My girlfriend and I can't agree over makeup. Is it controlling?

[acoustic]

My girlfriend is naturally beautiful, but I find her less attractive with makeup, which feels unnecessary. I dislike the fake look and think makeup wastes time and money, harms her skin, and isn’t needed since she’s mostly at home and doesn’t socialize much. She thinks I’m being controlling by asking her not to wear it, but I believe I have valid concerns. I’m okay with her wearing it when we go out, but at home, I wish she’d embrace her natural beauty. I’m struggling to understand why she feels the need to hide it. Can anyone offer advice?

[thegreenyogi]

Let me start by saying that I am a woman that doesn't wear male up ever unless it's a special occasion. That said make up is something that as women it makes us feel more beautiful and for me personally it allows me to bring out my creative side when I do use make up. It seems to me though that your girlfriend will possibly insist on wearing makeup even in the house because maybe she doesn't feel confident enough without it in your presence and she's gotten so used to wearing makeup out that she clearly can't envision herself without makeup even if it's just at home. And as much as you try to make her see that you prefer her without I don't think it will make much of a difference. I personally wouldn't see it as controlling. I think the lines have been blurred a little in the argument about this between you two because you have hit a sore note where she is concerned and so she will react in a negative way by calling you controlling. Now the best advice I can give you is this: if you love her and the makeup wearing does not get in the way of your attraction towards her it might be the case to let it go, afterall it's about give and take. If instead you really can't deal with her wearing makeup because really it turns you off it might be the case for you to consider how you really feel about your relationship and girlfriend. Although attraction is not the only thing that makes a relationship it is very important and it has a lot to do with the mind as well as the body. Hope this helps.

[thegreenyogi]

Thank you!!

[Damaged00]

Yes it is your right to express your opinions and to tell her how beautiful she is without makeup. But it is not ok for you to change her or control her to conform to your opinions and perspective. Especially when it is not harming you or effecting you personally. Makeup makes her feel beautiful and it makes her comfortable. Shouldn't that be what's important here. There could be way worse things to be concerned about and I feel as though you're looking for negative things if something as little as wearing makeup is effecting you in this major way.

[BetaBucks]

It's not controlling to want something. It's controlling to demand it and make threats about it. And it's it controlling for her to do the opposite of what you want.

If you brought it up, and she doesn't care, that's really the end of it. At most, one more talk to clear the air, but you can't drone on about it. I hate excessive makeup too, and my wife knows it. And she keeps it to a minimum, unless she's trying to impress other guys. And either way, she has to make the choice for herself. I can only influence her and hope for the best.

[BetaBucks]

Most of these replies are completely dishonest about the situation. Don't take it personally. This site is filled with overly emotional, dishonest people.

[snowboarder720]

I completely agree, there are so many instances where I wonder why women even wear make up.


To answer your question it sounds like she’s wearing makeup for herself. If that’s the case it’s wrong for you to tell her what to do for what makes ONLY you comfortable. My advise is to remind her that she’s gorgeous without makeup over and over again. She’ll eventually understand where your booking from and it’s entirely up to her how she wants to present herself.


I hope for the best!

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the sparkling waters of relationship dynamics, especially around personal choices like makeup, can indeed be a challenge, love! 🌟 It sounds like you're trying to sail this ship with the best intentions, aiming to cherish her natural beauty. However, sprinkling a bit of understanding here, wearing makeup can be an art form or a confidence booster for some, rather than a cover-up. It's less about hiding and more about expressing one's self!

Communication is key, but so is respect for individual preferences. 💖 Suggesting rather than requesting can make a huge difference. Maybe dive into a heart-to-heart about why makeup makes her feel good? Understanding her perspective could be your treasure map to relationship harmony. Remember, it's all about balancing your feelings with her autonomy. Encouraging rather than discouraging will always win you more love points in the grand game of love!

[AviatorTom]

Why do you care what makeup your girl wears? Let her do whatever she wants.

[red324]

Agreed men have no business in the makeup department

[Apple1996]

It's her face if she wants to wear makeup that's her choice. Not your choice

[natured]

No matter how much you tell her that she is beatiful, she will still feel better when she has makeup on, it would be worse if it was the oposite obviously, but I would not define this as "CONTROLING" unless you use harmful words to express your "desires".
But after all, it's her body her face, she can do whatever she wants with it You don't own her buddy. do you love your woman? If yes then you want her to be happy, if you want her to be happy let her wear makeup
Easy...

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

She’s not hiding her beauty, she’s expressing herself. Glam make up is very much a feminine expression of beauty rather than a male expression of feminine beauty. I don’t think it really matters whether you think it’s damaging or not, she clearly has an issue with you trying to stop her and an issue with you believing it’s done out of insecurity. If you think she looks less attractive and you’re convinced it’s due to insecurities, telling her that should be enough to make her join your side. The fact that it hasn’t worked like that tells me she likes wearing make up and she likes making herself look pretty for herself and other women (not in a lesbian way but in a community way). Maybe you should back off, it’s a petty thing to argue about anyhow.

[RingOfFire]

My advice is to let her use makeup as she pleases. She obviously does it for her own gratification and it's not your place to deny her of that. It's not like she's doing something evil.

You can express your view to her calmly and explain that it's appealing to you when she doesn't wear the makeup and hopefully she will take that into consideration. But after that the decision is hers to make. The only thing that I can think of that might be close to it is if she tells you what to wear and you don't like the clothes but she puts up such a stink about it that you feel forced to wear them. That wouldn't be right.

[Factualobserver]

If you have kids, what will that teach them? That they're not beautiful enough? That their mum has no confidence? I hate makeup anyway, women don't understand it is bad for their skin, their mental health, the environment.. to be wearing makeup even at home shows that she clearly has some issues. Lack of confidence.. you have your right to express your opinion, and every right to even leave her if its not the kind of person you want to be with.. maybe your girlfriend should find an interesting hobbie.. if she was a more interesting person she wouldn't care about her makeup so much maybe? Just speculation... women use the controlling thing a lot when we want to express our dissatisfaction with something. I'd say your girlfriend is gaslighting you if she calls you controlling for trying to have a discussion.. seems like women want partners that leave them alone and let them do what they want. They don't want to be a team they want to play victim.

[bobalife]

you can disagree and express concerns, but it is her choice and right to do what she wants. Thus, it is controlling for you to wanna make the decisions for her and take away what makes her who she is. Imagine if your girlfriend asks you to stop doing what makes you feel confident and a part of who you are while making you feel bad about it... it doesn't feel good either right?

[thatshydork]

It’s not that she’s using makeup to hide her natural beauty, she does it for her. She does it because she likes how it looks.

I mean, imagine you just worked hard on something and someone else just comes up and goes “I don’t like. Change it back. It looks ugly.” That’s rude, right? Well, that’s kind of what you’re doing to her.

[Lliam]

Was she wearing makeup when you met her? Didn't you think she was beautiful?
You shouldn't try to change her just because she agreed to be your girlfriend. After all, why do you love her?

It's about what makes her comfortable. It's who she is. Your reasons are irrelevant.
Either appreciate her for who she is and support her, or find someone whose style fits your taste.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Yes. Stop trying to control others. You don’t own her and have no say in the way she feels in expressing herself. If she wants to go outside naked that activity is protected by the first amendment. Telling her to not express herself and prevent her from doing so is denial of her civil liberty.
Get over it and stop being so controlling.

[Peridot25]

Though she would be arrested for public indecency.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

We are responsible for our own actions. So if she is then that’s her problem not yours.

[Peridot25]

I’m just saying that’s the reality of it 🤷‍♀️

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Ever heard of free the tatas? It’s a movement that helps women go topless in public. It’s misogynistic for men to be able to take off their tops in public but not for women. The movement is to get equal rights for women to go topless anywhere a man can go topless.

[Peridot25]

And this is why I don’t go out in public.

[DrPepper12]

You don't need to struggle over this. If she wants make up if only for herself than that's the end of it. SHE chooses how she wants to present herself even if it's only to herself in the mirror. She has autonomy and agency over her body and you need to accept that.

[paledreams]

I for one in my daydreams my hypothetical girlfriend always wore/wears minimal makeup due to her natural and lucky flawless almost pale skin. Lol. .
She only just wears lip balm (or lip gloss to prevent dry lips) 💋👄 eyeliner. Definitely eyeliner. Fake eyelashes? No.
Anyways. Foundation? No. Concealer? No.
Anyways.
Happy dating all ♀️👠

[Makeushiver]

It isn't up to you to decide how she looks. It's fine to mention a preference but once she hears and understands one time anything more is nagging and controlling. Be grateful that you have a beautiful girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend who told me what to do with make up or clothes would not be a boyfriend for much longer.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, you are being very disrespectful and very controlling.

[Smashingdoozy]

You're being controlling. Let her wear whatever she wants. It's not harmful to her skin 🤦🏻‍♀️

[EmmaMary]

What a nasty horrible controlling attitude... I do so hope she dumps you, and finds herself a nice guy who totally respects her.

[LiamJHayden]

You've said your piece, now let her decide for herself.

[caitycat21]

Honestly I agree with you, wearing makeup at home is really crazy and unnecessary 😭

[serious_miss419]

So what are you asking? Makes no sense. Might be best for you to go out in the garden or for a long drive. Unless you’re trying to self sabotage, then you’re in the lead!!!

[jahaims]

Communicate better. If you talked to her about it and don't understand you both failed at communicating.

[msc545]

My advice is to stop being so intrusive before she leaves you over this stuff.

[Walksbehindtherows]

A truly beautiful woman doesn't need make-up, except for Yankees.

[Crazzyyworld]

She is horny. What can you do?