When you're in a relationship, do you keep backup people "just in case" your current relationship doesn't work out?

Question

Just found out some people do this.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Sadly a lot of people do this these days and it’s so wrong to do , it mainly stems down from insecurities within themselves , I can’t tell people what to do and not to do , it’s something they honestly have to figure out on their own, I am far from perfect but through my experiences in relationships this is what I learned for myself. Me personally thinks having a back up plan is your own answer that you truly don’t love and value the person that you are with , so why fool yourself and waste your time with that person, if you have to have a back up plan? You clearly don’t trust and love that that person if you have a back up plan to begin with. I take relationships seriously , especially these days , why I no longer jump into a relationship with a girl until I feel she is truly in it for the long haul , and she proves to me that she isn’t a selfish person , People that have back up plans our selfish people , that only think about what is best for themselves , Sadly they will never experience true love if they do not know how to give the same way they want to receive in return , They are the type of people that never see any wrong in themselves, it’s always someone else’s fault or their partner’s fault , they never point fingers at themselves first. My advice is to stay away from those type of people or they will make your life a living Hell. I had my fair share of those type of girls’ to the point I don’t tolerate it anymore , If I am not her top priority , she will not be mine period , If she has a back up plan? Then she is best to go to for her back up plan and leave me the fuck alone. Cuz He can so have her. I would even shake his hand and say Thank you for taking her away from me , Good Luck with that shit

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

If I start thinking of backup people…. I probably have problems in the relationship. When I really love someone they’re the only person I look at that way. I can see the most beautiful and sweetest women you can imagine. But I only see my girl that way.

When someone is really committed. They should be devoted to one another and if problems start to arise or they start to loose attraction. Then they need to have the hard conversations and not pretend it doesn’t exist until someone cheats, you’re not happy anymore but stuck together, etc.

BlackBeauty90 · Accepted Answer

This behavior is extremely disrespectful & terribly low class.

More often than not the people who do this
Weren't raised properly (lousy parents, single parents, cheating, different men / women in & out of the house monthly, etc.),
Have very little self respect for themselves & desperately seek attention from others as a means of boosting their teeny little ego,
Have little respect for any of the people they are involved with otherwise they'd actually act & behave like decent respectable human beings.

A few people have said this has to do with insecurities within the person. Yes & no. The person likes the additional attention, it makes them feel special & thus feeds their small ego and insecurities.

But the thing is, if they contributed meaningful value to a relationship then there'd be no reason for them to be insecure.

Mamaliv · Accepted Answer

If you do, you have hang ups and there for wasting your time and your SO time. If you have backup people you are saying that you don’t believe the relationship will last forever and it’ll likely cause strain in your relationship. Your partner will have insecurities and trust issues. I’ve been in a relationship where we were both hung up on past lovers, it wasn’t fair to either of us. I realize now how wrong it is and I’ve finally let all those past hang ups go and if I’m interested in someone I expect the same otherwise don’t waste my time.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

No… Never… I go all in, I put out all my heart into the person I am with.  However, I know some girls who do that and guys as well. I dislike that.

AviatorTom · Answer

No, I don't have backups. I do notice other women, though, that would be nice to get go know... if my current relationship were to end.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Ask those people to tell you how long their longest relationship lasted.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn’t say I necessarily keep them as backup meaning on speed dial or something. But I do know the women who would get w me if I were to ever be single again. I’m not sure if that’s the same. Hopefully that makes sense. I think more women are likely to do this because they have more options when it comes to dating. They may not think so because they’re so picky but there’s many men willing to sleep w them. Even a girl who was somewhat ugly, overweight has a better chance of getting laid than a fat ugly dude.

MountAverage · Answer

Nah, dating is already quite nerve wrecking at it is most of the time. Why would I continue to put up with that hassle after I found someone I click with? I will say though, I'm sure I've done this (even if just subconciously) in the very early stages of dating someone.

Sasha0426 · Answer

I wouldn’t trust those who have a backup. First off, you don’t know if they’re cheating or not. Second, if they have that much doubt with the relationship with you, why are they with you in the first place?
Honestly, that’s a fear of mine. Someone says that want a relationship with you but they don’t actually mean it. They just lead you on but wanting to be with their backup. It’s why trust issues occur.

JDavid25 · Answer

Nah, while dating is understandable because you're not exclusive, but not while in a full on relationships.. Hell naw.. What would be the point then..

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Sounds like planning to fail to me. If something doesn’t work out I’ll just be single. I feel like some people have to be with someone to feel complete, and that’s not a healthy way to go about relationships.

Anonymous · Answer

no but i know a friend who did. she was never single for more than a week at a time lol awful human being

Constatine · Answer

You can't... As long as you have backup you can't and will not commit for 100% to that relationship

MemeSupreme · Answer

i have before while dating but not while in a relationship bc i feel like it makes you not care about the relationship. that's just weird

Juneberry91 · Answer

The ones that do are those who are afraid of being alone.

Sweetsurprize · Answer

Good idea. From now on, I'll try and do that hehe.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

People that do that are crazy and must be incredibly scared of being alone.

qwert1234 · Answer

No, never. Also, my ex be like when we had a fight: "If this did not work out, I can easily go back to my ex". lol

DummyThiccFeraligatr · Answer

If I recall survey results correctly, around half of women who cheat or leave already had someone in mind lined up. Can't recall the % for men, but I'm sure that plenty of them do too.

Guardian45 · Answer

It has NEVER even occurred to me that this is possible to have "backup people" "just in case"! Perhaps, I'm stupid, but I have NEVER thought this way!

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, I never do this while dating women.

nawtee_me · Answer

Relationships are built on trust and people who do this have trust issues. And then they wonder why the relationship didn’t work

Guido · Answer

Not something I would ever do. If you're committed to making a relationship work then you don't need a back up.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I never had a backup if the relationship didn't work.

Zenpanda · Answer

Nope, that sounds like a horrible way to think.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Of course. If main squeeze doesn't want to put out sometimes, it's good to have another option.

MaxUsefull · Answer

Yes, girls do this all the time, it’s call monkey branch

catarecute · Answer

sounds like a dick move

caitycat21 · Answer

No lmao, that’s just cheating with extra steps

Nikki1989 · Answer

I have no need for a back-up plan.

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

No that's disgusting

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Of course. It's called Instagram.

exitseven · Answer

Nor something I ever thought about

maroon_eyez · Answer

Never thought of that

CubaPirate · Answer

I've never found that to be necessary

Simslover92 · Answer

No I don't.

BigDog1989 · Answer

LMAO

LiamJHayden · Answer

Never.

DextroShade · Answer

Only women do this.

The_Smart_Engineer · Answer

I don’t

KrakenAttackin · Answer

All the female lies.

eagle1951 · Answer

yeah

When you're in a relationship, do you keep backup people "just in case" your current relationship doesn't work out?

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What Girls & Guys Said

No, I never do this while dating women.

When you're in a relationship, do you keep backup people "just in case" your current relationship doesn't work out?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

No, I never do this while dating women.

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