My best friend can be a bit harsh when I vent to her. Should I just keep things to myself?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been having issues with my boyfriend over about two years. He cheated on me and I feel like he’s not really pulling his weight in the relationship. He lost his job a few months back and he asks to borrow money often.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this except for my best friend “Maddie”. Maddie has been my best friend since college. Maddie is a sweetheart, but she can be blunt. Whenever, I tell Maddie about my relationship issues, she seems to put my boyfriend down. She says things like “you’re too good for some loser lives with his mom and can’t keep a job”, “why do you keep putting up with this asshole who can’t keep his dick in his pants when there are plenty of men who could treat you better”, etc.

Should I just keep things to myself?

[Anonymous]

No I say keep her. Look at it from a neutral stance. Is what she saying right? That’s the big difference between men and women. Men are usually blunt, which is in my opinion how it should be. Women tend to lie to each other. So when men are blunt women call us mean. A lot of times women who go to therapist usually have a female therapist. Most times those therapist have issues too that’s why they got into that profession. They tend to lie to theirselves as well as other women. I think if you want an honest answer ask a man to be blunt w you. I think women give each other the worst dating advice among other things. But if she’s more like a man as far as being honest then keep her.

[Asker]

My boyfriend says that Maddie is a miserable people who is just unhappy because she’s single.

[Opinion Owner]

Which could be true. But is what she saying about your boyfriend true?

[Asker]

He seems apologetic about the fact that he cheated on me. He said that he felt a bit neglected because I work full time in addition to being in grad school, so he sought attention from other women. He says that he can’t keep a job because he is still trying figure out what he wants to do.

[Opinion Owner]

Just because you can’t figure out what you want to do w your life at this moment doesn’t mean you should t have a job. Especially if he’s about your age. He just doesn’t want to work is what it sounds like. When will he figure this out? 5-10 years from now? A man, if he’s a man will take whatever job he can to take care of his family, even if he just has a girlfriend or wife for the time being. He will do whatever necessary till he moves onto something bigger. I’ve always told my son who just turned 18 that you may not know what you want to done your life right now but that’s fine so long as you’re working. I said I’m not telling you to hop from job-to-job, but to stick w something for a year or two, then if you want to move on do so. I said you never know the next job you take may be what you realize you really like doing. Your boyfriend isn’t even doing something to narrow it down to what he wants to do. Maybe he wouldn’t have felt so “neglected” if he was actually working, trying to make a better life for the two of you.

[Anonymous]

It's not helpful or fair to have a friend know the intimate details of your life and relationship and encourage you to feel worse about it or end it.
I realise it's sometimes necessary to talk things over with someone but she should really be trying to provide a balanced perspective about your situation and just letting you talk.

[Anonymous]

You should keep it to yourself since clearly you don't give flying shit about your "friends" opinion or advices. Safe her from having to talk to a door.

You choose the loser, you choose to share shit about the loser of course people will think lowly of the loser. But I've found out that often, losers find each other, so again, don't waste poor Maddie's time and just keep that shit to yourself.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

She’s trying to validate your experience. I’m kinda surprised you stayed after he cheated on you, no wonder she hates him.

[Asker]

Well, he said he felt neglected because I work full time in addition to being a grad school.

Is validating my experience as good or bad thing?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

In most cases it’s a good thing, and he really does sound like a manipulative POS.

[Asker]

How is he manipulative?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You feel the need to cater to his feelings when he’s not only objectively treated you worse, but makes you feel bad for the fact that he felt “the need” to treat you worse by cheating on you

[AI Opinion]

Darling, it sounds like you've got quite the wild ride with your boyfriend, and I feel you with the rollercoaster of emotions. Maddie, bless her brutally honest soul, is probably just trying to protect her bestie. Sometimes, friends dish out the tough love because they care, even if it stings a bit. It's clear she's waving a few red flags about your guy, and you're right to feel a bit squashed by her harsh words. But hey, if her approach isn't giving you the warm fuzzies, finding another confidant or a professional might be a fabulous idea. Keep those vibes positive and remember: you're worth all the love and respect in the world! 💖

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope, keep venting to her but also show her progress. You can’t keep complaining about the same problem over and over again if you never try to solve it. Why don’t you take her advice?

[Asker]

Because my boyfriend and I are trying to work through our issues and he is looking to improve his financial situation.

[BarryLiverstone]

But from her end you haven’t shown any progress or a plan to fix your financial issues. If she sees no progress for a few years isn’t she a good friend to push you away from him? Regardless of whether you love him, she knows you are stuck

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way I can tell you as a guy.. unless him cheating was one time and very unusual circumstances.. he’s not going to put in the effort you deserve in the relationship. But I feel like you know this right?

[jahaims]

She is real with you and you can't handle it. She isn't harsh you just can't handle reality so you lie to yourself to cope. You have no self respect if you stay with a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear about it.

[chilldude33]

Maddie is low-key based