Does long distance relationship with a fireman actually work?

[LoveKisses]

I met this man in a dating apps, and he's a firefighter, so due to his work we don't actually text a lot. He texts when he can I guess, we do videocalls sometimes. One day said he wants to be in a committed relationship with me. He also said that when we meet each other for the first time he would like to be intimate with me. I told him we can see each other by the end of the year, he said he will wait. Just wanted to know if he actually mean it, will this long distance relationship work?

Updates

1 y

Thank you all for your comments ❤️

Updates

1 y

Update: We decided not to keep talking to each other, because it wouldn’t work between us, we found out we’re actually very different people.

[Rosexøxø]

Well have some standards. He can’t just throw the word “firefighter” around and then he’s given 100% exceptions or excuses from responsibility of a relationship. Whether long distance or short distance.

He should work 8 hours a day like anyone but if he works overtime it shouldn’t be like- being away for a week. I skimmed online something like 24-28 hours. So if he’s ignoring you longer than this it could be questionable. Lots of things can be questionable. You won’t be able to see if he’s cheating or loyal by his time schedule. You have to asses that for yourself in the ways you usually assess people’s loyalty/honesty/genuineness; etc.

Usually that’s done by talking and seeing the persons behavior how they talk to you; treat you. Things like that. If you can’t make a confident decision on his character because of the distance you should make sure to put barriers up emotionally UNTIL you meet up and better assess how he talks to you. Vibes, intuitions, etc.

You don’t have to commit to this man just YET! you have time. Don’t come to a full conclusion until you feel a sense of sureness- whether it’s about him being an idiot, or someone you can fully trust moving things forward.

See how busy he usually is (it’s better with the same time zones or very minor time differences), but if you see the general time he’s busy from social interactions, including dating you or someone else, and you feel it’s just not enough for you to be satisfied in the relationship, then consider just being friends or moving on entirely.

When someone commits to you, they commit a certain part of their lives- a certain amount of time for you. If he’s not making efforts to make time and the time you do get feels unsatisfactory it’s good to consider other dating options for yourself.

(me personally- I’d also) recommend you seeing whether you both get along and (if trust is present in the relationship) before getting intimate, or just consider a friends with benefits. But is a long distance friends with benefits REALLY a benefit? 🤷‍♀️

You’ll both have to weigh that out as well.

Can it work? It can if you both have the right qualities and intentions. If you both don’t get along, it makes no sense to try and cultivate something that wouldn’t be special or logically worth it. If you both want it to work it will as well.

Just assess his intentions and his schedule. Discuss that with him if you like. So there’s some sense of accountability and responsibility he’s upholding. He has to have a level of commitment towards you if he’s serious about you. And vice versa. If you only talk to him once a week or once a month. That’s something that won't necessarily help the relationship further/progress.

[Rosexøxø]

Too early to tell about you both specifically. I recommend getting to know each other better. Trust. Genuineness. Schedules. Intentions. And feelings. How does he feel about you, and how is he showing that. It will take a bit more effort to show love from a distance.

Best to you!

[Rosexøxø]

Update: I didn’t know him personally but I didn’t have a good gut feeling about him. If anything you dodged a bullet. I think you both made a good decision long term considered, but mostly you made the good decision. I don't know how well he would’ve cared for you or your needs.

Fingers crossed you find someone better and enjoy yourself in the meantime.

Much love sis! 🫶🤟❤️❤️❤️❤️

[itsannalee]

You are 31, it's better to meet up first before committing to someone.

[LoveKisses]

Yeah , but we can't meet up yet. We have to wait for months before we meet up because I don't have PTO. I want to ask for PTO from work so I can spend more time with him when he comes to meet me for the first time.

[SteveSmith1985]

There is nothing in what you wrote here, that suggests he didn't mean what he said about waiting. You do need to ask him, and make sure he did mean it, if you're going to try and make this work.

Can it work? It can.

I think most long-distance relationships don't work out to become in-person relationships.

There are for sure cases where long-distance relationships do indeed work out exactly how you might hope.

I can think of two cases I know of off the top of my head. It can work for sure.

It just often doesn't. It depends on the two people involved, and how practical (and desireable) it is for one person to move to be together.

It also depends what you want. If you are both ok with a long-distance relationship on a longer-term basis, then that can work. As long as both of you would genuinely be satisfied with that despite the distance.

I think @Rosexøxø can give you a full and detailed answer to this. (or at least she can link you to where she's done so already for somebody else.)

I do think it can work. I just think you both have to be willing to deal with the practical reality of the distance, and his working hours.

[Rosexøxø]

I agree with everything you covered.

Overall LDRs DO work and have promising chances but the percentages of the numbers/ actually amounts of couples who become long term pairs, originating from LDR statuses are also a bit rare. Both of genuine definitely will need a can do attitude, and not be easily deterred to quit/give up.

Another thing IS about how each feels with the actual distance. Will they truly be okay with dating at a distance? Distance dating isn’t for everyone. It’s not enjoyable or logical for everyone.

Does it feel right? Does it make sense? Is it bearable? And when does it end? (Move on to the next phase)

Next phases are usually one partner making a move but both can move entirely. And both have to consider if they’d be okay with that. Whether one moves or both moves will produce different outlooks/results.

And you close with willingness. If the chemistry is right with two lovers on different parts of the globe, the success rate of that duo will depend a lot on both their amounts/levels of WILLINGNESS.

You covered all the necessary points and kept it neutral. Not necessarily critiquing his level of honesty and intentions for her. Just kind of stating the facts. Which is good. I suggested she get to know him better first and self reflect if his schedule and busyness is something she can tolerate/live with, and if she gets along with him. If he seems serious about her also.

But your opinion is full of accuracy. I hope she takes it into account and any else who are also attempting LDRs.

[Rosexøxø]

Also I have some good consideration points or foundational points like trust and communication but I’m not relationship guru 😆

Not every relationship is the same but I appreciate your recommendation! That’s high praise. Encourages me to be more thoughtful when answering these questions. But rest assured I already do. I hope the most genuine people find valuable companions foremost than just anybody. It’s important the good ones don’t get taken for granted or used and they find authentic love.

Cause then not only is it sad if it doesn’t work / they get hurt, but then it seems also to take a bit more time than it would have otherwise.

[QuestionObsession]

You are over thinking. Just go with your gut. If you don't like something, tell him. Long distance definitely works. Just have to want it bad enough and make the effort. If you start taking it for granted, it is over.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the fiery world of long-distance love! 😉 It's possible for a relationship with a firefighter to succeed, but it requires clear communication, trust, and patience. His moves sound committed, but trust your gut, darling. Make sure he invests time and effort, even with his busy schedule. That intimacy convo? Could be a good sign, but ensure his intentions align with yours. Adored the "waiting" part, though! Stay connected, and watch out for any red flags. Whether it's a 'love at a distance' fairytale or a learning experience, you'll gain insight either way! ❤️🚒

[wkhan_87]

Long distance relationship is toughest relationship ever

[LoveKisses]

I agree. There are days when we text a lot but then there are days that we don't text and I don't like it when that happens, but he's a fireman so I get it. But sometimes I'm just scared it won't work out.

[wkhan_87]

Yes I got it, very well

[Valdemort]

"When we meet for the first time he wants to be intimate with me" should tell you enough.

Also, firefighters don't work 24/7.

[red-lipstick-girl]

Men don't think about marriage with a woman they've met once hahaha if she says that then she's definitely on the red flag list

[MannMitAntworten]

HA! Not if there are nurses around. Nurses … you know what I am talking about.

[Rosexøxø]

Can you explain

[MannMitAntworten]

Nurses and fireman … use your imagination. Saw it a lot.

[nicfire171]

I wouldn’t count on it working but who knows. Maybe you’ll get lucky