Do you feel comfortable telling EVERYTHING to your significant other?

[Anonymous]

Obviously if you've only been dating a short while, probably not yet, but let's say you've been dating or married for a year plus, do you feel comfortable having no secrets between you, no white lies, no "small truths," but telling them all.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Would I? Yes. Should I? Probably not, and here's why. Sometimes, I just need to process and it's not really communicating so much as it's trying to understand what I feel. I appreciate therapy for that reason. If more women spent time processing with a therapist or even just journaling, it would prevent a lot of misunderstandings and conflict.

Guys tend to think that when we speak to them, it's a something that needs their attention and reasoning skills and they want to help. However, we sometimes don't even really know what it is we are trying to get at yet. Hence the "Don't fix it, listen" dynamic. The problem is that he then has to try to figure out when he is supposed to listen versus actually do something.

I would save some things for therapy, not because I have secrets, but because it's sometimes good to privately vent or think out loud without potentially hurting or causing a rift over something that is really my own problem.

Major things, yes; let's communicate. Hormonal things, no; just let me go on a walk and I'll work it out.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between volunteering information vs. telling the truth when asked.

Also context matters. I know I got some skeletons in my closet that I’ve confronted in a recovery group I’m part of. They understand it. I also understand I got to choose a different path in recovery and I have. It’s been very hard but I’m taking full ownership of it.

But will the person I am dating see it this way? Context is extremely important. The other person might not see my bad decision the same way I see it.

That’s what worries me. Really worries me tbh. Because I have met other people in my recovery group who have been rejected for being honest to their significant others. Worse their significant other was seemingly okay with it at first but later used it against them and ultimately rejected them because of it. Gave them false hope but then when the other persons feelings changed they then used this as justification to leave the person. That’s by far the scariest outcome of all.

So I wonder if some doors are left shut just as I’ve 100% owned up to it and moved on from it.

[killake-ko]

Yeah but there are some things I don’t need to tell someone. Like I don’t have a partner right now but if I did does she really need to know the specific hentai I watched when I was a teenager? (I no longer watch porn I quit because it makes me have low self esteem) No I won’t. Of course I’ll tell her about struggles with porn or whatever fetishes I like but there are something one needs to just keep to themselves.

[Hannajenky]

I think I can share a lot of things with my boyfriend. I can be my quirky awkward self around him. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not.

but I also don’t need to know every detail about his life, nor every thought. Nor would I want to share all of these things with hIm.

There’s a line where it becomes creepy and codependent. If you honestly believe that you and your partner should share EVERYTHING with each other, you are probably not ready to share a loving relationship with someone, because you have serious fundamental flaws with your own personal self that YOU need to work on for your own self.

no on is going to complete you. There is no such thing as a soul mate. Real genuine relationships take time, energy, a lot of hard work, forgiveness, compassion, and a willingness to accept that neither you nor your partner are now or ever will be even close to perfect.

if you can accept these FACTS, only the. Are you truly ready for a real loving and compassionate relationship.

[ariadneR]

I tell him everything. I'm always honest with him, and so far it hasn't steered me wrong, and we've been together for a while.

Even if im afraid to tell him something, because I don't know if he'll be upset by it or not, I still do. It's better to hide it from him, and I may be making it more of a big deal than it actually is.

[ariadneR]

*better NOT to hide it*

[DishLady]

You should want to share and be open with your SO. Always. There's no way for you to really know and understand one another if you're hiding things from each other. What are you afraid of? And if you don't trust the other person then why are you with them.

Having said this... remember to use words and terms that don't hurt their feelings. Remember that mindful sharing is the key, not just bluntly stating things in the name of honesty.

[KostasKouvalis]

I asked something similar
Would you marry someone you couldn't trust with your darkest secrets? ↗

i'm still single, but I would never marry anyone who I couldn't trust with my darkest secrets

[dustybiker2]

It's normal. If you want someone to have your back they need to know you, and you them in return. There is a big difference from keeping secrets and being mysterious if that is what you are getting at.

[xoxria]

i think if they are really the one, after a long enough time it should be a given that your partner is reliable and understanding with whatever you need to say. whether it’s an opinion, concern, confession, etc. (coming from a girl in a 2+ year relationship)

[GeminiDiamond]

I tell him everything, sorta. I mean, he doesn't like hearing about my trip to the salon, or how my day went with a good girlfriend of mine. I think he zones out when I get detailed about that stuff. I still tell him though!

[Anonymous]

F*** no! And I really don't even really have anything to hide. But I know how judgmental women are. I don't hide anything. I just don't volunteer any information she doesn't need to know. She wants to know, she going to have to ask, specifically.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I’m quite a chatterbox and I sometimes annoy my husband.

When I’m that way, he’d often respond with “I didn’t need to know all that, did I?”

[Steelcore5280]

I learned the hard way a few times that sharing your vulnerabilities and emotions with a woman is the dumbest thing you could possibly do. So I don't do it.

It's the best policy to avoid problems with your girlfriend/wife down the road.

[waterliliestxt]

Why do you think that avoids problems? Not accusatory genuine question

[Steelcore5280]

She can't use my vulnerabilities and deep emotions as weapons in an argument later and she won't lose her feelings for me. That's why.

[waterliliestxt]

I think that’s just not a good person lol. Not ready for a relationship for sure.

[meepmeeperton]

I tell my girlfriend pretty much anything, I feel very comfortable with her. I’ve definitely told her dark secrets of mine and I trust her.

[desidoll]

Yes, we talk about everything. We even gossip about people we know. It is fun.

[DrPepper12]

No. there's some things that are for me. I maintain that the MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP I have is me and myself and i prioritize that above her.

[Nikki1989]

We talk about everything that is actually important.

[paledreams]

100 percent - she's imaginary my woman lol ♀️👠 lol

[12karen]

Yes, I'm more comfortable sharing with my SO than anyone else.

[KrakenAttackin]

When you say "everything", what do you mean?

Women clearly do not want men sharing their fears and doubts.

[waterliliestxt]

I think it depends on the person. I think when the right person is in front of me I will MORE comfortable but of course that will grow with time.

[handsomelad70]

Not quite everything, but being as honest as possible.

[DreamLife7]

Why would u tell "everything " ? Why don't u have friends like normal people?

[Hannajenky]

Totally this.

[Anonymous]

When I was with my ex wife, yes. I told her my deepest darkest secrets, that I’ve never told anyone else.

[nawtee_me]

I am an open book to anyone that asks so why wouldn’t I be?

[Sweetdreams1950]

No because the men I'm with are not understand ingin.

[Agape93]

Nope. I have secrets that'll die with me.

[Gabriella2005]

At Time if we reached that point.

[kinkynicci]

Absolutely

[dudeinohio]

Sure

[jahaims]

Duh.