Confided in my boyfriend private matters about my family and now he wants to tell his parents. Would you guys accept your partner sharing this sort of thing?

[Anonymous]

I confided in my boyfriend some matters about my parents. The aren’t terrible people, but my father especially asks me for money and other things have happened between us.

I confided this in my boyfriend and he said he was was sorry I was feeling this pressure. He told me if he told his parents they’d understand. He said as long as he is happy, they are happy. I’m pretty sure literally anyone would make a bad judgement on especially my father if they heard what he was doing. My boyfriend seemed keen to tell his parents, to see if they have any ‘advice’ about the situation, as he wants to help me.

He’s very close with his parents and we’ve had issues with this sort of thing in the past. Would you guys accept your partner sharing this sort of thing?

[SamIam96]

It's disturbing that you can't feel safe telling your boyfriend something with the expectation that he'll respect your need to keep it confidential. In the future, you will always wonder if he's trustworthy with your most personal information.

It isn't directly related to the question, but it seems immature that he's inclined to run back to mommy and daddy when he needs advice. Doesn't he have peers? Friends?

Let's be clear. I don't care how close someone is with their parents. They're parents. It's a different relationship than with a significant other or friend or co-worker. Anything he says will never be forgotten and will always color how they think of you and your parents.

[Asker]

Generally speaking apart from this he is a great guy and I love being with him.

However, he is very close to his parents. They live abroad , and he calls them often. He thinks they are the best people to go to for advice.

He asked me if he could tell them about this and I asked him what would that achieve? And he said he wouldn’t but it honestly wasn’t convincing. He said his parents are wonderful people and would be understanding. However I fail to see how even the nicest of people wouldn’t be judgmental towards me and my family. Even I would be.

To be honest I really regret confiding in him.

He does have some friends but not a lot, but generally he seems content.

[SamIam96]

It's great that he's close with his parents and that they communicate often. No matter how close they are, they're still his parents, not his buddies. It seems childishly short-sighted that his first inclination is to go to his parents for advice.

Isn't this a question of awareness of what will happen as a result of telling his parents about a sensitive issue related to your parents? He doesn't seem to understand the damage that disclosure will do to the way his parents will see you and your parents. If you and he eventually marry, that damage might never be undone.

[Asker]

Exactly, we are pretty serious and marriage would definitely be on the cards in future. His parents really will look down on mine:( I don’t know what to do tbh

Thank you for you input:)

[SamIam96]

You could just tell him: "please don't share this with your parents". What he does will speak volumes...

[Asker]

I will, thank you🙏🙏

[SamIam96]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it took me years to establish this kind of thing with my wife. And that is, what ever we talk about, what ever is said between us stays between us. It took threatening her with divorce to respect that. Put your foot down, it's none of his parents business. It's said in confidence.

[exitseven]

Nope, that is not cool. He needs to keep it to himself of you just can't trust him anymore. What kingdom of guy talks to his parents about girl stuff anyway, ? I sure as hell never did.

[strateguy632]

tell him not to. if you can't trust his silence say ultimatum

[Huntingnfishin]

Sounds like he's not mature enough to handle confidential information

[Jmmmfi4]

I wouldn't like it