Girls, What if I love my girlfriend, but not how I loved my ex?

[Anonymous]

Earlier this year, I was dating a wonderful woman. From the moment we first kissed, I "knew" that she was the one. Over the next few months, we never argued and had an intense physical relationship, but were also great friends. I never thought about or was even interested in looking at other girls during this time. Then one day she ended it, saying she did think she felt what she needed to be feeling to continue to marriage, but told me I had been the perfect boyfriend. As a first responder who has seen many tragic and horrific things over the years, this pain hurt me like nothing ever has before. I was truly heart broken. Several months later, I started dating another beautiful and wonderful woman. The relationship dynamic has been different. We have each faced major health crises in that time, family stress, and other typical life stressors. We are now talking about getting engaged. I know that she is amazong and would make a wonderful wife and mother. I know that I can be a faithful husband to her. However, I wouldn't say that I feel the same way that I did about my ex, where I was over the moon in love. I think that this is normal and life is not a fairy tale. Perhaps that intense physical connection will grow over time. But I think that if my girlfriend heard how I feel, that she would dump me and say that I don't really love her, which I do. Also, I feel it is important to point out that we are Christians , so the speed of the relationship and lack of physical intimacy is what's expected, although I have not always followed that in the past. Am I being unfair to my girlfriend?

[SueShe]

You only seem to see the positive in your ex-girlfriend and that is what your big issue is. You placed her on a pedestal but failed to look for anything that was not so great with her.

Now that you lost her and found a "substitute" to your ex-girlfriend, you also see her negative sides and the comparison is not fair. You were head over heels with your ex-girlfriend that you fail to see what a nice person your current girlfriend is.

Of course that she would not be happy to be compared to someone that you have not forgotten and that you placed higher in your hierarchy of values than your current girlfriend.

Let the past rest in peace. It will never return and if your girlfriend brings you everything you can expect from a decent person, then be satisfied and don't grasp for the stars. You will also lose her in the long run.

[HaleyCatgirl]

Well honestly your ex shouldn't really matter in this new situation you should go into it with a fresh. definitely don't tell her you said this because that is a fight waiting to happen if you do. But yeah she's not your ex and your ex isn't her so you have to accept that and if that's constantly in your head it's not fair to her it's not fair to you you probably should take a break for yourself and let yourself heal if you're still hooked up on it don't jump into a new relationship unless you're fully healed from the last one. Honestly I'm not really thinking about this before I say stuff it's just going through my head and into speech to text hopefully that was helpful.

[Justmisscurious]

Sooo. Im going to try to give you an answer that’s different from what others are saying. I personally believe that once you have sex with your current girlfriend this “void” you’re feeling that’s preventing you from believing that you don’t love your current girlfriend more than your ex will be filled. Once you become physically involved with your current girlfriend please believe me when I say that you will forget your ex’s name lol.

[DizzyDesii]

You’re not being unfair. We’re not going to love everyone the same. Its nearly possible too. Like one of my exes asks why my guy might get away with stuff that he didn't. I just dont love them the same.

[Tharithi]

U are. U are forcing yourself to settle for her as u believe someone whom u don’t like is better for u in the long run.

[Sasha0426]

You are being unfair. You’re leading her on and giving her false hope.

[Nikki1989]

You have your priorities backwards.