How to cope with the regret of letting him go?

Question

I’m in a very strange place emotionally right now. I had an LDR with a guy 5 years ago for only about 5 months that I never actually met in person as he was on the other side of the world (I know right, get over it).
I was in my early 20’s and he in his mid to late.
I broke things off with him as I found him too overbearing, he was always texting, calling, saying I love you, talking about the future etc and it totally scared me.
But now I want that. I want someone romantic and in love with love, willing to put in the effort no matter how hard it gets.
I’m struggling emotionally with the fact that I could have let the best man in my life go because I was young and stupid.
I recently found out he is married and his wife is flying out to live with him in the next few days. She’s absolutely perfect for him too, they seem like the same person.
Im jealous I know. Im getting older now too so I’m starting to panic about still being single. To this day I’ve still not met a guy like him.
Has anyone else thought they let the best man go and then found their perfect match later in life?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Well maybe it’s because it wasn’t meant to be, maybe it’s for the best you just haven’t allowed yourself to grieve properly so now it’s all coming back up. Be happy for him you know she’s perfect for him, so maybe you both just had a season meant for one another but we’re not meant to be long term.

At that point in your life you were not ready for all of that, maybe you felt uncomfortable too because you loved him but maybe deep down knew it wasn’t meant to be. So you did the right thing by breaking it off not wasting your time and most importantly not wasting his time, so that you can both move on and find whose a better fit.

But breaking up isn’t easy because you have a attachment to somebody so you have to allow yourself to grieve that loss.

Just remember that a real relationship is equal effort. Someone cannot be putting all the work in and giving nothing in return that will burn someone out very quickly. It’s like before you were ready he was putting all the work in because that’s what he was ready for hur you were not. I think both of you being in different places would have made you both miserable.

You’re older now, you’re in a different place. You just have to remember don’t become too separate to marry. Some people do this and it only ends in a disaster. You need to be praying and focusing on meeting whose right for you someone you genuinely love and have a connection to, as well as who genuinely loves you back.

You have closure that’s the good thing, you know this relationship is over and he’s married. So try not to get stuck in that denial loop. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief being sadness anger whatever. You can feel angry or sad. But at the end of the day you’ll find acceptance moving on to find someone whose right for you.

He is a great guy. It was mature of you to realize you’re both in different places and not string him along or yourself for that matter. You didn’t waste his time, you didn’t allow him to put more effort into the relationship then you were, you didn’t allow yourself to grow resentful, and the list goes on. You let him go to find someone whose right for him and in the right place. So that you can eventually do the same thing.

All relationships have a reason some only for a season while others last a lifetime. He found his lifetime someone you said is perfect for him. You wouldn’t want to get married only to find out later on it wasn’t meant to be that’s worse then being single I promise.

The relationship had a reason. He was in your life for a reason and you were in his for a specific reason. You ended on good terms I assume so you can look back fondly on the relationship. You can look back and learn what you want as well as don’t want in a marriage. You know what to look for as well as what to look out for.

There is someone whose a better fit for you somewhere I assume. He just wasn’t the one

Levin · Accepted Answer

I can guarantee you wouldn't have had the same reaction should he not have met this woman and thus had the social confirmation that he's apparently a good match.

The fact that you didn't want him when he was single tells us this is not the right guy, and you're just in a sort of emotional spiral and feeling pretty insecure.

You're getting older but you're hardly past it. We all make foolhardly romantic decisions and they're part of the learning process. It hopefully sets the scene for you to meet the right person, if you can just keep your faith.

Maybe you need to take an objective look at your life to try to understand what is holding you back and limiting you. Change is perhaps necessary.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic tale of love once let go and the what-ifs that haunt us afterward. First off, your feelings are absolutely valid and, believe me, you're not alone in this boat of past-relationship nostalgia. But here’s a spicy take for you: what you’re experiencing might just be a side effect of the "grass is greener" syndrome, sprinkled with a dash of romantic nostalgia. It's human nature to romanticize what could have been, especially when faced with the difficult reality of dating.

Now, onto the juicy advice part – focus on what this experience has taught you about your desires in a relationship. You now know you crave romance, dedication, and someone who's unafraid to dive deep into love's ocean with you. That's golden insight! Use this knowledge as your compass in the dating world.

As for the fear of not finding someone like him again, remember, your perfect match won't be a replica of him but someone who resonates with the current you, who appreciates the evolution of your desires and needs. Keep your heart open to different kinds of love stories. Sometimes, love comes in a package we least expect but exactly the way we need.

And who knows? Your story of finding love might just be around the corner, ready to surprise you when you least expect it. Keep faith in the unpredictability of love. It's never too late for your love story to begin. 🌹

ohsheeT · Answer

Okay stop right there... . When you broke it off with him if it was meant to be you would have known it right then and there...

And the things that you miss about him is him giving you attention...
. The things that you dis liked about him

Him giving you attention. Everything that we go through in life and it doesn't work out it's because it's not supposed to it's put in place for a learning tool.

Have you tried having another long distance relationship have you tried going on to chat sites and meeting somebody and talking to them.

. Have you gone out on girls nights out to a club dancing having fun meeting guys..

You're saying all this stuff about him but I wonder if you were to ask his wife how happy she is what she would say

She would say it's none of your business I wouldn't tell you anyway get yourself together go out and have fun and meet somebody get online and meet somebody.. . Damn I don't remember if you were anonymous or you had a real profile picture in your name if that's what it was I would send you a message right now and start talking with you to say hey what are you doing quit feeling sorry for yourself it's over. You're not supposed to even get that moment back you're just supposed to remember the things that you liked and didn't like it was a learning experience take the good throw the rest away Incorporate. Been into your mind your heart your body your soul your spirit and search for another guy just like that then. .. .

What's your computer count sorry I had to ask you that... Let me ask you this so let's pretend that you are still together do you think you would have met yet by now or do you just feel safer long distance away

DishLady · Answer

The good news? We've all been young and stupid... and yet life goes on. If it's meant to happen with this guy you'll reconnect somehow.

If he was too intense for you then there's nothing that you could have done other than to allow yourself the grace of some space. Well done. Don't overthink it.

If you see that he's changed and will grant you that space then ok. But don't presume that he knows what he's doing is overbearing -- you have to explain it to him so he doesn't repeat the issue.

razelove · Answer

I think your second to last paragraph was the most on point. You would have probably forgotten about him if you wouldn't have noticed that he got married and found happiness.

Envy makes the world go round. I think he'd be impressed at the fantasy you've built up around him though.
#AlphaWidow lol

Amy10223 · Answer

You had never met him.
What if you had, and found you didn’t like the way he was for whatever reason? What looks great on paper in letters is very different from meeting someone in person.
I think you have gone a long time just craving this man’s overbearing personality and obsession with you. I’m not sure if you’re able to fall in love with someone you’ve never met, and I seriously doubt it.
If you found you like the way he was, find someone who is much like him in his personality and see how things go from there. But meet in person! If it’s long distance make sure you can meet at some point.

lightbulb27 · Answer

this is a fantasy, you don't really know him. it wasn't real.

you recognize the above, wish them the best, and find someone real. But you do not compare them to this "perfect guy"... whom is not perfect and was love bombing you... that you didn't know. He isn't perfect, in fact, he's deeply flawed human. You recognize that.

That gives you the strength to date others and appreciate them for their uniqueness and flaws.

This is the problem with LDR never meeting. It triggers our fantasy mind, perfection... and it's totally BS.

Anonymous · Answer

“I’m getting older now too so I’m starting to panic about being single”, that is really this is all about. Back then, you had sense enough to understand why you and your ex couldn’t work out and now you’ve managed to gaslight yourself into thinking you were young and dumb. Part of moving on is to stop doing that, like it’s not immature to have found his excess lovebombing to be excessive and you shouldn’t make that trait your standard of what love is. He was not the one, and if you’re spiritual then you’ll learn to trusting gods decision about that.

RubyFrench · Answer

This is said with love..
.. You've learnt a lesson here!
Don't take anyone else that you meet like that for granted. On another note, you WILL find this again.. and you will most likely definitely be smarter next time around and appreciate the men that adore you a hell of a lot more.
Sorry you are feeling this! ❤️ most people have made the same mistake at some stage in their life so your not alone

tas_16x · Answer

Love doesn't always come to you when you try look for it, sometimes love comes naturally without you even trying! You should enjoy your single life and embrace being in control of your own life, the right person is waiting out there for you x

A_Wild_Redhead · Answer

I mean no offense. With that politeness out of the way. Feel it. Embrace the pain. So you never forget that feeling of that mistake, so you remember to never do it again. Finding someone who deeply loves you and wants to go all the way is a connection that can be hard to come by. Relationship goals are important things to keep in mind so this unfortunately tends to happen when one is not on board. Take it with you, for the future.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

"What if" questions are always the worst. Unfortunately, all you can really do about it is learn the lessons that situation taught you and try to properly value your connections moving forward.

Open-minded99 · Answer

Don't. Move on and enjoy life. There's so much out there. You let him go for a reason don't look back

RHK36 · Answer

Stop watching everyone else living life and comparing. There's no one person, so be patient and don't force it. Spend your solo time working on yourself until you meet someone worth it.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Regret to let him GO? You never stood a "chance" anyway... he was married long before, and just flirting with you just to "kill time" while he was out before Returning to His Wife! 🤷‍♂️

noohair · Answer

Don't panic. You learned from life. That is important. That means you have grown. No person is perfect, you can find another flawed guy that seems perfect enough for you. Good luck.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Five years ago for five months and you never met him and he's a clingy, immature lying cheater?

Staximus · Answer

You weren't in a relationship, you were just talking to some guy on the other side of the world. There's plenty of other guys out there who are closer.

Straight2thepoint · Answer

Ldr? What's that. Wait I don't wanna know it's probably going to be something funny. Yes I'm older 37 and I don't care for that lingo language. Just move on.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

KINDA... BUT I DIDN'T EXACTLY LET HER GO AS I BLEW MY SHOT WITH HER

Anonymous · Answer

You will continue to regret and this regret will finish you.

SuchSightsToShowYou · Answer

By finding another guy.

How to cope with the regret of letting him go?

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