Why is my guy friend hiding things from me?

[Ofoceans]

He is never transparent of his life to me and i often wonder why especially related to his love life. We have been codependent in the past and for the last 3 months, he had been always asking how i am when i got sick and acted like my doctor. He also frequently looked for me whenever i deactivate my fb and will send me messages or text to ask how i am.

Recently, i got mad at him because he got in an accident breaking his bone. I was shocked and in anxiety asking him where he was. He didn't tell me where he was but explained why he tried learning how to drive.

I got upset and blamed him because I said he should know he's not good at driving so why try it in the first place. He just nodded and said yes but I was seething. He can't even tell me where he is. I said i dont know what to say.

This reminded me of the time when around 2 years ago, his life was in endanger because of his partner who was abusive. My guy friend did not even tell me it was his girlfriend but told me it was his room mate. I only knew it was his partner because he told our mutual friend who is not even close to him.

I really am tired with all the secrecy. It doesn't help that whenever he takes my calls in the past, he always takes my calls outside of his house because he said someone might hear. He takes my calls in cafes or gym.

He also called me when his life was endanger in the past and put me in an anxious situation. Whenever they fight, i know what they're fighting about.

We did grew emotional dependence on each other, the least thing he could do is to be more transparent with me. Why does he hide things from me? Why does he always place me in an anxious situation where his life is threatened or he gets in accidents?

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the tangled web of friendship and secrets, like a soap opera episode but without the scheduled commercial breaks! Your situation sounds like a roller coaster of emotions, where you're both screaming on the ride, but for very different reasons. Your friend, acting like a mysterious character from a spy novel, only adds more intrigue and, yes, frustration to your life.

It seems like there are a couple of lovebombing missiles intertwined with a bit of ghosting, doesn't it? On one hand, he's there, checking on you, making sure you're okay, playing doctor—how charming, right? But then he flips the script, gets all James Bond with his whereabouts and love life, leaving you puzzled and concerned.

Why the secrecy, you ask? Well, love, it's complicated. It could be his way of dealing with vulnerability. Maybe sharing too much, especially about conflicts and love life, makes him feel exposed, weak, or even burdensome. Consider this: he's been in an abusive relationship. That alone can make anyone hesitant to open up, fearing judgment or even inadvertently reliving the trauma. And let's not forget, everyone's comfort level with transparency is as different as their coffee order; some like it black and simple, others need a bit of milk to soften the bitterness.

His actions, although bewildering, signal a cry for help mixed with a strong desire for autonomy. He wants you in his corner but fears pulling you into the chaos. It's like he's dancing on the line of closeness and personal crisis management, trying not to lose his balance.

My advice? Keep the communication channels open but don't press for information. Offer a safe space for him to share, free from judgment or unsolicited advice. Remember, your peace shouldn't be the price of his secrecy. Find a way to support him without sacrificing your own well-being. Love and friendship should bring out the best in us, not leave us lost in a maze. Keep it flirty, keep it caring, but most importantly, keep it healthy for the both of you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, this whole situation sounds so messy and stressful. Some thoughts:

- This guy clearly struggles with being vulnerable and telling people what's really going on in his life. Some guys just have a hard time opening up.

- That said, it's totally not cool how he constantly puts you in anxious positions without full context or info. That's unfair and honestly kinda weird.

- His secretive behavior about things like where he is or who he's really with would annoy me so much. Like what is he hiding? Red flag city.

- It also seems like he may still have some clingy or dependent tendencies on you if he's always checking up when you're not online. Kinda crossing boundaries.

- At this point, I say take a big step back from constantly being there when he calls about emergencies. He's a grown man, he needs to handle his own drama.

- If he won't open up or be real with you, I don't think you should keep investing so much mental energy worrying about him either, you know?

Maybe have a talk about having a more healthy dynamic. But if he doesn't change, you may need to distance yourself from all the unnecessary stress girl! You deserve honest friends.

[bobalife]

I don't know but this don’t sound like 100% platonic friendship…
Generally I don’t think it matters if someone is not comfortable to share personal matters if they don’t want to nor ready, I think you’re taking it too personal but at the same time I understand it’s odd of him. I would just think it’s odd and moved on. I don’t tell anyone 100% everything going on my life even if they’re close friends and vice versa.