I used to like my wife but gone off her and I don't fancy her. Should I split?

[Anonymous]

Two children 20 and 21. Feel sad to split. But I fancy other women. Like has moved on. It will be expensive, but what can I do

Updates

1 y

I should add, I still respect her and think she's a good person. She is s force to reckon with. The magic is gone I feel zero

Updates

1 y

I respect herBut not sure I like her

[DishLady]

If you’re both mutually sick of each other you just file for the divorce meet with the clerk together, agree to split everything 50/50 (undisputed) and you’ll be done with it by the end of the year.


Your kids are over 18 so there’s no need to go to family court for child support.


The only thing to then discuss is alimony. If you drop that bc you both work, you’re fine.


The kids are old enough to have watched you both be miserable….


If you’re cheating she can make a few court claims. If you haven’t been upfront with her and are fancying others… she can file for benefits like alimony on the basis of infidelity and even emotional abandonment.

[Asker]

I heard courts divide things in half
Regardless of eg cheating

I didn't want to cheat

But not 100% ready to separate

I could broach the subject with my wife eg I might see other woman

And see the reaction

We are sleeping separately

@DishLady you always respond to this topic... It's your favorite?

[DishLady]

“Didn’t want” isn’t admissible in court. Don’t be naive.

Lawyers get involved and get more than the 50% (including alimony blah blah blah).

So she has no idea you want to do this? Wow.

So you can see whether you want to approach her about it (and she may want separation + therapy, etc etc etc). Or just spring it on her since you’re basically surprising her with your feelings either way after 20+ years of marriage….

[DishLady]

You sound like a real jerk, tbh. You think asking her to let you see other women is going to go down well with her? Smh.

Guys like you give men and the institution of marriage a really bad name.

No, I address 50+ questions a week. I’m simply astounded by what some guys think is permissible.

[Asker]

There is no surprise

We are sleeping separate rooms four months now

You sound interested and considerate but really you're a man hater

[Asker]

I'm humbly trying to work through this and feelings every the picture

I can't talk to my wife

We are living separate lives now

[Asker]

Enter the picture

[Asker]

You were cheated on?

[MzAsh]

What exactly changed in your feelings towards your wife? Can you pinpoint any specific events or moments that contributed to this shift?

[Asker]

Yes

20 years ago I stopped kissing her because of horrible things she said

Last year we had a bust up

She called the cops which was unnecessary

I ended up with a conviction and I can't forgive her for that

I understand she's entitled to call the cops but I can't forgive her. I can't move on. I don't like her. I didn't fancy her.

[Anonymous]

Well split or see if she will let the marriage be open. Sure she has some guy friends online she would love bringing to bed! Sexting with sending them nudes of her!

Be an open couple and share

If you can't stand her then split but be sure your work can pay for an apartment and your life style!

[Asker]

Sorta useful
I can't see open being an option

I am looking closely at the financial side

[Opinion Owner]

Go for it start playing around online and find someone before ending it. Might find a young woman who needs a daddy to take care of her in bed.

[edmwarrior]

dude nobody likes their wife/husband. it's why we have marriages, to force us to stick it out

[Asker]

Exactly!
I mean there is no reason to change anytime right?
It was miserable. It continues to be miserable.
Seriously, it's better than the alternative of upping sticks and hanging to separate.
And I can get a bit on the side.
I'm not joking.
It's all about the kids now. And being there for them.
Right now I've no reason to pull the trigger on a divorce

[edmwarrior]

yeah just get something on the side but do not get caught. don't give her your number. stick to social media. don't take any pics

[jamesgoldman]

Divorce her but hey I'm biased by this business I'm in

[Asker]

What business is that?

[Asker]

Jewelry? Custom?

[jamesgoldman]

Gold, mostly scrap

[Asker]

I like my house
My life
My kids
My car
My job
I can exist in the family home, I sleep downstairs and she sleeps upstairs
I'm overall happy
No need to change things
I have a f buddy or two that I manage
I don't have anyone special
I'm overall happy
My kids if they leave home that will be difficult

[jamesgoldman]

The kids will leave, the job will remain, you'd probably keep your car unless it's a significant portion of your collective net worth but fucking about I hope she takes everything excluding the ring on your finger, short on your back and maybe the car if you are lucky

[Asker]

Hmm a bit of anger there
So morally you're saying it's better to divorce now?
And not later? Especially if there's cheating involved
That's a fair point but inertia is keeping my from pulling the trigger on divorce

[jamesgoldman]

You lose less now than earning more and watching fees increase

[jahaims]

You let it die. You failed as a man.