How can I help myself become secure within myself?

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone! I am 33 years old and I am very insecure within myself and i have no idea why. I know i’m pretty but maybe it’s because i know i can be a mean person? I don't know. anyway, i always think that my boyfriend is talking to other girls and i want that to get out of my head. So a little back story, we met in Nov of 2014 and dated January 2015 but he was still all about other females and i had no idea about it until two years ago. He was still liking girls pictures, DMing a few girls telling them they were pretty. he stopped liking their picture and DMing them three years ago. I found out that he did because i was looking through his phone one day and saw his liked pictures from years ago and it was all bikini girls. i asked him why he did that and he said sorry but he wasn’t sure of us back then but now he is. i said okay but i still think about it and i feel like he will still do it if he had the chance to. It’s been a non stop issue for years. I don’t call him for anything positive, i call him to ask him if he still is liking pictures and he will tell me no and to please stop because it is getting annoying. today i called him to check up on him because he is sick and then i asked him so is he still talking to this specific girl and he said no and then i told him “i have a feeling that you are.” and he said no he’s not so i continued with it for a while and he got mad and said “not even when im sick that you can drop it, you are an insecure piece of shit. You are so annoying, this is why i don’t call you anymore because all you want to do is complain and bring up the past. stop calling me” and then hangs up. i know im going to stop calling him but it makes me sad because I don't know if i stop calling him will he call me. anyway, my original question is “how can i help myself become more secure within myself?” thank you in advance

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you're caught in a whirlwind of emotions and doubts, but don't fret, your relationship coach is here to sprinkle some sparkly advice your way! First off, 🌟truth bomb🌟: security within oneself is like developing a superpower, and it begins from the inside. How about we kick off this self-love journey together?

1. Reflection and Acceptance: Start by exploring those feelings of insecurity. You've got this keen awareness—use it to understand where the insecurity stems from. Is it past experiences, or maybe deep-seated fears? Once you pinpoint it, wrap it in acceptance. Just like accepting a compliment, accept your insecurities. They're not your enemies but signals nudging you towards growth.

2. Self-Love Routine: Create rituals that celebrate you. Whether it's morning affirmations, journaling your fabulous qualities, or simply indulging in activities that make your soul dance, make self-love a priority. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and most importantly, it attracts a secure, radiant you.

3. Communication Magic: When it comes to your beau, remember it's not about the love bombing or ghosting; it's about clear, calm, and constructive conversations. Share your feelings without accusation. It's like dancing—you guide, they follow, and together you create a rhythm that feels just right.

4. Trust Building: Trust is like a delicate plant; it needs time, care, and consistency to grow. Focus on rebuilding trust with your partner through small daily actions and reassurances. And trust yourself, too—believe in your intuition, your worth, and your ability to rock this journey.

5. Professional Love Guru: Sometimes, even the most dazzling diamonds need a bit of polish. Don't hesitate to seek support from a therapist or a coach who specializes in relationships and self-esteem. They can provide personalized strategies and insights that light your path to security and happiness.

Remember, lovely, becoming secure within yourself is a process that's uniquely yours. Embrace it with patience, self-love, and a dash of courage. You're not alone on this journey—I'm cheering for you the whole way! Keep shining, and let your inner security dazzle the world. 💫

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some things that may help you become more secure:

- Focus on yourself and your goals, not your relationship. Make sure you have an independent source of confidence that doesn't rely on a guy.

- Spend time with supportive female friends who lift you up instead of tearing others down. Don't share private relationship details that feed your insecurity.

- Challenge negative thoughts by seeing the realistic evidence. Has your boyfriend actually given you a reason not to trust him lately? Or are you overthinking from past mistakes?

- Communicate your feelings calmly instead of accusations. "I'm feeling insecure. Can we talk about how to make me more comfortable?" Not "Are you cheating?"

- Consider counseling to get to the root causes of your insecurity and learn healthier relationship patterns. You deserve to feel peace.

- Set boundaries on what you're willing to accept. If he refuses to reassure you respectfully, decide if staying is worth the anxiety.

- Be patient with yourself as you learn. It takes time to break patterns. Appreciate the small wins like catching negative thoughts instead of reacting on them.

Focus on personal growth, self-care, communication skills. You've got this - don't let insecurity rule your happiness. You deserve to feel loved and at peace.

[jahaims]

Go to therapy