My boyfriends mom doesn’t like me. Any advice?

[birds]

She’s been eager for us to move in together and even bought things for our future place. Yet, she gets upset when I stay with him or drive him to work instead of him walking early in the cold. I deal with depression and anxiety, so sometimes I take naps to recharge, especially if their home gets loud, but she finds that annoying too. She’s often rude to me, even when I ask simple things politely, and it’s discouraging since I’ve tried so hard to respect her family. I’d love to feel welcomed and included, but her attitude is pushing me away.

[ohsheeT]

It doesn't matter if she doesn't like you what matters is if you like her and you communicate with her as if you like her

We are always going to be judged by people that even love us and just because their eyes say something or their mouth says something it's how we hear it whether it's a tone of voice or the way she said it or the way she is her words we might take it the wrong way so you have to let it go and just make sure you are who you are you are real when you communicate with her in time she will fall in love with you if you are real

[Alwayreckles93]

As I was reading your post I cry. It took me back when at the time when I was really young my ex mom hates my guts. Typical momma's boy. I apologize but sounds like your boyfriend is a men child. He must put you first and you must always be his number one priority. He wants you to move in but still does everything mommy wants. He should put a stop to his mom. I was there once it never ends well. He will choose mommy before any woman he is a relationship with. This men never grow up. They think the world revolves around mommy and that everything in this planet is about there mom. Find yourself a real men a men who is capable of taking decisions on his own. Shame on your boyfriend's mom there is a special place I hell for monster in laws. You can do better you are worth everything. Your boyfriend is a coward for not putting his mom on her place.

[Altheavas]

Talk to your boyfriend like everyone here advised. You don’t have to tolerate someone shitty personality because of love. You’re fucking her son, not bumping with her. Your son needs to have a talk with her, and she needs to start acting like a respectful adult. People only continue doing what is tolerate, and allowed.

[Finchie40]

Have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him what you are experiencing with his Mom , and tell him the truth that his Mom treats you like shit , and you no longer want to be around her. If your boyfriend cares about you and wants to continue being with you , then his ass needs to go have words with his Mom and try to fix the problem. If he doesn’t do so? Then stay away from his Mom all together, and dump his ass while you are at it. If he can’t stick up for you then he doesn’t deserve you period.

[AI Opinion]

Hey there! Navigating tricky mother-in-law waters can feel like dodging love-shaped obstacles in a heart-filled maze. 💘 It sounds like she’s throwing mixed signals, which can be exhausting, especially with your own mental health battles. Try having a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about setting boundaries with his mom. Let him know that you want to be included and respected. Sometimes, people might just need a little nudge to realize their actions are impacting you. Hang in there, and keep those flirty, positive vibes alive!

[DishLady]

Well he can switch up gfs but he can't switch up his mom... so you've got a choice to make. Stick with it if he's all that... or move on to someone who appreciates you and will tell his mom to back off.

[BobbieBoy666]

If your boyfriend's mom doesn't like you, the most important thing is to openly communicate your feelings with your boyfriend and try to understand why she might feel that way, while also maintaining a respectful and cordial demeanor towards her, even if she isn't reciprocating the same energy; remember that building a relationship with her may take time and patience.
Here are a few steps you can take:
Talk to your boyfriend:
Have a calm and honest conversation with him about how you feel. Let him know that his mom's behavior is affecting you and ask if he has any insight into why she might not like you.
Try to understand her perspective:
Consider if there might be any misunderstandings or past experiences that could be contributing to her attitude.
Be respectful and polite:
Even if she is not being friendly, always strive to be polite and respectful in your interactions.
Make small efforts to connect:
If appropriate, try to find common ground by initiating casual conversations or offering small gestures of kindness.
Don't take it personally:
Remember that her feelings towards you might not be a reflection of your worth, and try not to let her negativity affect your self-esteem.
Focus on your relationship with your boyfriend:
Prioritize your connection with him and remember that your relationship with him is what matters most.

When to consider further steps:
Talk to your boyfriend about setting boundaries:
If his mom's behavior becomes overly critical or disrespectful, discuss with your boyfriend how to set appropriate boundaries with her.
Seek professional advice:
If the situation is causing significant stress or impacting your relationship with your boyfriend, consider seeking couples therapy to navigate the dynamics with his mother.

[Cripplingkingship]

I would suggest you talk to your boyfriend, but at the same time, stop focusing on trying to have a good relationship with boyfriends parents.

Having a good relationship or even being like by them is not essential to the relationship. My mum couldn't stand my dad's mum, but she did was, she didn't go round to her house, but only went for important family occassions.

My advice focus on your relationship with your boyfriend, and don't worry about the relationship with his mum. stay away from her as best as you can.

If I was in your shoes, just avoid her at all costs, its not really that important.

[Cripplingkingship]

The best thing to do, if someone is not treating you with respect, would be to distance yourself from them, that way you are creating boundaries with this person. Also don't engage in her negative behaviour. Don't engage with her, and create as much distance from someone like this.

[Purpleronnie]

It’s clear that there needs to be some dialogue between you both , animosity and mis / non-communication will lead only lead to a more tense atmosphere that won’t be healthy for you , your relationship. Sometimes whats not said or mis-interpreted will then lead to confrontation causing issue where wasn’t any need.


I would invite her out of the home and situation to talk things through as adults and pay particular attention to not letting emotions take hold. Trying to understand her and how she feels and letting her in to how you are then agreeing how to either build from there agree on removing yourself from the home for the sake of your relationship.

[Anonymous]

The question is she right about you. My mother would never do this without good reason.

If I were you I'd have a talk with your boyfriend about it. If you love him, tell him you love him and you understand his mother's protectiveness of him but you're only going to tolerate it to a point. If you are worth keeping and he knows it, he'll set her straight. If not, his mother is either right about you or your boyfriend has no spine. Either way the matter gets resolved and everyone is happy, or should be.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Bring the topic to the mother & the boyfriend, if if fails to pacify the situation or if you don't feel like going through these talks then...

It's time to drop expectations to be welcomed, and it's okay to do so, you are with your boyfriend, not with his mother, she's inherently out of the equation.

[Zack-Bann]

Clearly she’s in denial about her son no longer needing her and turning into an adult in a stable relationship
Still, that doesn’t make it your fault


So you shouldn’t have to take this


Ask your boyfriend to talk to her

[lightbulb27]

I don't like what I hear. you have anxiety and this woman is caustic?

not a good formula for success...

I'd seriously consider if you can manage life with this woman given you need to heal yourself.

[AgentG111]

Moms mostly never like the females in their sons lives because they are never good enough.

Work at ways to let her reactions go and not focus on them. Focus on you and the boyfriend and get better!

[Peridot25]

Oh, she’s one of those. She’s that type of mother that can’t bear the thought she isn’t the only woman in her son’s life anymore.
I hope she can overcome that and treat you better. You don’t deserve that.

[bowenw]

That is tough. I lived in a similar situation where the girl's family wanted to control our lives even though we lived on our own. I finally had to leave.

[Med_guy1978]

Very often no girl can meet expectations of a mother for her son. Similar to the father for his daughter. The best way is to be nice, polite and respectful but stand your ground. You don't want to be trampled on, these things fade away quite often.

[debbiedenise]

Old question, but I had the same problem. This seems to be more common than people think. I didn't know what to do either.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for you you’re in a relationship with your boyfriend & as for your boyfriend’s mom if she doesn’t like you she can go pound sand.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Have you spoken to anyone about this? The boyfriend or the mother?

[Alex-Snow]

It is time to get your own place. She probably would prefer to have some space for herself in her own home. Are you two noisy when you have sex? If so maybe that pisses her off or makes her jealous?

[Nikki1989]

As a 34-year-old, why do you care?

[midnightmoon05]

Does your boyfriend like/love you and protect you? Start from there.

[EmmaMary]

Try Growing Up and acting your age. smh

[spartan55]

Just think, you could be dealing with that bitch the rest of your life.

[Lynx122]

That sounds tough I don't have any advice sorry.

[Staximus]

Drive him to work? Is he an irresponsible bum? Don't live with bums, don't marry bums, don't have babies with bums. You will get stuck with paying all the bills.

[Open-minded99]

Nope just love him. That's all that matters. Keep him happy.

[SotiCoto]

Get it all out in the open sooner rather than later. Confront her. Do not back down. Express yourself clearly.

[MannMitAntworten]

I’d bail. I had an ex-fiancé, her parents were … a trial. It made our relationship hell. Don’t waste precious time.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Just be yourself and she eventually come around. She just want to make sure you're the real deal. Once she sees that trust me the way she treats you will change

[snermcger]

You don't work, do you? She thinks you're lazy. She doesn't want you to be a burden to her son.

[Seangreen]

Who cares, if you are both happy his mom can go get bent

[noohair]

This is an issue between your boyfriend and his mom. He he allows his mom to treat you poorly, that is on him. If he had balls, he would shut it down.

[plundo]

It's always hard to say in my opinion. Try to be cool about it and don't act up on it. Some people are just always mean...

[Smegskull]

Does she like anyone? If she wants you to move in together maybe she doesn't like people in her home at all.

[BradleyScheff]

Sometimes mother in law's can be like that. Best to move out

[Anonymous]

Even though you would like her to like you it’s her son that needs to be the one who likes/loves you not her

[Amob79]

Give it time. As long as her sons happy she will change her tune

[MasterKS]

Dont waste time, impressing someone without being you is impossible..

[Anonymous]

Why would she get mad about you driving him to work lol

[Daniela1982]

Get a new boyfriend would be the smartest choice.

[TheKillerJason]

He’s fucking you not his mom