People with high number of sexual partners, do you find it hard to commit to one in a monogamous relationship/marriage?

[Night_Descends]

[Lliam]

Nope.

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. For a long time, I just didn't want to get married. I wasn't ready. I was never interested in getting tied down with kids, either.
I never cheated, but I did eventually break up and move on.
I had sex with a few non-girlfriends, not to mention BJs, when I wasn't attached.

When I did decide that I was ready to seek a life-partner and settle down, I had a couple more girlfriends before I found the right woman.

I was 40 when we met my (future) wife. She's 2.5 years younger. We had both had full lives before we met. After a year of dating exclusively, I asked her to marry me. A year later, we tied the knot.

One thing of many that we had in common was, we both took marriage very seriously. It's a solemn vow, a pledge of honor, a once in a lifetime decision.
Neither of us had ever been married or had any kids.

We've been happily married now for almost 27 years, had a LOT of fun, and built a wonderful life together. We trust each other completely. We've been through thick and thin. She has proven her loyalty and dedication. We're best friends, equal partners, and are concerned about each other's comfort, welfare, happiness and fulfillment.

I have no desire for anyone else. Besides, I could never betray her.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly... I've been with 5 people in total, 4 were a relationship and one was... what in my mind was an assault. Now I'm married. It is not at all difficult to commit and stay faithful to my husband and I love him very much.

But there was another problem - I wanted each next partner I was with to be better than the last. Otherwise I couldn't be satisfied with them and wouldn't give them a chance... by the way I don't mean better at sex, just overall better - looks, personality, status, job etc.

Since most of my sexual partners were also my boyfriends (even if of only a couple of months) this wasn't such a big deal. But if I was a person who was sleeping around and would have slept with a man who's out of my league... I'd find it very difficult to later accept a man who was less than him. It's as simple as that. Once I did, I also wouldn't have any difficulty committing and staying faithful... but would I find such a man or would I remain single for a lot longer? And if I had to settle for a lesser man, would I be happy and respect him as my husband? I still wouldn't cheat on him though.

So yes, I do think that there is a danger, definitely for women, to having many sexual partners. You might find it difficult to accept another man who is willing to be in a relationship with you because you will compare him with the better man who only wanted to sleep with you. It's also just icky for either sex.

[mandyfire98]

Sex and love don't hold equal value. Sex is sex. It's physical pleasure at the end of the day. Love is completely different. It's way more important. It's on another level and sex is such a very very very tiny part of love. Sex is involved with romantic love but love doesn't have to be involved with sex. That's the difference. If you're in a loving relationship then sex is the least important part of that relationship. If it's the most important part then you're not in love. You're in lust only.

If someone had high number of sexual partners then most of those weren't even in relationships so love was never involved. So it wouldn't ruin the actual feeling of love during an actual relationship later on.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 to me it would. I would not be comfortable with swinging or an open relationship even if it was just about sex

[mandyfire98]

So sex holds as much weight as love for you?

[mandyfire98]

Also who says you have to be into swinging or an open relationship at all? Most people who have higher body counts did so when they were single. Not in a relationship at all.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 no I didn’t say that. Love is higher to me…but sex is still too intimate for me to feel comfortable with my girlfriend doing it with other people

[mandyfire98]

Doesn't mean that she can't be monogamous in a relationship if she's had a higher body count while she was single. Single is single, relationship is relationship.

I know plenty of women who had higher body counts in college but are now married and completely monogamous and happy.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 the problem is women with high body counts usually prioritize sex a lot in a relationship and I can’t be in a relationship where bad sex would make or break it. Because if one day my dick shrank or I got impotent, she’d leave me if sex was everything to her

[mandyfire98]

You can enjoy sex but also not make it your number 1 priority. Like I said just because women do something when they're single doesn't mean they do it in a relationship. Why would your penis shrink lol? Penises don't shrink.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 that’s false. Penises do shrink in fact https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320883

[mandyfire98]

Yeah according to that article it's mainly not randomly shrinking but it's not getting as erect due to usually erectile dysfunction. Also weight gain only makes it look smaller it's not actually getting smaller. The fat is just getting larger around it.

You shouldn't be getting fat anyway though. That's not healthy and not a positive trait at all.

With erectile dysfunction there are simple medications for that, a lot of guys use to fix that issue like Viagra, Cialis, blue chew.

[mandyfire98]

Plenty of women who are sexual can be extremely happy in a monogamous relationship and do all the time. That's a fact. You can try to find as many loopholes and excuses to not like women with a body count but you won't disprove it.

You can not like experienced women but that's just your preference, it doesn't change the fact that experienced women can be monogamous in a relationship. It happens all the time.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 you neglected the cases where prostate surgery can cause shrinkage, Peyronie’s disease, SSRI’s, hormone treatments etc…and the penis can in fact shrink with old age due to tissue atrophy. Also it’s not the experience that bothers me, it’s the idea that they prioritize sex a lot. Again, it they were experienced but wouldn’t dump me if I was impotent or had a micropenis, then I’d be fine with that…

[mandyfire98]

And how many cases on average do men suffer from those rare diseases that shrink your penis?

It sounds like you are maybe very insecure about your penis size or skill in bed. It sounds like you think every woman who isn't a virgin that doesn't know any better will just dump you immediately because of sex. Most women enjoy sex so unless you find an asexual woman then that insecurity will always be there. Most women even if they like sex a lot don't make sex the number one priority. Just like masturbating doesn't make every guy a sex addict even though most guys masturbate frequently. Just because a woman had a body count when she was single doesn't mean she's a sex addict. It's not the most important thing. Sometimes it's just something for physical pleasure like masturbating.

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 1 in 7 men will get prostate cancer, and Peyronie’s affects 1 in 11 men. So fairly common actually

[mandyfire98]

1 in 11 isn't as common as you think. I've never met anyone who had prostate cancer. I know it's a thing obviously but I've never personally met anyone who's had it. Never Even heard of peyronies and you didn't either until you looked it up. Nor have you met anyone who has it. Just saying.

[mandyfire98]

We can argue about this all day but it really does come down to I'm absolutely right about the original question which is women with a body count can be happily monogamous. I know several that are.

[mandyfire98]

That's a fact

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 that means out of 200 men, 18 men have Peyronie’s that’s pretty common. And just because you don’t know someone who personally has prostate cancer doesn’t mean it isn’t common…anyway my point is, penile shrinkage is a lot more prevalent than you might assume, so before dating someone I need to know if she’d be ok if my penis became useless at some point…

[mandyfire98]

It really seems like you are definitely scheduling for your penis to shrink 🤣 like you're just like "it's definitely gonna happen, my dick is gonna completely shrink"

That's an odd hangup to me, I don't know.

What do you do? Do you ask a woman on a first date, "So what is your favorite food and also how do you feel about penis shrinkage and peyronnes disease?"

[JHAYES317]

@mandyfire98 I’m about to start taking hair loss meds that have been known to do that in rare cases…also I do already have a mild case of Peyronie’s so yes you could say that. But no, I wouldn’t bring that up on the first date, but before we had sex, I’d probably say that I had a micropenis and then see how she reacted. I don’t have a micropenis but I’d need to know that she wouldn’t cheat on me if I did…

[mandyfire98]

Interesting

[OlderAndWiser]

I have had 24 partners in 50 years of being sexually active. I think most people would consider that number to be at least above average. I've never once been unfaithful to a partner and I have no hesitation to settle into a committed relationship when I meet a woman who is a good long term prospect.

[fuddly]

What about children and separation, divorce and cost of housing... If you need to start over

[WhiteBoyChill]

@fuddly lol wdym?

[fuddly]

I mean every time he separates from a partner, does he give up the house? Divorce?
And what happens to the children? ex wife gets custody
Or was there children

[OlderAndWiser]

@fuddly I never had children. We sold the house and split the proceeds.

[fuddly]

Wise move @OlderAndWiser

[Artificial Intelligence]

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of insight into your curiosity, let's dive into the colorful world of relationships and commitment. While a high number of sexual partners can reflect various experiences and explorations, it doesn't necessarily spell doom for monogamy. It’s all about the mindset and the heart’s craving at the end of the day. If someone decides they're ready to trade in their solo adventures for a duo quest, then voilà, commitment can bloom wonderfully. It’s like switching from being a solo artist to forming a band; both are great, just different albums of life. Remember, the past doesn't always predict the future, especially when it comes to love. 😊

[Night_Descends]

Mhmm, AI Dr. Brad? How many partners have you had?

[MikeTheBartender]

Lolololololololol

[spartan55]

Love Doctor Brad always seems to be sprinkling shit everywhere. Peter Pan wanna be.

[Finchie40]

Not at all , I prefer one on one relationships hoping it lasts the long haul , hoping she is on the same page as I am , body count doesn't really matter to me , to a certain extent mainly if her intentions was to have a long lasting relationship with the guys’ she slept with prior to me. Now if she was a whore and just jumped from cock to cock , I wouldn’t be interested in her , mainly because I wouldn’t be able to trust her and would feel she was at higher risk of having STD’s. Sadly most the girls’ I ended up with , lied to me in the beginning , by telling me what I wanted to hear , saying they want a long lasting relationship as well , to realize that was just a lie. I had my fair share of lying selfish girls’ that used me for sex and a convenience , while weighing their options or the truth would come out , that they are already in a relationship with someone or marriad to someone else Basically thanks for a good time, but not a long time. When I find out a girls’ true colors? , my ass goes and gets tested to make sure I am clean and to make sure I didn’t catch an STD from her lying ass. Sadly we can’t read each others’ minds , we can assume we know someone and hope that someone wants the same things as us , but sadly that isn’t always the case , especially if they are lying to you. Most people just say what they think someone else wants to hear , to get what they are after in the first place , Most people have a hard time being honest and sadly that’s why so many relationships do not make it the long haul , once the infatuation period runs it’s course , it’s a 50/50 chance on whether that relationship will continue or end.. why I no longer rush into a committed relationship with a girl , especially these days. I prefer FWB’s with barely any strings attached some strings of course but not a lot , so it gives her and I both time to really get to know each other by being FWB’s , we both agree we only sleep with each other , but it’s ok if we date other people as well , if we do end up in bed with someone else? ? we agree to end the benefits part and just remain friends or we don’t sleep with anyone else and end up together instead. In a sense it’s an open relationship , so you both have breathing room while really getting to know each other before making the big decision. of commitment together. Instead of feeling rushed into a committed relationship , that will probably end up with a broken heart once the truth comes out. I have been in relationships with girls’ that had a hard time being honest , basically just telling me things that made me feel she really liked me and wanted to be with me to find out she was lying to me. I don’t waste my time being an investigator anymore , if a girl wants to lie to me , she will eventually suffer the consequences to her actions. Why I no longer make it my problem , if she wants to cheat on her partner with me? , that’s her problem not mine , i will only give my heart to a girl that is honest with me., she won’t get my heart if she is a liar , she might get my dick , but that’s about it

[Apple1996]

I'm pretty certain it's a proven fact that people with high body count tend to have trouble settling down and staying faithful

[sean1234]

That's kind of an understatement.

[Apple1996]

@sean1234 haha definitely I'm just stating the obvious for those people that don't know 😂

[sean1234]

Yes yes, the average married man should be like for example...
"oh my darling, your beauty is like a tulip in a yard of dead burned up plants, for all other women are ugly and dead to me"

And she is like..."yep, ditto, same back at yah"

[V_Injector]

Well, they're already in a monogamous relationship with someone else, so I just commit my penis in their vagina.

I know I just made you hate me a little more deep inside

[AviatorTom]

Not at all. Most of my 10 partners was me looking for the right woman. When I found her, I had no problem being faithful to her... for 20+ years until an amicable divorce. Same thing with my current SO... 7+ years and counting.

[Anonymous]

Actually, no. Somewhat to my own surprise, when I stopped to count it out, I have had 14 sexual partners.

To start, I lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend when I was 16 and she was 15. I have also had 5 one night stands and one, what would be called today - though I don't think the phrase had been coined at that point (I was in college) one "friends with benefits." That lasted about 8 months.

Frankly, this also resulted in 6 pregnancies. One of which ended in a miscarriage. Three of which were with my current live-in girlfriend of 11 years, with whom I have two little boys and my little princess. (The first two were unplanned pregnancies. The third was planned.) My girlfriend and I love each other, she is the center of my universe, and have talked about marriage but in some weird way we feel like a big ceremony and an expensive ring would just cheapen what we have.

Also, I was contacted about two years ago by a woman with whom I had a one night stand. We did not know each other well, frankly, but we had an amazing night and, it turns out, I got her pregnant,

The thing is that she decided not to tell me and raise the baby on her own. However, as he became a teenager she decided that her child needed to know his father. So she tracked me down two years ago and now I have a 14 year old son. (My other children are 10, 9 and 7.) I am very proud of him and although it was awkward to start, we have grown quite close.

The only one I regret is a girl I dated just out of college. I got her pregnant and at first she seemed really excited - and I was, for sure. Then she changed her mind and - long story short - had an abortion without telling me. It is the most painful thing I have ever known and I miss so much the baby I never got to hold in my arms. Honestly, sappy as it sounds, when I think about that baby, it still brings tears to my eyes.

Yet after all that, I have lived with my girlfriend and our three children, as I say, for 11 years and I love her with all my heart, Our relationship is solid and we have gone through a lot. In fact, when I learned of my 4th - actually 1st - child, I was terrified my girlfriend would take our children and leave me. Instead she was loving and supportive and has welcomed her stepson as part of our family.

To be sure, I've been lucky and there is so much I owe to my girlfriend. However, what I can say is that the number of sex partners I have had has had no real bearing on the strength of my relationship with the woman I love and I would do anything for her. When we discovered each other, it was love and has been ever since.

[molonski2]

When you have had a lot of partners , and you have had numerous married women ( when single yourself ) , it is a massive adjustment to hold that complete trust and be monogamous and committed.

I've had what I consider a number that is too large , and it was never really something I set out to do , yet circumstances always seemed to roll that way , and have gone that way yet again , after 3 years of absolute commitment. Thats life !

[itsclearlynicholas]

If you had your time again, wise older man? 🦉 ♂️ Please : I'm/we're all ears 👂🏻👂🏻 and 👀 eyes

[molonski2]

@itsclearlynicholas
Well thats an interesting question , so my failed marriage despite being completely monogamous for 7 years , left me not in a good place mind wise , and I had so many partners , part of it was who I was going for , part of it became reputation , so yeah..
If I had my time over , I would not of married my wife , although she was pregnant , so there is another thing..
Then beyond 40 , it was all huge again..40 - 50

[itsclearlynicholas]

If I was to ask slightly differently, if you could pick your time again and knowing also what you know plus whatever experience, for better or worse, you've had to now: how would you prefer to write your own script as it were in terms of romantic partner of choice, aka choosing one woman, even some different than who was around at X year or Y decade, or b) is monogamy just plain overrated no matter whom or is sleeping with more than one partner the kryptonite? The Achilles heel?

[itsclearlynicholas]

Because then once a man has done it with one woman, and let's say she "wasn't perfect" then no wonder to my brain then it's like a hard and fast' "you only get one shot" lol 😂😆 so people should choose so strictly more than they choose their car lol 😆

[Papisongo]

I find the opposite to be true. Having had mindless sex for sport with countless women, I couldn’t be less interested is adding to that faceless “list”. I have been enjoying my third wife exclusively for almost ten years, with the only exception being a “happy ending” massage once while she was away visiting her family in China. She was to have been away for 6 weeks, but then COVID happened and it turned into six months! I wouldn’t t do it again, but feel no guilt or shame about it either.

[Phoenix98]

Sadly that is a thing that does happen. There are studies that have been done on it and proven that fact.

then there's the fact that mentally it's just not a healthy life style to have and it can and will affect you in the future. Jordan Peterson has a few segments on it that are pretty good and he goes into a fair bit of detail on it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Mandy's statement is egregiously wrong, and it's a prime example of why marriage and relationships are in the state they are in these days. When you separate intimacy from sex, you also separate sex from what is supposed to be an intimate relationship. This is why so many people have unfulfilling sex lives, and in turn, unfulfilling relationships. Because they think that that sexual connection doesn't matter (but their bodies -- and even their hearts -- know differently).

[DishLady]

This is a really interesting question! Thanks for posting it. Looking forward to the group responses! (Sorry I can't contribute an opinion… I don't fit the criterion. 😳)

[Night_Descends]

Haha feel free! Hope it helped you

[milknhoneyy]

No. I have what (I guess) would be considered a moderately high body count, but I've been in a healthy monogamous relationship for 10 years almost.

(And no, my partner would not take issue with my pfp, especially since it's his "corn dog" being inserted into my mouth. 🙂)

[MikeTheBartender]

Abso-fucking-lutely. You take things for granted, you also will never be happy with normal sex again, even when the girls are hot. You know that it is so much easier to find a new person to sleep with than it is to work through a relationship. Having high sexual partners definitely has had its consequences on me. I'm not going to say I completely regret it, but it definitely has fucked me up

[KarinMcDonald]

I'm married, and I am committed to my husband. But I do have a "few" other sexual partners, not a high number. My husband is aware and supports our lifestyle and I love him to pieces for being so open minded.

[JHAYES317]

@KarinMcDonald does he also have other sexual partners?

[sean1234]

👎...

[sean1234]

He's close minded and so are you. There is no marriage, it's a farce and a lie.

[KarinMcDonald]

@JHAYES317 No. He doesn't want any others. And frankly, I don't want him fucking other women.

[KarinMcDonald]

@sean1234 whatever

[JHAYES317]

@KarinMcDonald and yet you feel it’s ok to fuck other men? That seems pretty hypocritical

[KarinMcDonald]

@JHAYES317 I don't do it behind his back. He gets turned on by it, like a lot of guys do. Sometimes he'll buy me something fun to wear on my special nights.

[JHAYES317]

@KarinMcDonald so he’s a cuck then?

[KarinMcDonald]

@JHAYES317 I guess technically, but we prefer using the terms hotwife and loving husband.

[JHAYES317]

@KarinMcDonald whatever helps you sleep at night lol

[Billlewis]

Oh my goodness... that is so exciting, as well as perfect, in my opinion.

[sean1234]

Guy walks to the mental institution and asks why the rooms have walls missing and they are all open to the outside for rain to get in? The receptionist says on no, this is only the entrance, the outside world is where the lunatics are.

[KarinMcDonald]

@JHAYES317 I never said this lifestyle is for everybody. You do yourself, we'll do what we want.

[Mr_twoface]

By the time I turned 25, I had already stopped counting my sexual partners (since I exceeded 30+) and thereafter had my first relationship. 10 years later I met my wife and today we've been married over 2 years. I don't find it hard, in fact it's been wonderfully awesome with daily laughter and fun moments.

[MikeTheBartender]

Is sex with her amazing? Better than the other partners? Or was it more the relationship that made it last so long and still good?

[Mr_twoface]

@MikeTheBartender I can't compare with others because with the wifey there is love, lust and passion involved in the sex! With one previous ex, there was also feelings and emotions involved and the sex was great, but she wasn't as willing as the wifey. The previous exes and encounters it was purely just about the sex AND If we ask just about the sex without any feelings involved, others were more fulfilling. Some fulfilled my fetish fantasies, others enjoyed hardcore and handful was as wild as me and wanted to experiment a lot.

[MikeTheBartender]

Amén ❤️

[Dargil]

It is not "people". It is women. Men can " spread our wild oats" and then settle down to wife and family. After maybe 10 partners, women can lose their capacity to bond to men and children. Sorry if you or Janet don't like my opinion. Its in peer reviewed literature if you want to find it.

[bobalife]

I don’t think body count determined loyalty & commitment. It’s by choice, character, and values. Someone can have 1-5 body count and still end up cheating with poor morals and choices.

[Nikki1989]

You date a lot and date often. Once you find the right partner, you settle. It is not complicated. Sex and love have nothing to do with each other.

[fuddly]

I'm surprised you hear the women say this about sex being separate to love

Maybe your husband is wealthy so you don't want to leave him?

[Princesspd]

For me yes. I am married and still have sex with other men.

[rebeliouse]

does hubby have sex with other women @Princesspd

[Princesspd]

@rebeliouse nope

[Billlewis]

Oh my heavens... that is so incredibly erotic;)

[rebeliouse]

does he want sex with others?

[Princesspd]

@rebeliouse no he chose not to.

[rebeliouse]

@Princesspd
would u object to him having sex with other women?

[TaureanBull81]

@rebeliouse I have a feeling by her silence that is a yesssssss!

[rebeliouse]

@TaureanBull81 cake and eat it lol

[Princesspd]

@rebeliouse he can sleep with whoever he wants. He is free to do so.

[LazerBean]

The question doesn't apply to me, but statistics show that the higher a man or womans body count, the lower their marital satisfaction is and the higher their divorce rate is.

[Anonymous]

I'm in an open marriage but my husband asked twice to close the marriage and I had no problem to ditch all those people.

I think if you really love your main partner, you won't have problem to switch