But we're just friends?

[Anonymous]

A guy and I use to work together for about 3yrs in total. The first year we were just co workers. The 2nd year we started flirting or in his words "friendly bantering" so one day I confessed that I had feelings for him. He shut me down and said we were just friends and nothing more.

For the entire last year we were working together we were messing around. We did everything and we would often cuddle at work.. almost everyday given the chance.

We had one rule and the rule was that he would tell me if he ever got a girlfriend or started seeing someone. Well, I kept hearing rumors and I'd always ask him and he would always set the story straight. Well, the 5th time I heard a rumor I was done. I just up and quit and didn't give him the chance to settle the story. I was so mad that I was over it at that point. It had to do with another girl at work so I was done and at the time I didn't need a job anyways.

This all happened in May. Last week I reached out to him. I really do enjoy our friendship and I'd like to be on talking terms. We talked about what happened but he told me he's been upset with me ever since it happened.

I guess my question for you guys would be.. why is he upset? It's been 5 months and we were just friends.. I was over it a month later. I guess I just don't understand.

Side note: at one random point within the last year he did tell me he loved me in Japanese but it took me 3 days to figure what his text said and by that point it was awkward and feelings weren't mentioned again. I figured it was a fluke.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the dance of mixed signals and flirty friendships! 😏 When someone tells you they want to stay "just friends" but acts differently, it can make you feel like you're in a rom-com plot twist. He's likely upset because your sudden exit without closure felt like ghosting. Why didn't you give him a chance to explain? Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and his cuddles and Japanese "I love yous" might've been his way of showing feelings without saying them. Men can be complicated creatures, can't they? 😅 Now, feeling like you nailed the perfect movie break-up? Keep the communication open, clear, and honest—it's the best way to avoid these mixed-up feelings in the future. Love's a wild ride, isn't it? ❤️

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why you’d put yourself through that again. You still have romantic feelings and still searching for any speckle of hope, how can you switch gears to friendship? Is it really so important to have this man in your life at some capacity that you’re ready to be his wingman? Watch him hit on other women? Give advice about those women? Watch him date and give another woman everything he wouldn’t give you? That sounds like absolute torture. In any case, he was probably upset that you just quit without a word when you were supposed to be cool, then went awol for 5 months.

[Asker]

So unfortunately, yeah he's in my life for other reasons that I'm not willing to compromise on. He's on some of my legal paper work because I lost all of my immediate family at one time. My closest family is 6hrs away and a lot of other people in my life have proven to me they can't handle being in charge of legal things if I were to drop over and it has to be someone local.

You probably didn't need all the explanation. For all that other stuff though.. he knows better than to talk about another female in front of me and I never leave my house unless it's for work so I won't be a wing man for anyone ever 🤣

[Opinion Owner]

He knows better? Honey you are his platonic friend, why should he worry about upsetting you by talking to another woman in front of you? Even if it’s not in your face, are you ready to be in that position of advising him about women for watching him move on with someone else? By no means am I trying to put you on the defense, these are just serious questions in regards to your wellbeing that I’m not sure you’ve considered. In regards to all the legal stuff, what was going to happen if you hadn’t reached out? I mean you up and quit your job, ready to risk not speaking with him again, so is the legal stuff really that important? I mean, if it ties you to him for life or something, you would have to ride along for all his romantic changes…. Changes you don’t wanna see, especially when you’re saying things like “he knows better than to talk to other women in front of me”…

[Opinion Owner]

**or watching

[Asker]

If I was "platonic" I don't stay mad at people lmao. Also, he has some respect with me.. anyone with respect for u wouldn't talk to u about someone of the opposite sex knowing you have feelings.. that's just rude. I don't know what type of friends u have 😅.

Also, no it doesn't tie me for life. It ties me over for right now until I have spouse or someone I find significant.

Yes the legal stuff is important. Why would it not be? He would have been notified if something happened 🙄

[Opinion Owner]

That’s literally my point — you still have feelings, and you are expecting him to respect this, as your FRIEND. Friends are supposed to be able to vent to one another, ask advice about situations most especially dating. It would be ridiculous for you to act like opposite sex friends do not ask eachother dating advice, or about who they’re with in general. “How’s your wife?” “How’s your girlfriend?” You act like those questions are strange or something. I personally do not have male friends, I’m in a relationship and I find that disrespectful. You find it disrespectful from a simple friend, so what is it that you’re really hoping for? You are walking straight into a lot of pain and it’s pretty sad. To want someone that much they matter more than my own happiness. You say the legal stuff basically requires a spouse, which he is not, so what would you be doing? Keep clinging on to this connection until another man comes along and hope he doesn’t get a girlfriend in the meantime?

[Opinion Owner]

Anyway, I’m not trying to argue with you. If you’re his defensive about simple questions then this conversation will never be productive. I wish you luck with your situation, I would never wish it on anyone who’s in love.

[Asker]

I didn't say it required a spouse. I said I'll replace him when I find a spouse or someone significant 🤦‍♀️

[Asker]

I'm not arguing with you either 🤷‍♀️
It doesn't make sense to me because would u also fuck a platonic friend for a year 🤔

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhh, that’s what this is about, you’re lovers. Why would you do this to yourself? My goodness what a horrible situation😞 I’m not even being condescending it’s just messed up, you’ve given yourself to this man, practically begging for his presence in your life and looking for any drop of hope. This is sad because you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you miss him as your friend then expect him to respect you as if you’re together. He doesn’t want to give you more, and you are in denial about it unfortunately…

[Asker]

So you replied before reading my entire question? Because I definitely mentioned this in my original post. I suppose that discredits everything you've said.

As far as I'm concerned, once you sleep with someone you can't rewind to friends especially if you've been doing it a while. Period.

[Opinion Owner]

If not noticing you two were having sex is what discredits everything I’ve said then you’re not listening whatsoever. All you’re doing is fussing and being defensive as if I have something personal against you. No you cannot rewind to simple friendship after having sex which makes the whole friendship even more pointless because you’ll never be anything more. You’re the one who went crawling back after 6 months and if you didn’t do that then you may have never heard from him again. Be as defensive and combative as you want but it doesn’t make the facts any less true, or make you any less in denial. What you’re looking for on this site is not advice it’s for a freaking miracle.