Girls, is it acceptable that I love my boyfriend but I have a crush on someone else?

[candycane]

Girls, especially those in long-term relationships, I have a question for you. I love my boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years, but I have started to be attracted to someone else. I don't think this is cheating. I feel a little bored and I think I want something new.

[Finchie40]

It’s ok to admire someone else but not ok if you act on it , if you plan on acting on it? the right thing to do is end your relationship with your boyfriend and then pursue this other guy , don’t string your boyfriend along while weighing your options , that clearly makes you a selfish cheater. So Really ask yourself if this other so called guy , is ever going to make you feel bored one day , and when he does, are you going to do the same thing to him like you did your ex? All I am saying if you truly don’t love your boyfriend anymore , just end it with him and move on , it’s better to do that instead of being labeled a cheater

[MisterWack]

“I love my boyfriend who I have been with for 3 years, but I have started to be attracted to someone else. I don't think this is cheating. I feel a little bored and I think I want something new.”

Okay so, try to incorporate the characteristics that your crush has and vocalize to your boyfriend who you love the qualities you want to have in the relationship. I’m sure he’ll be happy to compromise.

Now if you are taking this as “I should cheat on him with this new crush” then you are mistaken. Tell him upfront what your dreams & desires are, if he doesn’t want that then you better say what you are feeling so you can have his input in this. A relationship is two people and thus takes two people for it to work, if you continue down this path of your crush then he won’t be too happy…. Please be sensible, empathetic, compassionate and keep your love strong, don’t let some random guy get between you two.

[Screenwriter]

There's nothing wrong with being ATTRACTED to someone else, or a dozen someone elses.

The problem you're citing is "I feel a little bored and I think I want something new."

If you want "something new" it sounds like you've tired of something or many things in your 3-year-old relationship. Usually, somewhere past 18 months, most relationships hit a make or break point.

You can love someone and no longer be in love with them. Wanting "something new" and being "bored" is an indication that you're past the honeymoon period.

But for healthy couples who want to keep their love alive, this can be a time to reinvent themselves as a couple, reinvest by spicing up their relationship, OR break up and go their separate ways.

You have to decide what it is you ultimately want. We love our friends, but we aren't coupled with them. So decide what it is you want now. Good luck.

[Jessica405]

Verging on cheating. You have it in your mind that you want something new. It is only a short step from thoughts to actions.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tango of love! 😉 Being attracted to someone else while you’re in a relationship can definitely stir things up a bit. Having a crush outside of your main relationship is more common than you'd think and isn't necessarily a red flag of doom, but it might be signaling a need for some excitement or renewed connection in your current relationship. Explore that curiosity about why you find this new person intriguing and see if there’s anything you can spice up with your boyfriend. Sometimes, a little refresh is all you need to steer clear of any lovebombing that's not meant for your current love! ❤️

[TheStaleMarshmellow]

We all know your a cuck you botty

[OlderAndWiser]

You are, I assume, in a relationship where you both expect each other to be monogamous. Your obligation is not simply to avoid vaginal penetration, but to refuse any type of sexual encounter, and to avoid any situation that would present a temptation to be unfaithful in any way. Isn't that the level of commitment you would expect from your boyfriend?

[AviatorTom]

We all have fantasy crushes, but those of us in serious relationships don't do anything about it. If you truly love your partner, you won't try "something new".

[Anastacia1989]

Agree!!!

[lightbulb27]

"feel a little bored"... I just love how women communice... even anon... masking the truth. What is the truth about how you feel?

tell us about how you are putting effort into the relationship you are committed to.

Life is full of ups and downs, we always want some new challenge and thrill.. something other than what we have. Even the best of food gets boring all the time.

So get a dirt bike! Jump out of an airplane? Put some sparks back into life with new challenges... with your partner. the effort is to want what you've got. Or else, move on if not committed.

Your perfection and fantasy of this other person is not fair to the human you know. That happens, but you have to pull yourself back to reality and choose to love them, which means honoring them.

So take that energy and turn it into something healthy.

[Zack-Bann]

Nah one or the other is a coping mechanism.


Either your boyfriend is a place of familiarity and comfort but no longer love (but you’re too invested to admit it)


Or the crush is just a symptom of something lacking in your romantic life


Either way the roads lead to the same place


If you’re in a loving relationship crushes should be physically impossible.
That means you have to reassess the relationship: either end it as it can’t be saved. Or find a way to rekindle the love and write off the crush as just your mind playing a trick on you

[Makeushiver]

Whether acceptable or not it seems to be a reality and if you are feeling it, than acceptable or not there isn't much you can do about it, It's not unusual at all. Many relationships lose the passion that was once there and its very possible and quite frequent to love a family, husband, kids etc. but only feel the thrill with someone new who all of a sudden is looking at you with the level, of desire you probably once had for your partner. Familiarity does seem to breed if not contempt a bit of "where is the passion". The death knell to me has always seemed when you get invitations with the term fooling around instead of the burton popping, zipper ripping up against the wall sex. There have been billions of dollars spent on books that claim a solution but there is just a degree of boredom that sets in compounded with the realities of life. Try not to hurt anyone but reclaim your passion

[princess]

This is never acceptable and is a form of cheating. Cheating is not just physical, it can also be emotional. I think you should share this situation with your boyfriend. Either something is not going well in your relationship or you do not love him.

[candycane]

actually you are right but i love him

[Natasha1995]

Your feelings of love for your boyfriend make you want to go one way, the attraction you feel for this other guy steers you in the other direction. Only you can make up your mind. But physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. If you start seeing this other guy and something develops, by all means end it with your boyfriend before it's too late. You can't have both if you believe that relationships are exclusive and by definition monogamous.

[Sevenpointfive]

i learned this very young. we as a species are not a monogamous species. and that's fine. plenty of species aren't.

monogamy in our species is a personal decision. and if you think you are with the wrong person, or fantasize about another, then you probably (already not) aren't monogamous.

[RHK36]

The way you phrase the question, along with how you think just makes you look like you're looking for someone to agree that it's okay to cheat. Leave your guy that you don't really love otherwise you'd not be thinking about another guy like that. It's one thing to find someone attractive vs you actively thinking about another person. You've already checked out on your current boyfriend.

[piano]

So, falling in love is human, but it is still unacceptable and a kind of cheating. But if you truly love your boyfriend, don't let it be more than a passing thought. Focus on what you have, or you risk ruining something good.

[candycane]

thank youu

[Juxtapose]

Yeah, you already making excuses for yourself so you're getting ready to cheat and you are looking for validation to cheat. Rather than just dump the guy you don't like, you want to keep him as a backup and then go behind his back.

People like you make me sick.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Being attracted to someone else isn't cheating. If you act on that attraction, THEN it would be cheating.

How do you know this other person? How often do you see him?

How bored are you? Do you want something new as in a new relationship, or a new sexual experience, or what?

[msc545]

So this is just the prelude to cheating. It will go thusly:
1. She will have her crush for awhile.
2. She will have more contact with her crush.
3. She will end up fucking her crush and gradually withdraw from her boyfriend.
4. She will get caught or leave her boyfriend.
5. She will enjoy her crush for awhile
6. But then she will have a NEW crush and...

Now start again at 1

[plundo]

I hope it's okay that I'd like to answer as a guy. I think overall it's okay to find other guys attractive, even thinking about them sexually. But actually thinking about doing something with them to try something new seems wrong to me. I mean as long as it's just fantasies it's cool in my opinion but if u act upon it, nah, sorry that's cheating

[sammi]

To be honest, we can love someone and still be attracted to someone else. If it's just harmless daydreaming, that's normal. But if it's more than that, you need to think about why. Is something missing from your relationship? Be honest with yourself

[candycane]

thank you, ı accept this

[EmmaMary]

Same boyfriend or someone else?

Is my boyfriend no longer in love with me?

[MemeSupreme]

it's not when you give yourself like opportunities to act on it or grow it in anyway

you should shut that down FAST and distance yourself from them

[Joshydavid25]

If you have a crush on somebody that means that your mind has lingered enough for your feelings to follow suit.. You should definitely squash that crush before it gets even a little out of hand.

[genericname85]

yes that's completely fine. that's where loyalty plays a big role in relationships. love isn't this disney bullshit where you never like someone else. it's about resisting the temptation to stay with your chosen one.

[HighValue]

You probably have a past of casual sex so you can't be happy in a long term exclusive relationship.

[jazzy34]

What if you found out he had a crush on another woman? To add to that, he’s bored wants something new. But, he’s not cheating. 🙄

[Anonymous]

You can't always help emotions and crushes and you didn't just die when you committed to your man.
Just remember who the most important person in your life has been for the past three years and may always be. If you don't mess it up.

[bowenw]

It happens all the time. You can't help what your heart wants. It's not cheating if you don't act on it.

[jahaims]

You aren't in love then. You are incredibly immature for a 42 year old if you are developing crushes while in a relationship. 42 years old and you don't even know what love is.

[WhitneySnow]

It’s not cheating unless you act on your feelings

[DrPepper12]

Yes. Totally acceptable. Thoughts aren't infidelity. If you plan on acting on it then break up or take a break

[Raaj4you]

Crush is different from love. Crush is a momentary feeling where as love is long lasting. Yes, it's possible to turn a Crush into a date and fall in love.

[Crazzyyworld]

It’s normal for a cockroach to feel that way

[noohair]

Ok, if it was him and he said he loved you but he is starting to be attracted to someone else, would it be acceptable?

[NathanOlipop]

When your boyfriend walks in the room, do you suddenly get both happy and feel good overall?

[TheBrooklynFollies]

If you’re thinking about other guys it’s obvious that there is something wrong with your relationship.

[Bigdicj]

I think it is sometimes we just need someone new for a little you know

[ChicoFromThe305]

Must be a guy friend 💀

[SolitarySolace]

Pretty sure that a called cheating

[Anonymous]

Not at 42 if that is your real age.

[LunarGoddess90]

You are prone to polygamy.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ugh... modern women.

[Anonymous]

How do they both look

[Mia2004]

Sure as long you don’t act on it.

[Bear-Hugs]

If you have to ask, probably not

[Slim57]

No. You don't love him, obviously, stupid.

[Jmmmfi4]

WOULDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE

[Anonymous]

I would consider that as cheating