Are women capable of marrying for desired traits rather than love?

Question

In my life I have seen many men marry the first girl who had sex with him. Obviously it doesn't work out.

I'm 6'1" and I believe that is the ONLY reason a lot of girls like me. I mean sure I'm confident and funny and handsome and all that.

But I've been with a bunch of girls and you know what? They don't give a shit about me or who I am.

Those girls were ready to marry me though. Why? They don't love me. They love that I'm a large good looking man.

I have had women actually love the real me. I was even married and we did love eachother.

But in recent times I have realizes that women are totally down to just marry a guy because he has certain things.

No care given at all to actually truly know him or love him.

Its just a strange realization to have always believed that women want love. But that's not really true. She will take the best man she can get even if it won't ever be love.

I'm sure men do it too. Like I said men will marry a girl just to secure long term sex. Which is very pathetic.

Personally I have always been all about love. The idea of marrying someone I don't love is a very painful and depressing idea. Why would anyone do that?

Juneberry91 · Accepted Answer

It takes time to truly know someone & love takes time to grow. I find that a lot of people get caught up in desire & desire feeds the ego. Love is not a house for ego. Or some people nest in relationships or marriage for survival.

My ex left me for a girl who was sexually lightning fast with him. In the heat of it I asked him why he was doing this. He told me that he didn’t find I loved him enough. I told him of course I loved him but he repelled and said not enough. He clarified that she makes him feel wanted. She’s always there, & chemistry was there. Years later, he reached out and apologized …acknowledged, that I truly loved him & that he was the biggest idiot. He told me that he realized that he thought the other girl liked him more with the excessive sex they had only to find that she thought that sex was connection and he started getting to the place that he needed more. She was always there because because she doesn't work, I was working full time so of course I was less available compared to the woman that never works a day in her life! I was part of his team building a life together where she complained about things not being enough or to her liking. Everything was riding on him cause he was her horse to take her places. And if the horse refuses to take her places she will be sexually fast to secure a new one to ride. Because she was fast in this way she was also very insecure that he would do the same ironically. What he wants thought was chemistry was just sucks that made him feel good. He throwing herself all over him made him feel desired. They had a very turbulent relationship of excessive breaking up, tied the knott and had kids. She was a terrible wife & mother. He finally was at a point where he realized how he fucked up. He was lead by desire to feel desired over the woman hat gave him time, ray when he needed it, folded his laundry when he studied for finals…that I was also working on my career and passions besides just hyper focusing on him. He told me at that time even though we fell in love he truly didn’t know what love was at the time. He acknowledge all those times that I interacted with children how much more of a better mother I would happen been. How much of a reliableL loyal wife I would have been. eventually, he asked if I would be open to start all over and I said no. nothing hurts more when you truly love someone for who they are, yet you see them throw themselves into desire. I think people get so lost and wrapped up into thinking of what they need or what they think like like vs what fits the life they want. I think people get so lost and wrapped up into thinking of what they need or what they would like to have versus what they want to grow. I think it’s nuts when I’m on a 3rd day and the guy is throwing him self at me with knowing any depth. I think if people just focus solely on their self pleasure. There is no real unity or grown for a strong foundation to take place. I can tell the difference when a man looks at me with desire for him rather sees me. A man looking at me with that look of what he can have from me & give him is different from the man that cherishes my personality… makes fun of me & my rock collection but will pick up a rock for me anyway. A man the smiles when I go in my historical tangents. Being selfless and not focusing on your own pleasure is the best grounds to take off…currently, I have develop feelings for a guy that I have grown up with. He’s legally separated for three years and it’s been a very frustrating divorce process for him. But I still see that h has quite figure things out yet for him self.. that is at least the pattern of women he goes for. I realized that I’m not of the pattern and if I were t be with him he will have to guider out that first himself. He is not ready for me. it’s all about timing and where somone is in thier growth. People just want something thrilling exciting to only realize that was nothing more then a flash of desire at the beginning but when things normalized people become imdacure that love does not need to be entertained. I have always been this way, but I’d rather be alone than being something wrong. I’m beautiful and confident, so the right guy will not rush for his own sake if he desires to walk with me. Same for me if I go to fast for some I will slow down for him. Because I’m listening. If someone truly cares for you, why would they put you in a state of discomfort?
So yes people become a partner, not knowing what a true relationship is, they get married when they’re not ready or feel like it’s the right thing to do but it’s something generally that they don’t want to do. It all goes down to the psychology of when we are children. what are parents and their relationships teach us. Our beginnings can really what trips us up. I am fortunate to have a family that take their time and lives unconditionally, and I will except no less in a partner.

BlackBeauty90 · Accepted Answer

*yawn*

You Americans honestly gotta stop going on and on about physical traits as if they're valuable. Physical traits change so easily even a child finds them boring. By the time you're 50 you'll look like every other 50 year old (greying, wrinkles, etc.) and by the time you reach 80, after all, you'll likely be topping out at 5'8" hunched over, etc.

By the way you go on about your height & good looks but you don't mention anything about your personality, nature, hobbies, etc.

So it obviously hasn't crossed your mind that if you don't have much to over in a relationship WHY would women be interested in you beyond bare minimal?

Kaamraj · Accepted Answer

Most marriages end, most marriages are ended by women, most marriages are ended because of financial reasons. Marriage is not a profitable proposition for men.

jshm2 · Accepted Answer

Reads like you're a naïve guy who has never really matured or grown up. But can't see past women not willing to settle for less.

TruthBeTold77 · Answer

Height is a stupid reason to marry someone and sounds so American. It's so stupid I thought you was going say something about him being a great provider, loyal, honest, courageous, generous or some other great things but no you say height 🙄 no I wouldn't marry a guy just because he is tall, I wouldn't even date a guy for that reason alone.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

It should be marrying for both desired traits and love. Just feelings alone doesn't work out. What if after the infatuation period fades, you realize you both have nothing in common, don't have similar goals nor even beliefs and the person you married never even wanted kids but they either lied or never told you?

DermalPunch · Answer

Yes, I did. It worked out fantastic and was a successful union in terms of the societal purpose that marriage serves. It did end but I don't regret approaching the union from a place of analysis and pragmatism.

nastyb · Answer

same with men... why do you think men only date younger women?

Bostonbutterfly · Answer

I have dumped someone with your height because he didn't want kids. Go figure. Just height alone is as stupid as marrying someone just for the sex. Both are superficial reasons. Initial isn't permanent.

Anonymous · Answer

“I'm 6'1” and I believe that is the ONLY reason a lot of girls like me.” This is where I stopped reading. Some men will just never get it. Sad!

Marklaw12 · Answer

That's what they do best. Men marry due to love.  Women marry due to status and safety.

msc545 · Answer

Women will marry men for money sooner than for love...

Sasha0426 · Answer

If you were married, then what happened that made you divorce?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Absolutely. Women want a wedding and to be married to a man who checks their boxes.

Minahh · Answer

Yeah those all called transactional relationships and unfortunately people enter those pretty often

Lunatic1 · Answer

Absolutely

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