Why do men stay with women they never intend to marry?

Question

I see this so often. A man makes a woman pop out all his kids, raise his kids, do all his laundry, cook him dinner every night, help him out with the bills, provide sex, wash his underwear, do everything under the sun for him, including paying his mortgage. BUT, he would never ever propose to her. After the kids are nearly grown and being together for 10+ years, he breaks up with her to get married to someone else (he had known for just 6 months). Clearly he wouldn't marry her because she isn't "the one", she was just a place holder till the woman of his dreams arrived. But my question is... why do men have kids with women who they never intend on marrying?

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

Why is she having his kids if he doesn't want to marry her? Women wanted to be free and have sex with whoever and now we're living in this world.

He liked her enough to have her in his life but not enough to marry her so that's your explanation. And she made the decision to rather be in a relationship with him and do everything for him rather than push him to commit to her and find out he wasn't as into her as she thought. She'd rather just ignore that problem and feel good about herself since she was clearly attracted to him. Either she didn't understand that men are different from women or she deluded herself on purpose I don't know.

It's like a man who is in the friendzone if he comes out and says I actually have feelings for you and want to be with you, then she has to tell him I'm not that into you and then things are sorted out. But a lot of guys they delude themselves and think there's still hope and so they go along with just being friends until they're disappointed in the end.

Guys in the friendzone if they do things for women usually they just get taken advantage of and the woman won't change her mind about her lack of attraction to him. It's the same in this situation. Just because she cooked for him doesn't mean he wants to marry her now.

She brought value to his life but not enough for him to want to be with her for ever. Like friendzone guys they give the woman attention, validation, they listen to her problems they might pay for things even or help her with something she's struggling with so she likes having them around but she doesn't want to be with them.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Glad you asked. You probably won't like the answer, though.

It's because the woman (in these situations) are almost always going for a guy above her league, and she knows it. She is perfectly aware that he could easily replace her because she is desirable to a lot of other women. It could be his looks, his height, his confidence, his financial success, or his status, but whatever the reason, he has no trouble attracting women.

In this situation, the woman knows full well that there is a relationship imbalance, and that the only reason he stays with her is because she does everything he wants and doesn't become a hassle for him. It's the same situation as a rich old man being with a young hot 20-year-old who only stays as long as he is giving her money and buying her things.

And what usually happens is that the woman eventually becomes demanding or difficult, forgetting that she doesn't have much leverage, and he ends it.

This whole situation is entirely her fault, just like the rich guy who gets his money drained trying to keep the young hottie is completely his fault. Both are greedy and wanted more than their own value could afford, and so they made an amoral deal that eventually comes back to bite them.

Everyone's choices have consequences - usually very predictable consequences. Yet some people delude themselves into believing that they can cheat the system and no bill will ever come due. Nearly all of them are dead wrong, and it's their own fault.

Minky17 · Accepted Answer

This occurs when women don't vet before coitus. If you want marriage - you can't tell men in the beginning you want to have fun. You will forever be fun use only. The man has to properly court and win you over for you to gain marriage. It all boils down to traditionalism and understanding how marriage is rooted in capitalism.

If you as the woman don't want to be the inferior partner - you have to understand how capitalism and patriarchy work and how it works in men's favors bc it was made for men by men.

But to answer - women will stay in fruitless relationships having out if wedlock children and doing wife duties bc they are disillusioned and lead to believe if they keep holding on - maybe he will marry me or change. I can't imagine wasting 30 years lying to myself

XHopelessRomanticX · Accepted Answer

All the things you’ve described; having his kids, doing his laundry, paying his bills, cooking meals every night, providing sex…those are all wife privileges. This woman is doing all the things that married women do for their husbands, without the ring and the commitment. So why was she willing to do all this without the man committing to her? Sex, bearing him children, taking care of the home, these are the  rewards  of marriage. Why would a man marry a woman if she is willing to give him the benefits of marriage without requiring it in the first place?

ManOnFire · Answer

Because they know the woman will keep staying with him, which is the part you're avoiding and trying to make the situation look worse on the men than the women, when it is in fact more pathetic for the women to keep staying with men they know are not marrying them. Which is also very common.

Why do the women stay? Because of the age old woman logic that one day "he'll change" when it does not work that way. These men don't change because they know the women are going to keep putting up with them. Which again, is the part you are trying to avoid recognizing.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Because he is getting the benefits withut all of the obligations. In most states of the USA if unmarried, he will have to pay child support but not alimony or give her half of everything he acquired while they were together. The exceptions are below, with specific limitations if applicable:

Alabama (if created before Jan. 1, 2017)
Colorado
District of Columbia
Florida (if created before Jan. 1, 1968)
Georgia (if created before Jan. 1, 1997)
Idaho (if created before Jan.1, 1996)
Indiana (if created before Jan. 1, 1958)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before Oct. 10, 1991)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania (if created before Jan. 1, 2005)
Rhode Island
South Carolina (if created before July 24, 2019)
Texas (if agree to be married, live together as a couple, and hold themselves out to others as married)

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I've said it before and I will say it again. No guy is ever going to be happy with a doormat! He might think he wants to be spoilt rotten and have everything done for him. There is just no excitement to that sort of life!
I'm really sorry if it goes against the accepted narrative, but TOO many women make the mistake of thinking, if they spoil a guy rotten and treat him like royalty, he won't leave.

Even if most guys won't admit it, we don't want that. At least I couldn't be happy living like that!

Gert_Mittengard · Answer

Because some men don't have their priorities straight, and think they have options.

Best thing you can do to mitigate this situation if you meet a guy like this, is to clearly state what you want from a relationship. If they're not on the same page, or aren't willing to change course to meet you where you are, or at least heavily consider your opinion in spite of their liberty to do what they want and "have their pick," then you might need to close the book on such a relationship.

Boundaries, Priorities, Intentions, and Ideals for relationships need to be stated from the getgo to avoid these dangerously murky waters of casual dating.

Anonymous · Answer

Well I never thought of “providing sex” To someone. Sex should be wonderful experience for the both of you.

I want sex provided to me too. WTF?

you're acting like we women have no nerve endings down there. Cause I know I have mine.
“ I WANT THE SEX”

I never thought; “I have to provide the sex to him because he needs it”

Absolutely Not. I always knew I’m the one who wants the sex. I could care less if HE wants it. 🤔 Really weird to me.

And it’s called being a “PLACE HOLDER” when a man picks a woman just because the one he really wants don’t want him. Look it up; PLACE HOLDER.

Anonymous · Answer

It's up to these women in these situations to decide FIRST, before the kids, if it's worth it to stay in a relationship if they want marriage, to someone who either is making empty promises to marry, or flat out says they don't want marriage. If it's the latter, that's completely on the woman--believe someone who says they don't want marriage. If it's the former, again, before the kids, before the moving in, if you want a ring on it, up to you to wait for it, otherwise, you are BOTH consenting adults who have agreed to be in that relationship. Marriage nor just dating one another is any type of guarantee that a relationship will actually last. Both can be toxic and ruinous or be the best thing ever because both people are truly committed to one another. Only time will tell, but can't just blame one or the other when you as the woman, also made your bed, so lie in it.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Unfortunately, we cannot blame the man. 🥴 He has all the benefits without putting any efforts. Of course he will grab the chance to take advantage of the situation. We could just blame him for being.. selfish? But that's all.

As much as I don't wanna blame some women for having not valuing and respecting themselves enough.. it was their choice also. It's true, "sometimes love is just not enough" 😔💔

DishLady · Answer

A woman shouldn’t volunteer to be a wife unless there’s a ring in her finger. A woman shouldn’t agree to “pop out” anything unless there’s a clear commitment from the guy on the table. The women choosing to be idiots and do this for a man set the worst possible precedent for other women to do the same, for men to grow complacent, etc etc.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Because, since she is capable of being forced, she clearly lacks the mental capacity for legal adulthood, and consequently the ability to sign a marriage contract.

You can have hypoagency, or you can have the moral standing to demand better treatment, but you cannot have both.

Berethor · Answer

Well that would not happened if the woman was staying virgin until marriage, didn't't it?

Anonymous · Answer

My question to you is... why do women have kids with men who have not demonstrated that they are in for the long haul? By that I mean putting a ring on it.

This is a serious question. This garbage rarely happened 50 years ago. So what has changed? BOTH men and women have changed. And to the men out there who get a woman pregnant and leave, you are garbage.

But let's keep it real here. Women who breed with men who have no commitment or integrity are no better then those men.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Two reasons I can think of.

1. She is putting out and not requiring more than he feels like providing.

2. I know a couple who refused to get married because in both their families there was a history of great relationships that all went to Hell the day after the wedding. They felt that getting married would end the love and affection they felt for each other.

genericname85 · Answer

because finding a woman who's willing to fuck you is hard. for a man. so in he pursuit of a future wife, it's sensible to stick with one that at least lets you fuck her for the time being. cause we have needs and desires. why wait for decades fullfilling these desires?

Kreneman · Answer

I'm sorry to give you this answer (No offense to you especially to other women) and this answer is one of the top five answers. There is a old saying that "Good girls like Bad guys" and that extremely true because the good woman thinks that she can change the guy plus most of the time, women don't listen to us good guys; and what makes it so sad is that us men (some men) can always tell that the good woman is with a bad guy and she's wasting her time.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would change the question... why women have kids with men who clearly don't love them?

if a woman is the only one putting an effort into everything... like described in the question... kids should never appear...

Anonymous · Answer

For the same reason women marry then divorce and take half his estate and run with the kids.

Women and marriage are a jorrible mix. It incentivises women to leave. Why would any man choose that option? At least the guy you describe, hangs around. He can leave if he wants but chooses to stay. Sounds like he has a good option there.

Anonymous · Answer

I know someone that was in this same predicament but only he told her from the beginning that he wasn’t gonna marry her. She has 3 kids with him now after being with him for almost 13 years. The answer is still no. He met someone else and married her though.

Anonymous · Answer

What a terrible guy, this is a case where Common law marriage use to exist to bind such unfaithful freeloading men to women and their children.

His "Feelings" hardly matter he committed to you with children both of which he robed when he ran out after anther woman. Neither of which should be allowed.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Some men are just plain weak. They want all the benefits without any of the responsibilities.

sage2021 · Answer

Because you didn't give him an ultimatum in the beginning before you had kids, etc. You should have said either we get married or I'm not moving in with you!

Anonymous · Answer

It's just like the friendzone that women put several men in and exploit them. It's about who holds the power in a relationship.

Those things you mentioned, a girl will never do for a regular guy unless he's very attractive or rich. Similar for girls...

provokeesmokee · Answer

Lots of people do this, not just men. The amount of people who open a marriage or have kids to try to fix things is ridiculous.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Complacence. He doesn't have to change things, so he doesn't have any motivation to. The woman is willing to just give the guy things.  This is why boundaries are super important.

art84 · Answer

My brother's ex girlfriend never wanted to get married and she had two boys with him. What's interesting is his new girlfriend who he had a girl with and a second on the way made him marry her after 3 years together.

Vegasrunner · Answer

I never understand why this is so difficult for women to grasp. Men will bang anything simply having sex with a womem doesn't mean we are interested in marrying you. Sounds like the women got a HV man and didn't understand how to keep him.

DextroShade · Answer

The guy is getting what he wants, and it is the woman's fault for staying with him. It's like a simp in the friend-zone continuing to pay a woman's bills and take her out even though he never gets to smash.

dustybiker2 · Answer

"Why not?" It's the type of men they are. Takers. Woman can do this too.

SotiCoto · Answer

Because they like them and enjoy their company, perhaps?  Marriage is just state officialisation. It is expensive and serves no purpose.

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

Marriage isn't a be all end all to relationships hun. I know plenty of happy relationships, that don't want marriage. Marriage is old fashioned, and is a state run institution meant to make you think that you can only love someone, legally

nawtee_me · Answer

Because they let them. Because the women evidently would rather be in a relationship with someone they can’t marry instead of not being in a relationship. The wrong relationship is better than no relationship at all….

FreyaRed · Answer

Those women accept that and those guys exploit those women.

sheikalana · Answer

Marriage is not a priority for a lot of people. Some people live happily together without getting married.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

I have a friend about to have a baby with his wife, never wanted to marry her... Didn't have the balls to break up.

Anonymous · Answer

They want to do time pass till they find a girl of their expectations and don't care about the current girl which means that he's a bad guy you should stay away from

WhitneySnow · Answer

Accident. Guys aren’t good with birth control sometimes.

Bricealan · Answer

Marriage is a huge commitment, and so many marriages fail miserably, as did mine.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Generally it’s pretty obvious why they do it, however in my opinion, these women don’t necessarily require any kind of commitment

DreamLife7 · Answer

They need someone around until the woman they want comes. Then they can replace you. Real question is why are you dumb, weak and insecure enough to stick around when u know he doesn't like you?

Anonymous · Answer

Could a guy do any of those things if a woman kept strict boundaries of no sex or wife duties until married?

whistlingwh0res · Answer

That happened to a Korean woman. She worked hard to provide his boy friend to make him a doctor in Germany and after he became doctor he marry to a German woman. I think women who are desperate is not sexy.

JacobJordan · Answer

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Dongie · Answer

Men you ask? Or a fraction of a percentage? I personally don't know of any white men that have done this.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do those women have sex out of marriage? Why did she do all that? Clearly she was ok with it. Being his bitch

thisAppIsGarbage · Answer

Because we never intend to marry and we like getting our dick sucked.

tryingitagain · Answer

Because it's the easiest choice, especially if sex is involved.

Rangers · Answer

Cause those guys are shitheads who still haven't grown the hell up

handsomelad70 · Answer

Companionship and s*x, not necessarily in that order.

In_Trance · Answer

Because they're happy but don't want to get married

MasterKS · Answer

Are you in relationship or full time worker?

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

I can't speak to this. I've wanted to get married for years, but there isn't much wifey material around.

AngryCarl · Answer

What's so great about being married?

MatureMan40 · Answer

I think he just uses her in this case...

robocop666 · Answer

Marriage is a load of shite

LazerBean · Answer

Because she was easy

JonCobretti · Answer

For sex

Loner111 · Answer

For sex

Why do men stay with women they never intend to marry?

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