There are 13 years between me and the person I want to be in love with. He thinks that I will regret it in the future because of the age difference. What do you think I should do?
Depends on the age. If you are younger then 30, absolutely. It is possible that a 13 yr age gap won't be an issue. But ultimately, most of the time it will no matter the age. there will be a short window in the 30-40 age range where it won't be that big a deal. But when you are younger, and when you are older, it will 100% be an issue. People slow down when they get older. I did a lot more when I was 40 then I did when I was 53. Then what happens when one retires and wants to travel or do other things. They can't because the younger one has a long way to go before retirement. Men typically slow way down sex wise as they get older. Women get more crazy.
When you are young, there is too much of a gap for there to be anything in common. It ends up just being about sex.
You are right, thank you for this explanatory answer❤️❤️
95% of the time, an arrangement like the one you're describing is a bad or horrible idea.
For the 5% where it's not, y'all need to meet these criteria:
1) The younger person is the one pursuing / making it abundantly clear that they're interested. Older party should have some reluctance / reservations.
2) The older person doesn't mind meeting and semi-regularly engaging with the younger's parents and social circle.
3) Excellent chemistry.
4) No pushing for sex.
5) A clear, open dialogue about expectations, especially late in life.
6) Serious consideration and communication about career and education, especially for the younger party.
^ So long as you meet these, then go ahead and enjoy the experience. Just be careful.
Thank you for MHO.
Age in love, ah, such a timeless dilemma! Here's the scoop: age can be just a number, but the experiences, expectations, and stages of life between partners are the real spices in this love recipe. It's all about connection, understanding, and mutual goals. Having a significant age gap means navigating some waves together—from societal eyebrows to syncing life stages. The key? Communication! Talk about your dreams, fears, and what love means to each of you. If your hearts and minds are in sync, and you feel understood and cherished, then you've got a strong foundation. Remember, love doesn't know numbers, but it does thrive on respect, empathy, and shared laughter. So, if you both can dance to the rhythm of your unique tune, age becomes a mere detail in your love story. Just make sure you're both looking at the same horizon. Love is a journey, not a race!
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At your age that’s something only you can decide , age really doesn’t mean anything if you have great chemistry and connection with someone but ask yourself can you see yourself tied down to one guy at this time in your life? Because at his age he is probably ready to settle down , so don’t get into a relationship with him if part of you feels like you willl eventually stray
At your age it is too much of a gap, someone that is 18 is in a completely different place than someone that is 31. I would also be concerned about what age group he normally pursues. Is it usually women in his age group or does he always go after much younger women, that can be a red flag as well.
Typical millennial woman who has hit the wall comment. Yo and your red flags
@DarkLegacy sure 😂 spoken like a true incel
You have spoken like a true feminazi
@DarkLegacy we get it, you’re a loser, stop telling everyone incel
@CrabCakes11 we get it you are a feminazi, that is the worst thing you could be
@DarkLegacy Id rather be a “feminazi” than whatever the fuck you are
u He is the guy you WANT to be in love with? In my experience, that is not the way it works.
My mother was 30 years younger than my father, happily married for 40 years until he died.
Wow they must have loved each other very much
@Dongie My mother, in her 20s, thought my father was in his 30s when they married. It was only later that she learned he was in his 50s. I've seen pictures of my father... he looked much younger than he actually was, and remained active and younger than his actual age until he died.
@Dongie Nice!
For what it's worth, I was almost 5 years older than my ex-wife (20 years, amicable divorce), and my SO and I are the same age (she's actually one month older than me, but we don't talk about her being an "older woman"), 8 years together and counting.
Sorry about your loss, Aviator Tom, but at least they had two generations of wedded bliss.(My parents were married for 53 years before Dad's Feb.26,1990 passing at age 76.)
At your current age it's too big of a gap
I met my husband my freshman year in college, when I was 18 and he was 33. He was interested in me from the day we met, but felt I was too young, so he became a friend and gave me time to do some growing up. When I graduated from college, he felt there were too many guys buzzing around me so decided to make his move, even though he would have liked to have given me a couple more years. We never actually dated, we just got married at that point. It's 10 years and 2 kids later now lol. But, I do have to say, at this point in your life, I do think it is too big a gap. It has more to do with maturity level that anything else. I would give it some time and stay in touch. Get some more life experience and then revisit it.
And yet you're older now and still not divorced? 🤔😔
Must've done something correct 💯 💍
@paledreams No plans on the horizon... I grew up enough for him to marry me lol
A 13 year difference in your case means he is either 31 or 5. Hopefully you mean 31. But even that is probably not a good thing. He has 13 years more experience in both love and life. That would likely not be a problem if you were older. Age differences are less of a problem when the couple is older.
The other red flag I see is "the person I want to be in love with." Sounds like you are interested in some things about him so you would like it if you were in love with him, but you are not actually feeling any love for him now. You did not say "the person I am in love with" which is different than wanting to be in love with him.
Honestly I think 31 and 18 is too big a gap, I am sorry.
If you were, say 25 and he was 38 it would prob. be OK but things change too much and too fast when you are 18.
Having said that, you are an adult so if you want to try it, that is up to you and you never know, sometimes it might work. But I personally think he is giving you good advice. JMO!
Im sorry but you have no say in it
@DarkLegacy I mean you realize she asked lol.
At your age, yes. The rule of thumb I've always heard and which makes sense to me is that the youngest you should date is half your age, plus seven, so 31/2 7 would be 22.5, let's say 23 for him. Conversely, the oldest you should date would be double the difference between your age and seven, so (18-7)×2 which makes 22 your upper limit. This formula reflects the fact that age gaps make less of a difference as the parties get older.
Depends. If you're older, then it's likely a cop out for him to leave. If he's older, he likely doesn't want to stay. Either way, all it indicates is that he has cold feet and would likely want to lay the possibility of doubt on you so that you'd break things up with him. You can argue the point all you want but if you're not engaged after 2 or 3 years being together or even if you are, then start thinking about selling the ring or kicking his ass to the curb (not literally but figuratively).
1-he might think of you regretting it as there are lots of things in life besides the Age Gap Love...
2-the today's generation is Too judgmental and you'll be seen as His Daughter and Vice-versa and might think wrong about him/you...
3-he know what he's talking about and doesn't want "unpleasan't visits" from... Police, Child services, Any other types of government officials...🤷♂️
Believe it or not, according to the Bureau of Marriage and Divorce Statistics, the most successful marriages are with a woman 13 year senior to her husband. I work with guy at a state office who is that much younger than his wife, and they are a good match.
@Bricealan
Hey Bricealan, long time no speak. Could you do me a favor please, and tell me what country this "Bureau of marriage and divorce statistics” is in? I searched the internet, and I could not find a single government agency, an NGO, or even a private think-tank named The Bureau of Marriage and Divorce Statistics. I know the US Census Bureau, has a department called The US Census Bureau, Department of Marriage and Divorce Statistics, and that is all that I saw when I put Bureau of marriage and divorce statistics within quotation marks on Google.
I would genuinely love to read the stats for myself, I’m also genuinely curious as to what other statistical data they publish. You wouldn't happen to have a link to this data would you? I’d love to have some concrete data to prove one of my professors wrong in her assertion that the most successful marriages are those where the husband is 3 to 5 years older than the wife, they are highly educated, and marry later in life (for the first time).
Thanks, Laura. 🤗 🥰.
@CrazyGirl2 I got that information when I was in graduate school at Pepperdine 20 years ago, and just filed it away for reference. The way different agencies come and go, it may have been done away with since then, or it may be buried in with some other Fed Government agency.
Ahhh okay gotcha! Yeah, I believe that the statistics which are not older than myself, now show that the most successful marriages, are now those wherein the male is 3 to 5 years older than the female. But those were from my undergrad, so they too may now be obsolete, being 2 to 3 years old themselves.
Thanks for the clarification,
Laura. 🤗 🥰
@CrazyGirl2 👍👍
The age-gap is less of a problem when the younger one in the relationship is a bit more mature.
31+18 is more frowned upon
43+30 less frowned upon
53+40 nobody cares anymore
It has to do with some consideration that the younger one is more mature, so there is less chance that he/she is being completely manipulated by the other one.
I'm 3p and have considered dating no less than legal age 18-30. In my country legal age is 18. So anyways, sometimes I wonder when even 18 years 20 years and 22 years all still check me out, whether they're workers or uni grads, I think to myself "do they just seem me as short term meat" for their pleasure lol 😂😆 those early 20s ladies hahah ♀️ what man eaters 🌹😆
*30 (typo)
any of you can regret it... you can also regret having relationship with someone in your age.
give it a try, if it works great, if not... nothing is set in stone
Alright so one year older than me, I just don't see how you'd be on the same life stage and I just can't imagine how that produces a healthy relationship because I expect the maturity levels to be to different.
There is no such thing as to much of an age gap, most people who have a problem with it are bitter feminists who have hit the wall and white knight men. If you want to date older and older guys want to date you then there is no problem. There was 30 years difference between my Mum and Dad and they were married for over 30 years until their deaths.
I don't think the age gap is too big. The love of my life was 30 years younger than me.
But the starting age is what counts.
I think at your age no matter what the age Gap is it's unlikely that anyone you have a relationship with will be your long-term partner. You're still at the experimental age and very likely have no idea what you want yet. You'll have to go through several relationships before you have a clue.
I was with a guy for a while who was 12 years older than me
Did you break up? Was it because of the age difference?
I understand
in your case 13 year gap is too much and even 7 years gap is too much. later after age 30 gap is not important.
I don’t think it’s too much. It’s a fairly large age gap but as you get older you’ll encounter couples with 15-20+ year age gaps here and there. It might be seen as unusual but as long as you’re happy people won’t really judge. Also, younger women with older men tend to compliment each other better than younger men with older women.
The acceptability of age gaps is not fixed. As a couple grows older a larger age gap is fine. But an 18 year old with a 31 year old is fishy - you will outgrow him and you will not look back on your time with him with fondness. This has happened before, many times.
But in general an age gap that will raise no eyebrows is given by the equation:
Older < 5×e^(0.08×Younger)
I think a lot has to do with the ages! The older the couple is the less the age difference becomes an issue.
Depends how old the youngest is. Maturity and life experience plays a factor vs simply predatory attraction from people who can't get real woman their own age.
Depends on the ages of the 2 people. An 31-year-old dating an 18-year-old is creepy. A 31-year-old dating someone that is 44 is not a problem at all.
It's not a regret if you genuinely love the person and he treats you right. No matter his age may be.
Date the guy. As long as the two of you are legitimately into each other, that is all that matters.
Umm, my dad was 15 years one month and 3 weeks older than my mom. They divorced 3 times and remarried I guess every time. Maybe the first 2 I don't know. I stopped keeping up with it. But they were still together when he passed , 45 years.
In your 20s it can be considered a huge age gap and may cause some issues in your relationship.
Unless each knows aka whoever is the legal age 18+ and whoever is the older aka 25+ or 30+ and so on - maybe they're both each other's conquests for the short term or just a fling lol 😆
I don't think so; I also think that it depends on what kind of relationship they're having.
if you don't mind one of you being in their 60's when the kids are graduating high school.
Did not bother any of us five siblings. My Mum and Dad had a 30 year age gap
No, my crush is 14 years younger than me and it's OK. We're both adults!
It can work., but give it more time and see how well you are getting along in a year or two before making any major life decisions.
It's fine. What matters is having compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, and having some common interests to enjoy together.
That’s a big gap. He might be right. He sounds mature for his age.
I think you meant she (also) sounds mature
True. Mature enough to ask this question.
You’re right dating a 31 or 3 year old. Both are bad
How on Earth can you compare the two, you are weird or what.
@DarkLegacy I didn’t compare them. Check your reading comprehension
You said dating a 31 or 3 year old. Both are bad. I know what i read and there is nothing wrong with her dating a 31 year old.
@DarkLegacy oh no. You’re dumb
It's in between. You being 18 is a bit more different age say you were 23 or 24 but 18 is still very young to be with some 13 years older than you.
I'm in a 15 year age gap and it's the best relationship of my life
So no, a 13 year age gap is not too much
No, the man should always be older, especially since today's women don't want to build with a man and just want to move in.
Not really, it’s not like he is old enough to be your father
You are right
my boyfriend of 16 months is 16 years older than me
And your what 18-22 says your thing? Just curious. How's it going, you happy couple you? Still long on
Probably. I dated a girl who was 15 years. younger. I would not do it again. Even if you like them odds are you're too far apart to have much in common. But you do you.
You're out of your mind.
You don't even know him. Plus you already have different ideals on a fundamental piece of a relationship
@TaçsızPrenses Not at all, that is normal gap
Fifty years? (I'm 70 and would date a 20-year-old.)
It is a concern, because for a while, you two will be in different stages of life.
Not at all. I was in a relationship with a 20 year old when I was 45. But it was casual
lol 😂 he’s a grandpa
Not that she doesn't even show her age😅😅
He’s a grandpa ,
Ahahaha don't say that 😂😂😂😂
He is
@Apple1996 true.
Women age far more rapidly
@DarkLegacy how many women do you see that are balding or have thinning hair in their mid 20s-30s like men?
@Apple1996 Women decline in other ways. Now you move onto something else, women are always at their most attractive in their low 20s, whereas women always find men attractive in their 30s and find older men more attractive. It is all to do with pregnancy and childbirth
@DarkLegacy I know multiple women including myself that were all infertile in their early 20s and gained fertility after that😂
And personally I'd never have a baby with a man past 30 because they'd make bad inactive fathers
@Apple1996 absolutely true
@DarkLegacy men after 30 need pills to stay hard
@Apple1996 That is not possible, you are doing what you normally do which is make stuff up to try and win the argument. You have 5 kids and you are only 27 and some of those were when you were younger then 20, you have even said on some of your answers, so stop lying
No we do not opinion owner, i can get hard with no problems and im 36. Men in their 90s can get women pregnant with no problems. Our dad was in his 60s and there are five of us. You and Apple are just ignorant man hating feminists
@DarkLegacy it is very possible. Lots of ttc groups for women in their early 20s then go on to have babies later on at older ages
@DarkLegacy more of my kids were made after I turned 25 then before. I was never pregnant in my early 20s
@Apple1996 Stop lying and the fact that you think you will be able to get younger guys when you divorce your husband shows your delusions. Most men want younger women and most women want older men and that has always been the case and always will be
@DarkLegacy not lying unfortunately I did struggle to get pregnant and many young women do. And if I divorced or got widowed i wouldn't date men
@Apple1996 Goodnight, i do not have time for your nonsense
@DarkLegacy every single man in my family and my husband's family is married to a woman older than they are so definitely not the case for most relationships
@Apple1996 Does not surprise me. Two weird families merging together to create even weirder children, it is the stuff of nightmares
@DarkLegacy grandpa needs to sleep early 😴 goodnight and don't forget your vitamins
@Apple1996 It is nearly 10PM here in the UK
@DarkLegacy not even just my family. I've seen this with many of the families my kids go to school with and that's been throughout many states.
These men to claim to want younger women for fertility almost never end up having kids so it's a very odd claim for them to be making in the first place
Opinion owner How can he be a grandpa in his 30s. You need to grow up
@DarkLegacy there are men in their 30s right now who are legitimately a grandpa
@Apple1996 More bullshit
@DarkLegacy nope it's quite common for men that have kids young to then become young grandparents
I don't know.
It depends on what side the age gap is on. If, say, you're 18 and the guy you're interested in is 5, that could create a problem.
As long as the younger one is above the age of consent then no issue
You need try to understand it from his point of view if you want a relationship with him.
I don't think so. You should decide together.
I dont think so. What about him? Does He has kid or not?
Your profile picture is beautiful
Thank you, I am in the profile
If you are 25 it is if you are 50 it is not
not if the youngest is at least 21
You're too young for him!
You may regret not trying
He is right
Only if one of the partners is underage.
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