My boyfriend’s mom doesn't like me, and I’m not sure why. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

Question

I have a problem with my boyfriend's mother. At first everything seemed normal, she had bought everything for us to move in together and she was very enthusiastic, but then everything turned upside down. She constantly questions why I spend so much time together, and sometimes she even gets angry when I stay the night. She doesn't even like me driving her, even though I ask her "Should she walk in the cold or should I drop her off?" I also have depression and anxiety, so sometimes I just stay in the room alone and take a nap, which seems to make her angry. Most recently, after cleaning her room, I told her I was cold and politely asked for a blanket, but she responded really rudely. I feel like I don't deserve this because I've never been disrespectful, on the contrary I've always respected her values ​​and her family. I'm so close to her family that I would do anything for someone to love me, but this really upsets me. Like everyone says, I say "She'll get used to it", but I still don't understand why she's acting like this after so long.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

My mother was the same way. Never really liked any girl I was with.
And the would get that cold vibe coming from her.

The best way to handle it is to act as if you guys are best buddies.

If you take her someplace. And on the way home say hey I'm going to get something to eat let's go here for a few minutes I'll buy

Aren't you getting ready to go someplace invite her to come with you or go watch a movie together include her in on everything that you do for a few months and see what happens then ask her opinion on things

But her a gift .
If you just hide yourself and you're depressed about it you're not motivated that's what she's going to see you as don't allow her to win.

It's her son. She lost him at 18 basically now he's your boyfriend you you own him you have him now you don't have to prove anything to her
But you do have to be true to yourself and view you are and be happy there's no reason for you not to be

Remember you're the only person on the inside of you so you're the only person that can make you happy or sad don't let her get in the way

If you do then you're not being true to yourself and you're acting like somebody else because she's making you feel that way don't allow that to happen make a choice you're going to be you
And you're going to be happy whether she likes it or not that's the bottom line you don't need to please her but like I said become her best friend.

And you're in your own world she's in her own world and you make it a point to get along with her include her in everything and if she can't see who you truly are then that's on her she's going to have to deal with it

not you you haven't done anything wrong
So quit hiding from yourself start being yourself again and live life
this is on her not you
If anyone's going to walk on eggshells it needs to be her and you need to get that through your head and your heart

You just be the best you can be towards her
You become happy again
If she can't go with it that's all on her
They never give anybody pleasure from holding you back from being who you are because that's what they're trying to do fuck that

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because that is her baby boy and some parents’ only want the best for their kids’ so don’t take it personally, because you could be any girl and his Mom won’t like her. Some mothers’ are very protective and obsessed with their children to the point their baby does no wrong and only deserves the best. My Mom was the same way with my girlfriends’ My Mom immediately didn’t like the girl because she felt that girl would hurt my feelings and break my heart and betray me. It took my Mom a long time for her to be nice and respectful to my girlfriends’ I made it clear to my girlfriends’ that my Mom has no control over my decisions so do not let it affect our relationship, I will handle my Mom. Some Parents can sadly be overprotective of their children , it’s only bad if your boyfriend is a Mommy’s boy and listens to everything his Mom tells him to do. If that’s the case , then you should really reconsider that relationship with him , because you will never be accepted and be the blame for everything that goes wrong

bongo · Accepted Answer

It sounds like she might feel like she’s losing her son’s attention and doesn’t know how to handle it. The best thing you can do is set clear boundaries while remaining respectful. Don’t overextend yourself trying to win her approval love should be mutual, not forced. Talk to your boyfriend and make sure he supports you in this. At the end of the day, your relationship is with him, not her. Stay calm, be patient, and don’t take it personally.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Ummm... She bought everything for the two of your to move in together? Move into her house? Why are you driving her around? Are you a chauffeur? Why is she constantly around the two of you?

How could she possibly know when you spend the night with her son unless he tells her or the two of you are living with her?

There seems to be too much of her around the two of you and too much involvement between you, her and your boyfriend. You are older than 45 and so is he. Why doesn't he have a private life apart from her?

This is far too messy. You cannot win this woman's love because she is far too involved in her grown son's life and doesn't want you involved in their relationship.

I don't think this is going to end well. You're the interloper and she's bent on removing you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you're doing your best, but unfortunately, some people can be hard to please, and it seems like your boyfriend's mom might have issues that have nothing to do with you. You can’t control her behavior, but you can control how you respond. If she’s being rude despite your kindness, it may be time to set boundaries with her. Talk to your boyfriend about the situation, but ultimately, if her behavior doesn't change, you might have to distance yourself emotionally to protect your well-being.

fairytale · Accepted Answer

Honestly, it sounds like she’s made up her mind about you, and no matter what you do, it won’t be enough. You shouldn’t have to bend over backward for someone who refuses to show you basic respect. Stop trying so hard her approval isn’t a requirement for your relationship. Set boundaries, focus on your well-being, and talk to your boyfriend about supporting you in this. If she continues to treat you poorly, that’s her problem, not yours.

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

That woman is a sick disgusting bitch!

Your men must put you first and make you his number one priority. I just can not understand why a dude in his 30's would allowed mommy to mistreated they're wife and girlfriend. I know how you feel I was once in your shoes. You are important to and your men must spend as much time witn you as possible. Why are millennial guys like this such mommy boy. I hate boy moms.

AviatorTom · Answer

You cannot change how someone feels and acts. Does your boyfriend like you? That's what's really important. Maybe you can talk with him to see if he'd be willing to talk with his mother about you... so you two can at least be civil together, even though she may not like you.

RichA322 · Answer

Unfortunately this will (probably) never end.

You probably know that Lion Mothers protect their young at all costs with their lives if necessary. Same applies to humans.

Dad's protect their daughters by constantly cleaning the shotgun whenever the guy that dates her visits the house and mothers just make the life of their daughter in law miserably. Many Mothers are able to suppress that urge once the Young child (aka the Son) is old enough. (They will still hate you, but they just do it privately and talk negatively about to their respective friends and you when you are not around). But many, many mother are NOT able to. They let you feel that they totally hate you for "stealing" their son.

So in her mind: YOU are NOT good enough for her sweet honey son. You are not good enough for her small lion cub. And no women will ever be good enough for her little lion cub !! And she might in fact do absolutely everything to destroy the relationship.

How do I know? To this day my mother does the same to my sister in Law. She is constantly telling absolutely everyone that my sister in law is not good enough and that my brother should get a divorce as soon as possible... Doesn't matter to her that my brother has a 14 year old daughter with his wife. Mom wants to destroy that relationship at all costs. Same applies to my relationships. "No girl is ever good enough for Mommy's sweet son!"

You just need to learn to live with it, Because this is what you are expecting unfortunately.

Anonymous · Answer

Similar story my ex's mom & older sister don't get along whatsoever. Mommy dearest dianna does everything she can to be as passive aggressive to me as possible constantly bringing up her daughter's fiance the out of work ugly bum covered in tattoos who does crappy music. Me and mommy dearest dianna never got along since 2018 when her daughter overdosed. I asked dianna if I should go down to the hospital and she gets rude about it and says no let the family handle it. When I tried calling up the hospital asking her condition and to give my prayers the nurses were very corgial and polite and thanked me but when mommy dearest dianna found out she got pissed & went through the roof putting a stop on all incoming calls and visitors unless she approved of it. The real slap in the face was when mommy dearest dianna had her daughter's ex show up at the hospital instead of me the guy she was actually with. From then on me and her never got along. I tried remaining civil for my ex's sake but recently all her backstabbing family did was throw her out of work bum fiance in my face causing more bad blood between us. She cheated on me when I was sick with cancer back in 2023 running off and getting engaged to that bum while I was also taking care of my dying friend and looking for a place to live. She betrayed me when I was at my lowest and it's something I never forgive her for nor will ever forgive her for. Her rotten backstabbing family especially mommy dearest dianna and her older sister dallas knew about the engagement but kept it a secret and even now mommy dearest dianna still throws it in my face as does the ex still throws it in my face about the out of work ugly bum she's engaged to

Anonymous · Answer

So many questions.

Did you move in with her? Why wouldn't you spend time in your own place and stay the night. If you live together then why are you dropping her off somewhere and why in the world are you cleaning her room. That's like way beyond invasive.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly you sound like a girl I would like for my son either as a man. You sound like you have a lot of issues that she can pick up on. Like you’re attached at his hip, like he can’t go anywhere w out you. Plus laying in bed all day not interacting w them or people in general makes people think on you’re stuck up, too good for them or something. Sounds like you have too many things going on.

Flower7 · Answer

This is not going to work out while you’re living together.

Anonymous · Answer

I wonder if she finds you a bit fragile and feels you want her to pander to your sensibilities (which may be irritating) rather than you seamlessly fitting into her lifestyle and getting on with it.
Just a guess, I don't know you or her if course.

Mangospacho · Answer

It sounds like your boyfriend needs to stand up to the mommy.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're clingy and need a life. Normal women have social lives, friends, hobbies yet you don't have any of that so it's disturbing.

Jimmerjammermama83 · Answer

Some moms forever have a problem with whomever their son is dating

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Tell your boyfriend to talk to his mom, to change her attitude with you

RHK36 · Answer

If you're 45 asking this then just stay single

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Jealousy

Anonymous · Answer

You're 45+!😆

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

That's lame

My boyfriend’s mom doesn't like me, and I’m not sure why. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice?

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