I had an argument with my boyfriend and I feel bad about it? AITA?

[Anonymous]

Am I the asshole for saying the following:

Had a semi argument with my boyfriend about being a stay at home girlfriend. I told him that it was something that will probably never happen because he can't afford it and probably never will be able to. (I know that was pretty harsh but the truth).

He said then why are you with me if you want to be a stay at home girlfriend and you think I will never be able to provide you that.

I said I'm with you because I love you and want you. The lifestyle is a want but not a need I told him. I can do without the lifestyle as long as I have him. But I'm not going to lie to say that I envy those girls that have that lifestyle.

Would I get with a guy that could provide with that lifestyle? No because I love my boyfriend but again I wish I could be a stay at home girlfriend.

[dynamicyandere]

Saying that he can’t afford it and probably will never be able to is a bit of a dream-crushing statement.


What if that’s a big goal of his? What if that’s something that he wants to do for you?


By telling him right off the bat that you don’t believe in him, it makes you a doubter instead of a supporter.


Sure, he may or may not be able to pull it off.


But, it is harsh to shoot down the possibility so quickly.


I’ve been with an unsupportive partner before and it’s not fun for anybody to experience.


I believe it would be good to apologize and say something like, “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I believe you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Just understand that I love you just the way you are and I’m not going to leave you over money.”

[Asker]

Thanks. You're so right. I did just apologize to him about it but he's at work so he won't see it until later. I realize it probably wasn't the best thing to say and I shouldn't have said it.

[dynamicyandere]

I support my fiancée financially, so we’re able to already afford to live that lifestyle right now.

(Back when we were long distance, I paid for her apartment and living expenses as well as all my travel expenses when flying back and forth.)

She’s always very emotionally supportive and is appreciative of me, which helps me stay motivated to work towards even bigger dreams.

I’ve had an EX before that didn’t support my ambitions when I was still on the come up.

That was one of the main reasons I left her.

I can’t be with someone who isn’t going to be on my team.

But, I’m willing to spoil my S/O because she’s sweet, loyal, and good to me.

[dynamicyandere]

You’re welcome. ☺️ Let’s hope everything gets resolved. Good on you for recognizing your mistake and taking responsibility for wording things harshly. 😊

[Asker]

Yeah I'm usually not the type to say something like that but it's just been a really shitty day for me and I kind of lashed out. I'm usually really supportive and egging him on. I do believe in him and think he will one day be able to support me like how you support your fiancée. I think that's incredible you're able to do that for her and I know she's very appreciative of you! You sound like a really great guy and she is very lucky to have you!

[dynamicyandere]

Lashing out? Hey, it can happen to the best of us. What’s important is that we work on it.

That’s good to hear that you’re normally more supportive though. I believe that’s essential for any relationship — whether it’s the girl towards the guy or the guy towards the girl, it’s really important to feel each others support and feel like you’re on the same team.

It took a lot of hard work to reach this milestone, but it was worth it.

Haha, thanks. ☺️

[AviatorTom]

In an argument, we often say things that are cruel, and not worded very well... not really what we mean. Apologize to him for how you said it and then, calmly, tell him... again... that your dream was to be a stay at home woman, and then you fell in love with him, which changed your dream... to be with him because you love him... whatever situation that is.

[Asker]

Ok I can do that thanks! And I already apologized.

[Finchie40]

Sadly a lot of you girls’ think this way , and think money is the only thing that brings happiness into your life. Money does not bring happiness into your life , it can bring security, but it can also bring evil as well , if you can’t love someone for who they are and accept who they are , then you will never experience true love because money doesn't buy happiness or love , don’t get me wrong , it’s nice to feel secure , it’s nice knowing your bills are paid it’s nice knowing you can buy certain things but it shouldn’t be a reason you fall for someone , or stay in a relationship with someone, because money doesn’t last forever it comes and goes just like your relationships will come and go , if you think money is the reason to love someone , Me personally doesn’t show interest in a girl , for her paycheck or for the money she has, I show interest in a girl that I find beautiful to my eyes that has a caring heart that has good
Morals that is perfectly capable of providing for herself , because I am perfectly capable of providing for myself , I don’t need a girl to support me , the same way a girl shouldn’t need me to support her I want to be with a girl that wants to support each other. Sadly a lot of females don’t think this way , mainly because she only thinks of herself and how she can benefit , mainly by having a guy that pampers her and let’s her go shopping anytime she wants , that buys her expensive gifts , that kisses her ass completely , she was more than likely raised by parents or a parent , that told her to find a man that makes good money , so she doesn’t have to work she can just be a stay at home wife/mom Sadly she will never find true love thinking that way , she will possibly find pretend love from some desperate guy that is just looking to get laid , but not a guy that actually has deep feelings for her and cares about her heart Sadly a lot of girls’ seek validation and worry about what others think of her , she constantly compares her life to others , thinking that’s the life she deserves. She could already have a loving caring man right in front of her , but she will overlook him when things start to get tough financially and start blaming him for the financial problems not pointing fingers at herself first for her spending habits , she will look at another guy that she feels has more status and a better paying job to support her not caring about her partner s’ feelings what so ever , she will easily spread her legs to this other guy that she feels has more status then her partner does , because it’s all about what is best for her how she can benefit from this other guy and then she starts treating her loving partner like he is worthless, that he doesn’t truly love her , because he doesn’t make as much money as this other person does. Sadly most females have this selfish mindset and then they wonder why they get cheated on or left for someone else. and she wonders why she keeps continuing having failed relationships because she is practically labeling herself as a selfish whore When a girl expects me to be her walking ATM machine she is best to walk the other way , because I already started walking to other way , I will not stay with a girl that doesn’t want to be my team partner , that thinks she doesn’t have to lift a finger , that thinks she was put on Earth to be catered to. that thinks she can just blow through money like it’s nothing , and how dare it runs out by her spending habits , she thinks happiness only comes from what’s inside of his wallet and what she receives and sadly she is so wrong by having that type of mindset. If you can’t give , don’t expect to receive Sadly there are a lot of desperate guys’ that fall For this shit as well , just to get their dicks wet. Sadly he only likes what he is receiving from her but he truly doesn’t love her , he just likes the convenience of her, but he won’t commit to her , Guy’s that make a lot of money boosts his ego , he feels he is on top of the world and that his shit doesn’t stink , he is more invested into his job then his actual partner , he thinks his money can give him whatever he wants. And Girls’ is one of them , he won’t fully give his heart to a girl that just puts her hand out , he will fuck her but he will not commit to her. So if you want to live that lifestyle by being controlled and told what to do for money , then go for it Good luck with keeping him loyal to you Because the truth is for any relationship to survive and for love to continue to grow between both partners , both partners need to work as a team and not against each other , It’s ok for a girl to be a stay at home Wife and mom and take care of the kids and the home of your partner is financially capable of doing that for you but it’s not ok for her to compare her husband to other guys’ and compare her life to others’ unless she wants to be considered a selfish whore , just because your husband or partner isn't making enough money so you can stay at home or doesn’t make him a bad person , it makes you a bad person for thinking that’s the only thing that brings you love and happiness , Money should not be a reason you betray your partner when things get tough. Betraying your partner for money makes you a Selfish person that only thinks about yourself , you will never experience true love if you think that way , If you were a loving partner you should step up and help your partner out if money starts to get tight , not run to someone else thinking they will save you. Now if your man isn't working whatso ever and is just sitting on his ass Playing video games all day and isn’t making any attempts or efforts to find a job , then yes kick his ass to the curb because he isn’t being a team player , but if you have a man that’s going to work every day busting his ass to provide the best he can. no matter how much money he makes , you are best to support him and be there for him , Because the truth is , when a guy feels appreciated and wanted and loved by his girl , he will work his ass off to provide for her and his family, even if it is burning him out , but he will not burn himself out for a girl that makes him feel unvalued and unappreciated and unwanted and worthless , he will only give her the bare minimum if she makes him feel that way


And he more than likely will be drawn to another girl that makes him feel appreciated. I know most beautiful girls’ ’ have back up plans and can pretty much pick and choose any guy she wants because she has a lot more options to choose from , but don’t think for a second that no other girl wants your man , especially if he is a hard worker and has a good heart and
Good personality and is likes by others There are a lot of females that wish they had a guy like you do that will stand in line once they find out he is single again , shit even some of your so called girlfriends will get in line as well , don’t think for a second that you have the advantage , Karma is a real thing

[Asker]

I just had a really bad day yesterday. I normally wouldn't say anything like that. I apologized to him about it. I don't see him as some money maker for me. I see him as my boyfriend. I only want good things for him and to be supportive. If that just so happens to make me a stay at home girlfriend then great but if not then that's also okay. I'm not out here trying to find the next best thing or some money man. I want my boyfriend for him. I'm not materialistic at all.

[Finchie40]

That’s awesome to hear , most guys wish they had a girlfriend or wife that thinks like you do, sadly there is a lot of selfish people in this world that only want what’s best for themselves, that think if they don’t get there way from this person , they will go get their way from that person instead , Never pointing the finger at themselves first, they are always right in their mindset and never wrong. Having that type of mindset will get you nowhere in a relationship. Most relationships fail because we all have selfishness inside of ourselves , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner , don’t expect them to remove it for you. We are all imperfect people , we all come from different paths in life , No relationship is perfect , but when you learn to remove selfishness for your partner , it makes it easier for your partner to remove it for you , it shows respect for each other , when you prioritize your partner , your partner will more than likely prioritize you the same way and choose you the same way you choose them , that’s where Love grows between 2 people, again it won’t always be perfect because everyone has their differences, but when you learn to accept your partners flaws it makes it easier for them to accept yours. The only time you should walk away from a relationship is if you are constantly being abused physically or Mentally and your relationship is one sided , there way or no way , or you been cheated on and constantly lied to. But other than that you should try to fix what is broken. Most relationships fail because of selfishness and Immaturity

[smne35]

Yeah why don't you encourage your boy to do better, go to school educate himself more, help him to invest a few years in himself and you will benefit in long run, it's admirable that you choose love over materialistic things together you can both work at gaining wealth, let me ask why do you want to stay home not get out set goals your yourself, unless you have kids in school it gets boring after a while staying at home, after my kids were born I retired to be in the lives prepare them to survive here was the best times on my life as they grew, now after putting my life on hold for so many years, I'm adjusting to a different world, not same as 20 years ago, but encourage him to go to school support him not belittle him or demean him, the future is always changing, you can have a future you desire, by what actions you take today towards that envisioned future

[Asker]

He's actually working towards creating his own business that he believes will be successful. I believe it will too but it's going to take a lot of time before he becomes really successful with it. I'm willing to help him get there because I love and believe in him. It was wrong of me to say what I said and I apologized for it.

I want to stay at home because I believe I can help my boyfriend thrive more by helping him around the house and not just helping him around the house, but helping with his finances. Being like his financial advisor and help keep the budget in line. I love doing stuff like that and I think it would help him a lot. I want to support him in every way possible and to do that as a full time job.

[smne35]

That's really admirable of you to acknowledge and I must say he's a very fortunate guy to have you on his side, and in sure it will all be good take care

[worldscolide]

You aren't necessarily wrong, or even the asshole but you did have a poor choice of words... Men are hard wired to want to take care of and provide for their wives.. When you indicated this is what you said "I told him that it was something that will probably never happen because he can't afford it and probably never will be able to." Its like telling a provider that he will never be good enough, that he will never be able to provide enough, do enough to put you in the life that you want. Its like he lost the race before it even started.

[Asker]

Oh ok. That makes a lot of sense. I definitely shouldn't have said it and have apologized for what I said to him.

[worldscolide]

An apology may not be needed. Just reassure him that he is enough. Not kidding. Show even the smallest amount of appreciation and he will be putty in your hands.

[Asker]

Ok I can definitely do that!

[glennos89]

If you would say it like that to me... I would seriously started doubting if I wanne risk to invest all my time and effort into a girl that envy's a different lifestyle then we have. I'm not sure if I want to invest into a relationship that is most likely going to crash sooner or later when yiur envy gets the better of you 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

I get that but I didn't mean to say that to him especially not like that. I was just having a really bad day and it just came out. I since apologized to him and he understood that I was just in a really bad place and didn't mean it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, you are the asshole. You literally told him you didn't think he would ever be able to? What the hell is wrong with you? You're supposed to SUPPORT your man and inspire him! Saying negative shit like that is just going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. So congratulations, I guess.

[Jamie05rhs]

I just read your comments below. It seems like you do understand that you make a mistake and you're sorry.

So please take my comment with a grain of salt; I don't mean to rub it in and make you feel bad.

[Asker]

Yes I realized I messed up terribly and I feel really bad about it. I am normally very supportive and I do believe in him and that he can do this.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. ❤️. I'm rooting for you guys!

[Asker]

Thanks! ❤

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[LazerBean]

Yes, you are the asshole. You can express your desires without insulting him, and he has a good point. Besides, in my opinion it's wrong to be supported by a man who isn't your husband or father anyway.

[Asker]

I didn't mean to come off as an asshole but I was just telling him the truth. He can't afford it. And I disagree. I think a ltb can support you as well especially if you have plans to marry which we do.

[LazerBean]

There's probably a lot of truths he could tell you that would hurt your feelings too that he just has enough sense not to say. Women being senseless is exactly why so many of them end up long-term girlfriends rather than wives.

[Asker]

You're right. It was senseless to say and I shouldn't have said it. I apologized to him just now.

[LazerBean]

I'm glad to hear that, good job

[spartan55]

So, you love him until a rich guy comes along. Your boyfriend best wise up. You aren't even being sneaky about it.

[Asker]

No I love him. I would never choose a rich guy over him. He means everything to me. I shouldn't have said that. It's not what I meant at all.

[KatherineJ]

It’s better to have those hard discussions now than later. But why do you want to stay home?

[Asker]

I want to stay at home because I believe I can help my boyfriend thrive more by helping him around the house and not just helping him around the house, but helping with his finances. Being like his financial advisor and help keep the budget in line. I love doing stuff like that and I think it would help him a lot. I want to support him in every way possible and to do that as a full time job.

[KatherineJ]

But don’t you think you also working would bring in more income? I mean I get it wanting to stay home, but why not work and save up so you can once you are married. Or even work part time.

[Asker]

I mean I thought about it and I may just work up until we are married. It would bring in more money. You're right.

[Jamie05rhs]

Katherine has some good advice here.

[KatherineJ]

@Asker, I did the stay at home thing for 18 months when we adopted our daughter. While I loved it, I definitely missed interacting with adult humans during the day. But from a financial perspective, it’s always better to save as much as you can before doing the stay at home thing.

[Asker]

Ok I will definitely do that! Thanks!

[DextroShade]

Sounds like he needs to man up and earn more money.

[Asker]

He's in the process of doing that. He's working on having his own business which I think could be very successful but might take some years for him to get there.

[DextroShade]

Are you willing to build with him?

[Asker]

I definitely am. I have ideas as well. I want to publish my novel and bring in income that way.

[DextroShade]

Writing a novel is something you can do at home so that should work.

[HighSky]

NTA, your boyfriend needs a better job or you both need to live somewhere cheaper or both.

[Asker]

He's working on that now. He's trying to create a business for himself. It'd going go take a lot of time but it could be very successful.

[Anonymous]

You're going on 40. Sorry but you're not worth making a stay at home girlfriend let alone a wife. Hang it up, flat screen 🤣🤣

[Asker]

I'm nowhere near 40.

[Opinion Owner]

You're old. You're not worth making a wife nor stay at home girlfriend in his eyes. When the right woman comes along aka his dream girl a gorgeous woman in her 20s he would wife her and make her a stay at home wife. Ur not worth it

[Asker]

You don't know what the hell you're talking about. First off, I'm not old. Second off, he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else especially not someone younger. We've talked about it before and he doesn't like younger girls. I am the right woman for him. I am worth it. 😌

[Opinion Owner]

He hasn't married you nor made you a stay at home wife 🤣 you're old and not worth it. When the woman he wants who is young and beautiful comes along he will.. You're not her tho

[Asker]

We haven't been together that long though. He will marry me and has said so. He will propose in his own timing. I don't expect him to propose after only several months of dating. Like I said before you have no idea what you're talking about and don't know him or me or our relationship. He doesn't want someone young. He's not like that at all.

[Opinion Owner]

He's not going to marry you lol

[Asker]

Ok 😏

[HouseMoat]

Who WANTS to work?

[Asker]

Definitely not me.

[HouseMoat]

That's my point

[butterly248]

Aita?

[Asker]

Am I the asshole?

[butterly248]

Oh right got ya! I've not really herd of a stay at home girlfriend before. How long have you to been dating?

[Asker]

Eight months

[butterly248]

Oh wow that's far too early to be a stay at home girlfriend. I'm only doing so as I have mental health issues, we live together and have been together for 6 years

[butterly248]

Do u live together?

[Asker]

Not yet. We're long distance but plan on living together soon.

[Asker]

Sorry you have mental health issues going on. I can understand because I have them too.

[butterly248]

Okay. It is a big step. Have you decided what country u wanna live in?

[butterly248]

And yeah it sucks. Sorry to hear u have the same also 😕

[Asker]

Yes it definitely is. We live in the same country. We live in the same state actually. We're just a city away from each other.

[Asker]

And thanks. It indeed does suck 🙁

[butterly248]

Okay. R u gonna live with him?

[Asker]

Yes I am.

[butterly248]

Okay. I would wait until the new year atleaast. Or recommend getting a part time job.

[Asker]

Ok I will do that. Thanks!