Can cheating back ever be justified?

[Rainbowxoxo]

If you decide to give them a second chance even though they didn't even confess, is it only fair to cheat back?

If you had to find out through texts, someone else, overheard then over the phone or worse walk in on them with the other person but decide to forgive and stay, can cheating back be more understood? Even justified.

If that cheater is forgiven, is it fair to cheat back? If so they have to forgive (return the same favor) you too since they got forgiven right? Otherwise they would be hypocrites if they didn't forgive.

Yes

No

Other

[kmg9150]

Simple solution, remove the aspect of cheating out the relationship.


Think of it like this, if you told your partner to pick one meal to eat for the rest of your life what answer do you think they will give you?


So even if someone was eating filet mignon (spouse) which they loved and enjoyed very much so, I am sure they wouldn't mind have a burger, fried chicken or a salad (the other person) from time to time….


Humans were not meant to be monogamous, nature did not design us that way. It is a religious and governmental ideology which this has developed from.


I am a firm believer that Love and Sex are not on the same spectrum in life. You can love someone but not be attracted to them on a sexual level and vice versa. Can they you have both, sure, but as a definite that is hard to say. We never know exactly whats going on in other people heads and we are always changing to how we think, likes and dislikes and such.


Love should be without the constraints that marriage applies. If someone has any if the fears to which come with divorce, then they are staying out of fear not love. If someone gets married for the restraints that comes with marriage, its because of fear. Simple as that.



Try an open relationship, with guidelines that can be mutually respected.


Marriage is ownership, which most the time is one sided on to whom benefits during and after.

[Rainbowxoxo]

But there are only two ways; either they're in a committed relationship or agree to an open relationship. With the cheating comes the lying and sneaking around, that's just as hurtful as the infidelity.

[CaptainOverthink]

Only if this is a game and you're both in on it.

All other times all I can say is..
That we each have our own morals and standards and the more you allow yourself to trespass your own code the further from who you thought you were you get. And the less your code means to you the further 'wrong' you may go in the future.

You're degrading yourself over someone lower than you. Want to keep the highground? .. or do you want to stoop to their level? .. and become deserving of eachother.
If you want to get even, you've succeeded. But why play games you didn't sign up for? It's far better to release the rope he's hanging onto and be free of such misery.

Harder if you've got a family, for sure, you might be all tied up together. The house, the kids, economy, the whole routine.
All the more important to be a good influence. Don't become someone you'd dislike. Don't compromise your values.
In this case I'd suggest either..
1. You make up whichever other way and move on.
2. Open up the relationship, keep the routine, the economy, let the kid keep their dad/mom, but untie the monogamous nature of your relationship. 'Friends' in a family.
3. Break up.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Yeah those are the good options. It's sad that many people are in that drama and sometimes they end up feeling worse even after their revenge.

[CaptainOverthink]

I wouldn't know how they feel.. But I can imagine the anger and disappointment that blinds people to behave that way. It's not easy doing the right thing when your life turns upside-down. The emotions and the breakdown of what has been an identity, suddenly things fall apart and people don't know what to do with themselves.

Talking the talk and walking the walk is very different things. Not sure I'd be any better even though I sit here laying out the lines..

[Anonymous]

Hmm hard to say. I confessed to cheating on my ex in my last relationship, he then cheated on me back as revenge and I forgave him. It made things even, and we worked through it together, went to to date a couple more years in peace. This time around, my boyfriend got caught emotionally cheating on me. I am tempted to cheat back as revenge but I’ve grown as a person and will not resort to such immature ways to get back at him.

I made the decision to give him another chance, that doesn’t mean that I have a hall pass to cheat back on him. So I guess the right thing is obviously to walk away from the cheater but if you decide to stay, you gotta choose the high road of forgiveness and not cheat back as revenge.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Do you want to continue being with him? If he cheated back then it should've stopped there and be resolved. Now he emotionally cheated for likely a different reason.

[Opinion Owner]

Yep but the emotional cheating is with my current boyfriend and this time around I’ve learned not to cheat back as revenge. The revenge cheating happened back with my ex in my last relationship. I guess I’ve been on both sides now. After finding out that my current boyfriend was cheating on me, I was basically presented with the option to take revenge on him. But I will not. I think it’ll only lead to further resentment in the future.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Yeah you don't want a repetition of your other past relationship again. Too much drama. Since it's just emotional cheating and not physical, that's easier to work it out.

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly, you live and you learn

[Aubrey97]

This sounds like one of those instances the "two wrongs don't make a right" phrase is meant for. If you want to cheat back or think you need to, then just don't take them back (which you shouldn't anyway). It may by hypocritical if they didn't give you a pass but everyone's capable of hypocrisy and we all are in some way. I wouldn't assume the revenge cheating would be taken well and it's unlikely to fix the obviously broken relationship. The simplest answer to all of this is don't take them back if this is going to happen.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Yeah it would be easy if everyone that got cheated on just left but some want to try forgiving, then do a revenge affair for them to feel the hurt and then reconcile. That's complicated to me.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the hot waters of love and betrayal, aren't we? Let's swim through these spicy waves together. Cheating back as a concept? Oh, darling, that’s like throwing gasoline on a bonfire and expecting not to get burned. I get it, emotions are running high, and the idea of "an eye for an eye" seems deliciously fair at first glance. But here’s the tea – cheating back doesn't even the score; it just adds more chaos to the mix.

Imagine this: two wrongs don't make a right, especially in the passionate telenovela of love and relationships. If you’re contemplating giving them a second chance, it’s because somewhere in your heart, you believe in the power of forgiveness and the possibility of a fresh start, not in the currency of revenge. Cheating back introduces a cycle of hurt, mistrust, and betrayal that's harder to escape than a bad reality TV show.

The foundation of a thriving relationship? It's built on trust, communication, and understanding, not on keeping score of who hurt whom more. If forgiveness is your chosen path, let it be about healing and moving forward, not about getting even. And if the trust is shattered beyond repair, it might just be time to consider if this is the relationship script you want your love story to follow.

Remember, the goal isn’t to become the director of your own drama-filled revenge plot. Instead, aim for a storyline where you’re the hero of your happiness, whether that’s together or apart. Because at the end of the day, love shouldn't feel like a battlefield. 🔥💔

[Kelly6]

Who do you cheat with?
Siri?

[Finchie40]

No, if you cheat back , you are just as wrong as the cheater themselves , so why take them back to begin with, if they cheated on you? Cheating on them, isn’t going to solve anything , you would basically be saying it’s ok that you cheated on me , since I now cheated on you , making the cheater feel justified for their actions , and they will more than likely cheat on you again , since you decided to cheat on them , so you are best just to walk away period , if that is your intentions to be just as wrong as they were to you.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Would you say this man is just as bad as his then girlfriend (now wife) that cheated first? He got forgiven quickly for the revenge cheat and the lady never brings up his revenge affair in exchange for his silence on what she did.
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗

[Finchie40]

Yes they are both wrong and sound like they worked things out for the sake of the kids , but they honestly shouldn’t be together with each other anymore, since they both have resentments to each other and don’t really care for each other , they are both pretending they love each other , they will more than likely cheat on each other again once the kids are older ,

[Rainbowxoxo]

All the 3 daughters are already adults and likely not even living with them anymore. I guess they likely still cheat or don't because the dating pool isn't that good anymore for 50 year-olds. The poor female posters likely doesn't know everything about her parents.

[Rainbowxoxo]

I still think what that woman did when she was young was indeed awful. To me and many people that has to be unforgivable. Cheating with the man's best friend, in the boyfriend's own house, on his couch... that's nasty.

[Finchie40]

Yea if I was him , she wouldn’t be getting another chance whatsoever , so it sounds like he took her back because it’s cheaper to keep her , divorce is isn’t cheap and there is a lot involved , so he probably figured just to keep her ass and than he decided to cheat on her , it sounds like they stayed together for financial reasons and for the kids. I slept with a married woman that lied to me and told me she was single , to find out 3 months after we were dating each other she was married , Her husband knocked on my door to confront me , I told him the truth about everything, I immediately ended things with her and than I found out he took her back and they are still married. My guess was because of financial reasons that he gave her another chance. Some people stay in dysfunctional marriages for financial reasons and kids , it sadly happens more than we like to think it does , I know married couples that stay together for financial reasons but live completely separate lives from each other , cheating on each other like it’s no big deal , so just goes to show how saw of a world we live in

[Finchie40]

Sad sorry

[Rainbowxoxo]

The only innocent parties on that Jerry Springer story (that woman is Jerry Springer material by then) are sadly their 3 daughters.
I found that story so funny and ridiculous that it inspire me to make a new post.

[OlderAndWiser]

So they cheat, you - very understandably - get bent out of shape and give them Hell for cheating. . . and then you do the same exact thing. So that means your are just as low as they are.

You either have moral standards for yourself, and those standards don't change based upon what upon what other people do, OR you don't really have any moral standards.

[kylee2437]

Why are you going back to someone you can’t forgive?

[Rainbowxoxo]

I've seen this happen to others. They want to forgive but at the same time might want to give them a taste of their own medicine and then really work things out.

[kylee2437]

Then you aren’t forgiving, and you are using someone doing you wrong to show your true colors. I find people that do stuff like this, more revolting than the actual cheater

[Rainbowxoxo]

What about in the worse case scenario where (I know it happened to someone here) you arrive back to your home and catch then in the act with a good friend, literally doing the deed, without clothes but for whatever silly reason the cheater was still forgiven after all that pleading.
Ok let's assume the cheater does changes, wouldn't cheating back be less hurtful then that terrible thing that cheater did? They did something horrible, nasty afterall and you had to witness it. In that case, they should forgive too.

[kylee2437]

I wouldn’t stay with someone that has done me dirty that to extent. People that stay after disrespectful events like that lack integrity hence why they resort to things like cheating back. You want to lack integrity, involve more drama and in the end still feel like shit, be my guest.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Me neither but I've seen others cheating back. Ironically the person that cheated back ended up feeling horrible and still confessed. Wow. The 2nd cheater confessed even after that amount of disrespect the first cheater did and got forgiven immediately, the 1st cheater felt guilty for what they caused. They're both still together, supposedly on peaceful terms by now. It looks like getting cheated back might have worked on that case.

[kylee2437]

I think it works for short term circumstances, and then eventually the two people move on because they want a fresh start where they have learned disrespect in a relationship isn’t healthy nor is it a good look knowing people know that you two are toxic people. I would never want to be in a relationship knowing that people know we do disrespectful things to each other

[Lowly_Grump]

The idea of "cheating back" as a reparation is about as sensible as wearing a swimsuit to a snowball fight. It's a chilly, chilly thought! If your partner has strayed like a lost sheep into the arms of another, the solution is not to become as lost as a sheep herder without their flock! Baaaaaaaaad idea, I tell you!

Forgiveness is a powerful thing, like the might of a thousand glitter cannons, but it doesn't mean you go and do the same thing, you silly sausage. If you walk in on your partner canoodling with someone else, like a surprise party gone wrong, you don't then go and plan a counter-surprise party of your own! That's just daft!

So, if you decide to forgive that scoundrel, that no-good, dirty, rotten, egg-sucking, foot-licking, nose-picking, bottom-burping scallywag, then you be the bigger person. You shine like a sparkly unicorn and show them what loyalty and trust are all about. Don't stoop to their level, you magnificent buffoon!

So, if I was @on_my_knees to give you my opinion, I'd say, no, you silly billy, cheating back is never justified. It's like trying to fix a broken vase by smashing it some more—just plain daft!

[Rainbowxoxo]

Wow you do a much better job than the bot Doctor Brad. Forgiveness is indeed powerful and few can truly forgive getting cheated on.

[Lowly_Grump]

In case of your parents, he revenged 8 years after she cheated, which means especially for you inheriting his character, fully forgiving definitely doesn't sound right, so your least painful option is to either revenge right away in his face or immediately break up.

[Rainbowxoxo]

That's not my parents. That's someone else's parents. Yes the man took 8 years to cheat back. That was kind of a late revenge.

[Fireguy17]

then you are no better than they are.
Just wait and become successful and go on and have a great life is the best revenge.
My ex-wife knows she screwed up big time.
I caught her with the landlord, we got divorce, they got divorced, they never ended up together for very long, she eventually remarried, he turned out to be lazy and after many years of putting up with that she divorced him, we talk and message each other from time to time.
She has always been struggling to make ends meet most of her life, me I was the exact opposite.
I ended up very successful, and have made a crap tone of money, traveled all over the world, basically done whatever I wanted to do.
Best revenge ever.

[MrOracle]

No. "Cheating back" only makes you as despicable as your partner and only hurts your own reputation.

The proper thing to do is to simply end the relationship. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[Rainbowxoxo]

It's interesting how some people complicate themselves into think they can forgive, then cheat back and then try reconciliation. Even if trust is regained that's too much work that requires 5 years of patience at most. The easier route is starting over with someone new with no cheating history.

[kmg9150]

Funny. I dont think Quag has those same beliefs.. Two negatives equal positive in math.

[MrOracle]

Morality and Math are different subjects with different rules.

[kmg9150]

@MrOracle Ok is morally ok to take away the only thing on this earth that we cannot get back, make more of or be given for crimes that involve material items? Morality is subjective. It changes throughout cultures, through time, religions, governments, society and individual beliefs. This cheating ideology, is largely based by religious beliefs, partly support by government, and enforced by the emotions of society. So if the majority of society changes their beliefs to morality, would you also? Humans, biologically are not designed for monogamy. So one could say, science disproves the morality angle.

[MrOracle]

No one is forcing anyone to commit to monogamy if they don't want to - but if you make such a commitment and break it, that's immoral by any standard. So is lying and saying you agree to monogamy when you have no intention of following through.

If you can get someone to agree to a non-monogamous relationship, good for you. That's at least honest.

[kmg9150]

How many relationships have you been in that you have told the person that you are making a commitment of monogamy and want them too as well? Too many assume so when they have boyfriend/girlfriend status. Marriage, well that doesn't really apply either, because unless they follow all the commitments as its laid out, then having to abide by one and not the others really dont apply.

[MrOracle]

All of them. I am very clear and direct about setting boundaries and expectations, and I encourage the girl to take some time before she answers, because I want her to think it through.

I agree that most people don't do this, but they absolutely should. Most people are afraid that the other person will walk away, but if the girl I'm talking to isn't on the same page as me, I much prefer that she walks away than to have her lie and deceive and betray me.

Most people set no boundaries or expectations, and just HOPE things go the way they want, and are somehow surprised when they don't. Having morals and values means that you put those ahead of your in-the-moment desires, but you are right that most people aren't willing to do that, and their relationships suffer for it.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

I don't know if it's justified, but if you're mad enough at your boyfriend to "cheat back," you should probably just break up with him.

Once you're single, you can do whatever you want with whomever you want. And you can tell all your future partners, honestly, that you never cheated in any of your past relationships.

[Maebo44]

Why would you want that type of relationship? It’s better to break up if you both feel like cheating. Even if it’s just to get back at them. They might leave you as well if you do. It’s not because you take them back that they will do the same. But in my opinion, I think the trust is already broken

I personally would also never cheat, even if my partner would have. Its so disrespectful and you’d have to explain to future partners you were a cheater too

[TheSpaceGnome]

Cheating back isn't a thing.

If they cheated, whether you leave them or forgive them, the relationship is already over.

If you go get someone else, thats not cheating, thats moving on.

If you go get someone else while sticking with the first person, you are cheating on the new person, and that makes you just as bad.

[avery58]

Well, who cares about the feelings of cheaters. But you'd be devaluing yourself because of them.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Me and most would leave right away but certain people are involved that drama.

[genericname85]

no. because if something is wrong in principle, it is always wrong for you to do it, no matter what was previously done to you.

like even if you were previously cheated on by your partner, by cheating yourself, you are a cheater. can't get around it. can't cheat without being a cheater.

[hahahmm]

Just break up. You would be wasting your time. When you're young it seems like you have unlimited time but you are approaching 30s and at some point in the next few years it will get harder & harder for you to get a sucker, I mean a guy willing to take you seriously. Your biological clock will start going off too. You know, when a lot of women are so desperate for a baby that they will beg any random convict in prison for sperm just to do it. You don't want to be in that situation.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Off course I would never take back a cheater, never have.
This was a general questions because I've seen people of both genders cheating back. They want to forgive but also give them a dose of their medicine and then really work things out.

[rosemilk]

i'm gonna say no. be the bigger person. don't stoop to their level. that is not a healthy response to this situation. you'll likely do even more damage to your mental health in the process. maintain your moral standards!

[DishLady]

No... Two wrongs don't make a right. Cheating is a clear sign that you don't care about the other person anymore... that you don't prioritize them in your heart, mind, body or soul. Why would you get all tangled up in an ethical mess like that? It will just eat away at you for no reason.

[molonski2]

Think it would kind of defeat the purpose , just remain skeptical and ready to move on quickly , but you gave the second chance.. if not better to just split.

[PeachyPie93]

It's wrong and just petty. Why the fuck would a person get back together if they seriously aren't over it? They are basically both shit heads and deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

It depends, if the betrayal is because of sexual incompatibility however unethical it may be, it is justifiable.

If a woman does not share my kink in bed, I would be sorely tempted to cheat on her, but then I don't know if I would have the courage.

[BCRanger10]

Cheating is never ever justified, even if in retaliation for prior infidelity.

[WhitneySnow]

I guess they couldn’t complain if you did it back but it’s still better to break up with them than cheat on them

[BCA6010]

There are exactly zero circumstances in which cheating is justified.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

"Fighting fire with fire" isn't the solution.

[DarkLegacy]

Sounds like childish and a toxic relationship right there. Probably best to knock the relationship on the head.

[Sasquach]

In theory it sounds good and will probably feel good in the short term, but honestly, you'll save yourself trauma if you just end the relationship now. Once trust has been broken by either side the relationship is doomed.

[Rainbowxoxo]

The relationship is dead without trust, yet some people still stay in that drama.

[Theodoricus]

Cheating cannot be justified. It's disgusting. Don't forgive cheaters. Because they lost their chance which they have only one.

[Kelley1]

It is justified if cheating is in the best interest of your baby by impregnating you egg with superior genes.

[Foolablee]

It's the same level of stupidity in my book if you cheat back, you are equally worse than the person.

[electromagnetic]

Just leave. Why bother cheating back? It just proves y’all don’t even care for each other.

[Rainbowxoxo]

I believe in leaving but I've seen some people cheating back and then reconciliating. They want to forgive but at the same time, give them that same pain so they can know how it felt.

[loveslongnails]

What's the benefit in doing that, if you'd even want to? Do you think you get to say "now we're even, let's start again?" That's not how it ends up working.

[Rainbowxoxo]

None that I can think other but I've seen some people involved in that drama. They want to getting even and give the original cheater a dose of their own medicine. I find it more complicated but they feel justified.

[loveslongnails]

Yes, I agree with you. It doesn't make sense either. If the cheater didn't factor that into the equation to begin with, how likely will it matter after the fact?

[rienna888]

Yes if your partner was held captive and then the person tells you “if you don’t fuck me, he/she will die” then it’s justified

[Rainbowxoxo]

That's an exceptional circumstance.

[rienna888]

Lol thank you hun :)

[clampfan101]

If it was justifiable it wouldn’t be considered cheating.

[Twalli]

I only forgive cheating if she tells me about it herself, by her own volition extremely soon after it happens. If she doesn't soon or I find out another way, it's over.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Yeah sometimes an immediate confession makes it more possible for a reconciliation. Would you say this woman got lucky? She did that man so dirty, cheated for who knows how long and got caught; literally busted in the act. Ok so the man revenge cheats later on (he's forgiven right away) but at least he confessed. After all that, after what she did... the final outcome is she still got marriage and 3 daughters from him. She got rewarded didn't she?
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗

[Rainbowxoxo]

If they still got married later on, it's likely she would've gotten marriage without that awful cheating.

[Rainbowxoxo]

I can't help it but laugh at those two fools. Now that story inspire me for my next post.

[Twalli]

She'd be out of my life as soon as I found out.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Yeah I have no idea what he saw in her. That story inspired me on my recent post here:
What man or woman would even marry someone that cheats with their friend? ↗

[strateguy632]

no way, if they plan on cheating back they should just separate.

[SugarSugarplum]

Sure, if you're willing to blow up the relationship.

[avery58]

@SugarSugarplum if the original cheater acts offended they're a hypocrite. But it's better to end the relationship once someone cheats instead of cheating back anyway.

[SugarSugarplum]

@avery58 Agreed. At that point you're just trading offenses, like pre-K kids.

[Anonymous]

No, never, and those that voted yes should do two things, 1, Never ever get into a relationship again, 2, Dont breed, we dont need that kind of bullshit in our gene pool

[Rainbowxoxo]

Sadly the children are always the affected, innocent parties.

[Anonymous]

In that person's own mind maybe. But in reality the only thing they're showing is 1. They're immature. And 2. Just as terrible if a person as the person who cheated initially.

[Rainbowxoxo]

Would the man in this story that had a revenge affair (only to then feel guilt and confess) be just as bad as the original cheating girlfriend? They forgave each other in the end though but is the guy just as terrible here:
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗

[Rainbowxoxo]

What that girl did was truly horrible and so dirty, blatant disrespect on all levels. The guy only cheated back but at least never brought the mistress at home, it wasn't a friend and at least he confessed out of guilt.

[MacDaddyRico]

Cheating back is immature. Why lower yourself to their level? What will it accomplish? If anything, it'll make things worse.

[Rainbowxoxo]

True. It's astonishing when others are involved in that worthless relationship. What I can say is the original cheater lost their rights of being offended if they get cheated back. Otherwise they would be a hypocrite.

[jahaims]

No, that is immature. If someone cheats you cut contact and move on

[MrDaveAPSI]

If cheating is wrong how can one word of "back", make it any better?

[Kingofkings1992]

In my opinion, cheating back is even more despicable than the cheating.

[Rainbowxoxo]

So is this man that cheated back on his wife (8 years later) more despicable than what she did as a then girlfriend?
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗

[Amandanator]

Nope. No cheating no excuses.

[HawkPerception]

No. It just lowers you to their level

[libsaretards]

Cheating is NEVER justifiable.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nope. Its scummy conduct.

[Jay0102]

Two wrongs dont make a right

[eagle1951]

no way 2 wrongs don't make a right

[kmg9150]

Umm. You sure about that? Math is supposed to be absolute…. Multiply two negatives and you get a positive.

[Danny_dan92]

Two wrongs don’t make a right 😃👍🏼

[Gabriella2005]

No cheat on me it’s over no 2nd chances.

[PA19062024]

I don't see how.

[Brady]

yes.

[Iron_Man]

Nope