Do you think you could ever learn to appreciate someone's inner beauty if in your opinion, they did not have outer beauty?

[Anonymous]

[HawkPerception]

If someone's personality is decent, I can always appreciate it. But even when it comes to friendship, I subconsciously seem to prefer to be drawn more to physically attractive people. It's not me trying to be shallow. I'm kind to anyone that's kind to me. But for some reason, spending my time with people that aren't attractive just feels... less satisfying? I don't know how to describe it. When it comes to dating, I absolutely have to be physically attracted to the person. I mean that's the person I have to wake up to and have sex for life potentially, right?

[Asker]

This. I mean, I hear people saying, its inner beauty that matters most, but how...HOW...and HOW does one even get to the inner bits if you aren't attracted to this person first? I don't think it's shallow at all. Even toddlers are "attracted" to faces that are what we as adults consider beautiful and will cower or feel very uncomfortable around faces that are distorted, or "ugly," so this is genetically wired into us. We are wired to take comfort in beauty. Yes, I would say that other person must also have inner beauty to sustain a relationship of any merit because outer beauty will fade, but that outer beauty is what gets one in the door---and yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but attraction is attraction.

[DizzyDesii]

@HawkPerception
Even with friendship? Lmao damn. I guess the friendzone really doesn't exist with you huh? Some of my best guy friends are unattractive (in my eyes) but i’ll still hang with them as long as they dont hit on me 🤣

[HawkPerception]

@DizzyDesii Girls are different. They seem to love friendzoning ugly dudes or "nice guys" 😂 Those guys would likely hit on you any chance they get.

There used to be 2 girls that I found unattractive. One in high school and one in college. They were nice people, so I chilled with them when they wanted to chill. But for some reason, I just felt like I was wasting my time. It felt unsatisfying, so I ended up chilling with them less and less subconsciously.

Even with dudes it's the same for me. I tend to chill with guys around my attraction level. It's the same with my closest friend.

[HawkPerception]

@Asker Well, some people do genuinely believe it's only about inner beauty. I think that a lot of people are lying to themselves when it comes to this topic to not come across as shallow though.

[BadApple69]

Yes of course. To be frank... My current girlfriend isn't a pretty girl but when I look at her, I see someone that no one else sees.
She gets mad at me because I call her beautiful, because she thinks in today's standards she isn't, but to me her inner beauty just shines through and I see a beautiful princess.

[PeachyPie93]

I met my first boyfriend online we used to have lots of fun messing around and being stupid on forums. When I seen a pic of him I wasn't attracted I thought he was kind of ugly but we got along great and he liked me, so I gave him a chance. We ended up dating for 8 years and he did grow on me and I did find him cute later on. He is still the only guy that ever loved me.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Yeah, the closer we are to the people in our lives, the more physically attractive they appear

[DizzyDesii]

I can always appreciate a good personality. Bt that is not enough to make me want to date them. I need them to have looks that I am attracted to

[Asker]

This is why I don't really buy that whole, "it's his/her personality that I fell in love with," because that is something you can't see, and if you don't know someone, who is out there approaching "ugly" people to get to learn about their personality. It's not a shallow thing, its-a-like you said, you've got to be attracted to them first and foremost, thing.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree

[Supperdano]

Of course you can appreciate inner beauty I don’t get the question I’m assuming if you would date someone with inner beauty that depends on how bad they look but inner beauty is very important if you’re going to date someone for along time but you have to be attracted to them but even if they are a 9 or 10 on looks if they are a horrible person no self respecting person is going be able to stand them for long enough hey have to be a good person that you enjoy being around or it won’t work

[Asker]

You did understand my meaning by the way. Inner beauty, important, check, but how do people even get to know this about a person if they aren't first physically attracted to them? Like guys aren't just approaching "ugly" women for the sake of getting to know that their personality is wonderful are they? I've never heard of such a thing. It's something you tend to learn because you were first really attracted to them unless they've been say vetted by a friend who already let you know, your personalities are why they want you guys to meet because they're so similar.

[abc3643]

Yes, definitely.

HOWEVER, there are times when outer beauty really helps keep the other person attracted.
Sadly, I know this from experience from both sides.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course and sometimes it adds to my attraction but I have to be at least somewhat physically attracted in the beginning but who knows. Everyone is so different.

[Berethor]

There is no such thing as inner beauty, there is personality, she ugly or just not a model?

[lightbulb27]

Yes. Need some attraction. Eyes are one way if seeing

[electromagnetic]

No, I could not and the ones who say they can are lying.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I appreciate them right into a good friendship.

[JayBones]

The better the inner beauty the more willing I am to overlook any lack of outer beauty. It's a sliding scale.

[Asker]

How would you even know to approach someone you aren't attracted to? How would you even make this connection on that sliding scale if you didn't first feel attracted to them in some way?

[JayBones]

You wouldn't know to approach that's why "ugly" people aren't approached and have to play the long game with romantic partners. Nobody is going to date them on their looks but once the person gets to know them, they have a chance

[TheSpaceGnome]

Appreciate? Yes. Be attracted to? No. It would remain platonic.

[Dreamclouds]

To a point inner beauty is reflected to the outside, they are not independent but closely related not always in everything but at least in the eyes

[Anonymous]

At this point I'm not sure I could learn to appreciate even their outer beauty let alone inner beauty.

It's just easier being single.🤣

[Glideess]

Yes, the girl I liked the most in the past was average looking.

[BarryLiverstone]

Omg, no