I think I'm starting to hate men again. is it mens fault?

Question

Every relationship I've had I've ended up hurt. Took me 8 years after the last really bad one to heal and I've been "back out there" a year now and all I see is men not wanting love. Not wanting relationships. Or feeling as bitter as I'm starting to feel. I feel like I have a beautiful soul and loads to give and I'm honest, genuine and giving. But I feel like I'm getting blackened and tarnished with how dysfunctional it is out there now. And I see online some men saying they have horrible experiences with women and want love and a relationship. But these men are not here, in my vicinity. I'm so tired of feeling heartbroken!! And disillusioned. Maybe it's time to give up.

RavVid · Accepted Answer

Hmmh. The commonality between men and women is that we do quite like loving sexual relationships. We go for it so readily it must have deep evolutionary roots. Homo Erectus individuals were clearly given care from skeletons. Broken leg bones healed and probably food chewed for elderly members without any teeth left.

Fast forward to today. My courts and gov't have put in place a system that motivates me to terminate relationships at 12-18 months. I must terminate before the clock strikes 2 years. Quite possibly most of the fun is had in the first 12 months anyway.

I saw an earlier question but it disappeared whilst I was ruminating on it. So I will incorporated both as it is really the same thing.

Women did run a tight sexual union. No marriage, no sex was the female deal to men from nearly all women. Which is what I take to be the new deal being proposed.

But there was a deal the reverse way. 100% perfect fidelity and conjugal rights. Not only would you have exclusivity but there was no 'not tonight honey'.

Fidelity was enforced by society. If a woman was known to sleep with married men, a wife wouldn't trust her within a bull's roar of her husband. Such a woman would be excluded from female company. Divorce was fault based.

Now I know you have had bad experiences from what you have said, so you probably wouldn't want the old deal. But the old deal did have the advantage of enabling stable relationships and both men and women could bank on it with reasonable certainty.

Maybe it resulted in most men and women being dissatisfied. Not so bad seeing it is guys and girls. Probably most were mostly happy.

I can't see much alternative. The old deal is dead and never coming back. The new 12-24 month affair model that I am working under is clearly not great but it is what it is.

Gotta play with the hand dealt.

I liked the song a lot. But Torn might be more where are at than Faded.

This is the parody version.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/k9TRFSEMDNA

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

It is easier to blame the opposite sex when you consistently experience disappointment in relationships, but where does that lead you? Frustration, resignation, disappointment, and perhaps bitterness. None of that is where you want to be, right?

When you consistently have the same experience with the opposite sex, it usually means that you are doing something that is causing the problem. I have read enough of your posts to have formed the opinion that you would be a good partner for a good guy, so the problem is not necessarily who you are but maybe it is something you are doing. Maybe you are looking for guys in the wrong places, or inadvertently sending the wrong signals, suggesting to guys that your interest is more casual and not serious.

If you are using online dating (which I suspect,) there is nothing wrong with that. I met a girl on zoosk. com in December 2020 and now she is my wife. Maybe your profile projects the wrong image, and when you read it, you may not realize that. Years ago, I had a lady politely reject my interest and I accepted her decision on that matter but asked her if she would give me some feedback on my profile. She did, and what she said surprised me. Initially, I was angry but didn't express that to her; I simply thanked her for her time. Then I thought about her comments, made some changes to my profile, and I immediately started getting responses from women who I thought were quality potential partners.

Ask a male friend, one who you can trust to be honest with you, to read your profile and give you some feedback. Make some changes and see what happens. And remember that if you have a disappointing experience with seven guys but the eighth guy is a keeper, then you have been successful.

laurlaur101 · Accepted Answer

I feel the same way and no I don’t think it’s your fault guys need to really step it up and act right they are taking the easy way out and nowadays seems like they want the girl to play the guy role meaning want the girl to plan things and do the driving picking guys up etc meanwhile I feel like that’s the guys role he is the protector not the girl. I took a break from guys as well then I eased back into trying to talk to them then I felt like maybe I shouldn’t have maybe ass too soon & didn’t feel completely ready for anyone yet. I just feel I get constantly hurt too but I don't know why I can’t see why i like having fun and not boring or anything im kind and supportive. I would say don’t blame yourself either. It’s these guys they’re the issues. I get it there’s someone they rather prefer ok can’t take it personal but I do but I would say maybe let guys come to you they should be choosing and pursing you but even if they do that they can still reject so it’s tough I would say just keep doing you and living your own life I’m sure a guy out there will give you a chance

RubyFrench · Accepted Answer

no its actually probably not your fault, and thats coming from somebody who is married and HAPPILY married, who likes men and who has no trouble with relationships. But i also understand what happens to the brain after being hurt many many times, and that A LOT of men aren't like my husband. So it could be the men YOU are choosing! rather than it being their fault!

Try not to feel like this hey! Not all men are wired badly and there are many men out there who are very genuine and are just as cautious as you are being! infact this can ruin dating because both sides have fences up yet nobody is talking about it!

Id say you need to sit down and think about it, see if its the men you are choosing or if its something you are doing to make men act badly. I hope it all works out for you! Try not too worry or let your thoughts destroy your life. ❤️

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Diving right into this whirlpool of emotions, aren't we? Let's swim to the surface together. Feeling frustrated and even a bit jaded is completely understandable after your experiences, but don't let this tarnish your beautiful soul! The dating world can feel like a jungle – there's definitely a mix of loving, genuine folks and, well, not-so-much. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack, right?

The men feeling bitter and expressing their unfortunate experiences online? They're definitely out there in the real world too. Sometimes, it's like two ships passing in the night, missing each other in the dark. It sounds cliché, but it's a numbers game mixed with a bit of luck and a lot of putting yourself in places (physical or virtual) where you're likely to meet someone who's looking for the same things you are.

Lovebombing this negativity with some positivity, don't give up! Your soulmate might be just around the corner, caught in their own whirlpool. Maybe consider throwing them a lifeline by exploring new hobbies or social circles? Love works in mysterious ways and on its own timeline. Hang in there! 💕

Apple1996 · Answer

Finding a decent man is like finding a needle in a haystack so makes sense why you hate them. I say just focus on finding that good one. The bad ones aren't even worth your energy of hating them

AviatorTom · Answer

Hating men won't get you anywhere, and it won't make you feel better. A wise old adage... You get out of life what you put into it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I see women go through very rough relationships (men too), and then more rough relationships... and then they find someone and they click, and are still going strong. Multiple. I swear... humans may be more like wild horses than we think... it takes some breaking in to make them useful.

It shouldn't be so hard, but it is at times. Very frustrating. I was more frustrated in 20's than later... because I was untrained and unskilled... the walking clueless. It got much harder, I had to learn a lot. The only way to learn is suffering...

Some people I know whom are married would not be happily married and living life to the fullest... if they gave up and became cat ladies... or cat men. A lot of them are over 40 when they started again.

A lot of guys are looking for relationships... but most will use you... because that's easy. You will have to manage towards what you want.

What you totally control is looking in the mirror and working on that person. Your values, standards, appearance, social skills... where you go, what you do, how you do it. Your traumas, lessons in life, value you add. What rules you have. you own all that.

The rest of your life is on the other side of the pile of rubble you've left behind.

Tarifa · Answer

I think guys are afraid of the commitment. With all the options of online dating, a certain percentage of them might just go for a more casual approach. Date, get to know each other, sleep around and move on to the next. It's probably a minority, but if these are the men you meet on a daily basis, that's going to be you perception of them.

We guys are much simpler creatures. We are much more attracted to the physical aspect, we are more visually inclined. I would say it takes us about 3 seconds to know if we like a particular woman, before we even meet her or say a word to her. But there's also such a thing as emotional maturity. When men are younger, I'd say 20 to 25, basically all we want is to be with someone. It's harder at that age to build up an emotional connection. And it's not what some men - regardless of their age - are looking for. They want casual and zero commitment.

I’d say that for you women, attraction goes way beyond physical features. It’s like women first need to have an emotional connection with a man before attraction really kicks in. If you never get to that stage with a potential partner, you're going to be left feeling frustrated.

There are loads of men out there looking for love and a steady relationship. Some of us are hopeless romantics. I hope you find the one that's right for you.

M-Trimble · Answer

I take it your last meet up didn't go so well? I think as a society, social media has changed people, people hide behind thier keyboards and portray themselves as someone totally different online vs who they really are in person. It's been a long road for you but keep your head up, things will get better. After my mentally abusive ex it took me many years before I felt I could trust women again.

MisterWack · Answer

I think you should take a break from dating for a bit till you can get back on your feet.

Your heart is aching, you are feeling defeated, and feeling like a fool well here is the thing you are no fool and there is a man out there for you sadly you get men who would be better off with someone else…. Every man denied by another woman is a man that is waiting to meet with you. Though you should take a well deserved break. Build your self confidence, self esteem, and be happy before you try at this dating thing again. You are smart, awesome, cool, beautiful, etc. don’t fall in the pit, take a break before getting back on the dating train again. I think clearing your head is best.

smashleyy · Answer

It takes two to tango. I’m a big believer that you are what you attract (to an extent) and if you refuse to learn a lesson being presented to you through a person you’ll keep meeting it in different individuals. Just like your good positive qualities will be mirrored back to you the negative characteristics you both embody will also. It’s easier to pin point others flaws before your own. I was in a similar situation as you where I couldn’t understand why it seemed like I was a magnet for assholes when I went into things with pure intentions. It wasn’t until I took a step back from dating that I started recognizing that I had a lot more in common with those assholes I was entertaining than I’d care to admit 😂

Juxtapose · Answer

I am autistic and have trouble finding people relatable to me at all, straight up. I don't get women coming into my inbox and clamoring for my attention like you get men coming to you.

Try looking for a more shy, intellectual and sincere guy. The guys that are approaching you super confidently are likely just looking for casual fun and are willing to use manipulation tactics to get what they want.

You really shouldn't generalize people though, it's bigoted and small minded. You can do better than that.

DarkSpectrum811 · Answer

Not all guys are as bad as we seem. Many guys think the same of women. If I had a nickel for every cheating wife I’d be rich. They then blame the guys as dogs when they’re hypocrites themselves. It’s equal footing out there and is horrifying.

Most guys I know have given up or go younger. I’m the opposite if I bother at all. Not every guy cheats though and many of us have been cheated on. A mixed bag if you will. I would say to go with the flow for now. It may get lonely at times but it’s better than all the posturing, self righteousness and bs that comes with it on both sides.

If you cannot take that, then attempt a dating app or be less picky. Depending on your age, you’ll know what makes the most sense. I would let it flow but remember there is a guy in the exact same boat as you asking the same questions. Let it flow and regroup or act accordingly.

scott04sa22 · Answer

I stop dating because I tired of getting hurt all the time. After my 2nd now ex-girlfriend dumped me for another man who happens to be her now fiance who is now carrying his child. Now both of my ex-girlfriends are now engaged after dating me. Some of the women I hooked up are also engaged and had babies from someone else. All this is the reason why I stopped dating. I'm also scared if I do get another relationship or start a friend with benefits. She'll end up with someone else and I'll end up getting hurt again. I don't trust women a lot now but Pierce bronson the actor restore Holly Berry faith in men again after they did a movie together. I'm sure the right guy will help you restore your faith in men again someday.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Sometimes men make it too easy to hate them. You just have to listen to what some of them say. They are often their own worst enemies and yet, many can't OR won't see it.

Account · Answer

I dont dislike men. There are plenty of shitty people around in general. Think of how many genuinely good people you know regardless the gender.

... Exactly.

My dislike is not aimed towards men. My dislike is aimed towards human beings in general.

LazerBean · Answer

No, your choices are not men's fault. Maybe they were the fault of one man, your father, until you reached adulthood. But after that, it's all on you.

On the bright side, you do not have to continue with the negative feelings towards men. You can always change and grow. Don't give up

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

It is everyone's fault, including you, including me. No one is innocent ;D

But I don't think it's time for rational thinking, reading your text, it is time for venting. So, may you vent and then, you'll see what really comes out of it, afterwards. I bet you'll trust the illusion of hope again because... Hope meets reality sometimes, it is a fact. And it's just sometimes 💚

Likes2drive · Answer

It’s the culture on both sides I think that is making hard for people to want to get together, we both have ideals about the other on how they should be but it’s usually unrealistic so people don’t get together or stay together because of it instead of compromising and communicating. Relationships are not like they used to be and marriage is even worse now with too much to lose

msc545 · Answer

Relationships are very difficult these days. Most men I know over the age of 20 are pretty damaged themselves thanks to women.

noohair · Answer

Men used to have to make a commitment to a woman for sex. That was courtship and marriage. Women wanted equality and freedom. This is what equality and freedom looks like. You are being punished by the feminist movement. I did not choose this. Men did not start this. Good Luck.

JSkye · Answer

It's not men's fault.

If I can take it a step back, I also find the same issues with trying to date women (as I date both).

The answer to this question isn't the obvious one; it is actually modern society as a whole.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t like mushrooms, it’s not the mushrooms fault. No one is obligated to be in a relationship. If ya don’t like them then be single and work on you! Get hair cut, paint your nails, buy a new pair of pants, get a different bubble bath soap or sign up at the gym.

MK1997 · Answer

Online and real life are very different. That's why I treat this site as entertainment and don't take it seriously.

I don't this it's men's fault, maybe you are looking in the wrong places? Or could be just bad luck. Happens often.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Feeling hurt/pain is part of ending a relationship.
Thet are not responsible for your feelings, nor are you responsible for their feelings.
Its just part of life.
You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and eventually try it again.

Yannae · Answer

Hating men, just men in general is your fault. Not ours. That is a mindset. I was on the same boat. Wanting love but the women I dated were not taking it seriously.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

It's why I don't really put no effort into this stuff

zagor · Answer

Look to yourself for your happiness. Look to men for a hard penis. Quit expecting other people to complete you.

ForsakenQuill · Answer

Its no easier for men, I'm afraid. Everyone has their own personal reasons to resent the opposite sex. I know I do.

Anonymous · Answer

Meet a new person

Anonymous · Answer

Today's women are the reason men don't want relationships, so if you're going to hate someone for that, hate women.

Update_Available · Answer

U should take ur relationship to serious statement by marriage. Otherwise they may come and go easily.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is the fault of those men who did you wrong, not the fault of every man on the planet.

jahaims · Answer

Nah, you are just too immature to have honest introspection

Jpie555 · Answer

Don’t ever give up… you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince. Perhaps see if there’s a pattern you can change?

NathanDavis · Answer

blaming is not the answer

gatixek710 · Answer

Sounds like it's your fault.

dougeats · Answer

yes, we are all whores tbh

I think I'm starting to hate men again. is it mens fault?

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