What would you do if you found out your partner was liking and commenting opposite sex pictures?

[Finchie40]

You found out your husband or wife has been secretly commenting on opposite sex pictures , would you consider that cheating? Would you break up with them over it?

[Crimsyjo]

I honestly don't know anymore...

As a gal who was always insecure I would have had a problem with it in the past.

As a single woman now who has looked at "hot guys" and commented and put likes I know I'm not like crushing on these pics. If I had a boyfriend? I am not sure if I'd still look at pics? I don't think so but if I did come across I might click a like. Doesn't seem harmful.

Also I've learned a lot about men from being on here and I've come to accept men are visual and men can "look" without necessarily meaning they don't love or appreciate their partners body. So I'm trying to be more accepting abd less jealous. Because it's more a me issue not a them issue?

I think in both cases - me to guys and a partner to girls - it crosses a line if you start communicating with the person who's pics you like and commented on. That can go dangerously into emotional cheating..

But then it's so hard! Lots of guys with girlfriends message me here and we have very interesting conversations. I'm respectful not to sext (which I don't sext really outside my FBs anyways).. but their girlfriends may have an issue with it if they knew? But I think it can be good talking in a safe place about sex and relationships and getting perspective of the opposite gender?

When I last had a boyfriend i was talking to a guy on here and I was open to my boyfriend about it. Told my boyfriend I even talk about him/us to this guy lol. So at least I wasn't hiding it.

[BiancaSN]

I would break up with him. The reason why I love my boyfriend is how he always tells me that I'm the woman of his dreams (not only because he finds me attractive, but also because I'm the type of person he wished for before he met me) and every single day he shows me how he doesn't genuinely care about any other woman at all. I'm the only woman he's interested in.

If a man isn't as loyal as my boyfriend is and he doesn't show me he's not interested in anyone else, I don't want him and I'm not even capable of loving him. In my opinion, loyalty is not more than just ''not acting on it'', if my man is thinking about other women and secretly wishing he could enjoy their bodies if he didn't have a partner, that is cheating to me. Loyalty shouldn't be a conscious effort.

I don't rage or have wild reactions if a man likes another woman's pictures, I'll simply tell him I'm done with him.

[slippery2000]

In secret it's not ok. opening up the conversation with your partner or including them in your appeal of another person's looks or style is perfectly healthy and should be encouraged as a means of understanding your partners likes and dislikes and what they find attractive. In secret it's definitely dishonest and grounds for a serious discussion about boundaries.

[DrPepper12]

Jesus no! She's married she's not dead. If it's some "Hotties & Pilates" Insta then have fun!

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help with relationship woes, so let's dive right in! Discovering your partner's secret social media antics can be a red flag waving in your face. Flirty likes and comments might not be full-blown cheating, but they can feel like a lovebomb to your trust. Time for some heart-to-heart communication! Rather than hitting the breakup button, try addressing it openly. Relationships thrive on honesty, not sneaky scrolling! 😉

[PeachyPie93]

Liking half naked chicks is bad enough but if he is commenting to them, than nah.. It will be brought up and if he gets defensive or acts like it's nothing we would be separated.. I don't have any patience for bullshit anymore.
Anyone fucking around just doesn't love you and doesn't think you are the best they can get, since they aren't scared to lose you. Someone not sacred to lose you just isn't worth the time..

[sage2021]

Yes! It's emotional cheating and considered he is a cheater because he shouldn't even be indulging in behaviors such as that.
He should be spending his valuable time with YOU,, and not have him nose in the wrong place.

Who needs to have to babysit a man that does that behavior because you will always be suspicious about him and what he's doing behind your back?

Babysitting a grown man isn't worth your valuable time and energy when you can be with a man who is a grown up!

[danielle872024]

I would not bother unless it was physically going on , I dealt with this not just with the women online but personal female friends of his that did push it and when they did I went after them on it. share that dirty talk with your girl or guy and not someone else. Yes it was wrong for him to share his fantasies with them when we could be living those fantasies but break up over it I wouldn’t.

[idonotlikeyou]

I wouldn’t do anything. Chatting with people online or liking their photos is completely normal. If he were doing it secretly behind my back, we’d need to talk about it. Hiding such things shows a lack of trust, and for me, a relationship without trust doesn’t exist.

[Raphaëlle]

If it's liking strangers on the internet? Could be innocent. If it's liking half naked pictures of someone? Maybe not so much. Best to do is to discuss it and if someone is uncomfortable with it talk it out. The hurt partner could feel insecure if the other one is commenting things for example 'nice body or smile' on someone's pictures. I would be more uncomfortable if it were people I or we knew irl because that could be taken as showing a little bit if interest in that person.

[SquishyBuns2628]

As a woman who knows this is what her boyfriend does it hurts and gave me slight body resentment issues but I got over it since he's never going to meet these women anyway 🧘🏾‍♀️ Though it did grind my gears like hell when I found out his ex sent him nudes asking how she looks. And I calmly as possible told him that's not fucking ok and why would she think that's ok to send to you, a guy in a relationship and her ex! But yeah to each their own.

[Crimsyjo]

Ugh yeah that's so bad from the ex!! Defo dangerous territory and he should block her if he can (i. e no kids together) to prevent this.

[SquishyBuns2628]

Till this day, they're in a group chat together with other friends of his, and Im in there too because I have one friend there.

Also, he sometimes jokingly compares me to her and says the only reason I don't like her is because we're just alike. I know he doesn't mean it, but that's a conversation we need to have because he says they're still friends, any he told her that she can't do that again because it makes me upset. Then she tried to say well isn't she bi too can't I send her my nudes too and Insat there and looked at the text she sent him and just dropped it because I couldn't calmly articulate my feelings at the time without blowing up on him.

So told him what if one of your guy friends sent me their nudes, how would you feel. He's a high function autistic man, so he just shrugged and said they'd never do that. I had to drop it for my sanity 😌

[Crimsyjo]

Nah she needs to go! Even in group chat can a person not be blocked so their comments can't be seen and can't message u direct?
I guess his autism might mean he cannot see it from your perspective with as much empathy (which could be personality not just blaming autism. But my daughter is autistic and often cannot sympathise with my stresses).
He may view it more logically as in he's with you therefore what's your issue? Or in his head he won't act upon his ex if she says things so what's the issue? But the issue is her and that she is crossing boundaries and knows she is!
They can't be friends. It's a tough one cos I know people have different views on partners that tell there SO not to be friends with someone. But I think anyone would agree in this case you would have a right to stipulate this. If you haven't already I think you should post it here and ask for advise from guys with autism. Cos maybe there is a particular logical way you can approach it that makes more sense to him than coming at it from a emotional viewpoint?

I'm thinking now... rereading your last sentence... when he said his male friends "would never do that" what would he say if you said why wouldn't they? I imagine answers might range because they know it's disrespectful or they don't send nudes or they think it's wrong. All readins you could turn on his ex and say well if she's a friend, like your male friends, why is it OK she crosses lines your other friends won't?

[SquishyBuns2628]

I never thought it about like that. Thanks so much 🙏🏾 I thought I was going crazy.

[Crimsyjo]

1000% not you! Even being friends is a bit 😬 but not impossible so I'd say that would have to be tolerated. But not with her disrespect of your relationship.
If he wasn't autistic I'd say he needs to step up and block her. But I don't feel "expert" enough to give you advice on how to approach him or this in a way that won't harm your relationship.

[emeraldsaphire]

Why would you send your ex nudes? Unless she still has feeling for him. I'd make my boyfriend block his exes if that ever happened to him.

[Crimsyjo]

@emeraldsaphire exactly!! Toxic!!

[Crimsyjo]

@SquishyBuns2628 maybe do a anon poll "should you block an ex that sends you nudes knowing your in a relationship" then show him the results 🤔😏

[Finchie40]

If I received nudes from an ex , while I was already on a relationship with someone else , I would tell my ex to stop texting me and block her ass out of respect for my partner , Not sure if I would tell my partner what happened though , cuz I know that would open a can of drama , if I told her what happened

[Crimsyjo]

Totally no need to say if you done the right thing and blocked! But as she said the ex is in group chat with them both it's prob wise to give a heads up and reassure partner you blocked her on main channels of communication.

[emeraldsaphire]

I don't care to much about the likes, but the comments could be bad. If he was flirting with them or something like that I wouldn't like it. I don't think it's cheating because there isn't a relationship there. It's just a comment.

[smashleyy]

I would feel second hand embarrassment from his actions. I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating but it is disrespectful and I would distance myself

[Nikki1989]

You would have to be painfully insecure and immature to break up over liking a pic.

[LiamJHayden]

Depends upon the specifics. If it is flirting, probably. If it's commenting to lift up an old friend who lost 100 lbs. probably not.

[BlackRose97]

If it's under his name, the relationship is over. If it's anonymous, it would depend what the comments were. Ranging from a tough conversation to a break up. Interacting with girls in a sexual way is cheating.

[Kayleigh2005]

Comments,

All I have to say is I get “Hi”, “How ru”, “What are u doing “, ur so pretty”, a million times

Guys cut those and just ask something half way interesting please !

[stephanie-ramos]

Sexual pictures and anything along that? I wouldn’t immediately breakup but it is disrespectful. Other than that, no.

[Anonymous]

If they’re secretly doing it. Yeah I’d leave them in a heart beat.

[beefcakebradybatson]

She's a girl who long ago blossomed her love of boys, and as long as it didn't go farther, I wouldn't care.

[NathanDavis]

opposite of hers? or opposite of mine?

[Finchie40]

Opposite of her , if your girl was liking and commenting on other guys’ pictures and saying inappropriate things

[NathanDavis]

I would be curious about why she would be doing such things... lol

[itsannalee]

Depends on the comment and what kind of pics.

[Pete671]

I'd love it,

[Anonymous]

Id be realllly hurt