I think the girl I have feelings for is going through a rough patch. I know she's struggled in the past with mental health and I know some personal things about her. She was "all alone" on Thanksgiving.
How to check in on someone you have feelings for without persuming?
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Here's what I would do...
Send her a casual text just saying you hope she's doing okay and hanging in there during the holiday season. Something like "Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Hope things are going as well as can be expected."
Keep it light and don't go into a bunch of questions or presumptions about what's bothering her. Let HER bring things up if she wants to talk.
Offer to listen without judgment if she does open up, but also say you don't want to pry or assume. Let her know you're there if she needs a friend.
Don't bombard her with too many texts either. Give her space but say you're available whenever she wants someone to talk to.
Most importantly, make it about caring how SHE feels rather than your own feelings for her. She may just need support as a friend right now. Go slow and see how she responds before showing more of your feelings. Hope this helps! Let me know if any other questions come up.
are you already in contact with her? i would just be like how’s it going, more so than i am worried about you struggling
I’d reach out.
She does know my feelings and after revealing my feelings, she distanced herself from me for a bit. She never gave me answer and there is an 8 year age gap between us. But now she is back to talking to me and being friendly. But there's a list of things she has said that bothered me even before then. Hates her friends, where she lives and wants to move away, bad situations at home caused her to move out with her brother, she increased her shifts to work all weekend. She has said she's struggled in the past.
She even gave me two opposite reasons why she did that last one: first she is bored all the time and not for the money but then she is only bored at work and doing it for the money while saying she's given up partying (which came out of left field as I never asked). She does have a tendency I do where I'll say something that seems down but then be "correct" it. Like with the all alone on Thanksgiving. I questioned that and she was like "oh its no big deal. Its cool."
A lot of men will tell me to drop her but I'm not callous enough to do that. I don't need to be lover during this time but its a minefield to navigate.
Sounds like you really love her. Good on you. She’s lucky. Just hang in there, keep listening to her.
She is confusing but talking is getting easier. She never rejected me. Heck, she said yes to a date before revealing she was kinda seeing someone. That hurt and it prompted the reveal. No person I've talked to can make sense of her behavior.
Why would someone she is seeing leave her alone on a holiday? Why work increase your shifts?
I asked her today how she was doing and she hesitated before saying "alright. Better if I wasn't here."
Keep talking to her 😊
Sometimes its hella awkward. Sometimes its easy. Its hard to get a read. Nothing has indicated to stop talking. I make her coffee and bring her donuts and she is fine with that.
So far, so good 😊👍
Why do you think I should keep talking out of curiosity? Its a delicate situation but she never tells me no.
It sounds like she’s interested as something.
Women like guys who are there for them.
So why are some conversations super easy to do but broaching conversations that resemble older conversations seem hard? She'll ask for my help on on-the-job tasks and be friendly and conversable. We talked about a show. She even continued the conversation at a later point.
But she is young and immature. Doesn't seem to entirely know what she wants.
The old conversations were before the reveal and about art and connecting emotional struggles with it.