Is being in a long term relationship "boring?" And if it's boring, is that good, bad, or both?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have often heard someone try to justify cheating by claiming that their relationship had become boring and they needed some excitement. I think part of that statement is true. After you have been together with a partner for 4-5 years, you know their patterns of behavior, their likes and dislikes, and there are far fewer surprises. Some people might call this "boring."

For me, I see it as a comfortable familiarity. Yes, my partner's actions and reactions are much more predictable, but I don't need the excitement of not knowing what to expect when I come home. I prefer knowing what we will be doing after dinner, what time we will be going to bed, etc. I do plan things for my wife to surprise her, such as taking her out for dinner at her favorite restaurant, scheduling a sunset cruise to see the Christmas lights of St. Augustine from the water, planning a weekend getaway to Savannah, etc.

Six or seven years ago, I had a girlfriend with whom life was always exciting, and some of that excitement bordered on lunacy. I'm much happier with a fair amount of predictability in my life. How about you?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

They need "excitement"? Skydiving, wingsuit flying, extreme skiing... There are things one can do to add more excitement to their life. Seriously.

I agree, I think it's a comforting familiarity. I love the feeling of sitting in comfortable silence together, knowing it's because we don't need words to feel like we are home. I like listening to something together and catching his eye from across the room because we had the exact same thought about whatever it was. :D

There's a period in relationships where things settle down. Some people have a hard time with that because the rush is all they know. But if we persevere, there's a peaceful security and a depth that can't be found without the investment of time and continued application.

I will say that some people do stop investing once they are in the relationship, and in that context, there's a problem. If a man stops engaging with his wife once they are married and becomes a bump on a log, that's a problem. When a woman starts complaining all the time and isn't proactive, that's a problem. That version of boring is not good.

[OlderAndWiser]

My wife is Chinese. I do many things to make life interesting for her. At the moment, we are at a Chinese hot pot restaurant and she is in heaven. And she does things to make me happy

I understand that relationships require attention and effort. It’s an investment that pays nice dividends!

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@OlderAndWiser That's so cool. I love that you found someone who you have that connection with. It's very precious and rare.

[Nikki1989]

There is no such thing as boring, only boring people. Life (including relationships) is what you make of it.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the age-old debate of "boring" vs. "exciting" in relationships! You're absolutely speaking my language here. 🥰 Being in a long-term relationship can definitely shift from fireworks to a comforting campfire, and hey, there's nothing wrong with that! Familiarity can be the warm blanket we need, offering stability and trust. Excitement is like dessert; occasionally sweet but not the main course. You're doing great by adding those little surprises to keep the spark alive and vibrant. Predictability doesn’t have to mean mundane – it can be a beautiful dance of love and understanding! Keep enjoying those sunsets with your partner. 🌅❤️

[AviatorTom]

It's only biting if you let it become boring.

[CarolinaGirl5]

No it's not boring if you're with the right person. I'm not justifying cheating but I'm just going to give an example of why a man isn't exactly at fault in this instance.

Okay, on here I see a lot of post of women who claim to be in relationships but they are very clingy, don't have friends, don't have hobbies nor a life of their own so they expect the man to be their everything. I don't think that's fair and I don't think it's normal. I feel like that's a mental illness and selfish yet a lot of women won't be accountable for their pushy behavior. So in this instance it would make a long term relationship boring. You should always have a life outside of your relationship separate hobbies, friends and independence.

[OlderAndWiser]

And that is precisely why I encourage my wife to return to her hometown (80 miles away from us) to visit her friends, to take a month every year to return to China for visits with family and friends, and I also encourage her to develop new friends here in her new hometown. . . all independent of me. I trust her and I want her to have a satisfying life without me, so that our relationship is the "icing on the cake."

[Crimsyjo]

I'm worried about "boring" but also crave stability so I hope to have a partner that I open to making sure life isn't too boring. Because it's life not the relationship really. People who work, come home, watch tv, go bed... it's only boring relationship if one partner really wants to break that cycle and the other doesn't.

[strateguy632]

1, no. Because you only commit long term if you love each other, so happy to be around each other.

2, no excuse to cheat.

If someone decided to cheat, first break up beforehand. As bety wrote here.

[Joshydavid25]

I can get boring if you let it. Of course long term is not designed to be as exciting as when you first get together, but based on what I've heard there's plenty of ways to be comfortable while keeping the spark alive.

[sage2021]

I enjoy predictably and being able to live calm. If you are constantly being excited and surprised that would get old after a while and be worse than being bored.

[LazerBean]

Our day is never boring. I have always thought that people who get bored easily were probably never taught emotion regulation as children.

[jazzy34]

People get lazy and complacent in a relationships. That’s why the relationship gets “boring.” They allow it to become boring.

[Cat67]

Hello hello 👋 🤗 HELLO . I remember me well relationships for me that was easy BORING because remember I'm the one that gave up on it about 35 years ago give or take . SO FOR ME MORNING PHENOMENAL AND PERFECT

[Lowiu]

It might be seen as boring by some but I love it

[DJB72]

My wife could still surprise me after 21 years together. Not being able to keep one another on your toes is a sign of a lack of imagination

[Twalli]

It's more than possible to still have excitement in a long term relationship. Not every day will be like that, but you wouldn't like that any way.

[michalpl00]

Cheating is never acceptable if someone cheats because it’s boring. It’s because they are immature and they crave constant attention and validation. I’m not your entertainer. I’m not your puppet. I’m your partner and I’m gonna put an effort, but you’re also gonna do that if you want to be together with me it’s not just one-sided.

[exitseven]

It does lack surprises but it is not boring. It has been pretty nice so far.

[Bety23]

Any excuse to cheat if you don’t wanna be in a relationship then go

[DtMe89]

If there's no direction. I mean, we don't age backwards

[Emmytexrex]

The truth is sometimes it can be but you can spice it up

[Graptemys79]

I think "comfortable" is a better way to describe it.

[LunarEclipse433]

It can turn boring but it is up to the couple to keep it spicy

[slatyb]

Boring people are bored. Choose your partner carefully and don't settle. Find someone who makes you laugh.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you

[shades777]

Are no boring relationships just boring peope

[jimmy2]

All depends if it ever comes true

[paledreams]

I stay single ❤️✌🏻

[paledreams]

For that and more reasonings

[jahaims]

Nope

[Crazzyyworld]

playboys yes