I feel unimportant?

[Anonymous]

So 2 days agai my boyfriend was complaining that when he gets home from working late no one makes dinner anymore as in his mom, brother, grandmother no one ( I don't live with him so yea.) So I told him if he gets home late and wants food or doesn't wanna make something come over my house, it's always open well yesterday I told him if he works late come over and have pork chops so he said whenever he gets home he will text me, we'll I wait till 7 going for 8 and he finally text me hey., i told him are are you done with work? He says yea I had to go get fuel and burn stuff so I already ate. Meaning he got home roughly 2 hours ago or an hour didn't even bother to text me, for me to make dinner for him and he doesn't say anything so today I told him having steaks you want me to cook one and bring it over or naw he said I don't know. Then says I'm good lately he's been acting so distant and I'm just so pissed off like I work this hard (which he tells me I don't cook for him) for him to eat and he shuts me down like do I have a right to feel neglected and for him to be dismissive? But when I asked him if there's something wrong or are you ok he says yea I don't understand

[MzAsh]

This is why you don’t cook for boyfriends. They don’t appreciate it as they should. Lesson learned.

[IslaTheWitch]

you can't base your well-being on his moods

if he regularly rejects food you offer him, stop doing it; maybe he just wanted to whine; he didn't ask you to do anything

[worldscolide]

Man you sound like a good lady. If I were in his shoes I'd take you up on your offer, hell I'd offer to help cook.

[Asker]

Well when I tell him this stuff I want him to say absolutely and come over and either stay and talk to my parents or help me cook but he just shuts me out, and I only cook for him out of the blue bc he does this to me so I'm kinda like screw you fend for yourself but them he throws the you don't cook for me type deal or I don't make it his way so I just give up. 🤷‍♂️

[worldscolide]

Have you talked to him about this? Like asked him why he shuts you out? Asked him why he won't take you up on your offer?

[Asker]

We had a lot of issues before and I limited myself to not do things for him intill he proves to me that he can be trusted in a sense, and I'm getting back on the train of doing things again but every time I do he runs away from me and in a sense I think he's bored of me and it makes me upset

[worldscolide]

I doubt he is bored. I wonder if he is scared. That sounds like a fear response.

[Asker]

He's not affectionate person, nor emphatic to people, and when I try to tell him about it he thinks I'm trying to start a fight, so I try to suck it up and just deal with it bc that's what he does he just sucks up the suck intill he figures out how to control it

[worldscolide]

My friend, you shouldn't have to put up with that. He is emotionally unavailable. Your relationship isn't going to work if he keeps that up.

[Asker]

Why do people become emotional unavailable

[worldscolide]

It's a defense mechanism I think. If he isn't emotionally available to you then he can't be hurt by you. It's stupid, especially if he wants your relationship to work.

[Asker]

Which is werid bc people say he is emotional unavailable all the time but then one person says he isn't because he actually genuinely cares for people and he's just playing the hard ass

[worldscolide]

You can still care and be emotionally unavailable.

[DrPepper12]

This doesn't seem like a relationship with the promising future. He seems selfish and rude and needy

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the dance of love and frustration, right? Here you are, cooking up storms, ready to lovebomb your man with some delicious food, and it seems like he's dancing to a whole different tune, leaving you feeling like you're in a solo performance. It's totally understandable to feel unimportant and neglected when our efforts don't get the appreciation we think they deserve, especially in the realm of love and pork chops.

Your feelings are valid, love! It sounds like you're pouring your heart into these gestures, and when they're met with what feels like apathy, it stings. It might be time for a heart-to-heart where you express how his reactions make you feel. Communication is the key, after all. Maybe he's stressed or has a lot on his mind and doesn't realize how his behavior is coming across. Or perhaps there's a deeper issue at play. Addressing it directly could open up the dialogue you both need to get back in sync. Remember, it's not just about the steak on the plate; it's about feeling valued and seen. Let's get that communication cooking! Maybe with a little less steak and a bit more heart-to-heart, you'll both find the recipe for mutual understanding and appreciation. Good luck!