Is it ok to hate him or that I’m stuck on detachment. I know hating an ex is some way of being connected but I’m over?

[Anonymous]

I rejected the guy owing to my personal trauma. He was madly in love with me and I’m yet to find someone who is soo much in love with me till. My personal trauma stems from abuse, neglect and my friend trying to seduce my boyfriend and about to charge me with pedo (she was minor and preggo and claimed the boy was my brother, which is a lie). The closer he came the more the trauma I felt that had always been dismissed. I attribute the hate for the trauma to him.

When I went back to him years later, he got cheated by his ex and was devastated.

He never acknowledged knowing me even on sidewalk which caused my anxiety to wake.

Anyways he treated me poor. He would treat women with low moral values better than me (well I did the same to him as I was scared I would hurt him)

However he became increasingly worried of my safety and the guys I hang out. He started questioning me when my phone is busy at nights. And when I had a boyfriend he began saying things like ‘your body belongs to me’, ‘I look good on you’ and so on. He had a burst of anger when I kissed a guy. But still he claims not to knowing me.

Yesterday we were on a flight sitting next seats. He was very nervous and fidgety around me and asked a guy yo switch seats so that he can sit next to me. I saw him look at me on the window reflection but kept a straight angry face when crossing to access the aisle. We didn’t talk.

I have no ill will against him but sometime I feel the same anger I had years back when he was chasing me. I hate attachment or relationship but somehow I hate him more.

[Oliverlogan263]

I think it's normal and okay to still feel some anger or resentment towards your ex, given everything that happened between you two and the trauma you've experienced. Recovering from that kind of hurt and betrayal takes time.

Even though you say you want to detach now, it's natural that old feelings could resurface when you're suddenly face-to-face with him again like on the plane ride. All those memories would have probably come flooding back. Him being nervous and fidgety around you too likely stirred things up inside.

My advice would be to keep your distance from him as much as possible for now. You clearly both still have unresolved issues and past pain. Maintaining no contact is healthier for your emotional well-being while you continue to heal. It's okay to feel anger still sometimes - don't be too hard on yourself. But try not to dwell on him if you can help it.

With time and no interaction, the intensity of those feelings should lessen. For now focus on taking care of yourself, spending time with supportive friends and doing activities you enjoy. You've got this - you don't need anyone else's validation!

[Anonymous]

No never hate