Is it ok to really hate my ex boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Even though I've blocked him and I'm in another relationship... I really hate his guts. It left an emotional scar on me. I've been healing but I'll never be the same ever again.

He drained my younger years, destroyed me emotionally and killed me with the ''You're not ready yet, I'll take all my time I want to''. He's been doing this to other women for years (faking futures with all of them, then giving excuses to postponed things and gets a sick pleasure out of doing this); all of them all now either my age or older than me.

I HATE HIM. I hope he never gets a woman pregnant. I hope he never fathers a child. He nearly destroyed my chance of having a family. He stole my money too. My father wishes him the worst karma ever. Is it ok to really hate him? I've never hated someone so much in my life.

Updates

+1 y

When I was breaking up, he had the nerve to say ''Really, you'll find someone now, LOL. You're in your 30's now. I'll give it a year, lol. You'll never find anyone as great as me''.

[DaveJord]

Honestly whenever I have ran into people that have these strong feelings of angry or haltered over a ex usually never work out with me when it comes to dating. They usually have some deep rooted jealousy issues or feelings for the other person that they are holding onto and it becomes an issue within the relationship. I do not hate anyone for any reason, but I have exs I never want to see again... and to me that's more healthy than hating them.

I had a ex whose ex reappoarched her for sex while we were dating and she got so pissed that she drove to his house and told his them current wife about him approaching her for sex. I was why did you do that you just trying to mess up his relationship with her, why would care so much about doing that if your totally over this guy?

The whole thing was all about her trying to take revenge out on him, because he hurt her sooooo bad. She hated this guy, so she said, but I was like why did you do that, why do you give a fuck about this guy soooo much if your over him them be over him.

She went on on on on, about some things I was like this women has serious feelings for this guy... well a week or two later she broke up with me and was back with her ex. So I do not think hating an ex is a good thing you should just get over him and move on with your life. Because this "hatred" could be have negative impacts on better strong future relationships with better men and you are being blinded by that fact over you hang up on this one person.

[TruthBringer]

I think it is fine to hate, but only if you're aware that it shouldn't be forever.

Not because his actions are good, but for your own mental state. This is easier said than done, but time and trying to focus on your own life (and relationship) as much as possible are your best assets in dealing with this. Think about it, he already took so much from you, why would you give him more by having him control your thoughts and emotions even further? So even if it will take many months or years, to get over the scar he caused, you have to make sure that over the course of time, even the thought of hating him, (let alone feeling it) gets to fade.

A scenario from my own life that I believe would help you: I was deeply hurt because of all the emotional abuse and racism from my previous relationship because they chose to hold me accountable for stereotypes that had nothing to do with me, but with my race. I had nothing but anger and resentment for her and her family, as just like yourself, I had deeply invested in that relationship. I thought I'd never get over it or that I would never stop feeling resentment for them even if I did move on.

But lo and behold, time passes, I've moved on with life and am also in a healthy and much better relationship free of emotional abuse, racism or any other toxicity. So when I think back, I don't feel hate, resentment or anger anymore as I used to. Why? Because they mean nothing to me anymore. Their importance is so little now that I couldn't get to hate them again even if I tried.

Give it time. Feel the resentment, let it go through your system. It will eventually subside.

[HollyK21]

You have the right to how you feel, but honestly, hate does more to you than it will ever do to the person. It’s like constantly allowing them to dictate your emotions, and giving him the power to determine that you will never be the same again. Why give him that? Why deprive yourself of fully healing and moving forward? Trust me, I understand he did a lot and karma will take care of him, but when you cling to that hatred, you hold yourself back, and that’s no way to live. Move on from what he’s done, and look to the future, so you can give your current boyfriend the best version of yourself and you can finally be free from your past and happy. Forgive your ex, because it is absolutely not about him, it is about you and unshackling yourself from reliving all that pain and anger.

[sejla]

Being angry helps but don't get stuck in it. Therapy is a good thing. Use the anger you have right now to get out and do what you've been putting off or haven't dealt with.

On the your 30 so your past your prime it's bs. With age women can gain wisdom and confidence which can be attractive to many men. Work on you, surround yourself with people who will support you and try to enjoy small thing.

When you have very little feelings of any sort towards him you will know you are in a good place.

[OlderAndWiser]

Hating him is easier than taking responsibility for having made a very bad choice and allowing yourself to get so deeply involved with someone of such low character. As long as you hate him, you care about him, and you are not ready to move forward. And that hate will consume your soul!

[globetrotter22]

Hating someone is like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies of smoke inhalation.

Not to say your feelings aren’t justified. They absolutely are. I have a similar feeling to several women who did me over the years especially to one ex in particular. Some of the things she said to me after breaking up still haunt me to this day.

With that said you have to ask yourself the painful question, what does hating someone accomplish? It’s a seductive feeling. I admit I have fantasized about getting back at my ex. But at the end do the day there is nothing (legal) I can really do.

[Guy__]

Is it ever not ok to see what's in front of you?
It is always normal to do so.

However if you want you can close your eyes and reimagine things differently.

So what if you imagine him apologizing, giving you 10 times the amount of money he took and worshipping you begging you to just shake his hand and forgive him? Saying you're the queen he can't even dream to deserve being friends with?
Construct a scene like that and see it in your mind. Replay this mentally whenever you're feeling down.

At least give this a shot.

[Asker]

If that were to happen, I would only accept the money and then tell him ''Now you can get the hell out of my life''. What he did is super unforgivable. He faked our initial friendship and the whole reltationship too. No amount of ''you're the queen'' nor even a ring from him would get me to forgive that monster. He destroyed me.

[Asker]

This is a person that doesn't even have compassion for others. He was even after my grandma's money too and suddenly focused on my father's living will. My parents are alive and healthy. He used to pressure me to find out about my dad's living will and asked ''what if your parents die in an accident''? Twisted. Definitely unforgivable.

[Guy__]

I didn't say forgive, just imagine him begging for forgiveness, and then whatever happens.

[AdithyaR]

It's understandable you'd feel that but you should realise that holding onto this hate only hurts you more.
You don't have to forgive him but moving on from that pain let's you be happy again. Therapy can really help go through these emotions and process it.

[Asker]

Thank you. I'll have a visit with my psychology again sometime this month or so.

[jshm2]

First thing first, any one goes for the "You'll never find anyone as great as me'' line, you automatically shoot back with, "don't flatter yourself, I hooked up with you out of pity and good karma is all"

Secondly he's obviously living in your head rent free and probably enjoying ruining your mindset as a result.

You need to draw a line under him as life experience and forgive, not forget. The reason being you're still going to get him back - but when you're in a better position to.

So get happy that you now have another goal in life. To live better than he will and to ensure when your chance comes to make him crash and burn - you can do it.

[dustybiker]

Know what would really burn him? Forgetting all about him. Finding someone new who makes you happy and getting to where you wanted to be all along.
Feel the anger and then leave him behind. Get on with life.

[Asker]

I wanted to be a normal married woman with kids.

[dustybiker]

If that is what you want than you will have it. Just remember all the warning signs this relationship gave you. Avoid those next time. Learn from it don’t let it hold you back.

[Tinana]

My ex hurt me bad and I was consumed with so much hate for him. The thing about hating someone is you keep connecting to them to make sure they’re unfortunate. You should just not care about him. Don’t even think about him let go of all emotions for him. He doesn’t even deserve to be a thought by you

[Anonymous]

This is why it should be illegal for men to waste woman's youth and it should be illegal for women to waste men's money since these things determine our dating value, unfortunately.

I dont believe in magic but I have seen so much weird things about it. So i know it is a ridiculous recommendation but I did it to my ex who lose everything in his life now -i know it was ridiculous but I wast very emotionally unstable at that time and i had nothing to loose.

[Asker]

You know what is the worst part... I actually find out he was after my money and wealth from the beginning. He wanted me to be a successful businesswoman (by the time... I wouldn't have been able to have kids) so he can take over 1/2 of everything, go after my grandma's money when she dies and go after my father's living will when my parents died.

[Asker]

He is a despicable being unable to love nor feel compassion or empathy for others. He wanted my parents dead so he can have 1/2 of my property. This isn't just a jerk who destroyed my youthful years but did it with a purpose. He also faked our entire initial friendship (before the boyfriend and girlfriend stage) and relationship.

[Asker]

I had everything happening at the same time; I got my innocence/virginity taken, my youthful years drained and my money stole... I got used for money too.

[Opinion Owner]

Omg this is so terrible. This is not normal. He is probably a sociapath/psychopath since he shows the traits of this disorder. I hope you did not spend much money in him.

[Asker]

Yes I was the worst luck of bumping into a horrible person. I went to a psychologist a whole back and she labelled him a narcissistic-sociopath. They make few % of the population and I had to be that unlucky woman. He stole $1,300 from me. I really hate sociopaths/psychopaths. It's one thing to not have empathy (fine but leave us normal people alone; go find your own kind) but another to destroy lives.
I'll continue moving on and focusing on my current relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

If you can sue him, do it. I am sorry what you have gone through

[Luopio27]

Feelings for other snd atraction to others is not a choice, its natural chemistry that works like mangnets either sticking together or running away.


Feeling hate towards those who have done wrong.", only shows you are human.

[Asker]

I hate him so badly that I wouldn't care if he got into an accident.

[Anonymous]

So... how is he hurting and using you today?

Oh? He’s not? You’re even in a new relationship?

But you just wrote four paragraphs about him to complete strangers.

Stop living in the past. Enjoy your new relationship. I hope he’s a great guy and that you’re in a happier place.

[exitseven]

I was going to give a snarky reply to this but I do not think there is anything funny about this. Yes, you can hate this guy but instead of that you can just stop caring about him altogether. You will find somebody that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[Seinna]

Yes, it is very reasonable that you do.

That being said, for your own sake I'd try to let go because holding on to a grudge will only hurt you more and he still won't care. You're still giving him undue attention.

[devilish-cutie]

well its ok to fee anger, its normal, but its not good for you to stay that way. Try to process that anger in any way possible... for ysf!
And pity him and his sole, he is not capable of happiness and will never have it

[Anonymous]

It was you who was the problem not him. If you knew he was bad, you should have left early on. But you stayed as he was somewhat different than other guys and perhaps a catch. You are 30, try to take responsibility for your actions rather than blaming others. You actually don't hate him, you hate yourself for wasting time.

[Asker]

I didn't know he was a narcissistic-sociopath nor that he played with other women or that he even scammed his own mother with money (he hasn't pay back his mother); that's beyond a jerk. That's real horrible person.

[Opinion Owner]

If he wasted your youth as you say, that's a long time, like more than 10 years. If you can't recognize a person after years of a relationship then you are foolish. The world is hard. Have you done anything besides your relationship? Jobs, hobbies? women ignore red flags if the guy is hot. I have seen this on other girls I know. The guys literally don't do anything for them, use them for sex, and behave rudely, often beat them, others can see that but the women don't and they all get angry at last when the guy finally dumped them and then cry to their friends about how bad the guy was. So you are not alone, it's very common among women.

[Asker]

Actually no one in my family nor my friends ever found him attractive. In the end, he had nothing good at all, not even looks, nor money, nor tall either. I just thought he wanted a family as he kept saying ''we'll one day have kids'' and it was my first relationship at the time. Also he never hit me and was always preaching about how man beaters are low-life and I thought that was a great quality, a man that doesn't hit women. I was a virgin at the time and grew up without any malice whatsoever and lack streetsmart.
As to what have I done since my current relationship:
- I work from home as phone translator
- Promote my food page and earn a bit of money from it; my goal is to eventually turn into a restaurant
- I've been taking Judo classes (3 times a week; sometimes 4) since Oct. My current boyfriend is martial artist in Aikido and student in Judo. He's my sparring partner too.

[Asker]

My current relationship is doing great and unlike my ex boyfriend; my family and friends liked him. I guess I'm placing too much importance on my ex boyfriend... he doesn't deserve anything from me. Like another poster said, my attention should be on my current boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

There you go, you already answered your questions, deep down we all know the answers but are too foolish to admit them.

[Isismoonie]

It’s okay to not forgive him for being a sociopathic jerk but don’t give him any energy or waste your thoughts on him. He doesn’t deserve that.

[Asker]

Yes if you see my updated replies, you can see how twisted this despicable being was. He would've been happy draining all my remaining years of fertility as long as I become a successful businesswoman and he gets 1/2 of everything. He wanted money over my needs, goals and happiness.

[Isismoonie]

He definitely was trying to live off of and drain you as a whole. What struck me was that he asked about your parents will. That’s horrific!

[Asker]

Yes the only consolation is that in the end everything comes to light. He couldn't keep pretending for too long and I wasn't going to remain the same age nor be his ''forever girlfriend''. I found out what he really is and my family and I have blocked him from all social medias; even my food page.

[Asker]

Eventually the mask finally comes off. I know it's unbelievable how someone can get a thrill out of ruining people's lives. I really hate narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. Just because they got a different wiring doesn't excuse them to ruin lives.

[Isismoonie]

Correct seek help and leave everyone else alone!

[Spiritofn]

Well how young were u, many of us come from broken families and sometimes it takes time for people to change. However there are some that are unwilling to change and should fruitfully be damned to be alone.

[nice-girl]

Do some inner work on this. No one can take anything from you without your permission.

[Asker]

Well he destroyed my youth, part of my life, wasted my time. He's a narcissistic-sociopath; a truly horrible person.

[nice-girl]

He was just a part of your life. Not your whole life. Your world shouldn’t turn around a person. Your life has many aspects. He was your boyfriend, now he is going to be replaced by someone better.

[Asker]

I've been dating my current boyfriend since Dec 27 and yes he's way better than that garbage ex boyfriend. It just hurts that too much time was wasted on a horrible person.

[slatyb]

No, that's ok. I feel the same way about my ex-wife.

[Asker]

Glad to hear I'm not alone in this love deception thing. I was so furious that my time was wasted. All the time and years he took away from me, I would've already been a normal married woman with 2 kids at least.

[AviatorTom]

It may be OK but it's not helpful. Best is to move on and just forget about him. Hating him can do nothing but upset you.

[Chiarac2003]

He’s ur ex…. Hate is an emotion n focus on ur new boyfriend.