She Works, He’s a Freelancer at Home: Who Should Do More Chores?

[MzAsh]

She works full-time and he’s a freelancer working from home. They share the bills equally, but she does most of the housework because he says his flexible job doesn’t mean he has more free time. Should he take on more of the house chores?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

My question is always this: What would he be doing if she wasn't around? That's the solution. If he lived alone, he'd have to do his own laundry, dishes (eventually), cooking, some cleaning (or hire someone), etc.

I think that some things should simply be hired out if both work. It puts real money into the equation and helps articulate the true value of the work being done. If I were her, I just say we need to budget someone to do XYZ, because I need downtime to destress and recharge. The cost of hiring someone is usually a good wakeup call for guys who don't fully grasp the work involved in maintaining a household.

[blueonblack22]

You got a good point in the first paragraph. But just because he’s working from doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a real job to do that needs commitment.

I work remotely and it’s definitely still a full time job.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@blueonblack22 That's very true. I agree that freelancing usually requires more of a time investment than a normal job due to the business management aspect (record-keeping, invoicing, etc.) I think there should be a discussion evaluating if the freelance work is currently a financial contribution, or if it's a start-up type thing where there is a great deal of time involved at first with little return initially. It would definitely be good to clarify the perimeters and goals of the freelance aspect, and if certain benchmarks are being met. If not, that needs to be somewhat defined. Thanks for the feedback!

[blueonblack22]

I just didn’t like the tone MzAsh had about the guy who works from home. It sounded (semi) judgmental. Like he’s a (semi) deadbeat and doesn’t work a real job or something.

[MzAsh]

What tone? I’m an on and off again freelancer myself.

[MzAsh]

Oh and this is a hypothetical, not based on a real situation by the way

[blueonblack22]

@MzAsh sorry about the bad assumption there.

I just had some bad past experiences with a few women judging me about working from home when I was younger (I’ve even doing online freelance work since the mid 2000s). It’s changed nowadays. Especially after the pandemic. But in the past I had some women judge me like I didn’t have a “real job”. But in reality I make more money then all these women.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@blueonblack22 I get you; it does depend a lot on the person. Freelancing is such a broad definition, too; it can seem like a gig or gimmick type of occupation, although it often isn't. Also, like you said, post-Covid "work from home" has gained some level of credibility and even desirability, so that might be a better description.

I think in this hypothetical situation, a guy (or gal) does have to keep real life in mind, though, especially with a work-from-home career or business. I think it takes more discipline and time management skills to be able to pull it off in a balanced way, honestly. Setting boundaries between work and home life/tasks seems like it would take some serious intentionality. Given the description, I wanted to stress that in my opinion, both guy or gal has responsibilities, working from home or not, single or partnered. It's another case of communication and balance that can be tricky to maneuver.

[blueonblack22]

Just because you work at home doe you still have a full time legitimate job and there is real work that’s needs to be done.

He can definitely help out with chores and repairs that require him to be present. For example of there is a plumbing or electrical issue that requires a contractor to come into the house he should obviously be around for that.

But you have to respect the fact that even though he is home he is still working and making money to support them both. He’s not a “home maker”.

There is an old school psychological judgment that people who work from home don’t have real careers. That’s changing with how many people work remote nowadays.

[Finchie40]

They should split it 50/50 , and work as a team and not against each other , if they can’t compromise and work together as a team, then the both of them should sit down together and figure out a game plan to split the chores evenly , so they can stop arguing with each other. If they can’t compromise , then the arguing will never end

[midnightmoon05]

Neither should be wasting time doing chores to such extensive.
pointing fingers at who should do more is also a recipe for resentment. Nothing is 50/50… or should be 90/10 or 80/20… generally, it should look more like 60/40 ish…

Since both spouses working full time … set a budget to get chores done…. We didn’t go to college to become a cleaning lady.

[Summeroflove]

It depends look working from home is still working and a relationship shouldn’t be one sided. If they’re both working and everything but she’s doing more work. Then it seems he’s making excuses so he doesn’t have to do what he doesn’t want to

[OlderAndWiser]

They should share the chores equally unless one of them has a physical limitation that impacts their ability to do household chores.

[Jessica405]

You are sharing life, so share everything. Chores and all!

[AviatorTom]

Chores should be shared, not necessarily 50-50, but whatever the couple decides.

[LiamJHayden]

It depends. I own my company and "work" from home four of five days, and the other day I just go in to run payroll and sign the checks. My "work" at home generally consists of doing the settings for projects and waiting till they complete. I live alone, but if I had a girlfriend/wife and she worked outside the home I'd do almost all of the housework because my job is not taxing.

If instead I were a freelance mechanic who was working on vehicles from sunup to sundown, a different dynamic would exist.

[lilBigPotato]

It should be shared and if someone has a lot more time, then they should try to use that time to help out a bit more in the household.

I can't comment on this case, maybe he's saying the truth, maybe not. So impossible to say what he should do. Freelancing can mean that you can have more flexibility and more time, but it can also mean that you work your ass off all day every day and struggle to make a decent income

[SixFootSexy]

They should divide chores based on who hates what. No chores are "enjoyable" but I would rather take out the trash than do laundry or clean the toilet for example.

Robots will take over all our jobs in the next 10ish years, so might as well start saving for that. Since nobody is having kids, we need robots who can do the mundane tasks.

[Unit1]

50-50 is the way for me. Or close enough to that. depends who is less overworked.

If both are overworked, the cleaning companies are there.

[genericname85]

i'd simply look at what budget the both of you need and then look who contributes more to that budget. the one who contributes less should probably be doing more of the chores and if possible reduce their work hours a little in return if possible to make it less of a burden.

[kaucky1]

Oh already too many properties Victorian houses some fixer uppers orchards gold a very simple thing to make and supernatural drugs even like project power melting metals weed growing even winter plutonium keeps it warm ETERNIUM constantly flows whatever kind constant weed smoke bong water is already purified ether makes leaves breathe leaf can still grow in container floating glaudio wash and dry dishes from other room

[HighValue]

How many hours does he work per week on average?

If they work the same amount of hours and contribute equally to financial expenses, they should share the chores, including the outside chores.

[DarkCarousel]

Share the workload. The freelancing may seem more flexible but when I freelanced, I had to set specific hours for myself to get things done. Either way, both are working. Share the workload.

[NewWaves]

Oh I've been there. On the freelance side. And I agree. Working from home doesn't mean more free time.

[Tarifa]

Exactly. Working freelance means you're in charge of your own work schedule, but hours can be long. Most importantly, I have the feeling that I never finish. There's always something to do, to take care of, to finish for next Monday...

That being said, chores should be done equally, whenever possible.

[NewWaves]

@Tarifa agreed. It should still fit into the schedule, just as it would when not working from home.

[Flower7]

To solve this issue, they should both start doing an equal amount of chores.

[4ngelic]

yea, in this case his wife shouldn't do most of the chores. they should split them 50/50

[David5668]

One of the many bones of contention that led to my separation. Just because I worked from home meant that that the piss could be taken out of me. There still needs to get a fair division of labour.

[Fireguy17]

just do whatever needs to be done and stop keeping score.
You are an adult, not a little kid.

[WhitneySnow]

I think he should do more chores, or at the very least they should split them equally

[slatyb]

She should not be doing most. They both have jobs and should divide the chores or hire someone.

[Grond21]

They should both work it out where it fits best for their marriage, taking into account duties and each other's temperament

[exitseven]

He should do more. He probably spends half the day playing video games.

[WowGIrl4ever]

You serious lol

[Jennz6]

If he doesn’t have time, she should take care of the house chores as well. Maybe he can help.

[Wiredone]

They should be divided equally between the two of them.

[TallAnon]

Whatever they agree on, people can decide these things together.

[red-lipstick-girl]

A man should do housework if he doesn't work.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m sure he can work in one or two at home

[bowenw]

Have him pay for a housekeeper.

[douride2]

The chores should be shared.

[the29thhuman]

Are they not adults?

[the29thhuman]

A free lance person needs to be with a free lance person