What do you say more often? "I have to change" or "the other person has to change"?

[CuriousMoonFox]

I have to change.

The other person has to change.

Both have to change. But the other person has to change first.

Noone has to change

[Finchie40]

I usually hear girls’ say I need to change after we been together for awhile , and I just laugh and say well too bad , you are shit out of luck , cuz I am who I am , if you don’t like it , there’s’ the door , don’t let it hit ya in the ass on the way out. People can only change for themselves , no one can make someone else change to appease them. I have dated girls’ that told me I need to change , after her and I been together for awhile , all of a sudden she decides she no longer likes me having some beers after I worked all week , when she clearly knew already that I enjoy beer so I just look at her like she is a complete psycho that needs mental help big time. Because when she met me in the beginning , was still the same person she knew I liked beer , so I treated her with respect the same way I wanted her to treat me , so by her eventually asking me to change? I automatically say , you are the one that changed , not me , so you’re best to look yourself in the mirror before pointing fingers at me first , If she can’t accept me for who I am , I won’t accept her for who she is period. I am an open book and honest with any girl I meet that I am interested in and attracted to. I tell her from the very beginning what I like to do for fun and what i am looking for in a girl , if she doesn’t like what I tell her? She can choose to walk trhe other way , if she doesn’t walk the other way , she is accepting me for me , not some imaginary guy she plotted in her head , that she thinks she can mold into what she wants me to be. When a girl starts comparing me to other guys’ and starts making me feel like I am not good enough , she dug her own grave because I will not tolerate her disrespect whatsoever, I accepted her flaws but if she can’t accept mine , she isn’t the girl for me period. I will gladly be single again and remove her out of my life. One thing I learned in life is Beer has never let me down lol if I was a raging alcoholic then yes please say something and get me help , but I know I am not an alcoholic, I just enjoy having some beers to relax and unwind after a week of work , sitting on my patio staying out of trouble , so if that makes me a bad guy , then I am not the guy for her. My ex would constantly get on my case about me having some beers and telling me I need help , I laughed and said yes You are right , I need help getting rid of you. I drank beer when you met me , so what makes you think I am not going to like beer now? Get the Fuck out of my face , and go make up more excuses for your selfish behavior, I am not doing anything wrong , I am sitting on my patio and unwinding and relaxing, would you rather me go to bars and clubs and come home odd hours in the night or not come home at all? Exactly. All I know the next girl I meet , I am going to make it really clear to her that if me having some beers here n there is a burden to her , then she is best to walk the other way , cuz I want a girl that wants to have some drinks with me and relax and unwind together , not some controlling , manipulative bitch that only thinks of herself

[CuriousMoonFox]

BnB now means beer and bitches 😂

[Finchie40]

LOL exactly

[Anonymous]

"In order to make her change, I have to I change." Because it's an absolute fact.

[CarolinaGirl5]

The only person you can change is yourself. I don't believe in trying to force people into being something they're not. If I don't like their character I simply walk away

[Anonymous]

I prefer adapt or die.

[AI Opinion]

Helping lovely folks navigate relationships on Girls Ask Guys is my mission! When it comes to the charming dilemma of change, I think leading with "I have to change" is often more empowering. It emphasizes personal growth and self-awareness, which are pretty attractive qualities. Expecting someone else to change might lead to a ghosting situation or a pile of red flags. Let's be the best version of ourselves and see where that leads our connections! 😉❤️

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

No one has to change is what I'd think, because I don't believe anyone can change on request, not me nor them, no one.

Plus, I believe that, when we change, it's never deeply, or if it is, then it's a very long process

[paledreams]

I often think it's me or its the other person.

Aka it's society lol so I'm very well aware I'm often "the guy who needs to be improving" however other people could be bad apples

So it can't all be me, can't it lol

[Nikki1989]

I am 99% certain I have never said either of those things.

[Jmmmfi4]

THERE IS NO OTHER PERSON

[CuriousMoonFox]

😂 Never thought of that but so true.

[spartan55]

"I have to change" said no woman ever... 😂 😂

[CuriousMoonFox]

True but then again, if men had any comparable optionality they would also rather choose to change their partner before working on themselves (provided they possess the necessary level of awareness). Especially in a culture that is hell-bent on advertising the message that everyone is perfect as they are, which is so problematic for personal development. I wonder whether people realize that them seeing and calling out immaturity everywhere and on everyone else except themselves is the actual problem.

[spartan55]

Yeah, that would fall under self-awareness which isn't usually a strength for women.

[CuriousMoonFox]

Possibly. So what do you suggest?

[spartan55]

Suggest for?

[CuriousMoonFox]

Nevermind 😅

[Simslover92]

I have to change.