My so call man in life told me tonight that what a man want is their wife to cook, clean, not talk, and give them sex when they want it, true?

[LunaDia]

I hate to believe that it is, we met as young teenagers, I promise things that I shouldn't have, I didn't know better.

[dynamicyandere]

If he’s deducing everything to sex, cooking, cleaning, and silence, sounds like he wants a loveless marriage that only serves his immediate wants and needs.


Guess what? Money can BUY all of those.

Sex, cooking, cleaning, and silence can all be available through money.

What makes a marriage special are the things that money can’t buy: Love, Loyalty, Intimacy, Connection, Companionship, Etc.

He doesn’t speak for all men.

Because any man that thinks love is important in a marriage, would definitely include love in their list of what a man wants.

And silence? Unless he just means he doesn’t want an argumentative wife (which no man wants), if he’s talking about silence in general, then where will the emotional intimacy be if you don’t communicate with each other?

Sex without connection? A wife isn’t a hooker.

It sounds like he’s parroting some statement from from a simpleton on some misogynistic podcast or something (which are running rampant online unfortunately).

[Alwayreckles93]

You worldly people surprised me.

[dynamicyandere]

@Alwayreckles93 Wouldn’t you say love should be part of a marriage? I’m not saying that wives should never help with domestic duties, but there’s more to being a wife than doing chores. The OP’s man also didn’t mention anything about children. Even if we’re advocating for traditional roles, to raise a family, there needs to be love involved. It’ll be difficult on a child’s development if their parents have a loveless marriage.

[Jessico]

I'll just watch.

[dynamicyandere]

@Jessico 🤣

I’m not trying to pick a fight, lol. I just don’t see how my take on this would be considered ‘worldly’. I’m genuinely curious to hear how she connects her perspective with the OP’s man saying that a wife should just have sex, cook, clean, and be silent.

If she says that the Bible says that wives should submit to their husbands, then okay. That’s what the Bible says.

But, if we’re referencing the same passage in the book of Ephesians, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.”

The spirit behind Ephesians 5:25 doesn’t seem to shine through in the words of OP’s man.

Rather, his words seem to convey more of a cold indifference. I may be reading into it. But, the words chosen by OP’s man did not sound like words of warmth.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” ~ Colossians 4:6

Jesus always spoke with grace, so OP’s man should speak with grace towards her as well, if he’s to love her as Christ loved the church.

If OP’s man comes from a Christian background, I just hope that he doesn’t try to force her into a submissive role if he’s not willing to take on the loving role, as the appropriate counterpart. That’s the only way for a leader/follower dynamic to be functional.

He should not ridicule her for not submitting if he is not loving.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

That passage is about avoiding hypocrisy, so it applies to more than just siblings.

If OP’s man wants OP to abide by the biblical standard. Then, as the leader, for him to lead by example.

I grew up in a very conservative home, if you can’t tell. 🤣

[dynamicyandere]

Then, as the leader, he should lead by example*

[Alwayreckles93]

But the husband is the head of the house hold and a wife must be be submissive. A child needs an love but also it's tbe parents job to raise the child in a christian stander invirement. We never had this problem decades ago because people live according to christian stander lifestyle unlike today our millenial generation is all disorganized people look at me funny as if I was an alien when I say we do not serve anahilic drinks at our house hold. No wonder why we have so many sibgle mothers why people the world say oh its okay go on have sex with whoever you what be happy unstead of living according the Lords standers. Nope not in my house. My husband and I dont just allowed just any onenin our home.

[Alwayreckles93]

Well I hope you follow that same example your parents did a good job and you should be greatful.

[dynamicyandere]

Thank you. 🙂

I’m glad that your household sounds like it’s being run well.

A household led by Christian values can run very smoothly.

But only when everyone is abiding by God’s word as a family.

When some teachings are obeyed, but other teachings are ignored, things will fall apart.

For God’s design to work, one must follow God’s instructions.

Like Noah’s arc. God gave Noah very specific instructions to follow, and he followed them carefully. Because of that, his family was saved by the flood.

That’s almost like a parable for today. If you want your family to be saved by the flood of godlessness, making sure that you build your arc (household) as God instructed, will help your family survive and avoid destruction (dysfunction).

Even if the the wife does her part of submitting to her husband, if the husband does treat his wife with love, it’s like neglecting a critical piece of building the arc. When trials and tribulations come, it will be difficult to withstand if the foundation is not built correctly.

A Godly marriage requires BOTH the husband and wife to abide by God’s word.

Which means love is incredibly important.

Otherwise, dysfunction will follow.

Did not Jesus saw that all the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself?

Does not John write that he that does not love, does not know God?

That’s the Christian perspective on all of this at least.

But, Christian or not, I believe we can all agree that a marriage needs to have love in it to thrive.

And for OP’s man to make the requests that he did, that arrangement can only work if he does his part of being a loving husband towards OP.

Otherwise, the foundation will not be there, and the relationship will succumb to dysfunction.

[Alwayreckles93]

Yes I agreebwith your statement I apologize for my unkind behavior. Thank you

[Alwayreckles93]

Yes I must learn to love my neighbor I am still learning how to manage slI get trigger sometimes with people of the world especially now in thisntime of year people try to find an excuse to drink.

[dynamicyandere]

I’m glad. I forgive you. No worries. It was just a brief misunderstanding. You’re very welcome. I wish you a blessed day. 🙂

[Alwayreckles93]

Have a bless day brothernin christ.

[molonski2]

It's a very simplistic view and not fair if she is also doing paid work , if she is a housewife it's basically true , although there is of course a lot more to the relationship than that

We all make promises we can keep when young , and I'd also suggest he is setting out to purposely make you angry , plus it's also part emotional abuse , as in putting you in your place.
You probably need to spice things up a lot , change tact , give him. a hard slap , and decide if you want this marriage to continue or not.

I think part of his comment is probably in jest , but it's not really that funny. Are you doing paid work yourself?

[Anonymous]

It’s true. Most men do prefer the wife to simply be a hooker/maid and not bother them with anything else. Most of the time these types of men did not have women in their childhood/adolescent years that were great examples (mothers, sisters, etc.). Men who actually respect women and see them as human beings are few and far between. It doesn’t help that a lot of women aren’t very bright - this doesn’t help our case in the battle against misogyny. This has been going on since the beginning of time though so there won’t be much progress on this until perhaps the next generation.

[wiltingrosepetal]

My idea of the male psyche is that they want to hang out with their friends for a night and return home to a comfortable bed and a loving lady to cuddle up to. In general, men just don't want drama. No stress, no nagging, no mind games. Just give him some stability and affection in his life.

I feel like he was tryna describe that drama-free dream but went too far with it. Obviously no one wants to spend their life with a mute robotic maid. But at the same time, he's not gonna want to wed a woman who wants to 'change him' 🙃

[Monalisa77]

My sister is marrird with two kids but she is literally never at home. She works for amazon so flies away wvwrywhere for work but literally leaves her husband to do the house work and look after kids (sometimes its me. An dmy mum but were not doing that anymore)

[Apple1996]

It's gross that some men want a slave instead of a partner

[mrcurious98]

Yeah that's just ridiculous caveman thinking I can't stand people like that I mean if you live with someone or you're in a relationship with somebody everybody should have their share of cooking cleaning etc in a household that's just a bunch of BS kick him to the curb

[Apple1996]

@mrcurious98 exactly everyone should clean up after themselves

[mrcurious98]

Nobody has to be a doormat

[OnlyMeee]

100% agree @Apple1996

[coachTanthony]

That is called true love lol

[CaptainOverthink]

That would only be true if the man only chose you for your looks. Because if he did, then what he felt was infatuation and lust.
It takes wisdom of introspection to know the difference, so if you met as teens I don't blame either of you, though probably rushing ahead on whims of emotion is not wise nor smart.

Now, I'm not saying looks don't matter, for most men it certainly does. But taking ones time to discover who moves behind the scenes, who someone actually is(even as they learn and change) is.. vital.
I get that if things move on too fast and all of a sudden there's kids in the picture, then sticking together to try and make it work is truly honorable because kids should always come first.

The short awnser is; No.
There is much more to it than chores and sex. That's a shallow or old way of thinking.

[SueShe]

That is true in a number of African countries perhaps or in countries where women are still being "enslaved" by men.

However, in the US, I doubt that the majority of men would agree with most of those requests except for the sex/fornication. A woman must always be at the disposition of the guys when they want to copulate.

If your man is that kind of person, then you should seek a confrontation and if there is no consensus, then your only option is to leave him because he is de facto treating you as his own personal slave. If you don't do anything about the situation, you consent to being in a toxic relationship.

[mandyfire98]

Some men just want a living sex doll that they can turn on and off. These type of "men" are narcissistic sociopathic shitheads that shouldn't be allowed in society. They're mentally broken and faulty.

[HawkPerception]

Definitely not all men want that 😂 Only manipulative, thoughtless, and selfish men that think nothing but themselves and are probably dead inside.

I want a girl for a companion to sail through life with. A girl that I can talk to about anything, whether it's my fears, sadness, happiness, dreams & aspirations, and is always there by my side to laugh, cry, smile. Someone who's there through all the hardships and all happy moments, whether it's success and achievement or leisure and pleasure.

[KelseiGrammar]

I'm kinda like a female chauvinist. I believe all that stuff too, minus the talking part. BUT... is this your husband or boyfriend? I'd never be like that with just a boyfriend. Not only that, it's he doing HIS part to earn that treatment? because it goes both ways. If we living like when women couldnt vote, you better be working 18 hour days, paying all the bills, buying everything down to my bra and panties and feminine products. Hope he's walking like he's talking

[dynamicyandere]

100% If he wants a 1950’s housewife. Then he better step it up and provide like a 1950’s breadwinner, taking care of ALL the bills and providing a comfortable life for his wife so she doesn’t need to go to a job.

[ObscuredBeyond]

What sort of La-La Land is he living in? Because I'd love to be able to have the kind of life where me and the wife wake up, discuss what all we have to do, and then coordinate. Fulfill each other's to-do lists, have time at home to recuperate and prepare for the next morning, instruct the kids on what to do, address any concerns they have, be a nurturing family, and then maybe once in a while celebrate our achievements with sex if possible.

And yeah, I'd want to have a LOT of sex; but I'd realize that can only come secondary to everything else.

Sounds like all he wants is an escort. And that's... pathetic.

[Lionman95]

True for him for sure. The issue is just that something you need to discuss with him or a therapist but not online. If you ask online you´ll get a couple hundred definition from a couple people and all of them might be valid but they don´t need to be good for you. The internet can´t give you an answer to that because there´s no absolute definition of a relationship model.
So you have to find a way to work things out with him and maybe a third party as a moderator to figure out whether there is a relationship model that works for the both of you. But social media can´t play that role.

[PaulEGon]

If that is true, then I never want to be called a man. I settle for being a boy. I'm not going to lie I did enjoy sex with my girlfriends (I don't think I have to be afraid to admit that) but one thing I like just as much, (and one reason I'm happy to keep the best friends with benefits arrangement with my best friend that is a girl,) is talking afterwords. I loved to have good conversations with them. I'd hate to think I'd ever get to the point where all I want is them to do is cook, clean and give me sex.

[LazerBean]

It's sounds like he just wants a personal sex slave/maid from you, since he only wants your silent services. No, most men are not like that, only the broken ones.

[Unit1]

Broken man here. I don't want that either.

[LazerBean]

Not every broken man is broken the same way. I'm glad to hear you're better

[RingOfFire]

Complicated answer. Most men do want the woman in their lives to lean towards domestic comforts like cooking, cleaning and enjoying sex often, and to enjoy that role just as most women like the companionship of a man who is a good provider and makes them feel protected and secure and enjoys his role in that regard. But if that is the ONLY focus of the relationship and it is the center of their connection, it is not fulfilling for either. So it isn't so much about what a man wants as it is about the quality of the relationship.

[pickles77]

Talking and communicating is very important it’s not all about sex or food at least in my life. Above all of those intimacy is the most important to me I want close connections and good conversation. I don’t view sex as something that you do in exchange for something else but as a natural extension of our intimacy. It’s something that should be done in love even if your just horny. Food is great I appreciate food but I also enjoy making my own because I know what my body likes but it’s also important to know that your partner won’t always be able to fulfill all of your ongoing desires so I find that having a
spiritual practice helps balance things out without putting too much pressure on each other

[Lliam]

Jeeez. Sounds like he misses his mommy cleaning his room, doing his laundry and making his meals. Then all he needs is a hooker.
What a creep. He has no respect for women. He thinks you're really stupid.

Guys like that make me sick.

I'd tell that soulless dweeb to take a flying leap off the balcony. Don't even discuss it. Just tell him that you are incompatible.
He will never appreciate you. Your life will be miserable if you stay with him.

[Fireguy17]

well, he may think that, but good luck with that.
I think I have a better chance of being pregnant with twins, getting struck by lightning, and winning the lottery all at the same time than he has of finding someone like that.
I prefer someone who is more of a partner than a so called "Stepford" wife.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

He is spouting social media nonsense.

It is true most men prefer traditional relationships. However, they don't want a mindless drone and should want an actual partner and should be willing to split those household responsibilities.

He needs to grow the hell up.

[sawno]

Lol no, one of the best things for me in a relationship is her ability to hold a deep meaningful conversation. I love spending hours with her just chatting about something deep, playing a game or watching a show and of course sex and flirting.

So for her to just be a maid with benefits is so much less than the experiences a great relationship gives me.

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

I have a name for him, and it fits him like a glove... ASSHOLE. Sorry to say but he is not worth the shit he is stamped out of. That is not what a wife is for. I hope you're not planning to marry him with what he told you your life would be pure hell

[shmeed]

No, we do want those things (accept the no talking, but a woman does need to know when to bite her tongue) but I also want intimacy, touch, someone to talk about my day with, someone i can try to make happy, someone to go on adventures with. It's a 2 way street. I can be very selfish, but i think woman want the same things.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I can cook, but appreciate help when doing so. I don't want anyone but me cleaning my stuff, but she should clean her stuff, and I'd want a looooot of talking.
I wouldn't want arguing (or negativity in general) though, and both she and I would need to give sex whenever either of us wanted it. Also she would need to share my hobbies, talents, and interests.