Why do some people want to be in committed relationships, but never marry?

[Anonymous]

[ohsheeT]

I think a lot of people take that piece of paper of marriage for granted

I think that they feel that they can treat their partner any which way they want to or say whatever they want to because they're married and have that piece of paper and they think that that means that marriage will last forever so they open up say what they have to say is rude as they want to be thinking that they're safe

but in all reality when you love somebody you treat them with respect at all times you find the way to make things work and without that paper it's just 10 times easier it's more real that paper means really nothing except for the people that want it

if you had a choice of being married and having that piece of paper but you could treat anybody the way you want to treat them no matter what


if you're in a relationship where there was no paper and you respected each other each and every day and you treated each other the way that you want to be treated which one would you pick

I've been the paper route I didn't like it

I've been the non paper route and in my heart I know that I love that person just as much with or without that paper that piece of paper does not control how deep. or the depth of love that i have for a person

[JacobJordan]

Easy they want the benefits of marriage minus the 50-70% stolen resources when the woman divorces him. Remember 50% of marriages end in divorce. Women initiate 80% of them 90% of she went to college. Courts tend to side with the woman. The woman typically gets his money, possessions etc. Why would men want to marry when women are incentivized to end the marriage.

[sawno]

And to add to this, it even is this way trough a no fault divorce. So all the girls saying the "One foot out the door" type stuff are just plainly unfair because for women it still is like that, and its profitable for them to do so.

[Flowergirl33]

I was married once for 8 years. I rushed into it.. we knew each other for 6 months before marrying. He had an affair (with a man).. so I just called it quits. I asked him for an open relationship after I found out... he didn't want that. So I would get married again.. but I would have to know the guy for at least a year first.. maybe 2 years. We would have to live together. But honestly, I am more interested in him introducing me to others as his 'wife'. To me, that was a certain status I miss. So I don't know if I need to be legally married.. because I don't need the financial support at this time.. but it was fun for me being a 'married couple'. Other married couples treated us with a different status than I get treated being single. The main guy I'm with now doesn't like to do couple's things and he's not that social. I think it was the social aspect I liked the most. I would caution though, be careful who you marry.. if you can help it. Because getting a divorce gave me a lot of guilt and it was just a big change.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t see a big deal in marriage unless I want children and he wants children with me too. Then I think marriage is a must.

Why would I literally “split” my body in half to give birth to someone’s children who doesn’t even want to marry me and provide a family to our children? I am not a martyr and have no plans of being a single mother.

Other than that, I have never been a big fan, I have always been a freedom lover. My mom always told me “Keep your law career, when you are successful, you’ll get it all, you’ll have whatever you want and will never be at the mercy of men. Nothing is as precious as freedom.”

It was my ex who had to talk me into it. He made it clear from the beginning he wanted to marry me and If I was not interested in marriage, he asked me to, please, not lead him on. I loved him a lot, so would even follow him to Mars, not mention marriage.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My classmates once told me when we were 17, they pictured us meeting 10-15 years later, they pictured me like Sharon Stone’s character in Basic Instinct, but having two younger guys in my car and enjoying my single life, traveling around the world.

They were surprised to hear I was engaged. 🤣 They didn’t even expect me to ever fall in love.

Life is funny. I didn’t expect falling in love either.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My ex wanted a big fancy wedding, I just wanted two of us to sneak out to couple friends and marry somewhere on a cliff by the sea and a little church.

I don’t have a dream song for a wedding, don’t have a dream dress, I never cared. It has never been my childhood dream to find a man and rush to get into a white dress in him.

Funny thing is probably because of this exact same reason, I’ve been proposed a few times.

Men like unreachable fruits.

[Vesuvius87]

That's because it's an oxymoron for ''Oh I want commitment but just the romantic aspect of a relationship, not the responsibilities'' or ''oh you're the love of my life but we're just going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I can always have one foot out the door''. LOL

[wolfcat87]

Exactly

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And why is it you think it's impossible to actually love someone without getting married? I mean those women who actually demand marriage can easily be overstated as "if you really love me, you're going to have to agree that I'll take everything from you when I leave you"

[Vesuvius87]

@Aiko_E_Lara
Why not? Why would I accept being trusted as a girlfriend but not a wife? Why doesn't he want to make his public vows in a courthouse or beach resort (I'm an atheist but vows can still be made without including a god) in front of my friends and family? Why doesn't he want to reunite both families, mine and his? Why isn't he respecting how I feel about such a great moment?

[Asker]

I totally agree with you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If you're talking about the families being acquainted with each other, You're talking about a wedding not marriage that requires a marriage contract. I can also ask you why is it that he has to be a husband? I mean anyone can call their SO husband or wife or whatever. That's just a freaken label that doesn't change anything physically. Ironically enough you want respect about how you feel but there you are lashing out on anyone not wanting marriage and making a strawman argument about it. So yeah if you think he is being disrespectful or anyone is being disrespectful for not wanting marriage, or if you think they are being selfish because they don't want marriage, then what's with your selfish reason why your marriage is necessary?

[Vesuvius87]

@Aiko_E_Lara
A husband have immediate rights to make medical decisions for me if I were ever in an accident, can be included on my health insurance and vice-versa. Cheaper taxes too. Just a piece of paper huh? I don't think so.
Someone just wanting to be my boyfriend but never taking the further step of proposing and making public vows, making excuses and saying "but we have commitment just like this" I'll interpret it as he doesn't trust me. Otherwise why wouldn't he marry me? Why Is he brave enough to ask me out, date me and become my boyfriend but but not brave enough to simply propose and become my husband?

[Vesuvius87]

I've been strung along, used and scammed too. So no, a boyfriend calling me a wife is a total insult to me. No I'm not a wife if I'm not legally married.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

When did they say it's just a piece of paper? You're right, it's not just a piece of paper. It can also be a piece of paper that is used for manipulation. I don't think it is just a place of paper either which is exactly reasonable enough for someone if they decide to not get married. If you're like to talk about those few benefits, how about if I tell you it's detriment that outweighs those benefits you're talking about. Such as the husband can lose 1/3 of his income if the wife files for a divorce even if she's at fault and still going to get sued if he ever has children if he couldn't afford to pay for child support due to it. All of that for just a piece of paper. So if a man is not brave enough since he doesn't want marriage, same thing can be said for a woman not being brave enough for demanding marriage. So if a guy refuse to get married, He's just making excuses or whatever but if a girl choose to get married she's not making any excuses? You're trying to prove double standards aren't you?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You're basing everything on your feelings basing it on your interpretation without taking a look at the objective reality, when someone gets married, there's no magic spell that would occur that brainwashes the couple to be loyal to each other. You're not going to grow wings if you're going to become a wife. You're still in fact the same person. You can say you have been scammed before but you've never been scammed that cost you your life. If you say you did and you're still alive, you're lying.

[Vesuvius87]

@Aiko_E_Lara
You know what, why don't you go find a woman that doesn't want marriage? Why even bother trying to convinve me to be happy about being a man's forever girlfriend and the difference? Leave us marriage-minded women alone. Go find a woman that is happy being just a girlfriend forever.
Just because some people divorce doesn't mean everyone will. I only believe divorce should only be for reasons of really being an abused victim (and proven with evidence) or proven infidelity. Personally if I'm committed then I'm committed till the end, till one of us dies.
I'll still interpret that as he doesn't trust me and the relationship would be over. At this point we us both agree to disagree.

[tzdc21]

Because the marriage laws are so screwed up, and honestly there's not one thing a man can benefit from a marriage that he can't benefit from a regular relationship. But there's a lot of ways he can screwed in a marriage that he wouldn't in a relationship.

[sawno]

There is one benefit which is the only time I seriously was open to marrying, long distance relocation. If it came to it I would have married my ex so that we could live together in her country, without that I don't think i'd be allowed to become a citizen.

[DextroShade]

For men it is because marriage is a huge risk for him if he lives in the West; women here can literally cheat and pregnant with another man's child and they will still get half his assets, alimony, and child support from the cucked ex-husband.

For women it is simply because they do not qualify for marriage with the man they want, likely due some combination of obesity, body count, history of sex work, being a baby momma, and her refusal to cook, clean, and submit.

[DizzyDesii]

I don't know. I question if i want to marry in terms of involving the government. But i definitely still want to marry. I wouldn’t be comfortable shacking up and constantly having sex unmarried. I want the goal after commitment to be marriage

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

no benefits in marriage any longer. personally I am not even interested in any sort of commitment. I'm perfectly happy with dating casually.

[BCRanger10]

Probably because many of them think it's just a formality that will inevitably end in divorce.

[FreyaRed]

Because both know being together is their free choice, not depending on some legal and social obligations like in an official marriage.

[Jessikaah91]

Some people just don't believe in marriage, some don't want a piece of paper to prove they love one another.

[Androktasia]

Usually you marry because you want to start a family, I don't. I want to have a loyal partner, just me and him, traveling the world, experiencing new things and investing the time we have into ourselves. There's no need to marry

[Nikki1989]

Some people are not marriage material. You can still date them, but you can never been really serious about it. It is a red flag.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

It's also a red flag if a woman demands marriage. If not marrying is selfish then tell me your selfish reason why you need marriage.

[Vesuvius87]

@Aiko_E_Lara
Then why don't you find a woman that doesn't want marriage? There are plenty of them that share your same ideas and are on your same page. Why stay in a relationship with a marriage-minded woman and waste her time?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Lol since when did I say I am going to be with a woman who wants marriage? You're hallucinating. Sure there are plenty of other women that share the same idea which is why I don't see women like you as the problem when men can just be with them.

[Elena_Stewart]

Why would they get married if everything is fine in their relationship? Many people live together and have children together without getting married.

[SotiCoto]

Because marriage is just state or church validation of a relationship. Not everyone needs nor wants official validation of their private relationship by some external, faceless authority.

[Squatting_Slav]

Interestingly, I think it derives from fear. fear of it it not working out in th elong run and leading to all sorts of problems associated with divorce financially, and emotionally.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Because those two are completely different things. Marrying has nothing to do with being in a relationship. Everything that married couple do that actually matters can also be done by unmarried couples.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

https://youtu.be/zO9nUBazWEg?si=KRR7rZjWgKBdEuRS let me share you something. This reasons are very valid

[McLlovin]

They’re scared just give them time. Just make sure its not forever lol

[jahaims]

Marriage is basically a legality. You can be just as committed to each other without the government involved.

[LaurenM1997]

Because you don’t have to have a bit of paper to tell someone you love them

[LindsayR07]

For some marriage is like being put in a cage, and they'd rather fly with their partner

[exitseven]

They like the idea of a steady partner but do not want the financial responsibility

[JayBones]

Because some people inherently know risk vs reward. Divorce gets more expensive the more you have, especially and almost exclusively to males.

[SolitarySolace]

There is no benefit to getting married. I’d rather stay single forever

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

They feel marriage carries more responsibility.

In a relationship once you aren't happy, you just can leave.

[LiamJHayden]

The security of a partner without the legal obligations if the relationship crashes.

[msc545]

The security of a relationship is nice. The legal problems of marriage are not nice.

[In_Trance]

Because they don't believe in the church or the state

[Stella98_]

Cause marriage is out dated. Things could Cost you more in term of a divorce.

[DarkWinterNights]

What does a guy get out of a marriage in 2024?

[Vesuvius87]

People ruined its original purpose. People don't even last too long in girlfriend and boyfriend relationships either; they break-up over anything so whatever; even that's a joke too. By the same token, long-term cohabitation doesn't really suit us and doing co-parenting increases the likelihood of woman being a single mother and lowering her value in the dating pool. Looks like no one is benefitting equally. Instead while something befenits one party, it doesn't do much for the other. Ideally, it should be both benefitting.

[Vesuvius87]

When only thing benefits the guy but not the woman or vice-versa, what we have is a total mess.

[Zestyassmf1997]

I can’t say I’ve seen very many such people.

[Anonymous]

because they're losers.

[MrZameer]

I don't know lol 😂😂😂

[Slim57]

I don't know my girlfriend is that way

[sawno]

Legal risk

[getwiththepg]

Marriage is outdated