Why does my gut tell me something is off about my partner?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together for 3 years but there’s something in my gut like I don’t completely trust him. I’ve been hurt by men in my life, mainly my father and I have fears connected to physical abuse, arguing etc.

We don’t argue much because we are both quite similar and avoid confrontation, but once when he was angry at his mom he broke a chair at her house because she kept using it on their newly renovated wooden floor and he repeatedly asked her not to…anyway that’s another story.

We talked about that and I told him he should speak to professional about that anger and I wouldn’t put up with that around me, which he agreed to. He’s never been angry or abusive with me but I’m always scared that men could hurt me- no matter who it is.

Why does my gut tell me something is off, is it my own fear or could something be wrong?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tough situation to be in. Your gut feelings are usually trying to tell you something important, even if it's hard to pinpoint exactly what. A few thoughts:

Given your past experiences with abuse from men, it makes total sense that you'd have some underlying fears and trust issues in relationships. That level of trauma can really affect how you view intimacy.

At the same time, your guy breaking furniture when angry is a bit of a red flag. Even if not directed at you specifically, anger issues often escalate over time if not dealt with properly. The fact he agreed to seek help is good at least.

I think following up to make sure he's actually getting help for his anger is wise. If he gets defensive or blows it off, that would be more worrying. Calm communication is needed here.

Additionally, don't be afraid to tell close friends about your concerns in case you ever need support. Overall trust your instincts - if the gut feelings persist or get worse, don't ignore them. Your safety should be the #1 priority. Maybe talk to a counselor yourself too to build healthier relationship patterns. Trust but verify and take care of yourself first. I know it's hard, but trust will come with time and actions, not just words. You deserve to feel secure, girl!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about the chair thing if it was just a one time thing. Nobody is perfect all of the time. He doesn't sound like the problem, I think you're just bringing your baggage into the relationship.

[Asker]

Thankyou for your answer

[Anonymous]

I think him being angry triggered you. I don't think he needs anger management unless he's punching walls or people. He just got angry after telling someone time and time again to not use the chair in the kitchen. I'd freak out too

[Asker]

Thanks for that, helps a lot

[DishLady]

Follow your gut.