How do you move on from someone you can never be with?

[Anonymous]

So there’s this guy I’ve had a bit of a crush on for a while now. He’s my friend of 3 years and we’re fairly close. We’re always there for eachother for ex for him I’ve helped with leaving his abusive exes (one he is still trying to get out of right now). I've been through similar situation so while everyone in the friend group is upset at him for not leaving, I still am there for him. I don’t agree with his decisions but I understand them.

I’ve slightly liked him while in a relationship (which I’m not proud of) but my feelings for my boyfriend have always been stronger (love vs infatuation), so when thoughts of my friend came up, I just shoved them aside and didn’t explore them. I couldn’t control that I was having them randomly, but I made the choice not to listen to or explore them. I would always choose loyalty to my partner over letting myself get romantically invested in someone else. My boyfriend was worth it.

Now my relationship is ending for completely non-related reasons, I and still know we will never be together. It’s not we couldn’t, but that I know we don’t fit as people. I have healing to do, and in all honesty, he needs to heal even more. It’s a choice I’m making because I see the outcome if we ever were. We’re long distance and I refuse to do long distance again after my last partner. Oh yeah, an my friend has a crush on him to so, girl code🙂 However I do think now that I’m about to be single, it’s going to be harder to push away the want to try to be with him.

So my question is, with all this knowledge, how do I move on from these romantic feelings. And no, I refuse to stop being his friend. We’re in a group and I still appreciate his place in my life. I really love the dude as a person.

Updates

1 y

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[AI Opinion]

Ah, love triangles and heart-tugging decisions – a relationship coach’s playground! So, seems like you’re caught in a perfect storm of emotional intricacies. You're sticking to friend code and personal boundaries like a pro! 💪 The key is focusing on why you chose not to pursue him. It's about recognizing the incompatibility, distance woes, and prioritizing self-healing. Channel that energy into personal growth, hobbies, and surrounding yourself with positivity. Each time your feelings drift towards romance, anchor back to why friendship is your best route. Stay fabulous and strong, love! 🌟💖

[Asker]

Damn the AI bot actually gave solid 10/10 advice right here😳😅 Thank you Love Doctor Brad!🙏🏻

[DishLady]

You just do it. You know he’s not for you. He’s also mentally gumming up the works for you to be happy and find someone new. Take a deeeeep breath… now walk away from the damned cockblocker. There you go….

[Anonymous]

You need some space from him so that you can get over your crush. It’s hard when you’re in contact with him still.

[Asker]

I definitely agree but it’s not possible if I want to talk to all of our friends in the friend group too:// and even if I could I’m lowkey worried he’s going to get suc! dal over his ex abusing him and I’m one of the only people in the friend group that he’ll come to about this stuff

[Opinion Owner]

I get it, I went through a similar thing some years ago. Ultimately I had to sacrifice most of my friend group because it was too hard hanging out with them separately from him. Any invites or planning went straight to the group chat. There were no outings that didn’t involve the guy and if I did go then he’d be all in my face, hanging around and making it hard to enjoy myself with the girls in the group or whatever. He also struggled with suicide, attempted once before I met him I guess. All this to say there has to be a point where you protect your peace first and toss out all the excuses for why you can’t. If he really wanted to off himself it would’ve happened already and in any case you can’t be responsible for someone else’s mental health; not when your mental is struggling because you’re trying to be there for him and his. Taking a step back would mean a lot of changes but it would also be very telling as to which friends really want to keep you around vs not caring on that level. I had close to 20 people in my friend group and only 5 girls tried hanging out with me separately because they understood how difficult it was for me and saw how he was when we were together, I got no peace. Sometimes you have to help yourself.