Could be a good novel but I don't have time, please please help me?

I was with my high school sweetheart 4yrs (freshman to senior). We were friends before that throughout middle school. The relationship ended very badly, I broke up with him because he became obsessive/possessive and was slightly becoming abusive (definitely verbally, a little physically). We were kids and after the breakup there was a lot of revenge happening (mostly on his part, a little on mine). He was my first and only relationship and I still think of him nearly everyday. I've been single almost 8 years now, haven't been in a relationship since and am almost 26. It seems he hasn't been in a relationship since either. But a year after our breakup, I graduated high school alone (no family there and homeless). After that, I called him upset, he picked me up, hooked up with me and then asked why I was still there in the morning. Basically treating me like just a body, I think he may have been on something but I can't be sure. I felt after being close for nearly a decade, he could never think of me like that, I've been scorned. Regardless, yes, I will admit I have social media stalked a bit. He moved across the country, lives in the woods, seems to be on drugs, and looks like someone I wouldn't even recognize. He did incredibly horrible things when I first broke up with him but yet somehow still the good outweighed the bad. I became officially done after my hs graduation situation with him. I've been on a few dates since and talked with a few guys, yet I find myself still comparing to/thinking about him. Should I do something? Or just keep on with thinking it's normal to always think about your first love
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I will add, he had a very good family. Whereas I didn't. So I have no idea how he ended up how he did. I practically lived with him when we were together and teenagers. It was an incredibly good relationship for the first 3 years and then just went downhill. I remember it pretty accurately but I'm matured now and question how I'd think of all of it now differently if that was now
Could be a good novel but I don't have time, please please help me?
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