I feel more like a caretaker than a partner. Am I a bad partner?

[marco]

We've been dating for 2 years, living together for 1.5 years due to unexpected circumstances. In the past year, her mental and physical health has declined, affecting her ability to work and function. I feel like our relationship has broken-down, and I can't provide the support they need. Despite my efforts, we constantly fight about my lack of emotional support. I’m exhausted, financially and mentally, covering most of our expenses on my fixed income. I love her but no longer feel "in love" and feel more like a caregiver. Ending things worries me because she needs help and has no one except me. What should I do?

[sage2021]

I was in that situation and living with my boyfriend who knew that I was sick 🤢 and still decided to move in with me and take care of me.
He had ADHD and made me a nervous wreck which made me even sicker.
Ya know people can't help it if they get sick 🤢 or disabled. Trust me, they hate losing their independence and having to rely on someone else when they were perfectly independent until fate knocked them down.
I can tell you want out really bad. So, at least in my State of she is low income and disabled and on MediCaid, they provide caregiver's to help people such as her. Not financially of course but they give assistance to help them.
Perhaps you could check into something like that for her. Or an assisted living apartment building that has people to assist with some things. There are all different kinds of help out there.

If you call the 211 number there are people who can refer you to get some help. I am pretty sure the 211 system is nation-wide like 911 is.
I just thought that you might not live in America, so until I find that out I won't go any further.
Sadly for me my boyfriend who was also my caregiver died suddenly September of last year so I didn't have a choice anymore.
I hope you get the help you need because I am sure she knows you want out and she will be stuck.
Do the best you can for as long as you can. Just be a good person to another human being that needs your help right now until you can find another living solution for all of you.
Take care.

[PeachyPie93]

Just dump her.. Why compromise yourself for someone who won't help themselves. She is a grown adult it is not your job to take care of her especially if you don't even love her anymore and are not married. Sometimes tough love is the best thing for a person, if you are seriously worried about her just put her in a psyc ward they will sort her out lol.

I have also been the girlfriend struggling mentally but luckily I wasn't as demanding as your partner seems, plus my guy could afford both of us easily. So I am saying this from experience, enabling her is not doing anything for her and you are wearing yourself thin. If you do still have some feelings like you think if she sorted herself out you could love her again. Give her an ultimatum, tell her either go get psychological help or this relationship is over and you are out of my place, give her a timeline and if she won't then make sure you do really kick her out. If you don't have feelings then just dump her since she is not your responsibility she is her own responsibility.

[Purpleronnie]

I’m so sorry your where you are , and I do have some admiration for you for perhaps doing the right thing and trying to support her but my friend … if there is no love and and it’s all one sided with you being her “care-giver” her therapist and her provider this may eventually breed resentment of not already !. Should nothing be likely of changing this ow going nowhere.


I can’t tell you what to do , nobody can. You cannot fix her , that’s not your job and you deserve more in such a young un-married relationship.


For me there would have to be some light at the end of the tunnel or I’d be moving on.

[icedragoom]

You have two options man. Couple's counseling or just break up with her and find someone more mentally stable cuz obviously she just wants someone who's there to take care of her

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of a relationship where you feel more like a caretaker than a partner is a tough spot to be in, lovebird. First off, feeling this way doesn't make you a bad partner. It means you’re human, and you’re acknowledging the imbalance in your relationship. Love isn’t just about the butterflies; it’s also about the tough, gritty reality of care and support. But when it tips more into caregiver territory, it's crucial to reassess the situation.

Remember, it’s absolutely vital to communicate your feelings openly and honestly with your partner. It's not just about venting, but about seeking understanding and perhaps a solution together. Sounds like a bit of a tightrope walk, right? Well, hold on because love is all about balance.

Additionally, consider seeking outside help. Counseling, for both of you individually and as a couple, can be a game-changer. It’s like having a love GPS when you feel lost in the wilderness of relationship woes.

Ultimately, making decisions out of guilt or fear won't do either of you any favors. It’s about what’s healthy and sustainable for both of you in the long run. Love shouldn’t feel like a burden. It’s okay to decide that a relationship isn’t working, as hard as that may be. And remember, you're not abandoning them by wanting a relationship that feels more balanced. You’re recognizing your needs and limits, which is incredibly brave.

Spark that conversation, seek that help, and stay true to your feelings. Remember, a relationship is a dance that requires both to tune into the music 🎶.

[Massageman]

AI will never know about butterflies in this context. - - - - - - - -

[DishLady]

It's hard to feel that romantic love when you need to be another person's physical caretaker. It doesn't mean that you don't still love her... There's another couple I know who are splitting so she can get a proper caregiver, which she can't get (apparently) while she's married.

You two aren't married, so I can't imagine how much you love her that you're there and helping her... You'll have to make this choice on your own... Do you want to stay in the boyfriend slot or dial it bacl to close friend who helps her so you're free to pursue a romantic interest...

Are you currently considering another relationship? If not, then take your time in figuring out what your heart needs...

[thegreenyogi]

People who experience mental health issues will always need help and they need a caregiver when in a relationship. I know because I was in a relationship with someone who too had serious mental health issues. And problems arise when it's a contraposition between a person with mental health issues and a person without. They will never understand you and you will never fully understand them and their needs or at least whatever you do won't ever be enough in their minds. And what's more both your brains are wired completely differently. So it really comes down to asking yourself whether or not you want to be a caregiver to this person through love or not? Is that what you want your life with another person to be? As far as the leaving part is concerned eventually there will be a really bad argument after which you will be forced to step away because not doing so and staying will eventually drive you out of your mind. The longer you stay the worse it will be to leave. And no one should be expected to carry the weight of another person's baggage over their shoulders. She will find others who will be able to help. It's hard I know. It's takes a lot of strength to make the decision to leave I know. But I think you have to if you wish to remain sane. I wish you the best of luck!!

[midnightmoon05]

At lease you are not married…

this also sounds familiar to another story from a gentian man on gag.
he married her and stayed for 17 years.!! Till now, he is still paying for alimony for life to her. Due to her never worked after married because she “become ill”.
never gave him a child.
by the time he divorced her… he was older and was dating women who already had kids and never had his own. It really messed him up.
so don’t feel guilty, at this point you don’t own her anything.

she came from a mom and dad and have relatives…
you are not her free babysitter.
call me mean… humans are raised to be productive … otherwise should not burden others… that’s what I teach my two teen kids to become.

[blunty]

Relationships can get tricky, and sometimes one person ends up taking on more of the caretaker role. It’s exhausting, and it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means things might be a bit out of balance right now. You’re doing what you can to support your partner, which shows how much you care. But it’s also okay to want more balance and to share how you’re feeling with them. It doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you human. You deserve to feel supported too.

[robot]

Feeling more like a caretaker than a partner can be tough, but it doesn't mean you're a bad partner. Relationships often go through periods where one person ends up taking on more, especially if the other is going through a difficult time. It's normal to feel drained if this goes on for too long. What's important is recognizing when things start to feel unbalanced. If you're always the one giving and not getting much in return, it's natural to feel worn out or even resentful. It's okay to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Sharing the load more equally isn’t about abandoning them; it’s about finding a healthier way for both of you to be happy together.

[rosemilk]

no, you're doing excellent. however, she is not being that great of a partner. i understand mental health and such, but there is a line when you really need to take care of the relationship so no one feels overwhelmed and make sure not to dump your emotions on the other one

i think it's time to move on. she will find a way on her own. but you cannot let this wreck your mental health and life. you did everything you could, but she is just not appreciating it or seeing what you are doing. plus you're constantly fighting. you should come first this time

[FarAway12]

Your relationship sounds like the one I was in. I felt like a caregiver in the sense that he wanted to be mommy'd and taken care of and at first I obliged. I was happy to do it because I was so in love. Then it got old. He was a grown man and I had to do everything or tell him to do things otherwise it would never get done or done correctly. He wouldn't cook or clean unless the house was getting out of control. Then it switched. I became a "financial burden" on him and he used that as an excuse to cheat. Instead of just telling me how he felt or going to therapy to try and fix our issues, he just went to another girl. When I found out, I broke up with him immediately. He claims he didn't want to "add more to my plate" and yet I was forced to leave my home, move to another state, and I suffered greatly for 6 months as a result. Fix it or leave. That's my advice.

[Account]

You do not love her. You are used to her. That is why I consider that word a taboo. That is why I don't utter it easily. People use it for anything. You do not love your partner and your relationship is beyond saving. But that is alright, there is not much you can do about it, you are only human.

[dustybiker2]

Is she seeing a doctor or taking responsibility at all? There has to be a limit. If it starts to rip you down too you've crossed it.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ask yourself this. If roles were reversed, what would SHE do?

[Tamera952]

Sorry to break it to ya - You’re in a rut. Cue the violin music.

[Billlewis]

That's just the way it goes -- if we're not appealing enough to merit their attention, we're not going to receive it, but I'd much rather be ignored by a Goddess than engaged by an average person.
Why Does It Turn Me On So Much When She Ignores Me? ↗

[BoopBoopBeep]

Break up. I've been down that road. It's exhausting. I only date functional adults now and it is so much easier.

[DrPepper12]

Self preservation is the prime objective. if you can't do that you'll compromise yourself and shell take you down with her

[Anonymous]

Unless you've been married many years and are now old together you don't have a responsibility to do all that.

[DarkLegacy]

You should dump her. It sounds like she needs a carer

[noohair]

Not healthy for either of you.

[In_Trance]

Stop dating broken women