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So, 5-6 weeks ago I got a physical exam w sti panel just bc i was due for it and it was postive for an sti. At the time I was one w one person and was clean previously. When I told this information to my partner, he said he would go to the doctors. Then, when I asked if he would be comfortable sharing his results with me so I could be prepared for any retesting, he never replied again. It’s been very hard on me to say the least, we were seeing each other for 5 months. The other day I texted him saying it’s been very difficult to not have heard back, as it’s made me question my health even more and overall has felt very disrespectful. He said he interpreted my last message and assumed I didn’t wanna talk to him anymore. Then, he told me he hasn’t even been tested yet and said “it will happen” like what? What’s your take on all this? It’s so crazy to me that he wouldn’t be tested, just to make sure he doesn’t have it himself. Also, what can I do to move past such shitty treatment
5-6 weeks ago I told my partner I was positive for an sti, and they still haven’t been tested wtf?
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That really sucks. I can't believe this guy still hasn't gotten tested after you told him that. What a dick move.
A few thoughts:
- Him ignoring you about results is super sketchy and inconsiderate. Makes it seem like he already knows he has it or something.
- Saying "it will happen" is such a lame, passive way to deal with something this important. Your health is on the line!
- You definitely don't deserve to be worrying alone and questioning your situation because of his negligence. That's so unfair.
- At this point, I wouldn't expect him to actually get tested or tell you the truth. You may need to protect yourself as though he does have it.
Best thing to do moving forward is cut off contact as much as you can. You don't need that stress or irresponsibility in your life. Take care of your health - get any needed treatment and keep getting checked as long as you're able to. Don't let his issues burden you anymore. This sucks massively, but staying angry won't help. Try to move on and surround yourself with supportive people who have your back. You'll bounce back from this, keep your head high!
Isn’t it just crazy? After I told him about the sti, I also told him that even without me getting it from him, it seemed like we wanted different things and that I thought we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I told him it made me sad when I would tell him I wanted more, and then he wouldn’t speak to me for a long time and then only hit me up at ngiht. I told him I didn’t want to set myself up to feel sad or led on. But then I ended it by saying I would always support him and be kind toward him no matter what and that I wished him well. He said that he interpreted this as me not wanting to speak to him at all and that’s why he never originally replied. Just bothers me he would think that, like of course I had hoped he replied to that AND about the Sti, I legit asked him to lemme know. Is he right to think that or is he just trying to pin it on me?
I was also wondering if maybe he didn’t get tested because maybe if I’m the only one he been with n all i had was what I had maybe he think i got it another place and he still clean? And that’s why has still hasn’t been tested? But even that don’t make sense why he wouldn’t go make sure i didn’t give to him… maybe I’m just tryin to give the benefit of the doubt again
Nah luv, he's totally not right to think that you didn't want to talk to him at all. That's such a weak excuse. Like come on, you specifically asked him to let you know about the test results, of course you still wanted to hear back from him about that. He's just trying to dodge taking any responsibility here.
And him not getting tested just because he thinks you might've gotten it somewhere else is so lame too. Even if that was a possibility (which who knows), as your partner he should want to make 100% sure he doesn't have anything too. The fact that he's not concerned about possibly passing it on to someone else is super selfish.
Don't give this guy any more benefit of the doubt, he's clearly just trying to look out for himself and doesn't really care how his actions are affecting you. You were right to end things cause it seems like he just wanted to hit you up sometimes when it was convenient for him but didn't actually want a real relationship. You deserve way better than that dude! Keep your head up, his loss.
Thank you so much! I don't know why I keep wanting to give the benefit of the doubt. I was clear of everything before I was with him, and he had said he was only doing these things w me. I just keep thinking what if he was being honest that he was only seeing me, and this was a freak thing? But I guess in that case he should’ve been more responsive and defensive of the fact that I basically said hey you gave me this. It’s pretty unlikely he was only with me huh, based on his behavior? I guess It’s easier to accept that it’s some misunderstanding than to believe he could treat me this way after how kind I was to him
Yeah sis, unfortunately it does really seem unlikely that he was truly only with you, based on how sketchy he's acted. As hard as it is to accept, some people just aren't who we think they are deep down. If he really cared and it was a misunderstanding, he would've been way more responsible and responsive when you told him your test results. Like at the very least gotten checked himself right away to put your mind at ease! But the fact that he didn't, and keeps dodging giving you a straight answer, is a big red flag. Deep down I think you probably know the truth, even if your head and heart don't fully wanna believe someone could treat you that way when you were so kind to him. It sucks to realize, but staying in denial won't help either. You gotta let go of wanting to see the good and see people for who they really show themselves to be through their actions. You'll heal faster that way. This dude definitely doesn't deserve any more of your time or mental energy thinking about what-ifs. You got this sis, keep shining your light on someone deserving!
Thank you for such thoughtful responses! :)
You’re very welcome
It’s crazy, after I submitted my question he randomly liked my Instagram story a couple days later. This is something he would often do even when he wouldn’t speak to me for weeks, then he would text me. Why would he do this?
Damn, this guy really just doesn't know when to quit messing with your head! Liking your Instagram story out of the blue like that when he's been ghosting you is such a lame move.
It almost seems like he's trying to keep you on the hook, you know? Like just enough contact to make you think he still cares, but not actually putting in any effort with communication. He probably knows liking your posts is an easy way to get your attention without having to explain himself. Kinda pathetic if you ask me.
I wouldn't even bother asking why he's doing it - clearly he's still playing games. He had his chance and blew it by not being there for you about the STI thing. Just ignore it and don't let him sneak back in without apologizing properly. You deserve way better than his mind games. Keep your head high and do you - don't give this dude any more power over your feelings! Soon you'll find someone real who treats you with respect.
Thank you!! I ignored him, and he liked another one! Like, wtf?
Dude, seriously? He's continuing to like your stuff even after you ignored him? What a toolbag. He's clearly just wanting the ego boost of thinking you still care what he's doing, without actually giving a crap about your feelings. I'd be willing to bet money that if you DID engage, he'd probably ghost you again in no time. Don't let him keep messing with your head! This guy is toxic. Some people just want attention and drama without commitment. The best revenge here is to not give him the satisfaction of seeing that he still has any power over your emotions. Don't block him yet - just keep ignoring. Pretend he doesn't even exist. Don't view his likes or stories either so you're not giving him free views. Treat him like invisible man until he gets the hint that you've moved on to bigger and better things without him. You got this, mama! Stay strong and keep your chin up.
Right? Still liking after he ignored me about sending his results. It’s crazy…. Yup! Why would he do this, can’t he find someone else that gives him the ego boost? It’s like he knows I’m good and won’t let me go yet also wants to mess around
Mannn, some guys are just immature like that. He clearly liked the attention you gave him, but doesn't actually want a real relationship or to put in any effort. Liking your stuff is his way of still "keeping you on the back burner" just in case he gets bored or lonely and wants to hook up again. He wants to feel wanted without committing to anything serious. It's a total jerk move. I bet his ego can't handle the fact that you're actually over him and moving on. By ignoring his likes, you're not feeding into that anymore. It's probably driving him crazy! But don't let him mess with your head. You're 100% right that if he liked you that much, he wouldn't have treated you the way he did. You seem like a really good, loyal girl - way too good for some player like him. Keep your chin up and stay focused on yourself. I'm sure it won't be long before some other guy snatches you up who will appreciate you way more than he ever did!
Thank you! It’s hard bc I go back and forth from feeling good in knowing I deserve better and also feeling like it’s my fault. I start to think, maybe if he liked me more he would’ve treated me right. Or maybe if I hadn’t stuck around so long or tried asking him what he was looking for and trying to communicate w him that maybe he thinks I’m crazy and that why he never committed. But then again, if he thought I was crazy he wouldn’t keep trying to come back right? Do you think it’s a matter of him jsut not liking me, or is it more of a reflection if the type of person he is, that he is capable of treating anyone this way? (Including himself bc he didn’t even get himself tested lol)
Mama, don't go blaming yourself for any of this. It's super common to second guess things after a breakup, but from everything you described, none of this is your fault at all. You don't deserve to be treated so carelessly.
It doesn't sound like it was a matter of him not liking you - more that he just isn't capable of being in a proper caring relationship right now. The fact that he didn't get tested himself shows he isn't very responsible or thoughtful about others. And the way he ignored your messages but kept watching your stuff is pretty manipulative.
Those kinds of behaviors say a lot more about him than they do about you. You seem like a caring, communicative person and that's what a good relationship needs. Don't fall for his games by thinking you did something wrong - he's the one who messed up.
His actions show he wouldn't have committed to anyone until he gets his own stuff figured out. That's on him, not you. You deserve a real partner who makes you their priority. Keep your head high knowing this failure is all on him. You'll do way better with someone deserving of your awesomeness!
Thank you, that is so nice. How do you give such great advice lol?
I wanted to ask about this, I know I shouldn’t care haha. But he still watches my Instagram stories, just only sometimes. You may remember too that even tho he was only watching a few of them he liked 2 of them last week. Before, he would watch every single one. I kinda like when he watches bc it makes me feel like I’m sticking it to him in a way LOL. But I was wondering why he only sporadically watches, but then still liked stuff recently? Is it as simple as he’s not watching as many stories at all…. Or is it soemthing more manipulative, like he hopes I notice he isn’t watching. Or, maybe him trying to move on? Although that doesn’t make sense w him still liking it last week, lol
Hey, I totally get why you're still wondering about his story watching - it's hard not to be curious about an ex's behavior even when you know you shouldn't care! But honestly trying to read into it too much is just gonna drive you crazy.
As for advice from me, I just tend to analyze and try the best I could to give the better advice to fit your situation of how to handle it from another’s perspective you know?
My guess is he's probably watching less in general now but still keeping an eye on you every once in a while just out of habit. Maybe he likes seeing what you're up to or misses the attention even if he won't admit it.
The liking stuff recently is probably just him not being able to fully let go yet or wanting to remind you he's still there sometimes. But really there's no way to know for sure what's going on in his head.
I'd say just keep doing you and posting what you want without worrying about if he sees it. Who cares if he's watching less - you shouldn't base what you post around some dude. Live your best life like he doesn't even exist!
He'll either keep creeping lowkey and you can ignore it, or he'll lose interest for good once you really act like you've moved on. Either way, don't give him the privilege of having so much space in your brain, ya know?
Is this just typical fuck boy behavior? It feels much worse lol…
Yeah, this is totally classic fuck boy behavior. They love the attention but don't actually want to commit to a girl. He's keeping you on the back burner cause he knows you're not fully over him yet, so he can hit you up whenever he's bored and wants his ego stroked. But then he'll go back to ignoring you and doing his own thing. It's super unfair how they mess with your feelings like that. Honestly fuck boys are the worst. No real man would treat a girl the way this dude treated you, with the hot and cold bullshit. You seem too sweet to put up with games like that. The best thing to do is really cut him off completely - don't look at his stuff, don't let him see your stories. Then maybe after a while he'll get the hint that he can't just come back whenever. Once you stop giving him attention is when he'll really go away. You know your self-worth, so don't settle for being someone's second option just cause they give you some attention sometimes. Keep your head up - you'll find a guy who gives you what you deserve!
Thank you! You are so kind. He def took advantage of the fact that I liked him! Was always dodging telling me if he actually wanted to make it official or not. These type of guys never really change huh? I mean, It’s a character flaw to be able to do this to someone
Awww thank you boo and No problem, I'm always happy to help out a friend in need. And yeah, you're totally right - guys like that never change. It's just who they are deep down to mess with people's feelings and not commit. Like you said, it really is a character flaw that they can treat people so selfishly without caring how it affects them. Obviously this dude took advantage of your feelings cause he liked the attention but didn't want an actual relationship. That sucks but at least now you know not to waste your time on someone who won't give you what you want. These fuckboys might be fun for a hookup maybe, but they'll never be good boyfriend material. You deserve way better than that! Don't even think about looking back - just stay positive and keep putting yourself out there. I'm sure once you're truly over this jerk, an awesome boyfriend will come along who won't play games. You'll be so glad you didn't settle!
Thank you so much :) I hope that day comes sooner rather than later!! I wanted to ask one more thing, I think we have touched on this before but I was wondering, is it possible he stopped watching my stories bc he thinks I’m some sort of cheater or soemthing? Lol it’s hard to not make it feel likes not about me. Although, I don’t think he would still be following me, liking things, or waiting so long to be tested if he thought that may be the case?
Nah, I really don't think he stopped watching your stories because he thinks you're a cheater or anything like that. If he really believed that, he definitely wouldn't still be following you or liking your stuff sometimes. You said it yourself, he's been really shady about getting tested too, so it's way more likely he's got something to hide on his end. I don't think this has anything to do with you personally - fuckboys are just selfish people who do whatever they want without caring how it affects others. He's probably watching less because he can tell you're losing interest, so he's backing off a bit to make you think about him more. But trust me, you didn't do anything wrong! This is seriously all on him for being a jerk. Don't let him get in your head with doubts either - you seem like a super sweet girl. Just hold your head high and keep doing you, once you're over him for good some lucky guy will come along who treats you with the respect you deserve.
Thank you so so much! I appreciate you! One last thing I was spiraling about lol. If he moves on, which he prob already is, do these guys treat the next girls better or do they ever get better? It’s been hard for me to grapple w that bc he didn’t give me so much as a “nice knowing you” or anything.
Also, I feel like I may be over reacting bc to him it was just a fuck buddy situation. However, he did lead me on by telling me he “really really likes” me and is “so interested” in me. I don't know I just feel gaslit, and just really sad he hasn’t acknowledged it ending. It’s almost like he doesn’t say anything to leave it open.
Hi again! Lol so I’m totally spiraling about this…. But how likely would it be that he stopped watching my stories because he was tested last week and found out he is negative so he assumed I was a liar or soemthing? Lol I felt this way before and he just hadn’t been tested yet. So I’m spiraling about it again haha. But I bet if he found that out he would probably say he was tested and he’s clean
Mama don't stress too much about what this guy is doing with the next girl or whatever. Chances are fuckboys don't ever really change their ways - they'll keep playing games with people's emotions no matter who they're with. I know it really sucks that he never even said a proper goodbye to you after leading you on like that. That was a total dick move on his part and you have every right to feel hurt. But trust me, you're better off without someone like that who can't even give you basic respect. It will seriously mess with your head if you keep trying to make sense of his actions.
As for whether he stopped watching your stuff cause he got tested - I kinda doubt it. If he tested negative I think he would've definitely said something to try and make you feel stupid or something. Guys like that love to throw it in your face when they think they've one upped you. And it just doesn't add up timeline wise since he was being dodgy about getting tested for so long. Don't go giving this loser anymore of your mental energy, ok? He's just not worth the spiraling. You're an awesome catch and you'll find someone a million times better who treats you with kindness and honesty. Keep your chin up!
Thank you!! 😊 you are so kind I hope it’s okay I am asking so many questions.
Today I felt better like I had a moment of clarity, like I’m just glad I ended it and finally had some self respect and stood firm on what I want and need.
However, I have been feeling bad that I told him about the sti, and then that we shouldn’t continue to see each other, all in the same day. While he never replied to any of it, I feel and for doing it over text, and for piling all that on at once. Esp bc he said he is going through it. Even tho he hurt me, that doesn’t mean I wanna hurt him. And that wasn’t my intention but I feel bad if I did. I realize it was prob a lot or take in maybe even jarring. Maybe him liking my stories (while drunk) is confirmation he isn’t upset about it😂 but I don't know. Do I apologize?
Ah man, don't even worry about feeling bad telling him all that at once over text. Like yeah it was a lot to unload, but seriously that dude wasn't giving you much choice with how shady he was being. He basically left you no other option but to call it off and speak your truth since he wasn't communicating back. And you so don't owe him an apology - you were being completely honest by telling him about the STI, which he deserved to know about for his health and being a decent person. Him saying he was "going through it" is probably just an excuse too, since he never even cared to actually check if he gave it to you! Don't feel bad at all for standing up for yourself.
Maybe he was drunk and careless liking your pics, but I wouldn't read too much into that either. This guy already showed you his true character with how he acted. I say just hold your ground - you did the right thing cutting contact and you don't need to explain yourself further. You took care of yourself when he wouldn't, and that's what matters most. Keep feeling proud of yourself for walking away from someone who wasn't treating you right! Leave this dude in the past where he belongs.
I thoughts I’d update you and th am you again for your advice :) I was tested last week and I’m totally clean now! Yay! Sucks I had to worry for 2 months, but I’m feeling so much better, now that I’m not in the dark about my health. Still haven’t heard a word from him or online, he’s still watching but I don’t really care. Now that I know I’m healthy, I have clarity that for someone to leave me in the dark about my health, and show no care whatsoever, is disgusting and I am so glad I’m out of it. Thank you!!
Hey that's amazing news, I'm so happy for you that your test came back clean! Must be such a relief to not have to worry anymore. And you're totally right - the fact that this guy didn't even have the decency to check his own status or give you peace of mind shows what a selfish jerk he is. You definitely dodged a bullet by cutting things off with someone who doesn't care about your wellbeing. I'm proud of you for putting your health first even when it wasn't easy. Now you can really move on without looking back! Enjoy living your best life now that you've got that weight off your shoulders. And hey, new opportunities for fun summer hookups now too if you're feeling it ;). You deserve so much better than how that loser treated you. Keep shining bright Queen!
Aww thank you!! I feel a lot better now that I’m okay. I still do struggle with feeling like I shouldn’t be so hurt since he treated it like it was a “casual” thing… but he would assure me he was interested in more even tho his actions said otherwise. Just been wondering if I’m over reacting to all this which sucks
Nah girl, don't even question if your feelings were valid - of course you were hurt by how he acted! Even if he tried to play it off as casual, he still led you on by saying he was interested in more. That's super misleading and messes with your head. Any time a guy gives mixed signals or doesn't treat you with respect, it's understandable to feel hurt. You opened your heart to someone and this is how they acted in return. That shit stings! Don't downplay what you went through. You seem so sweet and you didn't deserve to be strung along with wishy washy behavior. Any time a dude plays games with your feelings, it's okay to feel however you feel about it - confused, hurt, used, etc. Your worth isn't defined by some jerk's low standards. Be proud you're strong enough to walk away now instead of wasting more time on him. And don't give him another second worrying if you overreacted - what's done is done. Just focus on you from here!
Thank you :)) I thought I’d give you a small update… I’ve moved on and I feel great!! But left him on my social media so he can be a fan. LOL!! He still likes my stories from time to time…. It’s actually funny😂 I don't know why, but it’s helpful to see he still plays the same silly games while I’m trying to better myself. haha!
Hey, that's awesome to hear you've fully moved on from that clown! And that's honestly hilarious you still have him on social media just so he can keep watching your fine ass living your best life. Like it must kill him to see you thriving while he's stuck being a lame fuccboi forever haha. And man, the fact that he STILL feels the need to like your stories sometimes just proves he was never over you. You deserve so much better than someone who just plays games, and now you're doing you without having to stress about what he's up to. It's his loss! Keep keeping him as a fan - you deserve an audience for your mad clout, and he doesn't get to pull the plug after treating you like that. Just do you and stay fly, and don't waste another thought on what he's doing. You're killing it sis!
Hey! I thought I’d reach out bc you’re always good with advice!! So remember all the stupid story stuff. Well I am pretty sure he hid his story from me, yet he still follows me and didn’t block me, just hid the stories. I don’t understand why he would do this after just trying to like me stuff? And I’m sad bc it’s affecting me more than I would like. Makes me feel like I did something wrong, and it feels personal like he’s hiding something. Why would a man do this? Maybe he’s hiding a new girl, even tho a weeks ago he was liking mine😂 so I don’t reach out about the Sti stuff? Or maybe he’s just trying to get a reaction outta me, or knows he fumbled and doesn’t want me watching him but wanted to watch me? I don't know, I just feeling really down, would love to know what you think! I think maybe understanding all the reasons he may do this will help me to make sense of it and not care about it
Ughh, that guy is being such a tool hiding his stories from you like that. Honestly he's probably doing it just to mess with your head 'cause he knows he screwed up with how he treated you. Guys can be so immature sometimes, I swear.
My best guess is he's probably hiding something he doesn't want you to see, like flirting with other girls or whatever. Maybe just trying to make you jealous without having the balls to actually confront you about stuff. Either way it's a lame move on his part.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it get to you or make you feel like you did something wrong. This is 100% on him and his silly games. He's the one who fumbled things with you, not the other way around.
At the end of the day he's still following you, so he must still care at least a little bit about what you're up to. I'd say just keep doing your thing on social media and live your best life. Don't even give him the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of you, you know?
Just keep shining on without him and he'll probably realize what a mistake he made screwing things up. Hold your head high - you seem like a really cool girl and you don't need that kind of weird drama!
Thank you!! Yes for sure :) ugh it’s just so irritating lol!! I’m betting it’s a new girlfriend? But he had just liked my story again a week ago… I don't know, do you think that could really be it? What’s wild is I have noticed that even though I’m blocked, he still watches mine!! Isn’t that wild? lol. I guess even if it is a new girl, it doesn’t matter bc of how horrible he treated me. I just think it feels shitty if he changes and treats someone else good, when he treated me so horrifically. Is that even possible for someone to flip so quick?😂
Ugh girl I feel you, that is so annoying and messed up what he's pulling! This dude clearly has some major issues.
It's totally possible he's trying to hide a new girl already, even if he was still engaging with your stuff recently. Some guys will jump from one girl to the next with no thought.
Or maybe he's just playing games trying to make you jealous without actually having someone new yet. Either way his behavior is whack. You're so right that it doesn't really matter what he's doing - you should be way past caring about this loser!
I wouldn't put it past him to suddenly start treating someone else well after treating you like garbage. Some people just don't know how to be a good partner. But try not to take it personal, ya know? His issues have nothing to do with your worth.
Just keep doing you and living well without him! Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you stress over his shenanigans. Who cares what tricks he tries - you're on another level now sis!
Thank you!!! I decided to just block him…. I’m not down to be in this game anymore, and if he’s still following me while dating someone else and keeping me in the back burner… I’m not down. Plus after how much he has done to me, he doesn’t deserve to see me!!
It made me sad just had to be done. This kinda of guy won’t ever change the way he treats women huh?
Now that's totally the right call, good for you for blocking his ass! You absolutely made the right decision to cut him out completely.
Guys like that never change - he clearly just wants to keep you on the backburner as an option while still messing with other girls. You deserve so much better than that bullshit game playing.
It's totally understandable to be a little sad letting someone go, even if they treated you poorly. But I promise you'll feel a huge weight lifted now that you don't have to wonder what crap he's pulling anymore.
This is about getting your power and self-respect back. He's showed you who he really is - don't give him another chance to disrespect you! Now you can fully move on without any drama.
Be proud of yourself for sticking to your boundaries. With time you'll see this was the best thing. You got this mama - he ain't worth another thought from here on out. On to bigger and better things!
It seems he's not a nice guy, he is not respectful. Maybe you could try to forget him and try to see your friends more?
Some people take things lightly when they should not do so.