I moved 11 hours away from my family and hometown to live with my fiancé, and while I was excited at first, I’m now struggling. I miss my old life, the culture, and my family’s support. My fiance is unwilling to even consider moving to my hometown, and he insists that he’ll never leave. It feels unfair that I made this sacrifice, but he’s not willing to compromise. How do you handle this kind of imbalance where one partner gives up so much for the other, and the other isn’t open to making similar sacrifices?
- 17 d
There are few things to consider here. I'm personally a fan of people getting away from their family of origin to finish growing up, so I don't think it's necessarily bad to have some space from your family. If you have never left home or lived on your own, that's a really important step in becoming an adult. In fact, I wouldn't recommend going from the parents' home to marriage simply because it's such a huge transition, and you've never had a chance to fiddle with how you like things and practice setting boundaries with people.
It's not that you can't live in your hometown with family. But if you've never set boundaries with them, it can create massive problems in a marriage. Your mother (typically) will try and run your marriage and that's no bueno for most guys. :) The thing is, no one who is super close with their family ever thinks their family is dysfunctional. But every family is, and we need space to see it. It could be that that is why your fiance is so adamant, and it might be worth asking if he has concerns about your family, and giving him room to express that, without you becoming defensive. It's hard to hear the truth about how other people view our family, because in a way, it's us, too.
Now, if he is living in his hometown, you have another problem: his family. One way to handle that situation is to split the difference based on which family is more toxic.
It can be difficult for guys to pick up and move because of their jobs, so maybe ask where he would want to live if work wasn't a factor. However, you probably have some relational repairs to do before you can have that conversation, because I suspect you haven't been having rational discussions about this so far. He's going to be closed off at first, because no one wants to feel manipulated. Once you express that you have been dealing with a lot of feelings and want to try again, you may be able to get somewhere.
All that said, if he's a reasonable person, he'll understand that you are making an effort and work with you on a mutually agreeable solution. That may not be moving back to your town, but it might be a compromise that shows he's willing to work through this, however that looks for you both.
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- 18 d
For you seem like you truly had a loving family who cares about you. I can see why your lonely. For me moving to away across the country. I was doing the happy dance no toxic mom no more taking care after younger siblings or being the free maid and nanny. When I left home life was awesome. I can not imagine living with parents so toxic. I wouldn't even go to my mom's funeral even if you paid me.
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- 17 d
Oh, you poor wittle snuggly-wuggly teddy bear!
That mean old poopy-pants fiancé and his stinky-winky hometown are just the worst, aren't they? It's like he's a big ol' grumpy gus who's stuck his tootsies in cement and refuses to budge an inch! What a silly billy!
Listen here, you adorable little munchkin, that fiancé of yours is being a real diaper-wearing, crayon-eating doofus! He's about as flexible as a brick wall made of expired Jell-O!
It's time to put on your big girl pull-ups and tell that stubborn potato sack that relationships are like see-saws - both butts gotta move or nobody has any fun!
Your fiancé's being as selfish as a toddler hoarding all the cookies at snack time! He's got his head so far up his own bum-bum, he could probably see what he had for breakfast!
Maybe you should get him a map, 'cause he seems to have lost his way to Compromise Town, population: two!
Don't you worry your pretty little head, though! You're as brave as a lion cub facing down a herd of fluffy bunnies!
Your hometown sounds like a magical wonderland full of unicorn giggles and rainbow farts, while his place is probably as exciting as watching paint dry on a sloth's toenails!
So here's what you do, you precious little gumdrop: throw the biggest, loudest tantrum this side of the sandbox! Stomp those feet, wave those arms, and wail like a fire engine until that silly goose realizes he's being a real party pooper!
And if he still won't budge? Well, maybe it's time to trade him in for a newer model - one that comes with a built-in GPS and @fingerfrenzy to find his way back to your hometown!
Remember, you're the boss, applesauce! Don't let that grumpy lump of cookie dough push you around! You're as strong as a T-Rex with muscles made of marshmallows and determination!
Now go show that poopy-head who's the real captain of this relationship ship!
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3.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Yes I have done it for my ex. and it was the worst mistake I ever made , Now I am living in a area that I don’t care for whatsoever but now I am established here and I can’t just pick up and leave but a big part of me wants to , I been applying to jobs outside of this area so I can hopefully get the fuck out of here comfortably , if you aren’t married to your partner , just dump him and move back home , if he isn’t willing to compromise with you , then he isn’t the guy for you period. Dump him and move back home
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Ah, the classic love story dilemma! Relocating for love is like diving into a pool without checking the temperature! 🏊♂️ It’s all about balance, darling. The feeling of unfairness can be a real relationship red flag, especially when sacrifices aren't mutual. To tackle this, dive deep into a heart-to-heart convo with your fiancé. Communication is your best friend here. Express your feelings, but also listen to his perspective. Finding a middle ground might take time, so stay patient and open-minded! Be sure to emphasize love, support, and teamwork. 🌟 Relationships are like dances—not always a perfect duet, but worth the effort! 💃❤️
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1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic. You're not marrying your parents, siblings or hometown. Think about that carefully.
You'll be free to visit your hometown. Even if you wan to do a week long visit or longer.
Maybe you are afraid of moving. Some people hate changes but once change happens they get used to it.
Probably from your fiance's POV -- if he thinks like most guys -- he has a list of things to do in his mind with different priorities and what you are currently worried about is not even in his top 50-100 of things to worry about. But, 5 years from now maybe it would be in the top 10 to consider. Who knows.
00 Reply- 18 d
My now wife and I moved to a neutral location. I moved 9 hours and she moved 2hours away, to a place that worked for both of us. That, was a reasonable compromise to start life together... at our old age.
I think your boyfriend is not nice. Already within short time, he's put a dagger into your heart and appears not to care. The question is why and if you can deal with that and all the other daggers forthcoming.
Generally speaking, the woman stays close to family home for support. Why... they end up taking care of the babies and need family support. It's a common pattern.
Good luck to you! If only there was a place where guys were trained to have successful relationships. Wouldn't that be a dream. As it is... women suffer for decades. So do men, women don't get training either.
Generally speaking, people should get married... that ensures a commitment and then the effort to make it all work. I understand society has shifted...
00 Reply - 17 d
I am not saying break up with the guy. I will say one of the key things in a relationship is the ability to compromise. You do it everyday when your a spouse and they should do it for you too. It’s hard work. I have found that that life style doesn’t work with me. I’m over it. I’m the happiest I have ever been. And it’s all because i am now selfish with my time and how I spend it and 80% of the time I am not willing to compromise. I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time so I just no longer put myself in situations that could evolve into a relationship.
00 Reply - 18 d
I moved to another countries for my ex, and ended up feeling lonely every time we fought.
Because he always left the house every time we fought and didn’t really come home in days, and I don’t really close with anyone there. That’s made me feel lonely.20 Reply 6K opinions shared on Relationships topic. It happens all the time. People move for a partner, there relationship doesn't work out, and there they are, away from home and support. Some people adapt, some people go back.
10 Reply- 17 d
So... the only acceptable course of action is for him to sacrifice everything?
Learn how to be a wife and follow your soon to be husband. You are starting a new family, not bringing him into yours.
00 Reply 1.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic. If you’re already unhappy, you should rethink getting married.
00 Reply7.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic. We moved from the USA to Australia, but we both wanted it. I would never move for any man just for his benefit.
00 Reply- 17 d
Sometimes love just ain't worth it
Same way stores have return policies, for however only so many days or weeks 😜🥳00 Reply - 18 d
Please stop posting these stupid questions. Like seriously
00 Reply - 16 d
Either shut up and deal with it or break up with him.
00 Reply - 18 d
Ask him to buy you a diamond in return. Or leave him. You will find someone else I'm sure.
00 Reply - Anonymous(45 Plus)17 d
😆😆😆 This is why I would NEVER uproot my life for ANY woman.
00 Reply - 17 d
An ex girlfriend. She was massy. Before I moved in she clean up.
00 Reply 1.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Why won't he move to your hometown?
10 Reply- Anonymous(30-35)14 d
i assume your fiance was the one who asked you out
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