I'm looking for some advice on how to approach this problem, because he’s never been one for ‘what’s yours is mine’ and it’s hard to talk about this without getting an argument. Any suggestions?
You mean your ex-boyfriend.
Look, almost certainly, he's not going to change and he's likely divorced or never married. Of course, that's a bit tautological (duh... of course, he's single), but, in his case, I suspect his previous women sensed this problem in him and dumped him for this reason.
How do you feel about pre-nups? He may make you sign one. A man who is truly in love does not request a pre-nup. If you agree with me about pre-nups, then you can start a conversation with him about it. He will likely want one in which case there are your grounds for break-up.
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OK, a different tack for this question...
In a sense, HE's right - but that doesn't mean I agree with him.
From "a going concern" (*) perspective, there are always fixed costs like utilities. If you two use your utilities evenly, then you should pay evenly. However, a functioning couple recognizes that there are 3 kinds of purchases/spending: yours, mine, ours. When it comes to "ours", then, ideally, that is split and you both put in the same amount, but in your case, he ought to step up a bit if your relationship is to remain "a going concern".
Put another way, if the income difference is solely put towards his "mine spending" (saving, though, is different), then he is not really investing in your relationship and that should give you a sense of unease that he would not fulfill the marital vows of "for richer, for poorer; for better, for worse; in sickness and in health".
(*) "a going concern" is a business legal term; it means the business is still operational.
1. Why do you think he should pay/contribute more to the relationship than you?
2. How rare is he? (Is he tall, strong, in good health, attractive face, makes good money?) The more rare he is, the easier he could replace you.
3. Would you rather be fair, or have a man that pays for everything, but he frequently cheats on you because he knows that if he is a provider he can easily replace you with MANY other women.
4. This one may not feel good to hear, but as a woman over 40, what are your options realistically? MOST good quality men would reject you on that alone because they have many more options. People can deny that all they want, and then stay single and only get used the rest of their lives. Yes, people have value, and some people have much less value as a partner than others and are more easily replaced.
If you listen to women on here that thinks women can be low value and get a high value man, you should date those women. If you want to date men, listen to what the MEN want. That is how logic works.
If he chose the place you live in and you're having difficulties paying your half then I can understand why this would bother you. He obviously picked a place he could easily afford without any consideration if you could. Which is not ok. You should be considerate and help each other out in a relationship.
But if you can afford to split half and you're just upset because he makes more than you then move on to someone else who will be willing if money is more important to you than him or the relationship.
If you were married then it would be a completely different scenario. But you can't expect anyone to pay more just on the mere principle that they make more. That's not fair to that person either.
I’d break up with someone like this. The whole point of being in a relationship, is helping each other out in multiple ways , which also means financial situations and him not willing to step it up a little more financially just means he’s going to have all this left over money that he is probably going to have for himself , meanwhile you will be struggling. That is not how a relationship is supposed to go.
And actually I did break up with someone like this. We lived together for a month and I was struggling meanwhile he was having a grand old time having Amazon packages going to the door.
@Juxtapose yes. If you don’t want to share your money and contribute effort to a relationship, go be single. And also go find a roommate while you are at it.
@Juxtapose idc what you think. A man not putting in perspective that going 50/50 may not be helpful to his partner is a selfish partner
@Juxtapose hey if a guy is so concerned about money more than love , there’s always the option of staying single and again going 50/50 with a roommate, since he wants to treat his girlfriend like a permanent roommate
@Juxtapose a person that goes 50/50 is too concentrated on everything being fair 100% of the time vs a person that may need to step it up in some aspects because the other person can’t provide in that aspect. That’s the point of a relationship. A person going 50/50 is telling me automatically that they will have an issue if something major happens to me and I can’t provide my 50%.
@Juxtapose I have struggled my hardest I’ve ever struggled in my life this year, and haven’t asked a dime from anybody. Not one person. I’m just not being in a relationship where I can’t openly rely on my partner feeling like they are going to implode if it doesn’t stay 50/50.
@Juxtapose and in this situation there’s a need because he has endless spending money meanwhile he has room to create more happiness in his relationship and openly choosing not to because money is a bigger priority.
@Juxtapose he didn’t have to accept her as a girlfriend if her level of work was a concern to him.
@Juxtapose similar to how he needs to actually care about the person he is dating and not just use her as leverage because he wants a roommate, and not actual love.
You did your favour by dropping him. Thanks for waving the red flag for us.
@DarkLegacy absolutely! I prefer living with my parent at the time than putting myself through hell to be with someone that thinks his money is more important than my comfort in the situation.
@Juxtapose that’s a weird flex , that you think a person that loves you would keep you homeless when they have the money not to.
Funny how it came out that way, i wrote you did HIM a favour
@DarkLegacy hahaha that was hilarious watching you pull the rug out from under her greedy ass.
@DarkLegacy yeah funny how it came out that way considering I’m the one that preferred living with my parent than starting a life with a person that prioritizes buying things on Amazon everyday when he’s the one that originally wanted to move in together.
@Juxtapose greedy? I had options and he wasn’t the option that made me happy. If living with my parent or on my own makes me happier, I’m not living with you. Simple
Damn… you people make relationships so fucked up!!
Where is the love.
I get why most this selfish society will die lonely..
@midnightmoon05 going 50/50 demonstrates a good amount of selfishness especially when one may be struggling due to the need of the other partner needing the 50/50 dynamic
@midnightmoon05 you have to watch your ass and make sure you are not taken advantage of. I have seen it happen to people too many times and you can't just rely on fuzzy emotions. You have to be logical and be wary of manipulation tactics and entitled people.
@Juxtapose this woman is being taken advantage of. Paying half when he makes triple is pure robbery and a man flat out telling you he’s using you as leverage so he can save up money to get whatever he wants
The reason why I would not expect money from a millionaire woman is because I in no way earned that money. Maybe if we make a lifetime commitment together she could treat me but I don't expect her to give me any significant money just because I am in a relationship with her. That is communist style thinking and it disrespects how hard the other person had to work for their money.
@Juxtapose then he doesn’t deserve a relationship if he continuously proves he’s selfish. Obviously hasn’t had a conversation with her as to why he needs access saved , which again should be a conversation when you are dating someone etc
@Juxtapose no one here is saying she expects anything, but you definitely should judge your partners character when they are too wrapped up in money to share anything with you.
The other person's finances are none of your business unless they are not paying their half of the bills actually. They don't have to tell you what they do for a living or how much they make. Materialism should not factor into the relationship.
And you are not the one to decide if people deserve a relationship or not. That is between them and there are many women who are willing to practice egalitarianism rather than female supremacy.
@Juxtapose finances are everybody’s business when you are living together. That’s common sense.
@Juxtapose you obviously haven’t gotten far in relationships because yes finances are your partners business when you are paying bills together
@Juxtapose no one here is attacking you personally , finances should be talked about otherwise this wouldn’t even be a question but because there’s lack of communication and understanding, here she is feeling like a roommate because her boyfriend doesn’t want to step up in their relationship.
When someone gives you something you should be grateful and realize they didn't have to do that. You shouldn't expect it out of them as some sort of entitlement.
Their only duty is to pay their half of the bills. YOU our responsible for your own finances just like you are responsible for your diet, your physical fitness, your mental well-being and so on. Your lover is not your father.
@Juxtapose bare minimum in a relationship is not a gift, and if you think that way well that’s why you currently aren’t in a relationship.
@Juxtapose putting money above a relationship is entitlement. Why are you in a relationship if money is your main focus? This is why I moved out with my ex asap, ain’t nobody using me as leverage while I’m the roommate that doesn’t get treated fairly , that’s not how relationships work
@Juxtapose if you are afraid of someone using you for money, stay single. Problem solved.
You are not entitled to people's money just because you have sex with them and get them to fall in love with you. My roommate loves me as a friend. Does that make me entitled to his money because he earns significantly more than me?
You are essentially prostituting your affection and you don't even realize it.
@Juxtapose a relationship is a lot more than sex and if you can’t figure that one out, well that’s why you put money in bigger priority than actual relationship values
@Juxtapose obviously you don’t know the definition of prostitution
@Juxtapose a friendship /roommate dynamic should not be the same as a couple trying to progress their relationship. And if money is so important, why is a man not allowing his girlfriend an opportunity to save a similar amount that he is saving (or spending)
@Juxtapose I currently live with roommates and if my boyfriend and I moved in today and it felt the same, we wouldn’t be living together anymore.
@Juxtapose if the work put in for that money is more important than his relationship, nobody told him to be in a relationship.
@Juxtapose if you are moved in together and don’t have the idea that your possessions are also to my possessions in most cases, the relationship will NEVER thrive.
The point of moving in together is to become one in a relationship, and if being one scares you or you have trust issues in that route, there’s absolutely no reason for you to be in a relationship. Especially in one where a partner wants to eventually get married and have children.
@Juxtapose so then this convo isn’t for you, you don’t want a traditional relationship.
Nobody is saying “give someone 10k” all she wants is a balance in her relationship. If you think this current relationship is balanced, that’s a huge problem.
@Juxtapose if you have gotten to the point of moving in with someone and you don’t trust someone, you are the problem.
@Juxtapose then don’t be in a relationship.
@Juxtapose you are also no longer in a relationship with her. You don’t truly know what bothered her
@Juxtapose she doesn’t have to disclose anything to you as you are out of her hair. I’m going to guess she dumped you
Juxtapose…
Thank you for your kindness. In any romantic relationship/marriage … there is no such thing as 50/50… askers question is not one can say who is right or wrong… maybe she did something to cause the boyfriend to split.
I know a couple who the husband said he is not giving her a dime and she has to make her own money till she gets her financial together… they are married and he has his own company and making millions…I respect that husband.
As for my own first marriage, we moved in together after we got engaged. Then we worked out our combined finances…he makes more as always still does… I never asked for a dime more. I stayed home as a mom and he lost his job… we were there for each other through good and bad times. We never argued about finances… the asker and her “bf” seem to have other issues that contributed to him saying split bills. Because any husand who truly love his wife…and that she deserves… he will have no issue sharing his finances …
At the end… my ex hubby wanted a divorced and locked me out of our finances… did he take advantage… maybe… I didn’t care… I just wanted to make sure kids get treated well… I didn’t ask for child support or alimony … he was making double than me. On the other hand… I helped him become a millionaire lol.
My second husband … when I first met him, he was handy man making between $20- $30k a yr… wr dated 4-5 yrs… moved in together and planned out marriage… then looked at our finances for the benefit of us then I encourage him to invest with me… he is now living comfortably… he never asked me to pay 50/50 and vs. because I work and he is a stay at home dad… we are doing great. Wr don’t argue how we split bills or argue about who is right or wrong… we live well and love each other vs fighting about stuff…
No wonder kids nowadays are so fucked up regarding love/relationships…
Kylee… good luck to you… Hope you heal up from your past. And learn to love.
Living together are roommates having free sex…without any commitment to be married and no one should be entitled to their finances till marriage paper is signed.
Get a ring… discuss future together… have a goal … otherwise don’t move in thinking anyone is entitle…
@midnightmoon05 that’s very gaslighty to assume she’s the problem , when it’s very common for men to want to go 50/50. When I was dating my ex , my finances looked better than his, he just wanted money to contribute to his financial spending problems instead of watering our relationship
Yes I am Gaslighting… you win!! All men are evil.
What a creep!!
The end!
@midnightmoon05 it’s not about a man being evil, it’s about a man not wanting to step up in a relationship. And yes you are a gaslighter for deciding this girl has a problem because her man won’t cater to her enough. And also deciding that things just automatically change once you become a wife. You are the creep. Lack realism , no wonder why your first marriage didn’t work.
@midnightmoon05 I have no problem helping someone if they don't give off an entitled vibe & it's reasonable. I have had people be generous to me but I don't think it is something I should demand or it be demanded of me.
I am glad to hear you have had someone be there for you. You were wise to invest.
@Juxtapose the thing is, is no you wouldn’t. You even argued with me on another question about who pays on the first date. You don’t give women that kind of respect from the very beginning
Yeah, because I'm not going to pay 100% for a first date until at least she proves she is going to also pay. A restaurant wouldn't let me split the bill one time because of technical issues so I paid for it all because the woman I was with offered to pay. That was very sweet of her. I would have dated her more if I was not moving out of the state actually.
@Juxtapose you realize that’s like saying a woman won’t be a good girlfriend until you prove you are a good boyfriend? Silliness.
@Juxtapose and a woman equally doesn’t want to feel like she’s not a man’s priority right off the bat. As much as my man has been irritating me this past week, you make me more thankful I have him. Thank you for that
1/3 of women take men out on dates only to get a free meal with no intent of following up on the relationship. It's called a foodie date.
www.google.com/.../...the-free-food-study-says.amp
@Juxtapose perhaps I wasn’t clear… both hubbys… we helped each other … as a wife… I bought all of us to better places in life as a wife should do. My point is… agreeing with you… be very careful with the type of people you encounter … especially those who you want close … they will destroy you or bring you both to a better place…
In this case both the asker has not share much more… to have this kind of discussions.
Miss Kaylee is just pure argumentative from her 1 negative experience.
Women like her as i mentioned in multiple posts… will and has been destroying our society.
Wish you both well.
@Juxtapose my boyfriend took that chance and found someone that would give him the world. So that’s your loss
@Juxtapose that’s crazy you think I’m not taking a risk when my solitude is being alone
@midnightmoon05 you have no room to talk when you have gaslighted this woman meanwhile you have claimed multiple times you don’t know her side of the story. Saying things like “she has to be the problem if a guy isn’t willing to treat her properly” is gross pick me behavior.
Yes I’m going to base this off of my experiences because I’ve simply experienced similar and can offer advice towards it. I’m not stupid to how situations like this go. They definitely went half and half their entire relationship, got to a point of moving in and none of it has changed even though he makes enough money to spend twice as much, and she’s STILL going half and half on everything else plus rent. If it was any other way, she wouldn’t be complaining.
@midnightmoon05 and women like you are ruining our planet. How are you going to claim being in a relationship is all about helping out but the moment (like a said in the paragraph above) but that stops to you when it comes to something as simple as rent?
I agree with anything you said annd you so are right!! There!! This is the type of arguments low quality and entitled women bring. Everything you siad is right… there… go destroy your next relationship. One life experience lol… you have live enough to judge everyone. Such low quality woman and many other low quality women are running around … smart men will see it… sadly most are being raised by low quality/entitled women to be angry and stupid.
You do not know half of what life is. Bye and block. As to asker… she is shame to be adding to this because of what she is doing.
Reasons for blocking … angry, argumentative, low quality and entitled.
It takes a lot for me to block anyone here… but emotional drainer is worse then living… I stay away… hopeless… and one sided…
@midnightmoon05 it's the wise choice to block somebody who won't listen if they really annoy you because otherwise they're just going to keep making you suffer.
@Juxtapose you have a lot more patience than me.
I am a logical thinker. As you can see, I give reasons what I do and why I do. I don’t like to fight.
Hope you enjoy your day.
@midnightmoon05 this is my answer lmao no one told you to contribute to anything. You already destroyed one marriage, good luck destroying your next one.
My first marriage was destroyed by my ex mother in law Who has the same crazy personality as you. A little know nothing and now is depressed and taking meds. My ex can’t get away because he is the only child. And hares her. Both my kids and now older and don’t want to go see their grandma.
My ex and I still get along really well and talk all the time to raise our kids.
We also do business together after our divorced. Our kids are doing really well because they see how us parents love them regardless of us not living under one roof….
My husband feels that he is the happiest man and is very in love with me. We are also doing business together and living a happy good life and traveling the world. I have made these two men great! he is on gag and Juxtapose just answered one of his questions.
You read nothing about what I or others wrote and do not see others perspective…. you are stuck with one idea and like a cow with its horn stuck into a wall.
Asker is an entitled woman like you. Only knows how to destroy men with the entitlement attitude. Sucks for this society…
I work with 99% females and most think like you and asker…ENTITLED.
You are just brain damaged and crazy.
@midnightmoon05 that entire paragraph and you know absolutely nothing about me. You’re 44 years old with a failed marriage talking shit to someone you don’t know at all. Seek help immediately
Navigating the choppy waters of financial fairness in a relationship is like trying to dance the tango - it takes two to make it work, and oh boy, does it require some finesse! Since your man brings home a bigger bacon bundle but wants to keep the cheque-splitting as even as Julia Robert's smile in "Pretty Woman," it's time to charm him into a cozy chat, love. Frame it as a heart-to-heart, not a boardroom negotiation. Express how this situation makes you feel and gently introduce the idea of proportionate sharing based on income. It's not about making waves but creating a smoother surf for both of you to ride on. Remember, it's more than just numbers; it's showing that you care about each other's well-being and future together. Ah, the art of financial harmony—more delicate than a soufflé but oh so satisfying when it rises just right!
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You do realize there are men out there that will pay 100% of the bills? Don't waste your time on men like your boyfriend unless he's willing to change. He's treating you like a roommate and not a girlfriend
So women should only look for men who pay for everything?
She’s got a point if they are splitting major expenses (rent, vacation., etc).
But even though she makes less then him doesn’t mean she should expect him to pay for everything. She should agree to pitch in for smaller things. Maybe he does rent and utilities. She gets groceries. Etc. There is a reasonable way to look at it.
@blueonblack22 there is no reason to settle for men that will make a woman pay. There's other options out there
@Apple1996 so she should expect him to pay for everything? Yes those men exist. But I have no respect for women who look for that ESPECIALLY if they don’t have kids nor want kids. Different story if she’s a stay at home mom. But it doesn’t sound like she is.
@blueonblack22 I have no respect for men that aren't providers 🤷♀️ kids or not I'd be embarrassed to tell my family I was paying 50/50 for everything with a man
@Apple1996 in the western world there is no excuse for a woman to be a dead beat and chase men for money because she doesn’t want to work hard (or at all).
Different story if she and her husband wants to start a family and she wants to be stay at home mom. That’s a different story and respect women who commit to handling the home/caring for their kids. But I don’t respect women who want to be dead beats.
@blueonblack22 women hold value even if not working. We are not the same as men
@Apple1996 well at least you admit it. And you are right women can demand to be “special” JUST for existing. Men are not special for existing but only respected for agency. I’ve been arguing that for a while now. And it’s why women have need to RESPECT men. Money doesn’t magically appear just because we have penises. No it required hard work, sacrifice, stress, risk taking, etc. Again it’s not like making a viable income is some sort of magical easy decision for men.
Anyway what you said above is a major unchecked privilege women have had over men for all of history and it’s something feminists are in complete f*cking denial about. That’s why so many men hate modern feminism and talks about “gender equality” in the western world. Because women have always had special advantages over men. It was Mother Nature’s way of evening the score. But you can’t NOT have your cake and eat it too. Can’t demand to be “equal but special”.
And people wonder why men have 4x suicide rates. People wonder why men die younger. People wonder why men have fewer friends and less of a “social” life after 30. It’s all because we are working our asses off because we are EXPECTED to make money. It’s tied into Freudian psychology. And now it’s only getting harder with all the DEI bullshit.
Anyway I hope to God you don’t vote democrat. You are a huge f*cking hypocrite if you do.
@blueonblack22 the whole equality thing is bs. Men and women will never be equal since we both have different roles in life. And I don't vote lol.
I definitely feel for hard working men. They should get a good partner in return if they are being providers for them
@blueonblack22 So, maybe a slightly different take on it? In general, when a man is treated well, loved and respected by his woman, there is a natural inclination to want to provide for her physical and material welfare. And her natural inclination is to provide a safe, loving respite for him to recharge, to have his physical and emotional needs met, especially bc she appreciates how hard he works for her and for their family. However, in difficult times, she pitches in to help in the provider role. She also will tend to do that when there are not children in the home to care for. No good woman ever sits on her butt and acts like a privileged princess. She is on her man's team 100% and would never stand to see him slaving away while she heads out for a mani-pedi. Each partner has a different role in the relationship. What I have described is the traditional one, but a balanced traditional relationship. For couples who want to do it differently, let them consult and decide together what works for them, with each showing concern for the well being of the other. A healthy relationship is about balance and about ensuring that each party's needs are met. It's never 50/50 -- It's 100/100. At least, that's how this one woman sees it...
@blueonblack22 the funniest part about this, is she never even said she wanted him to pay for everything, she just wants someone that doesn’t value his money more than her own well being as his girlfriend. And when a man is telling you he values his money more than providing a loving relationship for the both of you, you run for the hills
I agree with @Apple1996
It's funny how this broke dudes thinks she can give you true love n spread her legs in return you can't even buy a lunch for her on date?
Dude even dog needs two time free foods in a day for staying loyal
to you. ..
It's men responsibility to give her financial support...
Are you compatible? That’s the conversation you BOTH need to have. DO NOT…. Try to change him and DO NOT…. Let him try to change you. Some people aren’t bad…. They just aren’t meant to be. Looking for different things. Everyone is so different and sone relationships aren’t meant to be.
Every relationship has a reason. Some for a season and others last a lifetime. Maybe you both either need yo work this out…. Or find someone you’re both genuinely happy with.
If you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it's perfectly justified to split things down the middle. If you were married, it would be different, because then there would be "our money", but since you aren't married, there is "her money" and there is "his money".
To avoid an argument, just agree to it.
It's tricky. I think there is something about owning your own.
With your earnings, I feel you can fully claim what's yours
Something like a prenuptial agreement,
I feel like, that might be a helpful template to follow with this situation
" also known as a prenup, is a legally binding contract between two people who are engaged to be married. It outlines how their assets, debts, and spousal support will be handled if the marriage ends in divorce or death. Premarital agreements can also address other issues, such as custodial arrangements and child support.
A prenup can help couples:
Protect assets: Ringfence assets that either person brings into the marriage or may inherit during it
Plan for the future: Consider how changes in employment, illness, or children may affect their finances over time
Avoid arguments: Decide who gets to keep pets or other items in the event of a divorce
Premarital agreements can vary in scope and enforceability depending on the state. In 28 states, prenups follow the 1983 Uniform Premarital Agreement Act, which aims to standardize them across the country. In the remaining 22 states, it's best to consult a family law attorney to help draft a prenup. On average, a prenup costs around $650, but can range from $500 to a few thousand dollars. "
There are a few scenarios going on with your boyfriend. He could be a cheap dbag (like most women wan to assume) but I got a feeling that really isn’t the case.
Good chance he had sh*tty freeloading women mooch off him in the past and he’s now rough around the edges about it. Sounds like makes good money too and those guys usually have radar for gold digger types and for good reason. In a way he’s testing you to see what you are really after with him.
But 50/50 is unreasonable. He should handle more but not expected to do all.
I would have an honest conversation about him and remind him that you are not dating him for his money (right?). But tell him that 50/50 is going to be very difficult given you make way less.
He could be doing it because he's actually trying to save a lot of the money he makes for something. Maybe to get a house, if you guys aren't already in one.
Or he does it because he doesn't want you to think that just because he makes more that it's okay for you to take advantage of that and expect him to cover everything just because you're the woman who earns less. Maybe he was also in a past relationship where he did cover most or everything and the woman was lazy or still left him. I don't know him or his past, but there might be some reason for why he wants everything done 50/50.
I think both of you should be responsible for your own basic expenses. Because I don't think anyone should have a free ride.
But if he wants to do things that are beyond your means, he should pay for it. Like if he wants to go on an expensive vacation with you, but you just can't afford it, then he should pay for you if he really wants to go. Even a lot of smaller expenses, like eating out regularly, might be too expensive for you.
He should never expect you to pay for optional things that are beyond your means. And just because you can technically pay for something doesn't mean you should. You should have some savings, rather than spending every cent trying to keep up with his higher standard of living.
Of course I don't know the full story. I'm assuming that you are financially responsible, that you are working, putting in effort, and not spending your money away frivolously.
I'm on the fence on this. The amount that totals together isn't effected by how much you each make. Those bills will still stay the same even if he loses his income. In marriage it's easier to help each other out more as it's contract.
Is the one who makes more money entitled to keep it even? Sure. Is it the right thing to do? Probably not. I've always leaned more logically though. Each relationship is different. You two have to find your own solution you can live with. If you can't, move on.
Are you doing anything extra in the relationship like doing the cooking and cleaning while he does significantly less work around the house? If so, he should be paying extra on the bills.
But if this is a modern egalitarian relationship, you're going to have to accept that you have to contribute equally. Doesn't matter what your income is. You can't have a trade relationship when it suits you and modern relationships when it suits you.
Agreed 💯
Oh course most men aren’t like that. We don’t say what’s mine is mine. Women tend to say that. Especially when it comes to money. I know a lot of women whose mothers told them your money is your money. His money is both of yours. Men are more likely to share resources w women, not so much the way around. Now if things were reversed, would you take financial responsibility of a majority of the bills? Honestly, would you? Don’t just say yes either because you know chances are you’ll never out earn him. Most men have no problem taking care of their girl, assuming she brings a lot of other things to the relationship. Sounds like you need to step up your game. Regardless, he has a right to ask that.
If you made more 3 times more than your boyfriend, would you pitch in 3 times more than him when it comes to expenses like rent and food, etc?
You can't have equality only where it suits you. Unless you're doing something extra at home like cooking and cleaning, there's no reason he should have to pay more than you.
It also helps him to see that you're equally invested in the relationship as he is and not just with him for his money.
Well let me ask you this. Is your shared standard of living as such that you can afford to split it evenly? Because if so then you really don't have a good reason to be complaining. But if your shared standard of living costs too much for you to afford half then you need to tell him, "I can't afford this".
He does not OWE you more than half. See this all comes down to the PARTNERSHIP'S dynamic. Some partnerships share resources. Some partnerships keep their finances divided, etc. Their is no set standard for this. But your partner needs to understand you make less and then the relationship (if it continues) needs to proceed accordingly.
There is a simple solution. You suggest places that are inexpensive. If he then says that he wants to go to places that are more costly then inform him that you can’t afford that. If he insist then let him know that he’ll be paying for both of you. Either way he’s paying for himself and is within your budget.
If he can’t understand that you have a budget then that may be a reason to call things off. After all, if he has no understanding and empathy then is he someone you want to be Pursuing?
those are his boundaries... try to talk to him and explain to him your point of view and try to learn and understand his
but if he doesn't change his mind, you have two options: comply or quit
Why don't you want to split it is the first question. That you should ask yourself? Do you not msjevenougu to split or do you just not want too. Even if someone msjes more doesn't mean they wanna burn it all. Or would you rather pay the cheaper portioks sbd gevpsy forvtgevkore expensice stuff all things you should consider tirdt and foremost so you know hjwvto sppraoch this.
So he is an unsupportive cheapskate. Not boyfriend material in the slightest.
That would be like going up to my roommate who earns significantly more than I do and expecting him to pay more than his half of the rent. You are an adult, if you don't like how poor you are then step it up. It's not his job to be your daddy and finance you.
Why should he? You could dump him at any time and then his investment would have been completely null and void. He should at least wait for a lifelong commitment before contributing more, if ever.
What are you splitting exactly? Rent? Dinner dates? Because if it's the latter, I would only be okay with that if this if the restaurants were affordable and I only paid for what I order. If it's rent then it would have to be affordable according to my income rather than my partner's.
They don't change. Stingy people won't change. You either accept them for who they are or you don't. You can alter your arrangement but you can't alter the way they feel about it. Personally I can't stand that characteristic on people
That's what roommates do, he's a cheap fucker
Advice? Easy. Get a different boyfriend. Yours is entirely selfish and ungenerous That's not going to change.
He's not your husband. And have you talked with him about the realistic expectations of such a statement?
If no compromise can be reached, it may be best to move on.
You split it as 50% of your income.
For example 50% of your income goes towards expenses and 50% of his income goes towards expenses.
You adjust from there depending on your total expenditures
If he earns three times more he simply pays 3/4 of shared costs like rent that would be the most fair approach anyway.
He earns 3 times what you do but you use 1 person's worth of space and food and other things that you'd have to pay for if he wasn't there.
He's not that into you and he's a little boy.
You don’t have wife previllage. Do you two live together?
Don’t have all the details.
Everyone’s relationship is different. It’s never 50/50…. When it comes to finances.. in this case…the boyfriend who makes more doesn’t need to pay more since she is working… anything she needs… she as an help to y adult should be able to support herself unless he says he will help… even then… as a good woman… repaly nicely no.
That shows great character and the guy may marry her.
“She is a healthy adult and should be able to support herself…”
@kylee2437 maybe he saw her aelfjsh she has been and demand even split…
Would love to her what she has to say.
Usually 50/50 is a custom standard men have from the very beginning because they feel like they are losing out by having to provide even an inch in a relationship. and the selfishness of a man not wanting to provide in a relationship seeps through even more when you move in with him and realize you still aren’t worth it enough for him to budge at this idea that couples need to be equal at all times.
@kylee2437 I don’t like to generalize … everyone’s situation is different and things change in relationships/marriages.
I have been through 2.
What was your lady experience like?
You’ve been through two marriages or relationships? My experience is , whatever you deal with in the beginning will never change, and actually gets quite worse if it’s something you don’t prefer especially letting it fester into more important ideas like moving in with each other. I was never okay with my ex doing the 50/50 thing and then we tried it out and that solidified we weren’t compatible in the slightest bit
@kylee2437 I was married and divorced once. I am in my second marriage and happily married. It’s nothing like what you shared regarding 50/50. Relationships/marriages don’t work like that.
@midnightmoon05 so this is my point , relationships don’t work the way her boyfriend has their current relationship
@kylee2437 I shall wait for her explanation regarding why the 50/50 split. As an outsider… it’s pointless to argue about someone else’s business… it’s never one sided.
@midnightmoon05 she asked for advice, and acting like things just change when you become a wife is odd. You already know it doesn’t
He definitely doesn't want to waste anything of its money. Seems like a security thing. If u invest he's sure u don't leave. So they break up would cost you something too
Sounds like a roommate not a boyfriend. And he would definitely still want the same when you’re pregnant, AND for you to cook and take care of the kids.
What would he say is the reason for this? What would his justification be?
@Juxtapose I understand that. But in these situations, we're often only hearing one side of the story. I need the entire context before I can make any judgements or recommendations.
I recently saw a video where a girl called into a radio show to complain that she went out on a date with a guy, which she thought went well, and after the date, he blocked her and ghosted her. The radio host called the guy, and he confirmed the date and blocking her, but then he shared the reason why. During the meal, he'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, and while he was away, she'd ordered 3 additional meals and a dessert to go, and so when he went to pay the bill, he couldn't understand the huge amount, and the manager explained that she'd added these meals while he was not present. It turns out that the woman had (or claimed to have) 3 kids and home, and she felt that if a man took her on a date, that he was obligated to feed ALL OF THEM, not just her. And when the host questioned this, she stuck to her guns that "she was a package" and that any man who wanted to date her "should know" that he needed to take care of her whole brood.
It's stories like this that make me need the entire context, because you can't trust people to give you all of the relevant facts. Too many people feel entitled to things, and will hide inconvenient details to make their argument sound better.
So, he makes much more than you and acts like that? Cheap ass guy or he's not that crazy about you to spoil you, sorry... I think everyone deserves better than that..
@Starrrboy you should learn what equality is
You should not do this. It’s not fair to you.
The decline of Western Civilization right here.
Entitled women alert. How childish for someone in their 40s as well. But i suppose the legacy of millennial women is here
@DarkLegacy what’s even more entitled is thinking you deserve a relationship when you show signs of being a selfish person (opposite of what you have to be in a relationship)
@kylee2437 That i the asker and you
@DarkLegacy actually it’s the men that want relationships but take ideas that call for just wanting to be single in the end.
He just doesn't want to feel like he's being taken for a ride
like a snail on the back of a turtle
Slow down bud, i wanna get there, but, i wanna get there alive
If the two of you can’t communicate, what’s the point of anything between you two?
Next question
Pay your half. Males and females are equals after all
Ever watch Joy Luck Club? If not then you should, for Lena’s story.
I think he’s right. You’d be paying full price for everything if you were on your own
Did you pay your own bills before you met him?
It's sounding like a good deal for you then if he knows this or am I missing something 🤔
It’s not about who earns more
It’s about spending
Don't do wife duties at room mate prices..
but, in our culture in Asia.. even wives don't split bills. 😅
Sounds entirely fair. he's not your father
What's "everything"?
technically he has aright to
It's fair
He has to pay more
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