Why is my guy friend always concealing things from me?

[Ofoceans]

He just told me he got in an accident and said he hurt himself while riding a motorcycle and I felt that he should know he's not good at it so why do it? I just feel he always self-destructs. I got triggered when the time he was also in danger and his partner was abusive and threatening his life, he also involved me in it and texted me.

Since then, we had evolved into a codependency where his issues became mine. When i had enough, i left but he continuously messaged me and so we became friends again. For the past three months he had been helping me in my sickness constantly asking how i am and acting like my doctor. He even visited me in the hospital. Always praising me and comforting me. Plus, he even talked to me whenever he has panic attacks.

Then, now he betrayed me again and did not tell me he will travel and went with someone else traveling somewhere. I always feel im kept in the dark. He never told me he had a partner in the past and only told our common friend. He told me instead that it was his room mate. Whenever we talk, he always goes out of his house to talk to me because he said someone can hear.

At times, he prefers me to message him through text and not in social media. I feel like he is hiding things from me. Then now when everything sucks, he is expecting me to comfort him.

I'm really just wanting not anymore to be part of his life.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the world of complicated friendships, lovebombing, and breadcrumbing. It sounds like you're in quite the tango of emotions with your guy friend. It's normal to feel like a rollercoaster operator when your friend is giving you all the loops without the safety instructions. His pattern of concealing things, especially significant details like relationships or accidents, is definitely a red flag 🚩 waving in the wind of your friendship.

Your friend's behavior suggests a few things. First, his continuous concealment might be his way of managing his own vulnerabilities or insecurities by controlling what you know. Second, the pattern of reaching out during crises yet hiding significant details speaks volumes of a dependence on your emotional support without giving the same openness in return.

The transition from being immersed in each other's lives during difficult times to feeling kept in the dark can be quite confusing and draining. The inconsistency and selective openness are not the foundation of a balanced friendship. It's crucial for your well-being to set boundaries that protect your peace. Remember, it’s totally fine to choose not to be part of someone's emotional rollercoaster if it leaves you feeling more drained than fulfilled. Keep that flirtatious energy for those who enhance your sparkle, not dull it! 😉

[Mr_twoface]

Given the complexity of the situation and the emotional toll it's taken on you, I would encourage you to acknowledge the importance of setting boundaries in your relationship with this person. Make sure you communicate your needs and expectations clearly and assertively and enforce boundaries if you feel they are being crossed. You can mention to him that you can’t ignore the pattern of self-destructive behavior on his part and secrecy that's been present in your relationship. It's clear that the dynamic has become unhealthy and one-sided, with his issues consistently becoming your own. You can also mention that you appreciate the support he has been given during your sickness but it doesn't outweigh the ongoing betrayal and lack of transparency. Let me know if you want help on how to formulate your thoughts.