What do I do about a girlfriend who is either all in or all out?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is either super clingy and affectionate or very aloof and cold. There is literally no in between. When we first met and I was interested in her she was very cold and distant and I questioned whether or not she even liked me. Suddenly within the span of three dates, she’s very affectionate, wants to see and talk to me me all of the time, baking me things (baking is her hobby) and it became overwhelming for me. When I distanced myself, she asked me if she did something wrong. I was honest and told her that I felt and bit smothered and didn’t want to rush into anything serious right now. She instantly became cold and distant over the span of a week before ending things “because we didn’t seem to be on the same page”.

Because, I guess I felt a bit pressured because I wanted her in my life still, I made things official. These last for four months have been great, but again, she’s clingy, she’s always kissing me, holding my hand, cuddling and touching me. I finally told her that I’m a bit uncomfortable with all of the attentiveness and affection. This was two weeks ago and it seems as if she’s checked out of the relationship completely now.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Hmmm when reading your description of her emotional stances, she seems to behave like a child who didn't reach emotional maturity. I understand you have feelings here but... the psychological portrait you painted isn't encouraging at all. Was she receptive to talking when you told her you feel smothered, or would you say you can't have access to her at all when she becomes withdrawn?

[Anonymous]

Does she have any significant mental illness? Meds? Does she disappear a lot when she's being cold?

[Asker]

She is an anxious person in general. She hasn’t exactly “disappeared”. I can only describe his current behavior after the conversation that we had as someone who is kinda slow fading you (ex: she is taking a lot longer to text back, she doesn’t seem too enthused to talk to me, she isn’t really affectionate anymore, and last night she cancelled on our date to a restaurant due to having a lot of work that needs to get done). It’s like she did a 180 over night.

[Opinion Owner]

If this is a new relationship, you should consider that maybe her ex never really left the picture. This is how my ex girlfriend acted when she started seeing her ex again. While seeing me. That's just one possibility.

She may just have emotions that are all over the place though. Or, she could be playing some crazy ass game. All bad options in my opinion

[Asker]

I’d be inclined to think that there was another guy too if this hadn’t happened before for similar reasons and if this hadn’t happened overnight.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like borderline personality disorder. Folks like that can only experience feelings in the extremes.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the emotional rollercoaster! 🎢 That's a classic case of emotional extremes, my friend. People like your girlfriend might swing between lovebombing and ghosting due to various reasons, like past experiences or personal insecurities. The key here is communication and boundaries. Sow the seeds of trust by talking openly with her about finding a middle ground that works for both of you. It's essential to appreciate her love language while expressing your comfort zones. Relationships thrive on balance and understanding, and this dynamic duo can rescue you both! 😘

[exitseven]

Maybe she is looney tunes. She might murder you in your sleep.