Are some really good people just meant to be single?

Question

Hi Guys and Gals,

There are two running theories I've been reading up on that imply some good people are simply meant to be single. Please bear with me and lmk your thoughts on this:

T1 (Living the Good Life): A person who holds themselves up to high moral standards... genuinely loves doing their own thing... enjoys freedom as well as a wide social circle... lives a generally happy, healthy life with reasonable goals... values current friendships and obligations as they are... and has no particular fears/issues (see T2) yet also has no particular compulsion to be in a loving, committed relationship with a life partner to satisfy any personal need for love... may simply just WANT to be single for life.

T2 (Living in Fear, Doubt & Dissatisfaction): Unfortunately, many truly great people may also have crippling fears about one or more of the following...

Fear-Inadequacy (feels that others are out of your league)
Fear-Commitment (wary of sharing life w/ another person; apprehensive of changes, attachments, etc.)
Doubt-Lack of Trust (either in self or others; fear of one's own ability to judge affection/reliability of others, etc.)
Ennui/Dissatisfaction (inability to feel joy; functioning out of a basic sense of duty rather than enjoying life and those around you)
Lingering/Unresolved Feelings (feelings for an ex obstruct the path to real and lasting love)
Fear/General Distaste of Dating & Socializing (refusal to "put oneself out there"; feeding the self-fulfilling prophesy that the right person simply isn't out there; refusal to date or socialize based on one or more past negative/unproductive experiences)
"Cheap" Thrill Addiction (claims to have "options" that are merely cheap, short-term sources of satisfaction; refusing to recognize that short-term thrills don't hold the value as a lasting LTR; inability to tell the difference)
Overindulging Fantasy (imagines a fairy tale fantasy as being possible rather than recognizing and engaging in reality)

Your thoughts?

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Not trying to fan my ego here, but I'd like to think I'm a good person. I'm a pretty introspective and thoughtful guy and I think I have a decent moral compass. I don't think I'm an unattractive looking guy either and I like to stay fit and workout regularly. But the main thing that's holding me back is definitely where I'm at in life. Don't drive, been unemployed/trying to figure it out for a while now, live with mom. Doesn't really sound good coming from a 30 year old, so I don't entirely hate girls for tossing my "resume" in the trash. I do kind've wish that I could find a girl that likes me just for my personality and how compatible I am with her, but I understand that there's more aspects to relationships than that, which requires money, ideally having my own means of transportation, and definitely not living with "mommy".

I've had a couple relationships in the past when financial stability didn't matter as much to girls. But the truth is financial stability does matter and I'm currently focusing on getting my life together in that aspect.

I definitely don't fall into the T1 (Living the Good Life) category. I do hold myself up to good moral standards. I do enjoy doing my own thing and having freedom (which ideally wouldn't change even when I'm in a relationship). I do live a healthy life with reasonable goals, but I wouldn't exactly call myself happy. Maybe once I get to where I want in life, that will change. I also wouldn't say my social circle is large (and I prefer to keep it that way for multiple reasons). And I definitely DO want to be in a loving, committed relationship with a life partner to satisfy any personal need for love, so T1 is definitely not me.

As for T2, I definitely...

Have a fear of inadequacy. It affects me in business too and my "imposter syndrome". I definitely
Do not fear committment. I've never had any issues with committment in any relationship and have never been the one to break up with my partners because I believe you should try to work through issues rather than give up on them.
Never had any trust issues either. I feel like I'm a pretty damn good judge of character and I can pick up on the red flags pretty easily. I'm also very open and honest with the way I communicate and expect the same from partners.
Enjoy the little things in life, so I don't have Ennui. I also definitely don't have lingering feelings for an ex. I get over my past relationships pretty easily (within a couple of days due to how I process it in my head).
Don't have a fear or general distaste of dating & socializing either. I don't have "cheap" thrill addiction either and have never been into or tried hookups/one night stands/friends with benefits.
Might have an overinduling fantasy. I tend to live in my thoughts/imagination/dreams a lot of the time and might be a little unrealistic. I'm both an idealist and realist at the same time though. I have my moments.

sawno · Accepted Answer

Meant to be? I wouldn't go that far. Overlooked? Absolutely. They will be the kind of people who don't have many girls around in real life so they can't easily make connections. They also are the kind of people who won't lie or just talk to as many girls as possible to get a superficial relationship and sex out of them. So that puts them in a tricky situation where they meet very few girls yet have unique (not necessarily high) wants many girls can't meet because they are looking for a girl they are truly compatible with.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

Yes if majority of people around them are bad. nobody follow good moral nowadays (extremely rare to find them and then you might no go along with them / or find them physically attractive).
People are usually a mess to be honest, for example men say they want women who respect themselves and are virgin dress modest but if they get a girl like that they get her to wear sexy clothes and have sex with her quickly if she don't she's labelled as frigid and toss in the trash. So we can't win because if we dress sexy and have sex with guys we're labelled as whore and get a bad reputation so end game.

Those are for guys my age then if you have never been in a relationship by a certain age you're also a red flag... Nowadays everything is a red flag except if it's for hook up or fling but for serious relationship everything is seen as a red flag even the tiniest stuff.

Also I'm unlucky cause I live in the countryside where there's no men my age (nearly none and if there's they'r either not interested in serious relationship or they're jealous abusive creep, my sister had many boyfriend and all were either cheater or abuser), there's also the religious guy that have fun with girls but then go marry their cousin... Relationship nowadays are big mess with men my age only wanting fun or older being hang up on their ex or then you get the abusive freak there's not many option. And men only wish to settle down in their late 40s usually, men also date women during 15 years then break up to get married to another (while before they claimed not to want to get married have children).

But after I cannot meet anybody cause I don't drive and I'm currently unemployed (though when I had a job it wasn't better cause all my coworker were women at 95 % and the only guy were either old / married or my age and not interested in me or player (that had sex with hundred of women so I rather not get std). Men love to sleep around so much where I live. I'm pretty sure all the good one my age have been taken.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

I have standards,  morals  and enjoy doing my own thing. I have a wide  social circle  but do not value friendship. I see it as a visitor passing through a town on the way to their destination. I like to come/go as I please and expect things to pickup where they left off. I am  happy  when single but I do not feel fulfilled when single. Motherhood would make me feel fulfilled. A relationship would be an added bonus. More so give or take. The  fear of inadequacy  is something I feel on occasion but it has never stopped me from making moves. I’ve dated some guys  out of my league  many times before. I guess the only thing with that is that I wouldn’t be surprised if I turned out to be “enough” for them in the end. But each showed me that I was enough. Yet deep down, I never felt we’d last forever because I’d always feel “blessed” that they even looked my way and I don’t like feeling like I need to constantly impress someone. So I mostly date within my league. As for  fear of commitment , I prefer longterm, meaningful relationships and have a goal of being in something everlasting. But if things no longer feel right and I start to feel pressured or trapped, I will bounce. I don’t  fear attachment  but I do dislike change. See i may “improve” myself when in a relationship but I don’t change. Too many people jn the relationship change and aren’t who they were the first few months to a year and then thats when I lose interest in them and the relationship. As for trust, I trust others more than I trust myself. I know how I am, so of course I hardly trust myself. I’ll trust others until they give me a reason not to.

coachTanthony · Answer

I find the ones that are "meant to be single" are the ones who find love when they aren't looking for it.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If the question invokes the plan of a higher power. . . No, I don't think that God wants us to live our lives alone.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Miss dish i believe that you already know my answer 😌

Plus, i wasn't born to be alone, i don't like to be single even if i had to remain single my whole life and i hope not cause i'm tired!

When i'm with the right person who will be my wife, everything will become exciting and beautiful and maybe the things that i don't like, i'll start seeing them as cool!

If god wanted us to remain single for our whole lives than there was no men and women and there would be no such thing as marriage!

I'm in a point of my life where i'm not searching for kids anymore, thank god i have my son and if he wants to give me more than why not! But my soul purpose is marriage, a man and his wife together forever because god makes me one only with my wife and the spouses are meant to be with each other forever no one else!

Also intimacy, love and sex can only be done with a spouse!

I hate single life no matter how much times it looks peaceful and joyful...

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I'm definitely the last one. But why should some things just be fantasy? Do you not believe anything can come true if you want it bad enough and work hard enough at it. Why should I settle for something less? Why can't I make my fantasy come true?

strangeatcircleK · Answer

I've wondered that myself

I honestly am not a bad guy. I'm very sweet and considerate yet time after time

Pass... Or you are so sweet you will find someone

I hate thinking it but it almost seems like I'm destined to be single

Like no matter how many times you roll through dice, it keeps coming up a cosmic constant of nothing

RyanR03 · Answer

No. In truth most people that have a chronic problem with people single - most - even the nice ones - just have disregarded numerous available opportunities chasing what was at the end of the rainbow. In truth that is what I believe is more often the case

Julian7312 · Answer

I definitely think both types of people exist. I know those that are perfectly happy and fulfilled in leading a single life.

And there are definitely a lot of those type T2 personalities. I feel bad for them; I think it would be much harder for them to find true happiness.

Dongie · Answer

That fantasy thing can get in the way when you're young and dumb.
That saying there's someone for everyone I'd not true. Why would it be?
I read about a guy that had this pretty girlfriend. Then he was told he would be alone his whole life. A few weeks later she was murdered. The guy was torn to pieces. He lived his life alone to. His name was Jeremiah.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I would say I'm more like the T1 person. I think I am a decent person, I enjoy doing things on my own, even taking vacations on my own. I don't need to be in relationship and can be content for weeks, months, years and not have to be with someone. I don't need the touch and feel of a woman.

I don't have any of the fears listed in T2. I'm just happy spending time with my parents, watching my daughter grow-up and playing with my pup, in addition to working/plugging away at things.

art84 · Answer

Fear/General Distaste of Dating & Socializing. Never been a people person per say though. Honestly would've a panic attack if I ever went on a date.

Fear-Inadequacy (feels that others are out of your league). Definitely feel that way when seeing the opposite sex especially if they are like a model.

Overindulging Fantasy. Definitely have had dreams about what could I wanted that are far from reality.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I don't know about this "meant to be thing" unless they actively choose for it, or refuse to work on the things they need to make a relationship work.

OddBeMe · Answer

I’m sure there are. Averages lean toward wanting partnerships.  As an introvert I could see myself easily become a recluse if my wife were to die.

katiesmuff · Answer

That shouldn't be such a strange thing to think of!

Anonymous · Answer

with the amount of divorces, dumps and breakups, yeah that seems to be the case even a real life Superman wouldn't exist in this world. that's how fucked up it is

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I'm sure there are good, healthy people who are meant to be single, but that's definitely more the exception than the norm.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m a good person but men don’t want be my boyfriend. I think marriage and a boyfriend don’t exist for me. 😔 I’m the second one T2.

im a perfect girlfriend perfect wife , I want wake up daily cook for my man , I’m loyal, supportive, super romantic, family ortiented, and want my own family have babies. But no guys sees this as good enough. No one sees this as desirable. No guy sees me as the one. No guy loves me back. No guy is crazy smitten for me planning a marriage with me in his head

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

I read a story about conjoined twins, finding love. If a conjoined twin can do that, anybody can find love

Juxtapose · Answer

A good person should be able to easily handle a relationship with a compatible person.

NathanDavis · Answer

good can be a vague term...

exitseven · Answer

Life really is a mess.

Jay-_- · Answer

Long story short, yes

MrGSpotHer · Answer

I'm a weird mash of it all

eagle1951 · Answer

maybe

HugoVV · Answer

Radio shows help me to shorten the time

Are some really good people just meant to be single?

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Are some really good people just meant to be single?

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