People with high number of sexual partners, do you find it hard to commit to one in a monogamous relationship/marriage?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Not exactly... I've been with 5 people in total, 4 were a relationship and one was... what in my mind was an assault. Now I'm married. It is not at all difficult to commit and stay faithful to my husband and I love him very much.

But there was another problem - I wanted each next partner I was with to be better than the last. Otherwise I couldn't be satisfied with them and wouldn't give them a chance... by the way I don't mean better at sex, just overall better - looks, personality, status, job etc.

Since most of my sexual partners were also my boyfriends (even if of only a couple of months) this wasn't such a big deal. But if I was a person who was sleeping around and would have slept with a man who's out of my league... I'd find it very difficult to later accept a man who was less than him. It's as simple as that. Once I did, I also wouldn't have any difficulty committing and staying faithful... but would I find such a man or would I remain single for a lot longer? And if I had to settle for a lesser man, would I be happy and respect him as my husband? I still wouldn't cheat on him though.

So yes, I do think that there is a danger, definitely for women, to having many sexual partners. You might find it difficult to accept another man who is willing to be in a relationship with you because you will compare him with the better man who only wanted to sleep with you. It's also just icky for either sex.

mandyfire98 · Accepted Answer

Sex and love don't hold equal value. Sex is sex. It's physical pleasure at the end of the day. Love is completely different. It's way more important. It's on another level and sex is such a very very very tiny part of love. Sex is involved with romantic love but love doesn't have to be involved with sex. That's the difference. If you're in a loving relationship then sex is the least important part of that relationship. If it's the most important part then you're not in love. You're in lust only.

If someone had high number of sexual partners then most of those weren't even in relationships so love was never involved. So it wouldn't ruin the actual feeling of love during an actual relationship later on.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Nope.

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. For a long time, I just didn't want to get married. I wasn't ready. I was never interested in getting tied down with kids, either.
I never cheated, but I did eventually break up and move on.
I had sex with a few non-girlfriends, not to mention BJs, when I wasn't attached.

When I did decide that I was ready to seek a life-partner and settle down, I had a couple more girlfriends before I found the right woman.

I was 40 when we met my (future) wife. She's 2.5 years younger. We had both had full lives before we met. After a year of dating exclusively, I asked her to marry me. A year later, we tied the knot.

One thing of many that we had in common was, we both took marriage very seriously. It's a solemn vow, a pledge of honor, a once in a lifetime decision.
Neither of us had ever been married or had any kids.

We've been happily married now for almost 27 years, had a LOT of fun, and built a wonderful life together. We trust each other completely. We've been through thick and thin. She has proven her loyalty and dedication. We're best friends, equal partners, and are concerned about each other's comfort, welfare, happiness and fulfillment.

I have no desire for anyone else. Besides, I could never betray her.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I have had 24 partners in 50 years of being sexually active. I think most people would consider that number to be at least above average. I've never once been unfaithful to a partner and I have no hesitation to settle into a committed relationship when I meet a woman who is a good long term prospect.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of insight into your curiosity, let's dive into the colorful world of relationships and commitment. While a high number of sexual partners can reflect various experiences and explorations, it doesn't necessarily spell doom for monogamy. It’s all about the mindset and the heart’s craving at the end of the day. If someone decides they're ready to trade in their solo adventures for a duo quest, then voilà, commitment can bloom wonderfully. It’s like switching from being a solo artist to forming a band; both are great, just different albums of life. Remember, the past doesn't always predict the future, especially when it comes to love. 😊

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Finchie40 · Answer

Not at all , I prefer one on one relationships hoping it lasts the long haul , hoping she is on the same page as I am , body count doesn't really matter to me , to a certain extent mainly if her intentions was to have a long lasting relationship with the guys’ she slept with prior to me. Now if she was a whore and just jumped from cock to cock , I wouldn’t be interested in her , mainly because I wouldn’t be able to trust her and would feel she was at higher risk of having STD’s. Sadly most the girls’ I ended up with , lied to me in the beginning , by telling me what I wanted to hear , saying they want a long lasting relationship as well , to realize that was just a lie. I had my fair share of lying selfish girls’ that used me for sex and a convenience , while weighing their options or the truth would come out , that they are already in a relationship with someone or marriad to someone else Basically thanks for a good time, but not a long time. When I find out a girls’ true colors? , my ass goes and gets tested to make sure I am clean and to make sure I didn’t catch an STD from her lying ass. Sadly we can’t read each others’ minds , we can assume we know someone and hope that someone wants the same things as us , but sadly that isn’t always the case , especially if they are lying to you. Most people just say what they think someone else wants to hear , to get what they are after in the first place , Most people have a hard time being honest and sadly that’s why so many relationships do not make it the long haul , once the infatuation period runs it’s course , it’s a 50/50 chance on whether that relationship will continue or end.. why I no longer rush into a committed relationship with a girl , especially these days. I prefer FWB’s with barely any strings attached some strings of course but not a lot , so it gives her and I both time to really get to know each other by being FWB’s , we both agree we only sleep with each other , but it’s ok if we date other people as well , if we do end up in bed with someone else? ? we agree to end the benefits part and just remain friends or we don’t sleep with anyone else and end up together instead. In a sense it’s an open relationship , so you both have breathing room while really getting to know each other before making the big decision. of commitment together. Instead of feeling rushed into a committed relationship , that will probably end up with a broken heart once the truth comes out. I have been in relationships with girls’ that had a hard time being honest , basically just telling me things that made me feel she really liked me and wanted to be with me to find out she was lying to me. I don’t waste my time being an investigator anymore , if a girl wants to lie to me , she will eventually suffer the consequences to her actions. Why I no longer make it my problem , if she wants to cheat on her partner with me? , that’s her problem not mine , i will only give my heart to a girl that is honest with me., she won’t get my heart if she is a liar , she might get my dick , but that’s about it

Apple1996 · Answer

I'm pretty certain it's a proven fact that people with high body count tend to have trouble settling down and staying faithful

V_Injector · Answer

Well, they're already in a monogamous relationship with someone else, so I just commit my penis in their vagina.  I know I just made you hate me a little more deep inside

AviatorTom · Answer

Not at all. Most of my 10 partners was me looking for the right woman. When I found her, I had no problem being faithful to her... for 20+ years until an amicable divorce. Same thing with my current SO... 7+ years and counting.

Anonymous · Answer

Actually, no. Somewhat to my own surprise, when I stopped to count it out, I have had 14 sexual partners.

To start, I lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend when I was 16 and she was 15. I have also had 5 one night stands and one, what would be called today - though I don't think the phrase had been coined at that point (I was in college) one "friends with benefits." That lasted about 8 months.

Frankly, this also resulted in 6 pregnancies. One of which ended in a miscarriage. Three of which were with my current live-in girlfriend of 11 years, with whom I have two little boys and my little princess. (The first two were unplanned pregnancies. The third was planned.) My girlfriend and I love each other, she is the center of my universe, and have talked about marriage but in some weird way we feel like a big ceremony and an expensive ring would just cheapen what we have.

Also, I was contacted about two years ago by a woman with whom I had a one night stand. We did not know each other well, frankly, but we had an amazing night and, it turns out, I got her pregnant,

The thing is that she decided not to tell me and raise the baby on her own. However, as he became a teenager she decided that her child needed to know his father. So she tracked me down two years ago and now I have a 14 year old son. (My other children are 10, 9 and 7.) I am very proud of him and although it was awkward to start, we have grown quite close.

The only one I regret is a girl I dated just out of college. I got her pregnant and at first she seemed really excited - and I was, for sure. Then she changed her mind and - long story short - had an abortion without telling me. It is the most painful thing I have ever known and I miss so much the baby I never got to hold in my arms. Honestly, sappy as it sounds, when I think about that baby, it still brings tears to my eyes.

Yet after all that, I have lived with my girlfriend and our three children, as I say, for 11 years and I love her with all my heart, Our relationship is solid and we have gone through a lot. In fact, when I learned of my 4th - actually 1st - child, I was terrified my girlfriend would take our children and leave me. Instead she was loving and supportive and has welcomed her stepson as part of our family.

To be sure, I've been lucky and there is so much I owe to my girlfriend. However, what I can say is that the number of sex partners I have had has had no real bearing on the strength of my relationship with the woman I love and I would do anything for her. When we discovered each other, it was love and has been ever since.

molonski2 · Answer

When you have had a lot of partners , and you have had numerous married women ( when single yourself ) , it is a massive adjustment to hold that complete trust and be monogamous and committed.

I've had what I consider a number that is too large , and it was never really something I set out to do , yet circumstances always seemed to roll that way , and have gone that way yet again , after 3 years of absolute commitment. Thats life !

Papisongo · Answer

I find the opposite to be true. Having had mindless sex for sport with countless women, I couldn’t be less interested is adding to that faceless “list”. I have been enjoying my third wife exclusively for almost ten years, with the only exception being a “happy ending” massage once while she was away visiting her family in China. She was to have been away for 6 weeks, but then COVID happened and it turned into six months! I wouldn’t t do it again, but feel no guilt or shame about it either.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Sadly that is a thing that does happen. There are studies that have been done on it and proven that fact.

then there's the fact that mentally it's just not a healthy life style to have and it can and will affect you in the future. Jordan Peterson has a few segments on it that are pretty good and he goes into a fair bit of detail on it.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Mandy's statement is egregiously wrong, and it's a prime example of why marriage and relationships are in the state they are in these days. When you separate intimacy from sex, you also separate sex from what is supposed to be an intimate relationship. This is why so many people have unfulfilling sex lives, and in turn, unfulfilling relationships. Because they think that that sexual connection doesn't matter (but their bodies -- and even their hearts -- know differently).

milknhoneyy · Answer

No. I have what (I guess) would be considered a moderately high body count, but I've been in a healthy monogamous relationship for 10 years almost.

(And no, my partner would not take issue with my pfp, especially since it's his "corn dog" being inserted into my mouth. 🙂)

DishLady · Answer

This is a really interesting question! Thanks for posting it. Looking forward to the group responses! (Sorry I can't contribute an opinion… I don't fit the criterion. 😳)

Nikki1989 · Answer

You date a lot and date often. Once you find the right partner, you settle. It is not complicated. Sex and love have nothing to do with each other.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Abso-fucking-lutely. You take things for granted, you also will never be happy with normal sex again, even when the girls are hot. You know that it is so much easier to find a new person to sleep with than it is to work through a relationship. Having high sexual partners definitely has had its consequences on me. I'm not going to say I completely regret it, but it definitely has fucked me up

KarinMcDonald · Answer

I'm married, and I am committed to my husband. But I do have a "few" other sexual partners, not a high number. My husband is aware and supports our lifestyle and I love him to pieces for being so open minded.

Mr_twoface · Answer

By the time I turned 25, I had already stopped counting my sexual partners (since I exceeded 30+) and thereafter had my first relationship. 10 years later I met my wife and today we've been married over 2 years. I don't find it hard, in fact it's been wonderfully awesome with daily laughter and fun moments.

Dargil · Answer

It is not "people". It is women. Men can " spread our wild oats" and then settle down to wife and family. After maybe 10 partners, women can lose their capacity to bond to men and children. Sorry if you or Janet don't like my opinion. Its in peer reviewed literature if you want to find it.

bobalife · Answer

I don’t think body count determined loyalty & commitment. It’s by choice, character, and values. Someone can have 1-5 body count and still end up cheating with poor morals and choices.

LazerBean · Answer

The question doesn't apply to me, but statistics show that the higher a man or womans body count, the lower their marital satisfaction is and the higher their divorce rate is.

Princesspd · Answer

For me yes. I am married and still have sex with other men.

elizamichale1 · Answer

I hav had soon sooo many sexual partners n yet I don't find it difficult to be in love with only n only my husband

Anonymous · Answer

I'm in an open marriage but my husband asked twice to close the marriage and I had no problem to ditch all those people.  I think if you really love your main partner, you won't have problem to switch

strateguy632 · Answer

that is me but no, because only one at a time.

however someone quoted a study that your idsa is true for females, because intimacy starts very meaningful but more partners loses its meaning. but for guys it was just love not major.

HappyWoman34 · Answer

Nope. I’ve been single for 5 years. I haven’t had sex in 4 years. Haven’t kissed anyone in 1 year. It’s pretty easy to stop if there’s no one who interests you in that way.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Not really, it just gets harder to trust the more I date and I recognize issues a lot earlier so when it comes to taking someone seriously it's definitely not the same as when I was 20

Kelly6 · Answer

@night_descends  no people with high body count can easily get in commuted relationship. to me high body count didn’t cause any difficulty

dustybiker2 · Answer

Most people I know who had frequent partners without cheating eventually settle down. Probably when the testosterone starts to lower.

Anonymous · Answer

As a guy, I can easily say that sexual partners or casual relationships or whatever you name them. are certainly different than a woman to marry.

Criteria is significantly different.
So shouldn't be hard if you are serious about it.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No. I think those who have difficulty with monogamy struggle for other reasons.

BryanMoore · Answer

no, cos the number of sexual partners has nothing really to do with emotional intimacy or connection or commitment, that's nromally been casual. But when that's all there it's very easy to stay in a relationship

Starrrboy · Answer

The ones who said no are just lying and keep on pretending lol..

Anonymous · Answer

Sex is simply sex when it's simply casual. I'd much prefer this because committing to a relationship isn't worth it nowadays especially if you're a male.

loveslongnails · Answer

That presumes I would want a monogamous relationship.

boobliker · Answer

sex is very important in a relationship more to one than the other in most, my daughter states that if she keeps his balls dry and mt he says

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

For men, no. For women, every dick that goes into her makes her less capable of forming a pair bond with any man.

Anonymous · Answer

A person with a promiscuous past is extremely unlikely to admit they are less capable of forming a lifelong pair bond, even though they are.

Anonymous · Answer

Over 100, and yes. I think it’s more that I’ve only known parents that cheat, get divorced, and blended type dysfunctional families, more than my sexual past.

NathanDavis · Answer

how high is too high for you?

RebelinSteel · Answer

Nope

Anonymous · Answer

Mo not at all with the right person

spartan55 · Answer

Not in the least.

People with high number of sexual partners, do you find it hard to commit to one in a monogamous relationship/marriage?

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Heterosexuals - does it occur to anyone some couples may want full fidelity whilst others may both prefer free-rein?

People with high number of sexual partners, do you find it hard to commit to one in a monogamous relationship/marriage?

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Heterosexuals - does it occur to anyone some couples may want full fidelity whilst others may both prefer free-rein?

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