Boyfriend of almost a year is moving away...has anyone else been through this?

[sunshinejessi]

At the end of this school year, my boyfriend who I am absolutely in love with, is moving back to Cali with his family. We talked until 3:00 in the morning last night, and I was pretty much balling my eyes out the whole time. He said he doesn't think a long-distance relationship would work. So I asked him "We'd be breaking up then, basically?" and he replied "I'm sorry, I don't what else to do." :( He said it's not like he's going to disappear. He said we'd still talk and laugh and be friends and all that, but I don't think he realizes how hard that will be for me. But we were friends before we were together, so we can be friends after, right? And we're not breaking up on bad terms...he's just moving away.

So my question is what's the best way to deal with this? He told me when he leaves, I should learn to let go of him. But I won't. I'll move on, perhaps. But I can never let go.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Did you stay friends? Or was it too painful? Did you move on, eventually? Do they still have a piece of your heart, or did you completely cut them out of your life? How did you take it when they started seeing someone else?

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

Please, any help would be greatly appreciated. :(

[Tamikaze]

You will need to grieve this loss and move on. My ex, a year and a half ago, came back from his summer of traveling (he's a teacher) and told me he wanted to move to another state and he brokeup with me. We were living together. We had been together for 3 years. He would tell me I was the love of his life. It was horrible. I cried my eyes out and thought he would stay until he was ready to move out of state but he had already lined up a friend to room with.

So fast forward a year and a half later. We tried to stay in touch as friends but it just caused one problem after another so I finally let it go. Well, he did e-mail me recently and guess what? He's not moving away. In fact, he's buying a house in the area. And, no, he does not want to get back together (neither do I). The real reasons for our break-up were not a simple matter of him wanting to move away. People can and do make it through things like that if they are really connected to each other.

This guy has only so much of a connection to you. It is horrible and painful now, but a guy who was thoroughly connected to you, could not do what he did. He would have found another way to make things work. I wish you the best of luck getting through this.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same spot as you

we had a year &+4 months(:

I was sadd wen he told me he was leaving

we broke up because long distance relationships

Dont really work

we kept it as friends and that's it

til this day he still holds a piece of my heart:/

I remember when I had to give him the last hug

I never said goodbye

because somewhere in my heart I know

il meet up with him again

as friends tho

&+when I found out he had a gf

I was p*ssed but I guess I have to let go of it

I will be meeting her soon ..

Dont be dumb

and get all depressed

like I did

sure ,cry your eyes out a couple of nights

but go out &+ spend time with friends

meet new people

&+ most important talk to someone about how you are feeling

thats what has worked for me .

If you need any other advice I would be happy to help (:

[sunshinejessi]

So you guys are friends now? Is it hard for you? Y'know, to just be his friend? Or have you gotten used to it and now it's normal? How did you cope when you found out he had a new girlfriend? And what is it like for you when it comes to other guys in your life?

Sorry I'm asking all these questions! I just want some answers from someone who has already been through this, you know?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeahh were friends now

its better than loosing someone that you really care for forever

yeahh it is at times but you will get use to it

I would rather him to be happy with someone than sad alone

&+ wen it comes to guys

I do talk to them &+ they understand

you will fall in love again

maybe not now but later you will .

When you do

make the best out of it &+ enjoy even the little things to (:

No problem .I'm here to help (:

[ballykissang]

I have been, we tried the long distance idea, and believe it it is really hard, you just get so frustrated that you have to do everything by skype, or text, emails and calls. and that's it. its very hard to adapt to, and it just didn't work.

We decided that we'd still be mates and that was about 6 motnhs ago and we always send emails etc and keep in contact. We also talked about maybe being together later. When we were older, and had more life experienc then if the 'spark' was still there we sould re-try the relationship thing in a few years (after University etc), so if we are both at the same place in a 3 - years then hey, who knows what will happen!

I love that quote you have at the end! So true!

[sunshinejessi]

Yeah, my sister met a boy as a sophomore in high school, and they were on and off for a while. He was older, so he graduated and went off into the Navy and my sister finished high school and seemed to do everything the hard way, bouncing around from place to place. But she learned a lot of important lessons. Then one day she decided to track him down and write to him, and now, years later, they're married! :D She explained to everyone that they both just needed more "life experience". :P

[sunshinejessi]

So right now, like my sister was, I'm a sophomore in high school, and he'll be graduating next year. In a different state now, of course. :/ But maybe over time, after both of us have had more life experience like you mentioned, he'll come back to me and we'll find that spark again and pick up where we left off, as if we were never apart. <3

Oh, and I wish you the best in 3 years from now! :)

[ballykissang]

Hahah exactly. Life experience is KEY! hahahahah. It'll work out. Just give it time!

[ballykissang]

Haha thank you!!!

[hockeyman]

Im in the same boat right now, I'm moving to montana in a few months and my girlfriend was crying non-stop when I told her, don't just think its hard on you put yourself in his shoes I know it sounds stupid but it is extremely depressing for me to know I'm leaving

and most long distance relationships don't work, he is right when he says you need to move on, don't let go of him and keep in contact, someday he will most likely come back to visit someday if possible, if he does show him how much you love him by just spending time with him

and don't worry about when he moves away enjoy the time you have left with him until he leaves

[sunshinejessi]

Yeah, I'll just make the most of the next 3 months we have together. And then when the time comes for him to leave...well, I guess that's when I'll find out answers to my questions. :/

[sumina7]

He is being practical. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain.

You end of spending a lot of time and energy in it, talking on the phone, looking forward to meeting up during the holidays and it takes a toll.

It will better to become good friends. That way you and he are free to see other people and still maintain a possibility of getting back togerther. At this age, it will be better for you to see more people and develop close relationships.

[sunshinejessi]

Yeah, I think you're right. He was my best friend before we started dating. So I might lose a boyfriend, but I don't have to lose a friend. :/ Who knows what the future may hold for us. I'm hoping for the best, though.

[sumina7]

All the best to you.

[blahblah1313]

my friend has been in many long distance relationships and they don't work at all.. if anything they grew further apart as time went by and eventually broke up and stopped being friends alltogther.. it will be hard on you at first but like everything else time will make things better.. if ur finishing college or something maybe you can make plans to move to his city later on if there's still a connection but for now all you can really do is let time play its part

[gitrdone0523]

They alway say distance makes the heart grow stronger. FInish school first that should be first in your mind then after graduation see if there is still spark between the two of you if their is move on it if not its better to have him as a friend than an enemy everything will work out just give it time

[unn0129]

Why don't you try and find a job over there and move?

[sunshinejessi]

I'm still just in high school. :/ And I want to go to ASU for college, sooo...yeah. Unfortunately that's not an option for me for a while. :(

[unn0129]

Damn ..girl, you gotta realize that its not going to be fair to either one of you if you guys try and maintain a long distance relationship. Think about the commitment that's going to take? No more dates on the weekends, no more cuddling, no more romantic evenings together; I've been through this type of problem and its one of the worst feelings in the world.

Trust me, letters and phone calls won't be enough. Take a break from one another ..for the time being at least.

[sunshinejessi]

Yeah, I realize that. :/ It just sucks. A lot. He's my first love, my best friend, my better half. And I know I'm young and that I have my whole life ahead of me, but it's just really hard, y'know? :( But I guess I'll just have to be tough and deal with it, and hope for the best in the future. Referring back to the quote, maybe he'll come back to me...

[unn0129]

This type of heart break, if you wanna call it that, will help you grow up a lot more, be more mature and a lot stronger mentally. I'm not saying you're immature, or not grown up, but these types of experiences can really help make a person a lot more stronger, so to speak.

Does that make sense?

[sunshinejessi]

Yeah, that makes sense. And I know you're right. You're totally right. And I believe you completely. I'm just so submerged in this right now, and I just need to take a step back and breathe and look at the big picture. I know this it hurting me now, but it will help me in the long run.

[ameena12]

he's just not that into you anymore.

[sunshinejessi]

Oh trust me, he is. :P He's moving because of his family. They used to live in CA, and then they moved here to Arizona and have lived here the past 3 years, but his parents are having a hard time and want to move back. :/ He'll be a senior in high school next year, so yeah. He goes wherever they go.

[sonson]

move with him

[sunshinejessi]

Believe me, I would if I could. But I'm still only in high school. :(