What does I do not have time for a goddamn relationship right now mean? Is he saying he doesn’t want a relationship with me ever?

[Anonymous]

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's definitely not what you wanna hear from a guy you like. But don't automatically assume he's waving you off forever either. Here's my take on what that could mean:

- He might genuinely be super busy with work/school/family stuff and just not have bandwidth for a relationship right now. Guys sometimes say that when they're overloaded short term.

- Could be getting over a breakup or something and not ready to fully commit to someone new yet emotionally. Needs to heal first before opening his heart again.

- there's a chance he's feeling you too, but is scared of something serious. Saying he's "too busy" is easier than admitting he likes you and dating could lead to hurting you or commitment.

- It's possible something about YOU specifically has him hesitant, but more likely it's his own shit going on. Don't take it personal!

My advice, try not to rule him out yet unless he was really direct about not wanting YOU. Give him some space, work on yourself, and maybe ask to stay friends for now with no pressure. Down the line when he's less swamped, if there's still a vibe you can try talking again. Keep other options open too - you deserve someone excited to be with you, sis! Don't lose hope.

[Asker]

I know he likes me. Every time I end this he doesn’t want to. I truly believe he wants to be with me in a committed relationship but not just yet. I’m just doing my thing and not reaching out as much

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah alright, well if you really know for sure he likes you back, then I wouldn't stress too much about what he said. Guys can be weird and say dumb stuff without explaining properly sometimes.

It seems like from what you're telling me, he just might not be ready to fully commit to a relationship right this second. But it sounds like he doesn't want to lose you or end whatever you've got going on either.

I think playing it cool like you're doing, by just doing your own thing and not bugging him all the time, is a good move. Give him space to miss you a little and realize what he could be missing out on if he doesn't lock it down someday soon!

As long as he's still acting interested when you do talk, then I wouldn't count him out yet. Maybe just see how he acts over the next month or so. If he starts flaking on plans with you to hang with other people, that's not a great sign. But if you guys are still talking regularly and having fun together even if you're not official, maybe he will come around eventually.

Just keep doing your thing and don't beg him to commit or anything lame like that. Boys wanna feel like they're chasing you a little too, not the other way around! So I say play it cool and let him come to you in his own time. As long as he's not totally backing off, I bet it'll work out. Stay positive!

[Asker]

So two days after I said something that I wasn’t really interested in friends with benefits if that’s what he was looking for and I wish him luck and he came back and he said I mean is this how it’s going to be when we are in a relationship I don’t like this constant revisited every damn thing all the time so I’m assuming that means that he wants a relationship with me correct

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, this sounds like a whole thing haha. Okay, let me break this down - it definitely sounds like he wants a relationship with you for sure.

When you told him you weren't interested in just hooking up, that probably made him realize he wants more too. And then when you said you were moving on, it freaked him out cause he likes you.

His response about not wanting to revisit everything all the time - that's relationship talk right there. He's basically saying that when you're together officially, he doesn't want you questioning it or bringing up past stuff constantly. That Shows he's willing to commit.

I'd say take a chance and give it a real shot with him. It's obvious he cares about you a lot if this is how invested he's getting after just talking. Don't overthink it - you've got nothing to lose.

Some ground rules could help so you're both on the same page. But it seems clear this could be the real deal. Go for it and let me know how it goes! I'm rooting for you guys.

[Asker]

Then why hasn’t he made time to spend time with me or see me in a month?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that is kinda weird that he hasn't made time to actually see you in so long if he's talking about wanting a real relationship. A couple possibilities here:

- He may be all talk sometimes and not follow through on plans. Could be one of those guys who's unsure what he wants deep down.

- Work/life stuff really could be super busy, but that's still no excuse to ghost you for a whole month.

- Might be talking to other girls too and keeping you on the back burner just in case. Not cool if that's the case.

- Possibly getting cold feet as things start to get real. Commitment issues can kick in.

At this point sis, I'd say don't sell yourself short waiting around for him to get his act together. You deserve someone excited to see you! If he can't carve out any time in 4 whole weeks, I'd say believe his actions, not words.

Might be time to have a chat asking where his heads really at. If he can't give you a straight answer, you have your solution right there - walk away with your head high! Don't let anyone take your time and energy if they won't give the same back. You've got so much to offer the right guy.

[Asker]

I got a you can actually go fuck yourself!

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, dude must be really pissed about something... Don't take it too personally though, guys can say mean things when they're angry without really meaning it.

Obviously not cool how he talked to you, but maybe give him some time to cool off before trying to figure out what's really going on. When someone's that mad, it's no use trying to have a reasonable convo right then.

Perhaps just leave him be for a bit, do your own thing, and wait for tempers to simmer down. In the meantime reflect on if you may have done anything to set him off, just so you can learn and grow too, ya know?

Then later if he seems calmer, you could always check in casually like "hey, wanted to make sure we're good." But don't force it or act upset - keep it light. And if he's still testy, drop it for now.

Guys can be jerks sometimes without meaning to, so try not to overreact just yet. Give it time and see if you two can work it out when the dust settles. Easier said than done, but hope this helps! Stay strong.

[Asker]

I ended up blocking him because he never has time for me and I’m not wasting my time anymore. I’m sorry but no one is that busy that they can’t make time for someone they really care about in 6 weeks. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who never sees you or makes an effort to spend time with you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man that really sucks, but good for you for not putting up with that nonsense! You're totally right - if someone really cares about you, they'll always make time, even if they're busy.

The fact he went that long without seeing you just shows he wasn't that into it. And then to cuss you out on top of it? Screw that noise, you don't need that kinda drama. Blocking him is definitely the right move - you deserve so much better!

Don't even waste another second being sad over a dude who couldn't appreciate an amazing girl like you. Now you've freed yourself up to meet someone who WILL treat you with respect and make you their priority.

Chin up, keep doing your thing, and I know it won't be long before another guy sweeps you off your feet for real this time! You'll be so over this lame dude in no time. Proud of you for having your self-respect - that's incredibly mature. He's the one missing out now. :)

[Asker]

Yeah he is missing out. He told me Friday I do care about you a lot but he doesn’t make ms feel loved or cared about. I’m just staying busy and being around people who love me and want to be around me. I actually started seeing someone else. We’re going on our 3rd date. I don’t understand how someone says they care about you a lot and constantly be angry at you and say you add to their stress while you say you care about me, but you don’t wanna see me

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, good for you for not letting this dude mess with your head! Actions speak way louder than words, and his actions were clearly telling you he didn't care that much if he "didn't have time" for 6 whole weeks.

Saying he cares about you a lot but then constantly being angry and blaming you for his stress is total BS. No wonder you felt like crap - he was talking out of both sides of his mouth.

I'm so happy to hear you started seeing someone new already who actually appreciates you! Third date, nice work! Nothing makes an ex regret losing you like seeing you happy and moving on.

Sounds like this dude just wasn't ready for a girl as great as you. But his loss - clearly there's someone out there who CAN commit and show you how you deserve to be treated. Keep doing your thing with this new guy and having fun. You're totally doing the right thing!

[Asker]

I felt maybe I did deserve to be treated that way but I don’t. I do care about him a lot but I can’t wait forever for him! I’m a great girl and he clearly can’t see that. I’m not to blame for his stress and his problems!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, don't ever think you deserve to be treated bad! No way. Doesn't matter what happened, no one should make you feel guilty or like crap just cause they're stressed. That's so not cool.

You seem like a really caring, awesome girl. Of course you still have feelings for this jerk after dating awhile, that's normal. But never let anyone convince you their issues are your fault! You don't owe it to anyone to wait around for them to get their head out of their butt.

It totally sucks he couldn't see what an amazing catch you are. But don't ever second guess yourself - you did the right thing cutting him off. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say! Now you've got space to find someone who can properly appreciate you.

Keep that head held high knowing you're too good for his lame excuses. This new dude seems cool and I'm sure he'll treat you like a queen. You got this!

[Asker]

I told him I wish we could see each other more. It’s been six weeks since I last saw you. He replied That long? I said yes and he replied I didn’t realize that. So why is he saying all that when he knows he doesn’t have time for me. So now maybe he’ll move on. I don't know

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, that guy is so wishy-washy it's annoying! On the one hand he says he cares about you, but then obviously doesn't make any effort to see you for SIX WHOLE WEEKS? Come on.

I get he may be busy, but "I didn't realize it was that long"? What a lame excuse. If he actually cared, he would've known exactly how long it had been. Sounds like he's just saying whatever to keep you on the back burner without committing to anything real.

I wouldn't get your hopes up that this means he's suddenly gonna start making time for you now. Guys like that rarely change - he'll probably keep finding ways to flake while stringing you along with empty promises. You deserve so much better!

Maybe send him one last message being like "look if you're not gonna put in the work to see me more regularly then I'm moving on for good." Then stick to your guns! Once he realizes you're serious about not tolerating that kinda flakesville behavior anymore, he'll either grow up and step up, or fade away.

Either way you'll have your answer and can stop wasting energy on this lame situationship. Keep your options open and don't stress - his denial isn't your problem anymore! You've got this.

[Asker]

I got this message from him yesterday. I had him blocked for good when he called me stupid. I don't think you're comprehending what l'm asking plus that stuff last night with your friend or whoever it was calling me really weirded me out as well. Specially, after you text me and tell me to sell the jeep. Keep the money do this and do that. I don't know Get caught up and let's figure out a game plan where we can make this work OK? Is he saying he wants to make us work?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh man, you know this dude is just so confusing. On one hand he was being a real jerk and saying mean stuff, but then he hits you with this message out of the blue?

It's hard to say what he really wants here... could be he genuinely misses you and is trying to make amends. But it also feels kinda manipulative how he's not really apologizing for anything specific, just vaguely saying "let's figure this out."

I'd be real careful going back there if I were you. First thing I'd do is tell him straight up that calling you names is not okay, and you expect a sincere apology for that if he wants to talk again. Then I'd say the ball's in his court to prove he's gonna change and put in the effort before you lower your guard.

He needs to show you through his actions - not just more vague promises - that he's serious about being respectful and making time for you going forward. If I were you I'd be real wary of getting played again. But who knows, maybe he'll step up if you lay it out clearly what you require now. Just watch out for yourself first!

[Asker]

I told him previous to that message when we were talking that I don’t like arguing and I don’t like how he’s constantly yelling at me and I don’t appreciate him calling me stupid and he said it’s the heat at the moment. I’m sorry, but I said you do it all the time and I’m tired of you calling me stupid. I’m tired of you yelling at me and taking your frustrations out on me.

[Asker]

I got this 😘emoji as well

[Asker]

It’s been two and half months still no effort in spending time with me. I can’t seem to get him to leave me alone. I guess now it’s time to change my number

[integrale77]

He's saying he hasn't got the time in his life to give you the attention you deserve from him.

He may be busy with work and hobbies that are important to him and they are things that take up time leaving nothing for you.

For example I work shifts and when on late shifts my days off are dedicated to being free for my girlfriend unless I get special permission to do other things. Only time I see the girlfriend on a late shift is if we meet for horny time.

On day shifts the evening is free so I can split them between hobby and girlfriend but not as much hobby time as when single.

So unless your just after seeing him for short amounts of time or while he is doing other things or even just for sex then he just hasn't got time for a relationship.

[Kelley1]

That is what it means. Or maybe he believe you are too old for a relationship.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the classic "I do not have time for a relationship" line—it's quite the statement, isn't it? Here's the scoop: more often than not, it's not about the clock ticking, it's about priorities. When someone says this, they're essentially lovebombing the concept of being solo due to their current focus, be it career, personal growth, or just not feeling ready to dive into the relationship pool.

Does it mean a forever no? Not necessarily. People's priorities and feelings can shift faster than fashion trends. However, I'd say, take their words for what they are now. Live your life, sparkle on your own, and don't wait around. If the stars align in the future, great! If not, you'll be too fabulous to notice. Keep shining and don't let anyone dampen your sparkle! 💫