Do people who cheat do so out of a need for creativity/storyline at this point?

[DizzyDesii]

It’s like they want to recreate a soap/telenovela atp… So remember my friend guy I talked about last year who I was into in HS and he kept trying to kiss me but I wasn’t ready. He was a bit pushy. Well we got closer in college and I started flirting in return but he got snatched up by a girl who didn’t shy away like me. She made him cut me off.

Then he went off to the military. I reached out to him last year on linkedin lol, and we picked up as if nothing changed. He was “single” and in Vegas at some “friends” bachelor party at the time. When he got back, we revealed our past feelings for eachother. But then he started giving fckboy vibes so I moved on with “the demon”.

Anyways this so-called friend was trying to be my emotional support through that relationship but he continued to try to flirt and come see me despite me saying no and to respect my relationship. I kept things strictly platonic and talked to him less. But once I broke up with that guy, the friend was back to making moves (this is before I started dating the next guy).

Last night, someone showed me a pic of ”the friend” getting married 3 weeks ago. And apparently dude has had a girlfriend since 2017 (not the same girl from college). He kept her a secret this whole time constantly saying he wants “black love” and that I should be ashamed of interracially dating. I told him to cut the BS as he went on saying he didn’t think he’d find anyone and that maybe wife/kids isn’t for him.

The entire time he turned out to have a girlfriend? Like damn where was she the nights he was flirting/talking otp to me since last year? All the times he was standing in my yard? I asked him yesterday where did he disappear to the last 3 weeks. He said he went to New Orleans for “vacation”. More like honeymoon since I had to find out later that day that he has a whole wife now? So I sent him the wedding pic that I was shown and his only response “who sent you this”. The mf is basically just mad he got caught #FeelFreeToList

Updates

1 y

I can’t necessarily call him a cheater but he was attempting to. I’m just flabbergasted that he never mentioned her since we’ve been catching up since last summer. He literally said he was with no one. But mf I saw a whole thing about them being together since 2017. I don’t use social media so I would have never known if someone didn’t show the pic. This guy-https://www. girlsaskguys. com/relationships/q5195847-have-you-ever-distanced-yourself-from-someone-you-could-potentially

[DishLady]

I'll preface with saying cheating is never justified. While it's possibly exciting in the moment, there's nothing creative about generating random drama. (You're spot on with the telenovela comparison.)

See, I'll never get how a guy considers someone their girlfriend when they're not exclusive (and still on the prowl) OR why they'd bother a girl like you (with morals) instead of just hitting on some little chippy with no sense of up, down or in-between...

Personally, I would have sent the pic with a "Congrats. Wishing you every happiness." and ended the drama once and for all by blocking him from everything (phone, email, etc.). He shouldn't be given any level of access to you at all. Dbag doesn't cover it with this guy.

[DizzyDesii]

I def won’t be saying congrats even tho my feelings for him ended a while ago. But yea he's def cut off

[DishLady]

You can bet that if he was doing that with you he was possibly also doing it to other women.

[DizzyDesii]

My crush ended when he started giving fckboy vibes but now seeing he was keeping her secret just makes it all the more worse. I'm not even hurt from a romantic aspect. I just really thought I had my friend back if nothing else. And the fact he couldn't even tell me he was taken and has pretended to be single this entire time, he's a pos to me now. there's no trust there anymore

[DishLady]

(Yeah, I picked up the shift there. 😂)

This is the sort of thing that makes the "can men and women be friends" type questions so sticky.

He was a pos from the start, girl. Good riddance.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i always felt men and women can't just be friends, that at least one of the two will want more than friendship

[DishLady]

Till very recently I thought they could as a rule of thumb, mostly bc I’m usually the only gal at the office, etc. I encountered only two clear exceptions in my entire life… and both recently. But generally I figure if you stick to a no-flirting policy then the friendship is possible.

[DizzyDesii]

There's one friend i had no interest in. I thpught he lost interest in me after i told him in 8th grade we’d never happen. I even hooked him up with my cousin and they dated for some years. Anyways, he started dating some girl and after proposing to her, he randomly tells her he had a crush on me in 8th grade. Even though that was long ago, she no longer allows him around me. I don't know why he’d even bring that up to her lmao

[DishLady]

Uuugh! Booo! :(

And you know? I think it’s healthy to have guy friends to chat with and have a balanced perspective on stuff.

(Plus some of them make me laugh with their theories about girls… I’m pretty certain they’re pulling my leg sometimes.)

It would be sad if all those guys were just waiting to chase tail rather than actually being friends. :(

You know, @MrOracle had a theory he posted to a question of mine the other day… it seemed odd to me at first, but I also understand it… you’d probably agree with it.

[DJB72]

You did nothing wrong. First.

Second: I never met anyone in a relationship that was good who cheated. Never. There's always something between them and their SO that's falling apart when they cheat. The whole issue becomes if they're honest with the person they cheat with. An "honest" cheat is where they're not looking for anything outside the relationship but talking to their friend brings up the issues and neither they, nor the friend expects or even wants to get involved, it just kind of happens.

Then there's the guy you described. He knows full well what he's doing and that he's about to fuck up three lives, and doesn't care.

You're not that person. You wouldn't get involved with him when you were in a difficult relationship because you respected yourself too much.

Cut the loser off. Personally I'd contact his wife and warn her, but that's up to you.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i cut him off. They just got married June 29 but i won't say anything to her because im still in shock myself. Plus he just got back from military stuff and I don't know if he's dealing with ptsd but i don’t want him pissed at me

[DJB72]

Last time I checked PTSD didn't make anyone an asshole, they tend to be that with or without it. Just keep him blocked. If nothing else his behaviour is like the toilet flushing itself...

[MisterWack]

“ It’s like they want to recreate a soap/telenovela atp”
Most guys do not watch crappy dramas.

Could it be because of something other than they got the idea from television? Maybe they cheated because they weren’t getting enough sex, enough attention, wanted the feeling of getting away with something with the thrill knowing they made it out not getting caught, revenge, they fell in love with someone else however still have feelings for their lover, etc.
Really really depends on individual.

[DizzyDesii]

Either way they simply could have broken up rather than attempted to cheat or cheated

[MisterWack]

@DizzyDesii I don’t know where you got the idea I’m “pro cheater”, I’m not justifying it and my answer is based on the question provided.
I do want people to know they should be honest with their partners and if they can’t, best to break it off before their heart becomes a casualty of a broken heart.

[HollyK21]

I believe people cheat because they’re selfish. They have their reasons for not feeling fully content in their relationship, yet want to stay in it like some sort of safety net in case the cheating doesn’t work out. The un-selfish thing to do would be letting their partner go, so they can explore then options and vice versa. However a lot of people just can’t make that choice. It’s really too bad.

[HollyK21]

**explore their

[DizzyDesii]

Yepp

[ohsheeT]

. I like this because it's kind of cute and funny.. . Because in real life I would say hell no...

But the moment I read it and my little fantasy brain said well this could be a good story I would love to make a cheating story but I really want to act it out LOL and I really don't want to cheat on anybody but.. . For the sake of the story I guess I would LOL it could be fun but I'm single so that's why

[DizzyDesii]

💀💀💀

[AviatorTom]

That's a long involved story... Im glad it turned out okay for you.

To answer your question, people cheat for a variety of reasons, most common is opportunity. Your presence gave him the opportunity to cheat on his girlfriend/fiancée. You did nothing wrong... he did.

[DizzyDesii]

I almost did something wrong but i told him to respect my relationship back then and so i talked with him less. Yet he was in one too and never mentioned it

[Finchie40]

Be thankful you dodged a bullet with that one , he is a narcissistic piece of shit , so count your blessings you never got with him , It will be a matter of time before his wife finds out his true colors and divorces his ass.

[DizzyDesii]

My cousin was literally begging me last night to not ruin this girls honeymoon phase by telling her. Idc enough to go out of my way to ruin someones relationship. She probably already knows

[Finchie40]

Whether she does or doesn’t , it will just be a matter of time before she does , and if she is wise , she will kick his ass to the curb where he belongs

[RavVid]

Nice morals. Came across a new term an 'unrestricted sociosexual view'. If you are unrestricted, more sex with more people & excitement associated with that plus the possibility of being caught. Plus I guess you can continue to check out if you could do better.

Feel sorry for his new wife. I doubt you will get to meet her now by the way :)

As for creativity/storyline I guess it is sort of that. Women tend to I think and maybe that is even the key aspect. Men probably are probably more interested in straight sex but there is still a storyline they probably keep to themselves.

Does show you could have done worse than the other two. So that's a plus.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i never did anything sexual with him and I def dont care to meet someone he's kept secret this long anyways. Our friendship or whatever we had is done.’

[RavVid]

You didn't but he attempted. So he should be a little fearful...

I'd enjoy putting some righteous fear of God in him if I were you but maybe you are a better person than I am.

I got to put the fear of god into someone who disclosed my personal detail. it was good fun.

Long story so won't go into details but a guy with another company in the same building i worked in had done bad by me. A memo had been circulated about the disclosure of my personal details. Occassonally he would be going out as I was

[RavVid]

forget last para.

[DizzyDesii]

Wait did the story get cut off?

[mstbooblover]

Well, let's face the fact that a hetero guy will always be interested in the female gender, and that having a girlfriend does not al of a sudden kills all interest in other females... This being said, humans have something called "moral values", and there's the matter of self control and responsibility, whether to indulge or not...

[TaureanBull81]

Photos 📸 on social media don't always picture a thousand words nor a happy lifestyle. People are good at masking what's truly going on in their lives.

In terms of what happened regarding your situation count your blessings 🙌 that you've dodged a massive bullet. You really don't want to be bringing in drama and negative energy into your life at this point.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i def don’t want to deal with that and i said the same that the social media pics could be a “front” but its still shocking he was even taken and never said so

[kellytheman]

Yeah I never and would never cheat on a girl or keep a girl think I am single but I do people men and women cheat for drama or like you said creativity maybe something different. Maybe they always had a crush on someone and want to hit it before they commit to someone.

[DizzyDesii]

Yeah

[noohair]

I have heard, but don't know, that military women are super*sexual. And guys treat them badly because they think they were fucked by a hundred guys or that they are too Alpha and guys can't handle the Alpha woman. They also see them as easy for a quick fuck. Do your best and don’t let your values be compromised. In the end, all we have is our values and reputation.
The whole racial thing makes me want to puke. There is only one race, Homo Sapean.

[DizzyDesii]

Im not in the military and neither is the girl he just married. But he was in the military. And as for the racial thing, im not surprised. A lot of men can’t stand to see the women of their race venture out

[noohair]

Sorry, I misunderstood. Good luck.

[paledreams]

Or some people just grew apart or realised they always were apart - sone people seem to pick poorly a partner worse than they pick an automotive brand, car, truck, or motorcycle/scooter even lol worse 👀🚗😋😂

[DizzyDesii]

Grew apart but just married her June 29? Mmm

[paledreams]

Oh I didn't read I'm sorry - I was just answering the question

[Phoenix98]

No they cheat because they're horrible people who think they're smart enough to have their cake and eat it to without getting caught.

[DizzyDesii]

True

[DryGermanGuy]

Wow. What a weird person with all his shenanigans. But good karma for you for staying out of it. 👍

[DizzyDesii]

True

[Lottydotty]

Think the soap is part of it. Also when people hurt too many times, doing that shit gets easier. It's kingly feeling for some men to juggle all the tiddies they can at once. Just a type

[DizzyDesii]

Damn

[Smoothing]

They cheat because there might be something missing.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea “the breakup” is missing. They should breakup and go for whatever it is theyre looking for

[Meisdipa]

Some of them should be hired for Hollywood😂😂

[DizzyDesii]

Real talk

[Meisdipa]

Update: Even if you don't call him a cheater he was trying to take an advantage of you.

[NathanDavis]

Netflix, show
Netflix, show...
Netflix show!!

[exitseven]

Sorry this happened to you. Thi k of it another way. You dodged a bullet.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea true

[nawtee_me]

You and your boytoys….. lol. You need to write your own soap opera…. lol. Hollywood would buy it……. You can’t make this stuff up……

[DizzyDesii]

😭😭😭😂

[OhLongJohnsoning]

cheaters do it for one reason only

TO GET AWAY WITH IT

[DizzyDesii]

Yepp

[LunarEclipse433]

I wouldn’t think so. I would think more of needs and desires not being filled at home

[DizzyDesii]

I kinda thought that too but I don't know. she's a gorgeous girl and I don't know how life is at home but someone showed me her social media and they def make it look happy there. Yet he doesn't even mention he's taken on his social media

[Anonymous]

You mean women? Because guys cheat to get thier f*** on generally, nothing more.

[DizzyDesii]

What about those guys who emotionally cheat and dont seem to have the intentions of gettting laid

[Opinion Owner]

It may or may not be serving the same purpose. Obviously they're not getting physically satisfied but they getting psychologically satisfied. I didn't mean to suggest guys don't have psychological needs, they do, some more than others. I'm just saying guys do 't typically have the elaborate fantasies women do. I had to kind of laugh when you used the term "novela"

[DizzyDesii]

I only said that cause i know telenovela is the latin/hispanic version of soap opera

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I got that. But the takeaway is this is primarily a woman thing. Women don't need to demonstrate thier love for a man repeatedly. Men just need to know that the woman they're with loves them. Guys are pretty low maintenance in that aspect. That's why I used the term "psychological" needs. When guys cheat it's either completely physical or it could possibly be partly psychological. You know like if a woman withholds sex to punish a man. He doesn't feel loved by her if it goes on long enough. We're not so dumb as gender to not think women are not capable of casual sex. But with MOST women (unless she's got intimacy issues) don't really enjoy sex that much unless there's an emotional connection to it.
I just laughed at your use of the term "novela" because soaps are almost exclusively a woman thing.

[DizzyDesii]

Ahhh now I get it

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not defending cheating though. Cheating is still wrong. There is no defense for it. I was just explaining why a man might cheat. 👍

[legalboxers]

boredom I think

[DizzyDesii]

I initially said boredom and creativity but the question was too long

[legalboxers]

Im not that crative

[justabuddy]

It's funny how things like this show up.

[DizzyDesii]

Yepp

[FenixG45]

Yaaa, once you lie and cheat, you are DEAD to me!

[eagle1951]

sex.

[DizzyDesii]

But he knew he’d never get that out of me. He knew about my celibacy outside of longterm relationships/being in love