What would you do if you saw a comment on a spouses phone where they commented to a friend how hot some other person is?

[Anonymous]

It could be through an app, text etc.

How disrespectful is that if it was a private conversation that you happened to witness that?

[Lliam]

First, I wouldn't be scrolling though my wife's phone.

But if I did see a comment, my reaction would depend on what the conversation was about and the context of the comment.
And if I was concerned, I would ask her.

The thing is, though, if you don't trust your spouse and are suspicious, you shouldn't even be married.

I, generally think it's totally normal to acknowledge if someone is hot. It doesn't imply that you would want to cheat or leave your partner for them.

I think it would be dishonest to not acknowledge that a sexy person was hot. Does doing so imply that you are dissatisfied with your partner? Is that what idiots call "emotional cheating"?

It would be a big red flag if my partner got jealous whenever I noticed a sexy woman.

People who think you are never supposed to look at anyone but them ever again are mentally ill. Their immaturity and insecurity is toxic.

People can admire landscapes, sunsets, flowers, baby animals, and beautiful art. Why wouldn't they be allowed to admire the beauty of the human form?

My wife sometimes points them out to me. It often has to do with their clothing. Like she might nudge me to call attention to a woman displaying impressive melons in a low-cut blouse and push up bra. Or a woman with great legs and amazing ass in a short, tight skirt. Or the profile of a woman with bouncy tits walking past.

We used to go to Venice Beach in SoCal. When a girl with a great figure in a tiny bikini would skate by on the board walk, we would both watch and then turn as she passed to watch her sashaying ass.

One time, we stopped at a frozen yogurt place near a lake. There were four young people ahead of us. One of the girls was wearing a beach cover that only covered the top half of her ass. She must have been wearing a thong, because the bottom half of her ass was completely naked. It was a particularly plump, round, bouncy, white ass.
My wife and I looked at each other wide-eyed.
Since nobody was behind us, I reached out and motioned like I was grabbing a handful of that soft, squishy goodness.
My wife and I both laughed silently.

There are celebrities that we both think are hot. But it's all in fun. We adore each other and are completely loyal.

[AviatorTom]

I'd do nothing. She can think, and say, whatever she wants about others, hot or not. She's with me and we have a strong relationship.

It's been said many times... there's nothing wrong with looking.

[DishLady]

Use the rules of baseball — three strikes and you're out.


First of all, the person texting needs to get a clue. Guys see something hot and think "WOW THAT'S HOT" and then stew on it all day… then it pops back in to their heads (top and bottom) at random points in time for eternity. Girls know this. It's on the girl to be sensible enough not to do this to a guy who she knows is in a relationship.


If no one knows that the guy is in a relationship — including Ms. Text-me-how-hot-i-am 2024 — then that's on the guy for being a creep and not being up front about his bachelor status.


If you're the girlfriend/SO of this person. Tell him up front that it bothered you. If the texting persists to three times after your conversation, then "Bye Bye Birdie." If the texts stop — either because he spoke with the girl or because he blocked her, etc. — then don't make yourself crazy with jealous afterthoughts, don't harp on it, etc. Nobody is perfect.


NOTE: Some guys whine to the Ms. Text about how their evil wife/girlfriend/SO "doesn't want them texting anymore" and in doing this garners attention for himself and bad juju for you, so try to know before you hook yourself to some rando the kind of person he is in terms of his dignity and respect for you and for himself.

[milknhoneyy]

I mean I don't go through his phone to begin with, but also idc. Some other people are hot. That's life. 🤷🏼‍♀️ But at the end of the day he comes home to me and makes me feel like the only woman to ever exist.

I really can't imagine letting myself be bothered about my partner noticing someone else's attractiveness. I, too, have eyes and can see when another person is hot. So what?

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't care if a guy thinks Tina Turner or Hailey Bieber is hot cause it's a fantasy and not a lifestyle. If a guy thinks his co worker is hot, that's a different story.

[Flatmanlewis]

Depends. An “abstract person” like an actor or famous celebrity? I probably wouldn’t care at all. I think a celebrity crush is pretty harmless.


If is was a friend or coworker we may have some issues.


God forbid she text him direct. That would be a war.

[Papisongo]

The bigger question is why would you be scrolling through a spouses phone in the first place? Texts are easily taken out of context, and someone opining, or simply agreeing with another’s assessment of someone being “hot” is far less a betrayal than snooping on a trusted partner’s phone is. If you feel you need to snoop, your relationship has bigger problems than him/her thinking someone else is “hot” 🤷‍♂️

[wiltingrosepetal]

Men are sexual beings, there's no stopping that. His eyes are going to wander. I guess it depends on what he said - how much detail, how disrespectful it got, etc. But if he literally just said "they're hot", I don't see the harm. I'm the one dating him, after-all

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be with him anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that a man can find another woman aside from his girlfriend or wife attractive, we are human beings. But to be having conversations with friends about how attractive other women are is where the line gets drawn. That’s stuff you talk about as single men, bachelors, whatever.

[Asker]

So even with your friends you never bring up how hot someone is casually with no intention of cheating? We all find others attractive, we’re human.

[Opinion Owner]

As a single person I definitely did but now that I’m in a relationship, I have an entirely different view. I can acknowledge with myself that I find another man attractive, but I don’t need to openly discuss that with my friends. A lot of times when guys who are in relationships do this, it’s because their friends are single and they’re too concerned with trying to keep up with them. It’s like they don’t wanna fully let go of the bachelor life, a part of them still wants to be connected to it. I think if a man is super content in his relationship and has prioritized his girlfriend/wife over his friends, he won’t even care to have those conversations with them anymore, and the same thing can be said about women with their female friends. It’s about maturity and respect that you just aren’t going to have in any other romantic relationship than the one you’re most serious about.

[lorenzomichael]

I’m not insecure. I wouldn’t give a shit because you don’t know how many times I text my friends. Telling him how hot the girl was. I don’t have time for that shit. Life’s too short my chick can check out guys don’t give a fuck. As long as that’s all she does. I check out all kinds of chicks daily I’m not fucking them. So like the Joker said “why so serious”?

[DrPepper12]

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. She's my wife, she's not dead. Anyone should be able to observe that another is hot without guilt or judgement or anger from spouse. Jealousy is an emotion I simply do not understand.

[Purpleronnie]

I don’t think I’d really be bothered , my girl has passed comment a few times like that in front of me and when we have company. She is allowed to think that people are attractive and so am I

[whiskeyontherocks]

Well I’m ugly so I have excepted the fact that other are hotter and I’m not insecure so it would not be upsetting.
I’d definitely bring it up the next time she rejects me. Context would play a bigger part in the whole situation for sure.

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 well the girls that aren’t in a relationship I don’t have an issue with them talking about guys they are dating…although some stuff like dick size and other info of that nature should not be disclosed ever…

[Caroline91]

Okay, you are in mixed company here... lol. You realize that you are saying that girls can only talk about guys they are dating, right? I agree on the personal stats and the same goes for guys talking about girls. We do mostly talk about the guys we're in a relationship with, even just dating. Some girls can get pretty graphic. I. have always walked away whenever that happened. I'm not interested. In my group of friends it was more generic, but we did touch on, for instance if there was a picture of someone, whether we liked his hair or eyes or just, in general thought he was cute/hot. But like I said, *hot* has a different meaning to women than it does to men. You know what we don't do? (at least my friends) ... We don't compare our guys to anyone else. If you love or care for a guy, you don't compare him to others, you see him for himself and love him for being who he is. Like I said, I married my husband bc of who he is.

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 what I meant by dating as in not exclusive, not boyfriend/girlfriend yet. What do you mean by they can get pretty graphic?

[Caroline91]

I'm not going to describe graphic here.

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 what I mean is what kinda of things do you mean by graphic, not the exact specifics? Like did the girls compare dick sizes? That sort of thing?

[Caroline91]

That would be describing graphic and I don't want to do that in a public space. Again, you are in mixed company (me = a female, who does happen to have a degree of class)

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 alright, fair enough, though you are implying your also FEMALE friends would say stuff like that so it’s not a gender thing if that’s the case…

[Caroline91]

Also, as my husband and I have absolute transparency in our marriage, we have the passwords to all of each others' accounts. He is on a foreign assignment at the moment and one of the ways we stay in touch is to read and discuss stuff on our individual social media sites. I would be mortified to have him think I was putting stuff out there is public that neither of us views as appropriate for public discussion (to husband: Right, Babe?)

[Caroline91]

No, I am not implying that my female friends do or would say stuff like that. Go back and look at what I said. I said, while it is not the norm, I have heard it happen and that I leave when I hear it and that those are not the kind of women I spend my time with. In fact, I think it is crass and I want nothing to do with it. It is largely a gender thing but, unfortunately, the current phase of women's lib seems to have a lot of women who subscribe to the idea that women can be as crass as what we have always complained about men doing. And before men start jumping all over this, in no way do I believe that all men talk like that. I believe the majority of men are far more respectful than that. They don't want their, wives/daughters/sisters spoken of that way and tend to understand that should extend to all women. But then, there are other men who aren't that way and it has, traditionally been men, not women who do it.

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 again I wasn’t asking you to discuss specifics…I was more annoyed that you said because you are a woman that implies that you have more class than a man and yet are insinuating that men discuss more physical things than women despite saying that some women you’ve hung around discuss very graphic things…

[Caroline91]

I am NOT implying that I have more class than a man. That is an entirely individual thing. I am NOT *insinuating* that men discuss more physical things than women -- I am STATING that they do tend to do that. I said I do NOT hang around women who do that. I truly am sorry you're getting annoyed. I'm glad you are able to express that. I am happy to have a discussion if it in some way helps with understanding. If you were a friend visiting with my husband and me in our home, and wanted to talk about this, I'm sure we would both be glad to do that with you. It seems apparent that you have an interest in exploring the subject. I think women and men can do a lot to help each other understand the other gender and that just makes the world a better place. I believe you are trying to be respectful of me inspite of appearing to be frustrated at the same time. If you have questions, I'm happy to help to the degree I am able, but I would like you to understand that out of respect for myself and my husband that there are just some things I don't feel are appropriate for me to discuss in a public forum.

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 I missed your second message, sorry I had assumed your friends were the ones discussing graphic content about guys they were dating, not just some random women…historically, I agree that men are more physically oriented than women, but in the past couple decades…I’d actually argue that women, at least on social media, care more about physical stuff like height, d size, baldness, etc than men care about butt or boob size. At least from the sheer amount of dating app profiles I’ve seen that suggest that.

[Caroline91]

Interesting question... I'm not touching this one with a 10' pole!

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 why, you’ve done that before lol?

[Caroline91]

@JHAYES317 Never. I'm not stupid enough to do that on my phone. But when the girls get together w/o the guys around we talk, too. We aren't necessarily as lewd as guys often get -- I heard a lot of stuff when my big brother and his friends didn't know I was around -- but we do comment. And laugh, mostly at ourselves, bc we're salivating, We all get red faced and have to start fanning ourselves. But my husband is the only one I ever want to touch.. There's not another man that can compare to him in my eyes :)

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 that’s kind of messed up though, thirsting over other men when y’all are in relationships?

[Caroline91]

@JHAYES317 First, let me clarify something that I should have mentioned. As a man, you're probably thinking it's all about the physical. For women, it's isn't so much about how a man looks as it is about actions and behaviors that affect us. It is often characters in books or screen plays. I'm not looking at someone other then my husband and undressing him in my imagination. If a woman is thinking in that way, then there are most likely real problems in her relationship that she needs to address When a woman thinks a man is *hot* she doesn't necessarily mean it in the way a man thinks about a woman who he thinks is *hot*. We think differently, as I'm sure you know. So, you can't interpret it from the way you, as a man, think. I think women also need to not expect men to never look. You can't fault a man for doing what he is hardwired to do. But, you sure can fault him for not being subtle about it. Anything else in my opinion is disrespectful both to his partner as well as to the woman he is checking out. But, believe me, women are aware you guys talk among yourselves. Some men are lewd about it and others are more restrained, but they talk. So, bottom line, if I understand you, is that you don't think women should notice other men if they are in a relationship? What's your take on men noticing other women?

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 you can notice other men, but you shouldn’t be blabbing about it to your friends about how hot they are…

[Caroline91]

@JHAYES317 Okay, so I'm trying to understand your viewpoint. Why do you think we shouldn't talk with our closest friends about it? And are you telling me men aren't talking about some women they see? Are you ok with that? Just really curious...

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 men talk about girls they are currently DATING sure in terms of hotness, but once they are boyfriend/girlfriend, they might complain about them to their buds…but they would never tell their buds that another girl was hotter than their girlfriend.

[Caroline91]

Okay, so this is going to be a bit long and I don't intend to be preachy, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. Since I was picking up on what sounds like some insecurities and you sound on the young side, I looked up your profile. It seems like you are putting in the effort to work a lot of stuff out in your head, which is a good thing. One thing I would like to comment on is that the 20s is the decade we really come into our own as adults and it is not an easy decade! Depending on how you resolve your internal conflicts with these kinds of important relationship issues will determine your potential for having a successful and happy relationship in the long-term. One thing that is good to understand is that men and women are hardwired differently, mostly because of the differences in hormones and, as a result, we think very, very differently. in my opinion, both genders need to learn as much as possible about how the other thinks. Women need to not blame men for thinking like men and vice versa. There are good books out there on the subject. I have been married to an amazing man since I was 22. He is 15 years older than me so was already 37 when we were married. He is a man who has a wonderful understanding of woman, grew up with sisters and has always had numerous female friends, along with his guy pals. He is a very confident man and I am the woman he is in love with. He dedicates himself to me and to our children 100%. (continued)

[Caroline91]

I am certain, if it came down to it that he would die protecting us. I am a woman who is equally dedicated to my man and to our children. He has made me promise that if we are ever in a bad situation that I will take the children and run for safety. That is my job. His is to hold things back so that we can get away. Hopefully, things never come to that, but it applies metaphorically, too. This man has enough confidence that I can even say to him that I like Ryan Gosling's abs a lot and it will never make him jealous. He most likely would laugh and chase me around the room demanding to know how much I like his abs. He can tell me how much he thinks Taylor Swift is cute as a bug and I could care less. I might even tease him about it and he'll actually blush. I don't give anyone, not even best friends any details about our intimate life together, nor does he share those private things with anyone else. That is between us, and us alone. And it is sacred to us. What we have, and we both know it, is absolute trust in the other that there will be no emotional or physical infidelity. Ever. I have his back, always, and he guards the marital fort. I love this man so much that I know, if he passes before me, I will never be with another man. He is it for me. So, my wish for you is that you develop the skills and self-confidence you will need to be successful in all areas of your life. The fact that you are thinking about things is a really good thing. A lot of people in their 20s just don't think rationally. Give yourself some grace and keep mulling things over :)

[JHAYES317]

@Caroline91 why did you go for a man so much older than you?

[Caroline91]

@JHAYES317 I didn't say we said anyone was ^hotter* than our partners. And not everyone in the friend group is in a relationship. I think it's important not to read things into something bc that can change what the other person was trying to say into something different in your head. So, is this opinion of yours based on actual experience or is it an idealized version? It kind of sounds that that's how you feel it should be, but having heard some of the stuff my brother's friends said, I don't think all guys do that, although I'm sure some do. I was writing the following before this, but it took a long time, so here goes...

[Caroline91]

@JHAYES317 Because of who he is.

[Nikki1989]

I wouldn't care. I am not that petty or insecure.

[serious_miss419]

Always follow your gut feeling on something - even if it doesn’t pan out.


What’s wrong is wrong.

[LazyDork]

I don't find it disrespectful. I'd be turned on by it.

[AryanWarlord]

Perhaps I’d be overreacting but I would not trust nor wanna be with that person anymore and would’ve left them right then and there.
Seeing a comment like that would personally break my heart.

[Iron_Man]

That would be very upsetting and my trust level would drop

[Starrrboy]

Me : she's probably just goofing around, right? ..

My inner voice : LEAVE HER! 🤣

[JacobJordan]

Simple they would be single