find a guy, you have to loose the conservativeness.
He sounds like a manipulative player; that has been working on getting in your pants from the beginning and is tired of waiting.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I get the felling he doesn't really want to wait; and was just telling you that to stay in the relationship so you develop feelings for him so he could pull this stunt on you and get in your pants. If he was truly waiting for marriage he wouldn't care about the divorce rate going up. As premarital sex is also on the rise; and while correlation is not causation. The correlation would be enough to not change someone's view of marriage so drastically.
It is the best choice. I have heard so many sad stories of women who give in and then get dumped immediately there after. Don't give in on your principles for his momentary satisfaction.
If you don't know why guys are afraid of marriage, then you have your head in the sand. Not knowing that means you haven't taken the time to look into it deeply enough. that alone is a problem.
It's commitment and it means your dating life and options for other partners and sexual partners are over. You are settling down with one person for the rest of your life. It's a heavy decision
You are already thinking of breaking up with him. You dont love him you are just another gold digging whore that will ruin his life in the biased court system. He is smart enough to see through your lies and he deserves better.
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Youve basically told him unintentionally you're keeping your options open and that he's not all that. Not a lot you can do if you dont want to get married yet, I mean you can say we're too young for it, but it's still a rejection no matter what reason you give. You could say when you do want to get married tho, couples stay engaged for a long time.
But he wants sex, and kids which tbh im hella not ready for, i dont wanna be that teenage pregnant girl, i dont, and condoms dont always work and pills i dont take, so tell what to do?
Breakup with him or reason with him
explain all the things you're saying here, why you think you're not ready for kids and marriage. It's not exactly unreasonable, your goals at this moment seem to be different. Yes i think at this moment it's best to give it a rest to save lots of arguments. Just say to him when you'll be ready for these things but also be clear you really do like him and it's a shame you're not on the same page yet.
My goal is to be ready to have kids, be ready with a mental/physical/emotional/and financial state. When i have a kid a want to have a house and a stable job with a good support system cuz I don't know if he is just saying this "i want kids" and when it does happen he just walks away and abundant us like my father did to me and my mom
the issue here is that planning for kids is usually helped by state benefits and so it's a life choice. Planning for them is seen as an excuse for not having them yet. Anyone can raise a child if they set their heart to it. The way you would have to negotiate is, i want to do these things first and have a stable job/career beforehand so it isn't difficult to raise a child. That you want to be able to choose when you want them. I know women who had kids for all the wrong reasons, denial of promotion so just got pregnant and went on a path of multiple maternity holidays lol. That workplace turned toxic.
Other woman just wait til the guy says he wants kids, others are accidents.
Because marriage has quite literally throughout history just been an economic contract between two people where they agree to share their things with each other when all other societal baggage attached to it is removed. If I want to be together with someone, love them and have kids with them (that last one is unlikely), I don't feel like I'd necessarily need a third party to validate our relationship.
As for what you should do, if he isn't interested in marriage and you feel like its a prerequisite, then at least in my opinion it doesn't seem like you two have a future unless either one of you gives in. Breakup seems like the most likely outcome at this point.
Then again, that's just how I see it.
Maybe because:
1- Depending on the country, the laws f marriage can be sexist towards men, really sexist.
2- Marriage requires a huge financial commitment, which is a tough call.
3- Emotional reasons. (ya know)
4- Depends on region, but the pressure to have children escalates.
5- People are not the same when something gets written on the stone rather than sand, and relationships in such cases may backfire.
Either you want a traditional marriage in which case there’s zero reason to delay getting married or you want some non traditional marriage where your education matters... in which case there’s lots of reasons a smart guy won’t marry you. All of the benefits of marriage go to the woman. Outside of a traditional setup there’s zero point.
Dont give in you will regret it I did the same was gonna wait till marriage till my partner did not want to wait so I gave in and puff 3 half years later they just ghosted dont give in if he does not want marriage you might want to move on if that scares him that's his problem he should not let statistics and other people's experiences put him off doing something at all
As for me I wouldn’t say guys are afraid of marriage but I would say we’re getting smarter about marriage & after all we wouldn’t want to marry a gold digger or a couch potato. You see when it comes to marriage you have three rings. An engagement ring, a wedding ring & most of all suffering. On the other hand marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing at first & when it’s all said & done your house is gone! I love my independence & wouldn’t want to come home to a warden.
Because per evolutionary biology, we are not supposed to "settle down." Males are supposed to walk the open road and fuck as many attractive females as possible. We (humans) like to think that we're evolved and different from other animals, but we really aren't.
pair bonding is real and there is a phase that relationships go through and last. Most marriages last about 8 years. I would say it's likely human males stayed with the woman long enough to make sure their offspring got around alright and moved on. That or it's just natural for men to have multiple sex partners living under his roof. Men aren't mentally damaged by a high body count but women seem to be. My guess is polygamy is what we evolved from. The strong men fought for a half dozen females or so and he would most likely have killed the loser to ensure the place of his seed.
@t-8900 Right.
It depends from person to person some are afraid of commitment, some divorce expenses, some a broken heart or a bad experience. Your boyfriend seems to have a bad experience this is a major trauma because of his parents he may or may not be able to come back easily. He will probably breakup i suppose
You do you but I couldn’t wait for marriage to fuck. Plus men stand to lose the most after marriage just take two seconds to think about it, peoples’ feeling change over time first they are all rainbows and unicorns talking about forever then down the line they are cold as ice and not answering your calls while the state revokes your license for not paying up.
Calmly communicate to him and be stern on no marriage no sex or no sex untill you become 25 years old by this you both can wait test waters together by living in without sex so you will know if he really means what he says or just bluffing to only enjoy the perks but not responsibility
Tell him that you are ok only if there is no sex and by that time you both will know what you want will it workout or not or just need to move on also you will be mature enough to make that decision
You're 18, its way too early to already bond with someone.
Stop with that "I want to wait till marriage" thats just immature and outdated. The devil isn't gonna feast on you if you do it before.
If you want to find a guy, you have to loose the conservativeness.
If he really is genuinely afraid of breaking up and divorce, then why is he pushing for sex so hard? Something's not adding up.
I'm skeptical of marriage myself, but that just makes me want to wait longer in order to be sure it's the real thing.
They aren't afraid of marriage, they are just afraid of settling down with the wrong one
Like me 👍
He sounds like a manipulative player; that has been working on getting in your pants from the beginning and is tired of waiting.
I get the felling he doesn't really want to wait; and was just telling you that to stay in the relationship so you develop feelings for him so he could pull this stunt on you and get in your pants. If he was truly waiting for marriage he wouldn't care about the divorce rate going up. As premarital sex is also on the rise; and while correlation is not causation. The correlation would be enough to not change someone's view of marriage so drastically.
Stand your ground and break up with him.
Sigh 😢 that's gunna be hard
Because i love him but at the same time i don't want to end up like my mom
But how much harder would it be if you sleep with him and then he leaves you?
Tru 😔 but its a sacrifice u have to do, i hope this is the right choice
It is the best choice. I have heard so many sad stories of women who give in and then get dumped immediately there after. Don't give in on your principles for his momentary satisfaction.
If you don't know why guys are afraid of marriage, then you have your head in the sand. Not knowing that means you haven't taken the time to look into it deeply enough. that alone is a problem.
It's commitment and it means your dating life and options for other partners and sexual partners are over. You are settling down with one person for the rest of your life. It's a heavy decision
Marriage has been given a negative connotation to men by society. Even if they leave a marriage, all they hear are the negatives.
My mother has been repetitive about how outdated marriage is as well as how impractical it is.
You are already thinking of breaking up with him. You dont love him you are just another gold digging whore that will ruin his life in the biased court system. He is smart enough to see through your lies and he deserves better.
Because me and every guy I know have been cheated on numerous times and a wife is a lot to lose